June 30, 1994 – Thursday – 11:47 a.m.

I don’t know how to begin.  I’m so happy!

About six hours ago I woke up to take Kevin to work.  I stayed there and ate and then I went down to the gas station.  It was around 7:30 a.m. then.  I used the pay phone and dialed my most favorite number in the world.

Jenna answered.

“What did you call for?” she asked.

“I called because I’ve been thinking about what you said last night.”

“I wrote you a letter.”

“Well, are you busy today, ’cause I need to talk to you.”

She tells me about some doctor’s appointment at 10:30 a.m.  Her mom says it is okay if I come now.

So I put $4 of gas in the car and head down U.S. 1 towards Cameron.

When I get there we go outside and talk.  Just the three of us: Jenna, Tenielle, and Jacob.

This is what I told them:

“I know this might sound stupid, but the reason I’ve sort of been away is because I was selfish.  I figured that if I stray away and forget about you guys then when I leave it wouldn’t hurt as much.  But now I realize how stupid I was.  I was throwing away all of the times we spent together.  I’m so sorry.  I was wrong and I see that now.”

They forgave me.  I had my camera with me and we took a bunch of pictures of ourselves together.  We were all so happy; we jumped on the trampoline.

“Do you feel it guys?  It’s warm!”  I said.  “The last time jus the three of us were on this trampoline, the world was cold.”

We went in and went into their room.  I don’t even remember what was said, but we had a blast.  Ginger came in and said, “Jacob you should have heard them talking.  They missed you and you weren’t even gone yet.  And at least now they seem happy.  When it was just Kevin and Marcus over here Sunday night, they seemed gloomy.  You know how to have a much better time.”

Then she goes on to tell me that if I was with them Sunday night in Fayetteville that Kevin and Marcus would not have gotten in much trouble because it would have looked like a group and not two couples.

Jenna and Tenielle agreed.

“Well,” I said.  “Kevin and Marcus don’t like it when I’m there and they want to hang out with you.”

Tenielle said, “Well they’ll have to get over it!”

Then they all asked me to come over more often just on my own.  They asked me to come over tomorrow and Saturday and Sunday.

I told them that if it was Saturday or Sunday that Kevin or Marcus would be with me.

Tenielle rolled her eyes and snarled her nose when I said that.  I couldn’t believe it.

We joked around some more and I took more pictures.  They were going to some woman’s house at 9:30 a.m., then leaving from there to go to the Doctor’s.  Their mom went on ahead and I drove them later.  We stopped on the way and took another picture.

We got to the woman’s house.  Her name is Sally, one of Ginger’s friends.  Tenielle threw her arm my neck and said, “See my buddy, Sally!”

When we said our goodbyes, I hugged them.  They wanted me to come over later today around 1:30 p.m., but Marcus was here at the house alone.

Jenna gave me her letter while I was at their house.  She said I could read it, but that I couldn’t say anything to her after I read it.

Here’s the letter:

Jacob,

I’m sorry, but you make me upset!  I really miss you as a friend.  I know you just want to leave and live a new life, but I don’t want to lose you.  You probably don’t even care or don’t even want to worry about it, but I feel like I don’t know you anymore.  I want to know what’s going on in your life.  Jacob, I love you and I don’t want our friendship to end.  This means a lot to me, even if you don’t care.  Please tell me how you feel about all this.  Sorry for telling you my problems.

Love ya,

Jenna

P.S. You’re someone I can really trust, but you’re just not there for me.  Please look up these verses:

Proverbs 17:17

Proverbs 18:24

John 15: 13-15

I Love U

After reading that, I laid my head on her shoulder, “That was sweet Jenna.”

A minute later she got up and left the room.

I matter to them.  They care.  Oh God…why did I move away from their precious lives?  Bring us closer together Lord in these last 59 days.

Very close.

So close that 170 miles couldn’t keep us apart.

Someone here still needs me.

