November 26, 1993 – Friday – 9:55 p.m.

I worked tonight, but earlier Kenny came over and we went out to eat and went for a ride.

He lives by himself.  He says he wants to live with a family.  I told him that one thing he wants is the one thing I can’t wait to get away from.

After work Mom said I could go down and see Tammy since she’s back from the rehab place and visiting with Veronica’s family.  But the car messed up so I couldn’t go.  I don’t know what’s wrong with it.

Instead, I simply called Tammy.  She was upset that I couldn’t come.  In her letters she told me that she used to have a crush on me.  So I told her that I used to like her too.

I told her about Rebecca, the Swedish girl I used to like, but don’t anymore because she’s too hard to talk to.  I couldn’t ever be myself talking to her.  I was too uncomfortable.

Tammy says that she feels the same way about Tim.

I’m still going to write her, but I wish I could have seen her.

She says there is so much stuff she wants to tell me.

I’ve taped a prayer list to my little table next to my bed.  I pray for everything on there every day.

Tammy has been added to the list.

November 25, 1993 – Thursday – 10:33 p.m.

I’m at my mom’s parent’s now.

I have made it a tradition of mine to always go see a movie on Thanksgiving Day.  Two years ago, I saw Beauty and The Beast.  Last year I saw Aladdin.  Today I saw Mrs. Doubtfire.  It was so funny.

Well, dinner was good; the mashed potatoes and apple pie were great!

I hope everyone’s Thanksgiving was the best it could be.

Goodnight world.

Goodnight Virginia.

Goodnight to all my friends back home.

Goodnight Ryan and Cheryl in Ohio.

Goodnight Jesus.

I love you all.

November 25, 1993 – Thursday – 8:44 a.m.

Happy Thanksgiving.

We came up to Virginia yesterday after school.  I’m at my Grandma’s house.  On my dad’s side that is.

My dad went to work.  Kevin went with him.

We’ll eat Thanksgiving tonight at my uncle’s then go back to my mom’s side of the family and leave early in the morning.  Right now I’m recording a lot of stuff.  Different music and records.

I wonder what Ryan is doing right now.

Come on.  Control yourself, Jacob.  Ryan is just a good friend of yours.  She’s like your sister.  There is nothing between you and there never will be.  Give it a rest.  She is your friend and that is all you want her to be.  That’s all she ever will be.

Hmm.  I feel a little better.

November 23, 1993 – Tuesday – 11:00 p.m.

Yesterday was the 30th year anniversary of the day JFK was shot and killed.  I wish the media would give it up and let the man rest in peace.

Ryan just called me.

Why did she have to do that?  I was doing pretty good.  She hadn’t been on my mind at all recently.

I was taking a dump and the phone rang.  Kevin is back for thanksgiving, he answered.  She wanted to know if Marcus was there, he wasn’t, so she wanted to speak to me.  Knowing what I was doing, Kevin was smart enough to say that I was in my room doing my homework.

A minute later, I got finished with my business and talked to her.  She asked me what I was doing.

“Uh…nothing.”  I said.

She giggled, “Were you on the potty?”

“Dang!  You make it sound like I’m two years old.  Yes, I was.”

All she did was laugh.  She could hardly talk to me, she was laughing so hard.  I started laughing too.

But she called to tell Marcus and I that she and Cheryl were going up to Ohio for Thanksgiving and that they wouldn’t be at church until next Wednesday.  She just wanted to give her goodbyes.

For thanksgiving, we are all going to Virginia.  I’ll see my Dad and my grandparents.  Everything will be great.

Tammy, is supposed to come back for the holiday.  Hopefully I’ll be back to see her.

Ugh, what’s wrong with me?  Can’t I at least get over one girl?  I’ve done it before, but Ryan is just so perfect.  Why look for a bottle of pepsi half full when you can get the full bottle for the same price.

November 20, 1993 – Saturday – 8:02 p.m.

TRIPLE PHAT DOPE!!

Les Miserables was awesome.  When we got to the theater, I bought a T-shirt and Tim brought a souvenir book for me.  Tim and I switched tickets.  I was out in the center and he was off to the side with Nana and Jonathan.  I gave Nana $40.00 and she bought a 32.50 ticket when she was supposed to buy at $37.50 ticket.  Oh well, it was still wonderful.  Both Eponine and Cosette were beautiful.  Everything was just perfect.  Absolutely perfect.

