November 1, 1994 – Tuesday – 1:10 a.m.

Earlier today (Monday) I ran into Ellen and Suzanne and we, on the spur of the moment, went up to the very top of Beech Mountain.  I honestly believe that I saw the whole world.

Several years ago there was a small amusement park up there called The Land of Oz and the yellow brick road is still there.  It’s a little run down, but it was amazing to actually find a true yellow brick road on top of this huge mountain.  Purely magical.  Suzanne was so amazed, she took a brick.  After we returned she gave it to me.  I don’t want it, I feel like it should have stayed on the mountain.  When Jeni gets back I’ll take her up there and we’ll put it back together.  Then I can hold her hand and stroll down the yellow brick road on top of the world.


The concert was great tonight.  The Holy Spirit was there.  So many young people came to know Christ.  I really like this church.  I know Jeni would have enjoyed it tonight.

Afterwards, Charlie and Jason and I watched Jurassic Park on video.

And today was the first full day in six weeks in which I haven’t kissed Jeni.


October 31, 1994 – Monday – 9:40 p.m.

It’s Tracey’s birthday!

It’s also Halloween, but that’s not nearly as important.

Last night Al, my acting partner in Of Mice and Men, and I helped Mr. Angel move.  He is the director of religious and campus life here at Lees-McRae.  I really like him a lot.  He comes to FCA meetings.  I can’t remember if I told you about Al or not, but he is not all there.  There seems to be some sort of learning disability or something going on, which can be a little annoying, but at the end of the day I’m no better than he is so I’ll try to be patient.  He reminds me of Misty.

Jeni will be back in three days!

That seems so long.

It was only Glenda and I at our breakfast Bible Study this morning.  She used to be at odds with Charlie, but now I think she is realizing how stupid all of it was.  She is handling this situation like Jesus would.

Tonight there is a concert at Heaton Christian Church:  Brian White and Justice!  It should be a lot of fun.  I wish Jeni could be there though.

I miss you Jeni.

October 30, 1994 – Sunday – 3:05 p.m.

Jeni has gone.  She won’t be back until Thursday.  I miss her already.  She wasn’t able to go to church with me this morning; she had rehearsal.

Last night she and I talked to Charlie for a long time.  There is this girl that Charlie has been interested in.  He finally asked her out last night and he was telling us how it went.  He was nervous.

I went for a walk this afternoon and ended up in a place I had never been before.  It was really pretty.  I really don’t know what I’m going to do since Jeni is gone.  If she was here, I’d be over at her room right now.  I’ll survive though, this will show me how important she is to me.

I called my mom this morning since I needed some money.  I also talked to my dad the night before last.

Last night, we threw Tracey a surprise birthday party and we played a few games.  About 20 people were there.  Everyone had a lot of fun.  Tracey will be 19 tomorrow.  Her birthday is on Halloween!

Speaking of Halloween, November is almost here!  I have been here at Lees-McRae College for two months now, and I have not yet returned home.  When I do finally go home it will be 2 1/2 months since I’ve been there.  That is a long time.  And I am a different person now from who I was on the day I left.

I have met so many new people since that day.  And I have fallen in love with one of them.

October 27, 1994 – Thursday – 11:10 p.m.

Today I went to court with Jeni for her speeding ticket she got on the way back from Carowinds.

It was rough, but she made it through.  She got the holy crap scared out of her and she probably won’t ever speed again.  The only thing she had to do was pay the fine and the court cost.  It totaled $110.

We ate breakfast and lunch out in Wilkesboro since it was over an hour from Lees-McRae.  She was glad I came along.  She said she really needed me since it was a stressful event.

I missed my classes for the day, but it was worth it.  She leaves for tour Sunday night and she will return the following Sunday.

Now I believe I’ll write her some letters.  One for each day she is gone.

October 26, 1994 – Wednesday – 11:20 p.m.

Glenda, the FCA President, asked Tracey, Jeni and I to lead FCA tonight.  We did and I lead the group in a game.  Everyone loved it and said they learned a lot.  Today I met Jeni in her room as I usually do at 3 o’clock on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday afternoons.  Besides lunch, it is the only time we spend together until all of our classes are over.  Her presence is so relaxing.  The Lord is blessing me and I don’t deserve it.  My savior is so good to me.

I love you Lord.

Thanks you for this school and for my education.  And thank you for Jeni and her heart full of love.  She is so special to me.  I can’t imagine how special she is to you.

And I’m really thankful that she loves you more than she loves me.

October 25, 1994 – Tuesday – 1:40 p.m.

You will not believe what has happened.  Last night I went to James’ room.  While I was there someone called me and left a message.  I was expecting a call from Jeni, so I checked my messages from James’ room.  I had a message from Pastor Steve.  Crazy!  But guess where he was?  In the Student Center.

His message said that they were staying at the Archer’s Inn and they would try to get in touch with me tomorrow.

It is now tomorrow and Jeni and I plus Tracey and Rachel met up with them and talked for about 30 minutes.

I was late for my 11 o’clock class, but who cares!  Anyway, they are doing great.  We talked about tons of stuff.  That man and his family are so wonderful.  He sees that I am doing great and that made him happy.

I’m going to go see Jeni now.