I told them today:

“I don’t think I’ve ever been happier.”

June 29, 1994 – Wednesday – 11:15 p.m.

Oh God!  What is wrong with me?  Something isn’t right!  What have I done?

Tonight, Jenna kept asking me what my problem was.  I told her I didn’t have a problem.  We talked some.  We laughed.

I miss her.

I didn’t hug her when I left.  I just left.

Tenielle kissed me on the cheek tonight in a mocking sort of way.

Women?

Wait, sorry…

Girls?

That’s more accurate.

But I didn’t see how stupid I have been until now.

Jenna and Tenielle are my friends.  I’m trying to get away from my friends?  I told her that I would hug her every chance I get since I wouldn’t get the chance after August 28.  I now I don’t when hug her?!

What’s wrong with me?

These girls need me!

June 28, 1994 – Tuesday – 11:45 p.m.

It’s pretty late.  I just got back from work.

Today I went to Asheboro with Jonathan.  We just went shopping.  I bought some sunglasses.  I learned today that I did a very smart thing.  I sort of got away from Jenna and Tenielle recently because I saw what is currently happening on the horizon.

I got away because I didn’t want to get hurt.

Kevin and Marcus really chase after and pursue girls they are interested in.

Me?  Well I just let it happen.  I don’t chase and pursue, I sit back and observe and let things develop naturally.

Well it worked.  This all doesn’t matter to me anymore and therefore it doesn’t hurt.

Jenna and Tenielle…well everything lasts for a season.

Marcus kissed Jenna on the cheek Sunday night.  Like I said, they are only objects in the rear view mirror.

But somewhere out there is a girl who will not be an object in the rear view mirror.  She will be a passenger in my car, my soul.  We will journey down the highway together, over the mountains, down into the valleys, together forever.

Somewhere in the world tonight she is asleep.  Where ever you are, I am coming to you.  And I will be there soon to take away your pain.

 

June 27, 1994 – Monday – 11:27 p.m.

Well guess what!  When we got to the ice skating place it was closed to the public because of a hockey game.

So we walked around the mall and I had a little fun, but no much.

Brian and Nathan (Trish and Nana’s boyfriends) were with us.

It was something to do I suppose.

I work the rest of the week.  Kevin is staying at the Neal’s because he doesn’t want to stay here, but mom doesn’t know that yet.

I saw all of this coming.

It deals with Tenielle.

But I’m staying out of it.

June 27, 1994 – Monday – 11:30 a.m.

Yesterday didn’t turn out like I thought it would when I woke up that morning, but it was an awesome day!  I learned so much.

Church was nice; I did Faith Street.  I played my Heathcliff character.  At the fellowship afterwards, it just seemed like no one was there.  Jenna and Tenielle were at first and I said very little to both of them, but then they left with Kevin to go to their house.  Tenielle gave me two letters before she left.  In them she was saying how much she will miss me and stuff.  But she doesn’t spend any time with me now, so it all seemed like bull crap!

I stayed at the church because Kenny was supposed to pick me up at 4:30.

Boy was I wrong.

Everyone left at 4:00.  I was there alone.  Before I knew it an hour had passed.  I didn’t have a watch on.  I found out what time it was by asking the operator from a pay phone.  She said it was 5:05 p.m.  I figured Kenny wasn’t coming so I walked to the Neal’s house.  It was about two miles.  Scott was there.  The two of us and John (the dad of the family) had a nice talk.

Scott went home and then later, around 11:30 p.m., John and I went back over to his house to pick up something.  From there, I called to see if Kevin and Marcus could pick me up on their way back from Jenna and Tenielle’s.  Well, it turns out they weren’t there.  They all went to Fayetteville.  And guess what?!  The car broke down.  Their mom told me that my parents were going to get them and she would just tell them I was at the Neal’s.  So, at about 2:00 in the morning, they picked me up.