Jean Valjean gave up his life for other people.  He was a righteous man of commitment.  It’s a story about hope, love, and death in a time when life was a bit harsher than it is today.  It’s a story about the people who loved Cosette and the people who affected their lives.  I couldn’t ask for a better experience.

Today I went to Lees-McRae and auditioned for an acting scholarship.  It was me, Marcus, Henry, and Nate.  I did pretty good.  Robert, the professor judging me, said I was great, but that I needed to work on being more articulate and increasing my volume.  He said they would work with me though; that’s what they are there for.

So there it is.

In about nine months it will all begin.  I want to work with film and theater.  I want to marry and have a family.  I want to write and to create.  I want to live for Jesus until he comes to take his good and faithful servant home to be free.

My dream.

It’s beginning now.  You’re reading about it.  I’m writing about it.  It may take a while and I’m sure a lot of people will affect me along the way.  A lot already have.

This is not a winter dream.  There are dreams that cannot be, but mine is not one of them.

Life will not kill this dream I dream.

November 18, 1993 – Thursday – 5:45 p.m.

Church was so powerful yesterday.

Sowing and reaping.  I see it now.

You get what you give.  You give what you get.  What goes around comes around.  If I need money, then I should give money.  Everything is valuable.

Thank you Jesus.  I’m going to apply this to my life.

After tomorrow comes Friday.  I’m so excited.  A year ago, I had never heard of Les Miserables.  But Friday, I’m seeing it.  After school, Jonathan is picking me up from school and we’re going to meet Tim and Nana at the church at 4:00 p.m.  Then we’re going to Raleigh.  

We had an extra ticket.  I asked Ryan, but it turns out Jonathan is going instead.

Les Miserables is the most perfect story.  Thank you Lord for letting me see it.

Friday is just around the corner.

November 14, 1993 – Sunday – 10:38 p.m.

I can’t believe it.  It happened.  It has been a year.  Fifty-two weeks ago, I started writing My Book of Days.

Yesterday, I went out on the bus ministry at church.  Ah, the projects.  I often think I don’t have much and that we are poor, but then I see how others live and I understand that I am beyond blessed.

So, Kevin came back from for the weekend last night.  I was talking to him about Rebecca and he told me that he liked her.  Evidently he met her at cross-country meets earlier in the school year.  It didn’t bother me.

Church was wonderful today.  I went into children’s church.  I wasn’t supposed to, but I had to take someone’s place, which meant I was actually there when Ryan and Cheryl were.  They told me that all they want (and what all women want) is romance, attention, and sensitivity.  If that is the case, I should be okay when it comes to the finding a wife down the road.  I sure hope they know what they’re talking about.

After church, I was talking to Shirley (Veronica’s mom) and she said she was pregnant.  They evidently been wanting that to happen for a while.  Praise God it did.  She was so happy.

I didn’t go home after church.  I went with Cheryl, Ryan, Amy, Jill, and Marcus to Mr. Gatti’s.  Afterwards, we went to Ryan and Amy’s house.  We watched a little bit of Far and Away.  

Tomorrow is our Pastor’s birthday, so we had a little fellowship thing after church tonight.  It was a nice time.  He is 41.

So it’s been a year.  Since this is a special occasion, I’m going to look back through my journals and copy here some of my favorite things that I’ve written or quoted:

“These are the best days of my life and I will take them one day at a time.”

“And she is eleven.”

“Is your dad a thief?”

“I’m still laughing, why?”

“If only I knew.”

“I fell straight on my knees, and then on my face.”

“And the plot of my life thickens.”

“Stay a child, while you can be a child.”

“Time is just a fragment of man’s imagination; it doesn’t really exist.”

“Poof!  It’s over.”

“Dare to be happy!”

“And being so in love you can hardly eat.”

“Winter Dreams are things you want so bad, but deep down you know you’ll never get them.”

“Maturity is learning what to do with your free will.”

“The party is over and I have no one to talk to.”

“How can I see so far?”

“My ears are starving for some honesty?”

“Man does not live, he just survives.”

“I didn’t pinch her to hurt her.”