October 23, 1994 – Sunday – 11:55 p.m.

I’m back at Lees-McRae College.  I’ve been here for a few hours.  Truthfully, I didn’t want to come back.  I held Jeni in my arms every night and she came into my room every morning and gave me a good morning kiss.  She is so soft and precious.  I told her I could wake up to this every morning.  She smiled and said, “Well, I’m not allowed in your dorm at that time.”

I miss her now.  I want to hold her.  She is a part of me now.  And I have fallen in love with her.  I can say that with no doubts.

She cried last night after visiting Craig and Coletta (her youth pastor and his wife).  The two of them are wonderful and my eyes were filled with tears as well; mainly because I knew she was hurting.

I will hopefully go back with her for Thanksgiving.  In a few weeks Tracey and Jeni and I will go back to my home just for a weekend.  In one week exactly, Jeni will leave for a dance tour that will last an entire week.

I will miss her so much.

I love you Jeni.

I love everything about you.


October 22, 1994 – Saturday – 9:45 a.m.

Its only a little later than my last entry.  A lot is on my mind and I must write about it.

Jeni and I have only been together for one month, but our relationship is so close.  This morning, while I was still in bed, she came in and gave me a kiss.

Just now I was looking at the pictures in my wallet.  Most of the pictures were of girls.  Jeni gave me a picture of her and it is the picture on top now.  I care for her so much.  I want nothing to happen to us.  I want to be with her forever.  She has so many dreams and I want to be a part of those dreams.

Everything has happened so fast.  I feel like this house here in Cincinnati is my home, and I like it!

October 22, 1994 – Saturday – 7:30 a.m.

I’m still in Cincinnati, Ohio, and boy have I got a lot to tell.

After meeting Kenny, Jeni’s dad, Missy, Jeni’s sister, Paul, Missy’s boyfriend, and one of Jeni’s grandmothers on Wednesday night, I went to bed.

Kenny is really funny and neat.  I like him and he seems to like me.  Missy is around 23 I think.  She lives at home and commutes to a university nearby.  Her boyfriend Paul was visiting and he seemed like a great guy as well.

Oh Thursday morning I met one of the neighbors.  She is an old lady named Skip and her husband is Gill.  She is so sweet.  She told us about her grandsons Chip and Joey.  Chip is diabetic and Joey is, well, he wasn’t formed completely when he was born.  Chip wrote a paper about his brother for school.  Skip showed it to us and Jeni and I read it together.  I have so much to be thankful for and yet I still sometimes complain.  It really hurts me knowing that I do that.

A little later Jeni and I went for a walk to her church.  It’s a Presbyterian Church.  It looks very modern.  I met her youth pastor, Craig.  He’s really cool and you can see Jesus in his face.  I can see now why Jeni always talks about him.  Tonight, Saturday, we are going to go visit them at their house.  We spent about two hours talking to Craig, he’s only 23 and yet it seems like he’s been everywhere.  He plays the guitar and writes songs.  He was in a band, but not anymore.

I met the pastor of her church as well.  I also met Jeni’s old dance teacher Candice.  She is really tiny and she has played about three different cats in the musical CATS over in Germany.  She was so wonderful and easy to get along with.  But she is not a Christian and it hurts Jeni very much because she can’t imagine heaven without her.  She was crying about it on our way home.  I held her hand.

Last night we rented Last of the Mohicans and Searching for Bobby Fisher.  They were both great!

Each night Jeni would come into my room (the guest room) and we would cuddle for a while.  Last night she was in here until about 3 or 4 in the morning.  She was in her pajamas and she was cold so I let her get under the covers and I stayed on top of the covers next to her.  We just held each other, kissed each other, and complemented each other.

Last night however I also met three of her guy friends: Joe, John, and Shawn.  We went out to downtown Cincinnati.

I have never been so amazed about anything in my life.  I have been so isolated.  This city is so huge.  There are so many people here.  There are around 100 high schools just in the Cincinnati area.  And there were only three in the county I grew up in.  They took me to rich parts of town and bad parts as well.  I saw homeless people and 4-year-olds walking around by themselves.  I thought I had seen so much in life.  But last night as we were on top of a lookout, I could see so far.  I saw city lights go forever and it seemed as though I was looking down upon the stars.  The moon was full and the color of blood.  As I stood there next to Jeni, it all hit me:

Throughout my life I will go many new places and different people and different things will take me there.

Jeni is one of those persons.  As we held each other last night for so long, a few words poured helplessly out of my mouth, “I’m falling in love with you Jeni.”

And she simply said, “Thank you.”

October 19, 1994 – Wednesday – 11:55 p.m.

At this very moment I am in Cincinnati, Ohio.  I have been here for a little while.  We watched Edward Scissorhands tonight with Jeni’s sister and her boyfriend.

This city is so beautiful.  I’ve never been in a city this big before.  It is so wild seeing the place where Jeni has lived for the past 18 years.  I’m so excited to be here.  I will be here for four more days.  I’m not sure what we are going to do, but I now I’ll have a great time as long as Jeni is with me.

She showed me her school and her church and other little things that are so important to her.  One year ago, I could never have imagined this would happen.  We are sharing our past and sharing our dreams.

Something is happening inside of me.

I would do anything for her.