November 18, 2000 – Saturday – 1:50 p.m.

It’s been an interesting week. I acted in a video shoot and have been working on Trey’s film. On Thursday night I spent some time with Anna again. We had dinner at The Jewish Mother near the beach. I enjoy her company so much.

I also called Tenielle, and I am going to drive down to see them at the end of December. It was great to talk to her and Jenna.

My mom called this morning. They may not be able to come up to Virginia from Florida for Christmas, so I don’t know what I am going to do. Anna invited me down to her place in Florida, so I might get to see my parents after all.

And so the Holidays are here again. And I have many people to love.

November 11, 2000 – Saturday – 11:00 a.m.

Tuesday was a rough day, but I was able to spend a bit of time with Anna in the evening. She has such a bright spirit. I adore being around her.

At the moment I am in a house on the beach at Sandbridge with my small group. So far it has been a lovely day.

Every Wednesday night I hang out with a group of late twenty somethings and early thirty somethings. I haven’t written much about them, but all of them are dear to my heart. Scott and Paige have three adorable kids. Aaron and Wendy have two children. Steve and Karen have none but desire a dozen. John and Eileen aren’t married yet, and they aren’t here this weekend either. Kevin and Krissy are engaged, then there is Brian, a single wrestling coach at Western Branch High School in Chesapeake, which is right next to where Acoustic Works used to be.

And then there is me. A 24-year-old graduate student who seems to live life like a vagabond. Kevin and I were talking last night and I asked him what I should do with my life.

He said, “I think you are the type of person that God doesn’t keep in one place. You should just let God take you all over the world and affect as many people as possible.” He said that I may move in and out of peoples’ lives and make them say, “Who was that guy?! Where he is now!”

A part of me found comfort and glory in that thought. Perhaps I am called to just wander God’s beautiful creation; to be in certain corners and around certain people, but only for a season.

I’m beginning to feel restless, like next summer will be my time to leave this place.

But who knows.

You know, I believe I have underestimated the beauty of the ocean. Anna grew up in Florida right next to the Atlantic Ocean, and she said she wants to always live right on top of one.

Football is on, and everyone but me is excitedly interested, which is why I’m off in another room writing in my journal. But now I shall go join the festivities.

And soon I’ll be in New Mexico.

November 6, 2000 – Monday – 3:30 p.m.

I’m in Suffolk, VA shooting on location with a small part because someone saw me in an improv skit at Forefront. I have a few minutes of down time.

This past Saturday was a wonderful day. There was a Virginia Tech game on and I went over to Scott and Paige’s house to watch it with our small group. I’m not really into football, but I enjoyed the snacks and company. They had shrimp, oysters, and some amazing dipping sauces. Their kids were great fun; I played with little Grant. One time, while holding him in my arms, I walked further into the backyard and turned around to watch the perfect scenes of an autumn cookout with playing children, loving friends, and cheering fans. Things I’m glad I’m allowed to observe even if I cannot have them for myself at the moment. God has always provided other homes, families, and backyards for me to take great delight in.

The rest of the month seems pretty loaded. I have this shoot this week, then we are making a Matrix parody for church. I’ll have another week of movie parodies for church, then I’m off to New Mexico.

I’m looking forward to this trip. I need to see new sky, a new land, and new eyes. I can’t wait!

November 3, 2000 – Friday – 5:10 p.m.

Trey and I have completed a rough cut of Dang!, but it is going to cost a few more thousand dollars to finish it on 16mm, which is what is required for it to play at the Regent Film Festival at the Naro Cinema in the spring. Having already put a few thousand dollars on a credit card to make this movie, I thought I’d show it to Terry, one of the top dogs in the administration, to see if he could help. I showed it to him this afternoon.

After it was over he said, “Wow! I’ll make sure you get your money.”

And there it is! My God has remained faithful. Not only will my film show here, but also in Los Angeles at the Director’s Guild of America later next year. From there I’ll try to submit it to as many festivals as I can.

I’m still a bit speechless. I feel very thankful inside. I’m making movies, and I stand in awe of it every day.