“If only the sun would set.”

“Life is simply a collection of greetings and farewells and the love you share in between.”

And now another year has begun…

November 12, 1993 – Friday – 11:22 p.m.

Two birds have flown my way.  Two birds whom I have yet to write about in my journal.

Until now.

Yesterday was Veteran’s Day.  And if you are a Veteran, thank you.

We had an assembly at school for the special day.  When we have an assembly, we always go to home room and then to the auditorium.  In my home room class there is a girl.  That is the only class I have her in and we only have home room every now and then.

Anyway, I first saw this girl on August 21, 1993.  She was at the senior T-shirt making party.  Her name is Rebecca and she is the foreign exchange student this year.  She is from Sweden.  Back in August, when I met her, the extent of our conversation was just exchanging names.  I wanted to talk to her some more, but I was sort of shy.  The day continued and she left my mind because I went to Ryan’s house later, and, well, you know…I suppose you could just go back and read the journal entry for that day.

We’ve only had about three assemblies so far this year and that plus one time in the hall are the only times I’ve talked with her.  We always sit next to each other during assembly and I’ve gotten to know her a little bit.  I guess all I’m trying to say is that she is absolutely wonderful and she has fully captured my attention.

Tonight at work there was a new girl there.  Tonight was her first night.  I helped her some, but after I got off I sat down and waited for Henry to pick me up and it was her break time.  She sat with me and we had a nice conversation.  She is pretty, but not gorgeous, but I bet she can be if she adds a little makeup to her beautiful eyes.  Her name is Janice.  She was nice to me and really polite.  I like that.

I was right.  Another one always comes along.

This time next week I will be coming back from the best night of my life.

Les Miserables is in seven days.

November 8, 1993 – Monday – 9:53 p.m.

I got a letter from Emily today.  She’s doing great!

In Art we are beginning a new project.  We’re supposed to write and illustrate a children’s book.  I already have my idea.  I’ll keep you informed.

Yesterday, when I was at Christi’s, the two of us went into her room to listen to Miss Saigon and Les Miserables (by the way, it’s in ten days).  Christi was going to go with her school, but she has a Sound of Music rehearsal, so she gave her ticket to Andy, her brother.  Bummer.

Well, we were just talking and then she began telling me about how in The Sound of Music she has to kiss this guy.  She said she always wanted a boyfriend so she could tell him that the stage kiss means nothing to her, but that if he (her boyfriend) was up there acting with her, then it would mean something.

I was happy.  She was telling me something that she would want to say to her boyfriend.

The subject of church came up.  I never asked her about it; she just began talking.  She said things weren’t the same.  The love of the fellowship just wasn’t there anymore.

I agreed.  The church has gone through a rough period, but it’s getting back up on its feet.

She also said its because she’s moving next year and wants to get use to the church in Rocky Mount.

I’m moving next year, too.

I think Christi is scared.

I know I am.

I learned what life was this past weekend.

Life is simply a collection of greetings and farewells, and the love you share in between.

You may not be coming to church anymore Christi, but I’m not going to say goodbye to you unless I have to.

November 7, 1993 – Sunday – 10:17 p.m.

A lot is on my mind.

A bird flew my way today.  A bird who has flown my way many times before.  Perhaps she likes the moon?  Perhaps not.

Yesterday was Saturday.  Mom and Henry left that morning to go to Charleston, SC.  It’s their 10th anniversary.  I don’t know how my mom put up with him for so long.

I had to take Nate everywhere I went.  Well, Marcus and I and Nate went to Scott’s house to go fishing.  We had a good time, and afterwards stopped by Roses to buy Carman’s new tape.  Then we went to hang out in the Wal-Mart parking lot; a special Christian outreach thing was going on.  Music and mime.  It was great.

Youth group happened and then Marcus and Nate and I went to Christi’s house because Jason was back in town for a few days.  But absolutely no one was home.  We figured we would try tomorrow after church.

Church was weird this morning.  Afterwards, Nate went to David’s house and we went to find Jason again.  The rest of the family was home, but Jason left early that morning to go back to college.  

Christi and I finally got a chance to talk.  But I’ll have to write about that tomorrow.  Right now, I’m going to sleep; reliving the conversation in my dreams.