June 30, 1995 – Friday – 10:15 p.m.

Another month is over.

I’m another month closer to August 14th.

Forty-four more days.

Kevin and I saw Apollo 13 tonight.  It was great.  A touching story.

Jonathan is really annoying me these days.  Every little thing he does gets on my nerves.  Please give me patience with him Lord.

I saw Grant at the movie theater tonight.  He is holding up.  I thank God for Chatham Central.  I hope my days at Lees-McRae go by slowly.

These days go by slowly.  My summer of ’95.  I’ve had some good days and some bad.  One day I’m up, the next day I’m down.

I wait for my friend.

I wait for heaven.

I wait to be free.

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June 29, 1995 – Thursday – 9:25 p.m.

I worked over 10 hours today.

I came home and laid in my bed and did nothing.  I finally got up and fixed myself something to eat.  I got on the phone and dialed Michelle’s number.

She wasn’t there.

I talked to her brother.

It was very strange.  My voice was in her house.  I found in joy in that.

Stranger Unaware is a play on the words of Hebrews 13:2.  I am writing this screenplay, because I desperately want it to be a reality.  I need a special friend.

June 28, 1995 – Wednesday – 10:10 p.m.

I forgot to tell you that I talked to Syndi Monday night over the phone.  She is doing okay and she can’t decide whether or not she is going to stay at home or return to Lees-McRae.  I have a hunch though that she will come back to school.  I need her there.  May 7, 1995 was simply too wonderful of a night to never see her again.

I also talked to James over the phone and I called Crystal, Clifton, and Leslie.  I miss them all.  James was as funny as ever.

Forty-seven more days.

I sat next to Tenielle at church tonight.  She is the greatest!  She smiles at me all the time.

I pray we never say goodbye.

If I could keep her by my side at all times, I would.

Goodnight Tenielle.

. . .

I came up with an idea for a screenplay today.  I will try to begin working on it.

I believe it would be titled Stranger Unaware.

I’ll keep you posted.

June 27, 1995 – Tuesday – 6:30 p.m.

November 12, 1993, 11:22 p.m.! Please read it!

Two birds.

Rebecca.

Janice.

Rebecca is in Sweden.

Janice quit McDonald’s and I never saw her again until tonight.  Jonathan and I sent into Subway in Siler City.  I noticed a face, it was hers.  Another worked asked her a question and her name was spoken.  “Janice,” they said.

Even after more than a year and a half, I remembered.  I looked at her closely and was sure it was hers.  Now she was gorgeous, her big beautiful eyes were so amazing.  I watched her walk and I said, “Did you ever work at McDonald’s?”

“Yes…and you were the Fry Guy,” she said.

“They still call me that.” I said, and then we were on our way out.

That was all, nothing big.

Just a simple hello and goodbye.

But I was amazed, because I remembered.

June 26, 1995 – Monday – 8:30 p.m.

Work was fun today.

This evening I read a lot out of my screenwriting book.  It made me want to begin to write my own screenplay.  So, I got out all of my old Books of Days and began to look for simple ideas.  What I found were my days with the Emmanuel Players.  It is hard to believe that chapter of my life began to fade away over two years ago.  It was during my junior year at Chatham Central High School.  Remember when I said that if God would let me, I would relive my Junior year over and over and never move on?  I wonder if I still find that true?

I read about Ryan.  I read about Christi.  I even read about Lees-McRae in the Fall of ’93.  That is so hard to believe.  I also read about Veronica.  I remember how close we had gotten right before I left for college on August 27, 1994.  There is a chance I might see her next month.  Tim says they are coming to visit.  Veronica is the same age as Tenielle.  Those days still affect me.

Jason, the director of Emmanuel Players, still inspires me.  I try to believe that it isn’t over, but it is.  I showed Jonathan the picture of all of us taken on taken back in 1992.  Over half of that group I hardly see anymore.

“Isn’t that sad…” I said.

His reply was, “No Jacob, poetically put, that is life.”

And it was then that I realized I would go through the pains of goodbye throughout my whole life.