On a totally different note, I’ve met some amazing girls this past week. Perhaps I know my movie is good, and that has improved my confidence, which makes me a bit more appealing than I usually would be. Oh, I wonder if that movie will ever get made.

There’s a girl out there somewhere praying for me, and there’s a song inside each us of that neither of us have ever heard. We will hear it soon, when we find one another.

Oh God, I’m amazed by you.

October 29, 2000 – Sunday – 4:38 p.m.

Well, it’s been an interesting, wonderful, and tiring few days.

Wednesday through Saturday I worked on Kerstin’s portfolio project “Exchange.” Being on that set for the past two days were particularly wonderful because Anna and I talked with each other like little kids. Anna is a theater student from Florida who arrived last semester. She’s the first person I’ve met here who has the personality of the girls I enjoy the most, those who just relax and delight in being with you as though they were a child. She reminds me of my dear friends from Lees-McRae. She’s a cool little hippie chick! I invited her to Forefront this morning, and she showed up! What a wonderful girl!

After the baptism service at church tonight, I’m going to go to a Wig Party at Haley’s. I’m wearing an old man wig. So there is this evening, and then only two full days remain in October.

Only two more months of the year 2000.

I wonder what November will hold.

December.

2001.

October 23, 2000 – Monday – 8:13 p.m.

Amazing how some days can be so simple and pleasant; days when I notice every tiny, beautiful thing.

I believe this October 23rd was such a day. I watched people today. I saw how old we all are, how in need of a Savior.

I’ve been writing more these days as well. I think my latest script is coming along nicely.

I often wonder on what my mind dwells on these days. I do not believe it is girls, and I do not think I dwell on my career. I think I’m in a time of acceptance and wonder. I often reflect on how amazing it is that I am right here; right now doing this very thing.

Growing more distant from Lees-McRae has placed depth into my perception on life. I see how we are all very much on a different walk towards the same destination. I find a beautiful comfort in that thought.

I am simply entertained by God’s everyday divineness. A divineness which to me seems so random and uncontrolled. But He is putting everything in place. I am doing okay.

So this is where I am now. I’m in Virginia Beach, Virginia. My roommate is from Canada, and I wonder who my true friends are here. I believe the Sterling’s family is a true friends to me. I can be quiet around them, and all feels okay.

I believe Dan is a true friend as well.

I miss Chris. He was a good friend too, but he’s graduated and moved on.

Trey, Mike, and Kristen are becoming good filmmaking buddies. Every now and then Trey and I will talk about life issues instead of just movies.

Things are a bit too early at Forefront, but I like all the staff members, especially Vince, Mark, and Chris; I’ve probably spent the most time with them.

I enjoy my work, and I enjoy my ministry. My small group on Wednesday nights is growing tighter. We are planning a weekend getaway together. My Thursday night group meets for the second time this week. I pray God binds us together.

And from my life before this one, there is really no-one from Siler City that I am in touch with. I did see Marcus in September. I don’t know about Tenielle and Jena, or the other girls like Ryan, Amy, Christi, and Cheryl. Every now and then I may hear something through my mom, but even she has lost contact with that world.

From Lees-McRae, Vince and I email. I’m very proud of all he is doing in Bolivia. Every now and then I call the other guys and speak to their wives as well.

Lindy doesn’t call or write anymore. She seemed upset with me at Abigail’s wedding, and I could never figure out why.

Sarah and I are supposedly keeping in better touch, but I’ve written her two letters and she hasn’t written me back yet.

I have no plans to return to Banner Elk, and part of me hopes it isn’t for a long while.

So, the stories I write in these pages must come from this world of Virginia Beach. How weird it is that I am here, but I know it is exactly where God wants me. I like this different flat land. If you are in a good place, the sunsets are fantastic!

October 20, 2000 – Friday – 6:07 p.m.

Much has happened. Rosie is in a box, stuck to a sticky mousetrap pad, in a garbage bag, in a garbage can, outside the Regent Village. She escaped while I was cleaning her cage and it took Dan and I two days to catch her through a horrible ordeal. I just couldn’t have a huge rat roaming free, so I eventually trapped her, and well, Rosie is gone. Still alive at the moment, but gone nevertheless. Those “humane” rat traps aren’t very humane at all.

