December 18, 1998 – Friday – 11:49 p.m.

Our show opened tonight, and I received two invitations from other churches to bring the show to their church.  One woman wants me to plan a drama workshop weekend in August.

What are you doing God?

I went with Christin and Justin and others to see The Prince of Egypt tonight.  It was so wonderful.  Christin invited me over for a family Christmas gathering tomorrow.

There is something about her.  I want to be closer to her.  Why do things like this always happen?  Oh Emily…what is going on?

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December 16, 1998 – Wednesday – 10:09 p.m.

I called Sharon tonight and I spoke with her and Hannah.  Sharon’s dad died suddenly last Thursday.  She loves me so greatly, for even in her time of loss she gave me so much.  It overwhelms me to think that God loves me so much more than Sharon does.

You know… I have always thought that I had grand dreams and great goals, but I think that just this moment, after talking with Sharon and reliving memories with Hannah, those memories of our walks to Snowflake Inn and summer evenings of catching fireflies, I think I’ve already fulfilled the dreams I knew nothing of.  As I look back on myself now, it seems that little blonde-haired boy was always dreaming of the moment when I would run my hands over Christin’s hair, or touch Abigail’s face, or study the curves of Sarah’s cheeks, or laugh endlessly with Dan, Allen, Vince, Curtis, Charlie, Josh, and Justin.

It feels as though I have fulfilled all I was ever suppose to accomplish.

Oh, wouldn’t you agree, life is beautiful.

To hear Sharon talk of Laura tonight…she still remains one of, if not the most, beautiful and amazing girl I’ve ever come across.

I’m going to pray to my God now, because…life is beautiful!

December 14, 1998 – Monday – 8:47 a.m.

It’s nearing the middle of December.  Ten days until I fly to Florida.  Will time never stop?

I am trying to slow these days down.  I’ve put a lot of time into school, which is needed of course, but I feel I’m missing out on some of the better things of life.  I reserved the entire weekend to study, but I didn’t study a bit, I simply lived.

There is so much here to love.  There is so much here I have yet to discover.  An entire summer here will be nice.  I can’t wait to see how this land blooms in the spring.  My first autumn here as already flown by.

Oh God, I just want to be the me you meant for me to be.  I simply want to live and give it all away.  Thank you for teaching me all you have.

December 13, 1998 – Sunday – 1:57 p.m.

Our tech rehearsal went well at church yesterday.  I gave some great moving speech and then everyone did a perfect job.  We open on Friday.

Last night was a wonderful evening.  I had a little slumber party with Christin and Sterling, we stayed up late and watched Seven Years in Tibet and Titanic.  What a delightful time we had.  They dressed me up as a girl and we even played the new Zelda game!

We stayed up until two in the morning.  That was my 7th time watching Titanic and it’s only been out one year.

A year ago I was holding Sarah, but last night Christin laid her beautiful face on a pillow she had placed upon my chest and I ran my fingers through her hair.

It’s been a good year.

December 10, 1998 – Thursday – 9:50 p.m.

It has been a year since Sarah and I took that walk out to the park.  I still remember her lips.  Here I am, one year from that night, still so glad that the moment happened.

On this December 10th I had rehearsal at church with a fantastic group of beautiful and energy-filled teenagers.  Man, I love them!  I prayed for each one specifically tonight.  They are so hungry.  It was a special moment.

After rehearsal Kimberly and Christin and I went out to eat and I told them about how special my friendships were with Lindy and Abigail and so many other girls and Lees-McRae and from Abundant Life Christian Center.  It was very clear to the three of us that the two of them, plus Sterling, were now included in that list of special female friends.

You know, I don’t think there’s anything better than leaving home for the first time.

Work has been tough and studying for exams is time-consuming.  It will be nice when I can find more time to simply exist in my solitude.

I drove Kimberly home tonight.  I love the way she laughs.  She turns 16 in about a month and a half.

December 7, 1998 – Monday – 11:59 p.m.

It was a great weekend.  Youth Church was so refreshing on Friday night, and I talked to Dan and Abigail over the phone afterwards.  Saturday, after drama practice, I went to see A Bug’s Life with Sterling, Christin, Melissa, Aaron, Angie, Rebekah, Jeremy, and his girlfriend Narisa.  It was so funny and the outtakes at the end were the best.  Sterling and Christin say Flik and I act exactly alike.

I went over to Christin’s after the movie and relaxed in her brother’s bed.  She gave me a wonderful foot massage and Melissa massaged my back.  It was so great to be touched.

I think Matt, my roommate, and Kelly, his girlfriend who has been here the past three weeks, are going through some rough times.  It’s been awkward here in the apartment.

Classes are over on the 16th of this month.  I’ll have one take home exam, two in-seat exams, and one final paper to turn in.  My first semester of graduate school is almost over.  Everything is moving along nicely.  I’m excited about living this life.

God is the giver of all good things.

 

December 4, 1998 – Friday – 5:03 p.m.

I’ve been working on my final paper for Dynamic Communication the past couple of days; it is an analysis of the film Never Cry Wolf, and I’m comparing it to F. Scott Fitzgerald’s short story Winter Dreams.  It’s been a blast to work on!

Rehearsal at church these past three nights have been nice.  Kimberly is turning out to be the Abigail character of this world.  She really acts weird around me sometimes.  Christin is adorable and turning out to be someone I can really open up to more than anyone else.

The bookstore has been super busy the past couple of days.  It’s been hectic, but fun.  Thank you God for that job.

My video production class loved my bellybutton movie.  Dr. Quicke wanted a personal copy he could show to the rest of the faculty.  The only tasks left to complete are my Never Cry Wolf paper, a critical review of a postmodernism book, and then three final exams.

I really like school.  School just works for me.

Twenty days until I board a plane again.

I wonder what Emily smells like, and how her arms feel?

I need to hold her.