April 28, 1997 – Monday – 8:20 p.m.

Derek, Jessica, and myself went to Wal-Mart today to buy basketballs for Crossnore School.  It was our community service project.  We also went hiking in the old mines near Cranberry and stopped to see a beaver dam.  We had a great time.  I always have fun when I’m with Jessica.  We are complete opposites in every way, and maybe that’s why we get alone so easily.  We’ve been talking about going camping together on Thursday night.

I only have one more exam and it’s tomorrow at 1:30 p.m.

It’s 8:30 p.m. and the sky is not completely dark yet.  Summer is approaching.

I saw Marjorie at Wal-Mart today.  She looked really good.  We gave each other big hugs.

Thanks God!

April 27, 1997 – Sunday – 3:45 p.m.

A lovely day.

Last night, Jessica came over and we watched three different movies.  Josh joined in on the fun as well.

Church was great this morning.  Jessica has been coming with us all to Heaton.  She looked so amazing this morning.

In one week I’ll be preparing to go to Siler City.  In two weeks I’ll be in Ft. Walton, Florida, hopefully near Emily.  I tried to call her house today.  To my surprise I reached her sister. Her sister and her husband moved into that house, and Emily and her mom moved out to the lake house; that same lake house that I walked through with Emily back when it was a skeleton.  It’s finally finished now, and got the number to it and tried to call, but no one was home.

Here am I, nearly four years into the future from that night in 1993 when a beautiful Florida girl taught me how to play rummy, and I’m still in awe of her.  My life is still influenced and affected by her.  I thought she was 18-years-old back then, but she was 14.  She is 18 now, and I might actually get to see her again.

April 26, 1997 – Saturday – 10:30 a.m.

Classes are over.  One exam today.  One on Tuesday.  One more media production script to turn in.  I’ll move my stuff over to Tennessee dorm, I’ll go to Crossnore School for my community service project for Residence Life, I’ll go see Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat, I’ll go see Stomp, spend the night at Abigail’s house, check students out of the dorm, and say goodbye to this room.

For three years I’ve lived on the second floor of McAlister, but that is coming to an end.  Another year is ending.

Change is coming.

Oh boy.

April 24, 1997 – Thursday – 10:50 a.m.

The Performing Arts banquet was last night.  To my surprise, I received the Acting Award for the year.  They complimented me on Children of a Lesser God, for learning a new language as well as memorizing the entire script, and they complimented me on my role of Polonius in Rosencrantz and Guildenstern.  I couldn’t believe it.  Within two days, I received awards for both my performance in life as well as my performances on the stage.

Tomorrow is the last day of classes, but I’ve already begun work for my Summer Theater Resident Director job.

I’ve come a long way and my dreams have all come true.

April 22, 1997 – Tuesday – 10:15 p.m.

Plans have changed.  I may not go to Jenna’s wedding.  Instead, I may go to Flordia with Curtis and Ryan and spend time in the same county Emily lives in.

The Assassination Game has finally ended.  A girl named Ashley got 12 assassinations, but Daniel was the ultimate winner.  The game lasted a week and was really fun.

At the Honors and Awards service tonight I received the Algernon Sydney Sullivan award.  I had no idea about this.  Everyone said it was a really big deal.  They normally go to seniors and I’m only a junior.  It stated in the program:

These awards are presented to individuals who, by their general conduct and relations with others, indicate that they possess to a marked degree a spirit of helpfulness and an awareness of the beauty and value of the intangible elements of life.

I received a huge framed certificate as well as a medallion and trophy with my name engraved on it.  Pretty amazing.

The world has awarded me for doing that which God created me to do.

April 21, 1997 – Monday – 11:50 a.m.

Bowling was fun yesterday.  I drove with Dan and Allen.  We met our Sunday School class there.  Vince and Laura were there as well.

On the way there we heard the end of a song that I heard a couple of times when I was working on my stage design model last month.  All I knew was that it was from a group called Hanson.  It’s so fun.  I went to the mall and immediately bought the single.  The song’s called MMMBop.  It’s so much fun.  Allen and Dan and I had the best time dancing to it in the car.