June 24, 1995 – Saturday – 9:50 p.m.

A lot of little things happened yesterday, both at work and at home.  I finally got a letter from Syndi.  She wants advice.  She doesn’t know whether she should come back to school or not.

As for work, I ran the drive-thru.  A beautiful young girl named Toni backed me up.  She is a swing manager, about 21-years-old, and a couple of weeks ago, a woman who came through the drive-thru saw her and asked her if she ever considered modeling.  Long story short, that woman was a modeling agent and Toni is now modeling.  She is still getting her portfolio together.  She was talking to me yesterday about getting a tattoo.  She was going to go to the same place Jonathan got his nose pierced.  We talked about the place on Yadkin Ave. in Fayetteville and then she asked me if I would like to go with her on Monday.  I told her that I had to work though.  It was good to know she thought of me.

So, time passed and we continued to talk.  And I was shocked to find out she is married and she is a mother.  Her husband is a truck driver and is never home.  He has been sleeping around on her, so she tells me that sex is no longer fun with him after three years of marriage.

This beautiful woman is telling me all of this as I hand out bags of food to every human soul that drives by my window.  I felt sorry for her.  She seems happy, but she deserves better.

Then during lunch time, I ran fries.  While dropping them into the vat, I looked up and saw a familiar face come in the door, but this face did not exist in this world.  Not this world, but from the world I will return to on August 14th.  He was a fellow student on my hall, his name is Eric, and he walked into my McDonald’s on his way to Raleigh.  I went out into the lobby and shook his hand.  We said a few words and he was equally surprised to see me.  He’s actually going to be right next to me.  I’ll be in room 206 and he’ll be in room 208.

After work yesterday, Kevin and I went over to Danny and Peter’s to watch Scent of a Woman.  It was great; very interesting.

Then Friday ended with Kevin and I having a long talk.  He is my great brother.  He has a good spirit.  He wants to do right.  And  I love him.

I worked for eight hours today and then Jonathan and Kevin and I went to the Asheboro Zoo.  Jonathan met a girl at the mall last weekend.  Her name is Misty and she works at the zoo.  She gave us all free passes.  We stayed a few hours and then Kevin and I went shopping, got a bite to eat, and then saw Pocahontas.  I liked it.  It was beautiful and Pocahontas herself was beautiful.

In all the recent Disney films, except The Lion King, two people from different worlds fall in love.  Perhaps the same is happening with Emily and I.

I don’t know what Jonathan is doing.  Mandy still sees him as her boyfriend, yet he says he is seeing both Mandy and Misty.

He is with Misty right now and was with her last night.  Last night he didn’t get home until seven in the morning.

Please protect him Lord.

In six days July will be here.

In six months it’s Christmas

In six years…

June 21, 1995 – Wednesday – 10:35 p.m.

I was about an hour late to work today, but it turned out okay.

I have mapped out the rest of my summer.  I’ll write it in here.  Let’s see if it goes as planned:

I will work the next couple of weeks every day except for Tuesdays and Sundays.  Then on July 12th, I’ll leave for Fishnet ’95.  I will return on the 16th, leaving for Deep Creek on the 17th.  We will come back on the 22nd, a Saturday, in time for church on the following day.  From the 24th of July until the 3rd of August, I’ll work every day except for Sunday.  And on the weekend of August 4th, I plan to visit Emily in Florida.  I’m not sure when I’ll return, but I spend the remainder of that time getting ready for my sophomore year at Lees-McRae College.

Fifty-four days remain until I return to my world.  I pray that this is the last summer I spend here.  The Lord is preparing my heart to return to Banner Elk.  I learned so much at church tonight.

Philippians 3:13 says, “…forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before.”

The past needs to be forgotten.

Only now and the future exist.

I went for a walk on the railroad tracks after church tonight.  There was lightening in the air, lightning bugs all around, and light in my heart.

You are changing me Lord!

June 20, 1995 – Tuesday – 10:02 p.m.

Today was my day off.

Jonathan was going to New Bern today to visit his grandmother, so I went with him.  It was three hours away towards the coast.  We had a wonderful time.