John and I were up talking.  He go out his old yearbooks and we talked about him when he was my age.  John has a daughter my age who lives in Knoxville, Tennessee.  She is beautiful.  He was married before.  He explained all of that to me.  He then told me how he met Carol (the mom of the family).  And now they have five kids, all ranging from about 2 to 12.

I learned so much from John that night.

I got home and went straight to bed.  

Something happened last night with Kevin and Marcus and Jenna and Tenielle.  Marcus said to me this morning, “Jacob, you are very wise by staying out of things,” and then he said he would talk to me later.  I could probably guess all that happened.

Jenna and Tenielle are fun to be around, but sometimes they can get these attitudes that can ruin everyone’s fun.

Kenny is here now.  His car broke down Sunday morning, so he couldn’t pick me up.  He felt bad.

Fishnet is a week from this Wednesday.

Nana called me this morning about tonight.  I told her about the car, but she said that she and Trish would come pick us up from our house, but she wants me to drive her car.  I guess she doesn’t like to drive.

And today is Trish’s birthday.

Happy Birthday Trish! 

 

June 25, 1994 – Saturday – 9:50 p.m.

This isn’t supposed to be happening.  I should be getting further away.

Not closer.

Today was amazing!

Okay…I got up a little after five and I went to McDonald’s with Kevin and Marcus; Kevin had to work.  Marcus and I ate breakfast, waited around, talked to a girl who worked there, and went to band practice.  It was fun.  We had skit practice afterwards and Pastor Steve directed a great skit that we’ll do tomorrow.

Nana and Trish were there…I hadn’t seen them since May 26, about a month ago.  After skit practice, Nana and Trish and Marcus and I went Roller Skating.  Trish and I skated together.  A boy came up to me and said that there was a girl who liked me.  He pointed her out to me.  She had pretty eyes.  Then he said that I could “get some” from her.  I had to explain to him that I was a Christian and that I’m not like that and that I’m going to wait until I’m married to have sex.

He is only 12 and I got a chance to talk to him about Jesus some.

We stayed there for about three hours and then went to eat at Mr. Gatti’s.  We talked a lot and decided to go ice skating Monday night up in Cary.

After that we went to McDonald’s.  Trish drove me everywhere.  Nana let Marcus drive her car.

Kevin had already left and went to the Neals.  Trish made me play in the balls with her in the Playland thing.  We were throwing balls at each other; those things hurt.  Then the girl that Marcus and I talked to that morning came out there.  Her name is Danielle; she’s cool.

We got Kevin and went to youth group. Tonight’s message was nice.  I needed that.  Jenna talked to me though, she said I wasn’t the same person.  

But she doesn’t know that I am getting closer to who I am supposed to be.

I told her that my time here is almost over and that I’m moving on.

“Will you still be my friend?” she asked.

“Always,” and then I hugged her.

I talked to Tenielle on the phone from the Skating Ranch earlier.  She’s well.

The day contained more of course.  Trish was so easy to talk to.  After youth group she asked me for my phone number.

Scott did get off work to go to Deep Creek and he got a new Motorcycle which he’ll probably drive and I will probably ride on the back part of the way.

Today I got close to people.

That shouldn’t happen.

I laughed so much.

If the summer continues like today, everywhere I go, then leaving this place will be harder than I thought.

The fellowship is tomorrow.  It could all change then.

But I know I will just enjoy it and not let it go to my head.

Thank you Lord.

Thank you for the pink sunset you showed the world tonight.

But most of all, I thank you for showing me that another sun can easily rise again.  And it’ll always be different than the others before.

I felt it tonight…the love.  The world was in perfect harmony.  It was alright.

It was perfect.

I know that it probably won’t last.

But I’m having too much fun to care.

June 24, 1994 – Friday – 10:40 p.m.

Well, there it is!

Orientation is over!

I got back about an hour ago.