Last night was college night at church.  I gave the message and spoke on how God is calling us to be perfect.  Charlie said he was moved and others asked me if I was going to be a pastor when I grew up.  I simply said no, that I wanted to work in theater and film.  After the service we all came back to school and played ping pong for hours.

Life is wonderful.  Life is short.  College is about learning.  I’m learning how to be perfect, how to live, how to dance, and how to say….

Mmmbop, ba duba dop
Ba du bop, ba duba dop
Ba du bop, ba duba dop
Ba du, yeah

April 20, 1997 – Sunday – 1:00 p.m.

Two days ago it was snowing.  Now it is the warmest and prettiest day of the year so far.  Josh is in here right now.  He’s messing with my teddy bear and showing me his musical talent.  That’s pretty much all he ever does when he comes to visit.

Last night I went over to Jessica’s room.  We talked, read our Bible’s, and just spent a couple of hours together.  She’s so cool.

We are going bowling today.  I’m speaking at church tonight.

Josh won’t leave me alone, so I’ll finish this later.

April 18, 1997 – Friday – 10:43 a.m.

It is snowing!!!

It started last night.  The ground is covered.  Everything is pure.  My room is clean.  I am clean.  As clean as the purity outside thanks to Jesus.  He humbles me.  He shines down me.  On my dying flower.  Take me God.  I give myself to you.  Heal me and mold me and make me new.

You save me again and again.

You purify me again and again.

April 16, 1997 – Wednesday – 2:00 p.m.

I’m in my Shakespeare’s Tragedies class.  The professor does nothing but read to us, so I thought I’d bring in my journal and write.

I did get the Assistant Resident Director position for next year.  I will have an apartment as well as my own bathroom on the first floor of McAlister.  I also got the Resident Director and Box Office Manager jobs for Summer Theater as well.

I’ve been thinking about the next year.  I’m looking forward to the change that will occur in my life nearly a year from now.  I’ll be here for 2 1/2 weeks.  I will close down this semester and go home on the 5th of May.  I plan to go home and attend Jenna’s wedding on the 10th.  I want to visit my friends and go for long walks on the railroad tracks.  Then I’ll return.  I have one more summer and two more semesters.  May of 1998 is not far away.

But tomorrow is never guaranteed.

When the time comes, I know I will be ready to leave.  I have my God and He has me.  I have my work, and that I will do.  I have my friends, and I will laugh, smile and cry.  But I also have my heart, and I want to share it with someone.

I’m at a stand still.  The mountains of my dreams are getting harder and harder to climb. I feel like an outcast.  I’m accepted and appreciated, but there’s something deeper that still feels alone.

But one thing I know….I’m only beginning to bloom.

April 13, 1997 – Sunday – 1:45 p.m.

I ran sound for the Dance Concert Friday night and Saturday afternoon.  It was one of the best concerts I’ve seen here.  Saturday morning, I called my brother Kevin.  We talked for over an hour.  The Lord has blessed me with a wonderful brother.  I love him to death.

I also called Veronica.  She lives in Hot Springs, Arkansas.  She is 15-years-old and in the 10th grade.  She still plans to be a doctor.  She sounded wonderful.  She even talked about the Lord.  Her heart is in the right place.

I talked to little Jasmine and to Sherry and Shirley.  She invited me to come and stay sometime.  Perhaps I’ll fly out there for Fall Break.  She told me Veronica was so amazingly beautiful.

I miss the innocence of those days.  I want to be pure.  To be innocent.

Saturday night I thought about calling up Jessica and going for a walk.  But I thought I should be alone.  So I began to walk towards Hemlock Hill in my solitude when I heard a tiny and beautiful “hello.”

It was Jessica.  We walked together as the sun set down behind the mountains.  I spent sometime in her room after the walk.  We ate popcorn and talked.  Abigail came in with her mom.  When she saw me she said, “It’s Jacob!” like she used to before I scared her away.  It was great to hear my name in her voice again.  We will be fine.

Everyone’s parents were here for the weekend to see the concert.  They were staying in the Pinnacle Inn.  I visited with them.  Ann-Marie’s, Abigail’s, and Tracey’s parents were all there.

The Water Gun Assassination Game is set up and all the sealed envelopes with everyone’s first assignment are under everyone’s door.  The game will start tomorrow.  I’m excited to see how it starts out.

I love you Lord.