Jonathan was born there and grew up there until the 6th grade.  He then moved to Greensboro to stay with his father.  Their house burned down and they moved to Bonlee.  He went to the seventh grade there.  We met and now both of our lives are better.

We did some crazy things.  I bought some shorts, and then we found these “Home Boy 25 cents Bumpin’ Snack Sticks” that we just had to buy.  Who calls beef jerky a “Home Boy 25 cents Bumpin’ Snack Stick?”  I guess it worked though.  The name was so crazy we had to buy it.

I saw the place where Jonathan grew up.  We took some pictures.

And it was a peaceful, simple day.

I had never been to New Bern before.  But, as I looked into the lives of some of the people there, I realized that it was just as great as any other place in the world.

I met new people today.  Relatives of Jonathan who said that he talked about me every time he came home.

He is a faithful friend.

For the past month and a half our family has given him a place he can call home.

This wandering soul with a pierced nose and dyed hair is my best friend.  That is something that takes time.  Something one can’t find just around the corner.

We’ve cried.  We’ve laughed.  We’ve shared.  He brings out parts of me that no one else can.

If I had to…I’d give up my life for that boy.

June 19, 1995 – Monday – 4:55 p.m.

It has been exactly two years since the night Emily and I first met.  On that night I had no idea that all of the tiny little things that have happened between us would have happened.

Fishnet is in 3 1/2 weeks.

Our Deep Creek plans are changing so Marcus is able to come.

As of right now, I do not know how I am getting to Florida.  Money is tight.  I just pray something will happen and the Lord provides a way.  Thank you for that Lord.

It has been almost three months since the night I first called Emily back on March 26th.  That seems so long ago.

In about 55 days I will return to my world at Lees-McRae.  My Freshman year took me so many places.  Last year I was just a student.  This year, I am a student, a Resident Assistant, the Performing Arts Videographer, the FCA vice-president, the student postman, and the Artistic Director of Drama at Heaton Christian Church.

New people will cross my path.  I am sure I will visit other places far away.  Last year took me from Cincinnati, Ohio to Albany, Georgia.

What will this next year bring me?

Where will it take me?

Who will be added to my collection?

June 18, 1995 – Sunday – 10:59 p.m.

Sam (Ryan and Amy’s brother) and Anne (Cheryl sister and Jason’s ex-girlfriend, Jason is also Christi’s brother and Christi and Ryan use to be best friends) bot married on the 17th of June.

Ryan and Amy were there.  Ryan was beautiful.  That evening we saw Batman Forever.  It was cool visually, but that was all.  They made that movie knowing it would make money, but it is no where as good as the first two.

In church this morning I sat between Jenna and Tenielle.  We are all great.  All three of us are here.  This afternoon I watched a movie called The Inn of the Sixth Happiness on video.  Pretty amazing.

And then tonight, Jonathan and I went to High Falls.  The youth group was fun.  Kenny was there and he brought me home so Jonathan could see Mandy.  We talked for an hour.  He is different.

Then, I went for a walk on the railroad tracks.  As before, the threes were all lit up with fireflies.  This is what I realized…

Ryan, Amy, Jonathan, Scott, Tenielle, Cheryl, Christi, Marcus, Kevin, Jenna…

They are all still here.  And they are just one step away.  Ryan and Amy and I got along so easily today.  If I needed them to be, they would be there for me in a heartbeat.  And they know that if they needed me, I would be there for them.

Everything has changed, but absolutely nothing has.

The reason they aren’t closer now, is because I don’t want them to be.  I don’t want it bad enough.  I still love them and care about them, but they aren’t on my mind as much as some other names…

Emily, Michelle, Charlie, James, Caroline, Molly, Crystal, Clifton, Sharon, Laura, Dan, Lisa, and many others.

My heart is with them.  That is where my life should be.

While at High Falls tonight, I realized that my old church was still continuing.  And then I realized that Banner Elk is still continuing.  The whole world turns and it is not noticing me.  But everyday I look up and know that the One who matters most is always watching.