My room assignment is 205 McAlister Hall with a guy named Devin.  I haven’t met him yet, but I gave him a call and it turns out he is at Lees-McRae for Summer Theater.  I talked to his mom and she will tell him I called.  He is from Virginia.

Today went well, but it was short.  A lot of pretty girls will be Freshmen next year; that’s for sure!  I met a guy named Jason.  We ate lunch together and he’ll be in the same dorm as me.  The room is small, but I know I can make it my home.

My home.  I felt it.

I didn’t feel out of place.

New people to meet.  New teachers to get used to.  Dude!

I did see The Lion King today.  Simba reminded me of myself.  It is time for me to go off and be me.  Thank you Jesus!

But before Lees-McRae begins there are still 64 days of right here.

Scott said he will probably be able to go to Deep Creek, but Joel can’t make it.

It looks like it will only be five of us this time.  There were eight of us last summer.  Has it already been a year since I first met Emily?  I wonder if she’ll ever write me back?

Fishnet is right before Deep Creek; only about 12 days away.

And when I get back from Deep Creek, I’ll only have 42 days left!

June 23, 1994 – Thursday – 11:27 p.m.

I just got back from work.

I went to Jonathan’s today.  I’m not the only one who feels that everything is different and changing.  We had fun together.

Tomorrow I’m going to orientation at Lees-McRae.

The Lion King starts tomorrow.  Hopefully I will see it tomorrow.

I am trying to leave before my time.  I decided to go with Kenny to Fishnet this year.  We’ll be going with Lisa’s youth group from down in High Falls.  That’s July 6th!

Then Deep Creek ’94 is right after that!

This Sunday night I’m going to Lisa’s youth group.

There is a fellowship after church on Sunday.

No telling what else will come up.

Jonathan is going to try to go to Deep Creek with us.  I can’t wait.  So far it is only myself, Peter, Ben, and Jonathan.  I’m going to ask Joel if he wants to go and I might ask Scott.

I have 65 days until I leave, but that doesn’t have to mean I’ll be here those 65 days.

No one will notice anyway.

June 22, 1994 – Wednesday – 11:45 p.m.

On my own.

Kenny and I went to church tonight.  He had a friend with him.  Cheryl was there.  I asked her if anything happened while I was gone.  She smiled real big and said I would probably find out.  It had to deal with Joel.  Jenna and Tenielle came in and I went over to them.  They said, “Jacob!  You’re here!” and gave me a hug.  That was it.  Nothing else.

Joel came in later, after praise and worship.  He is well.

After church, Jenna and Tenielle came in the Sanctuary from Missionettes and Kevin saw Tenielle and went to her.  They walked out.  Marcus went to Jenna and they walked out.  I wasn’t spoken to at all.

I asked Joel what he was doing tonight.  He said, “Well, I’m was going to take Cheryl out.”  

I left with Kenny and saw Marcus and Jenna talking far off at the edge of the parking lot alone.

As I left the church I realized that I was not missed.  Those twelve days and I was not missed.

But I did miss.

And when August 28 come in about 66 days I will probably not be missed.

Tenielle has Kevin.

Cheryl has Joel.

Jenna has Marcus.

I am not needed.

I am on my own.

I can’t stay here.

No one needs me.

June 20, 1994 – Monday – 1:15 p.m.

I’m home!  Praise the Lord!

I got here around 11:00 a.m.  I came with Grandma and Grandpa (mom’s side) and with my cousins Allie and Hunter.

I’m doing well, except for the huge zit on my nose.

Yesterday I went to church with my other Grandparents and we ate dinner at my Aunt’s afterwards.  But I left the next morning and I’m happy to be back in North Carolina.  I have 69 days until I leave for college; and orientation is this Friday!

Marcus is here.  I told him about finding my dad’s porn stash and throwing it in the woods.  I probably won’t tell anyone else though.  I just had to get it off my chest.

Sixty-nine days!

Church is Wednesday!

I’m here.

I’m back.

Deep Creek is my only other vacation.