Our first college age small group was last night and that cute girl I’ve been noticing showed up. Now I can’t get her out of my head. I contemplated calling her up and asking her to do something, but I’m pretty sure I’ll chicken out. Ugh!

The footage from The Accuser came back and it looks fantastic!

Okay God, to call or not to call…

Hmm.

October 15, 2000 – Sunday – 8:26 p.m.

It has been a week since I have written. We are now in the middle of the tenth month, what an amazing time! It feels like much has happened.

I just returned from visiting Jean, one of the employees from Acoustic Works. I feel so safe talking with her about love and relationships because she is married. We had dinner and played with Katie, the adorable little girl she was babysitting. Katie seemed to enjoy the way I would make my hair tickle her forehead; she has such a beautiful smile.

This past weekend were our shooting days for The Accuser. I directed a fantastic cast and crew on Ft. Wool, which is an island in the middle of Hampton Roads. Jeremy played his role so well that he banged his head open and cut up his leg. He’s okay though. I can’t wait to see the dailies!

I feel so at home when I’m directing a film. It puts me and all my thoughts, hopes, memories, and feelings together in such a way that everything of who I am, and who God has made me to be, completely makes sense.

This past week I also wrote a letter to Sarah. It is difficult to describe what came over me, but I told her that I loved her fully and unconditionally for who she is, and that she is one of the few people in the world whom I love in such a way. I can explain my love for others away, but I cannot explain my love for Sarah away. It simply exists, it is there, I cannot deny it, and it blesses my soul so much.

Also this past week I picked up a rat for The Accuser shoot. It takes place in a dungeon, so I thought a rat would add some atmosphere. The crew named her Rosie, and I decided to keep her. She is in her cage in my room now.

This coming Thursday kicks off the college-age small group that I will be leading. I’m so excited. I want God to show up. I want him to change us and this whole area.

Thanks for a great week God, you are so good!

October 8, 2000 – Sunday – 1:00 p.m.

It is one o’clock on a Sunday afternoon.

I am alone.

Love Song for a Savior fills my ears. There is a chill in the air. I just ate a peanut butter and a banana sandwich, and I can tell I’m in one of those moods.

The Caedmon’s Call concert Friday night was wonderful. I was able to go backstage, and I learned that my favorite male artist, Derek Webb, is marrying one of my favorite female artists, Sandra McCracken! That blew me away and really made my whole year!

There is a girl that I’ve taken to noticing. I really don’t know anything about her except that she is 20, and I like the simple way she puts up her blonde hair, as well as the little glasses she wears. She has a beautiful high-pitched voice, and it blesses me when she says my name.

Why is it that I often feel like I go through life all alone? The first week of October has flown by, and I’ve reached one of those days where I feel so lost and out of place. Why do these days come?

Will I ever share this life with someone and spend our days living in harmony with God and each other?

My friends back in North Carolina never call. Why am I always the one to keep in touch? It would be nice for them to call me every once in a while.

There is really only one thing I desire right now, and that is that it’ll eventually hurt when I leave this little corner of the world. Is there anything more tragic than spending years in a place and then never missing it? Oh God, let me do some good while I’m here.

I give you the rest of this Sunday. Use me.

October 5, 2000 – Thursday – 10:08 p.m.

I’m going to see Caedmon’s Call in concert tomorrow night! That’s awesome!

Well, the days have been interesting. I have the best job in the world. Vince and I made a super funny video on Tuesday. I can’t wait for it to be shown on the big screen on Sunday.

The college-age small group I’ll be leading kicks off on October 19th. I’m so excited; that’s two weeks from tonight.

The Accuser finally shoots next weekend. This morning myself plus some other student directors were interviewed by Portfolio magazine about filmmaking. So this is where I am now. Everyday I’m writing, directing, and editing videos that find an audience every Sunday. I’m in a delightful small group, and soon I’ll be leading one. Plus, I’m directing and finishing up some short 16mm films.

I’m doing all that I’ve ever wanted to do.