December 1, 1997 – Monday – 8:20 p.m.

I have been a Christian for a total of 12 years now.  Today is my spiritual birthday.

It’s hard to know what I’m feeling right now.  Let me just try to catch up.

Sunday after church, Josh and I went shopping in Johnson City, TN then we picked Vince up from the airport.  We went to church that night and saw a presentation of the musical Star Queen.  It was so wonderful.

Sarah called me that night and then came over to see my Christmas tree.  We held hands and talked for nearly two hours.  She told me so many neat stories.  She has such an amazing heart and the world is so beautiful through her eyes.

She has gone to see a show two hours away tonight.  I am on duty and miss her greatly.

After she left at 11:00 p.m., Vince took me out to Subway and then we came back here and ate to the light of my Christmas tree.

I got some Teen Mania information today in the mail.  I began to cry as I read over it.  The Lord moved upon me.  I am applying to go on a two month mission trip to either India or South Africa next summer.  I am insanely excited!

There are only two weeks left of classes.  I don’t have any exams during finals week.  In less that 18 days I take the GRE.

Christmas is so soon.  It hardly feels real.

And the wonderful burden of everything changing is resting upon the shoulders of my mind right now.  I haven’t talked to Emily since May.  Sarah and I are telling each other things we tell no one else.  Auditions for the spring show are in one week.  I direct a one-act next semester.  Once the new semester begins in January, there will only be four months left until it’s all over.

Sarah is a freshman.  I am a senior.  Why does the world work this way?

I had to look through some old boxes for a picture negative earlier this evening and I came across a lot of ancient stuff.  Memories flooded my heart and soul.  And I realized how much things really have changed since I first arrived on this campus.  And then I realized how much everything was getting to change even more.

Oh Jesus, you are my one constant companion.  You are by my side no matter what!

Humble me God.

You are all I have.

You are all I’ll ever have.

I need you now.

More than ever.

October 13, 1997 – Monday – 9:50 p.m.

Life is so wonderful that it bothers me.  Justin, Vince, Curtis, Ellen, Ann-Marie and myself  went to see Seven Years in Tibet last night.  Brad Pitt acted beautifully.

All of the guys went to the bathroom afterwards, then we ran out because some guy in the stall let out the loudest exploding fart.  We felt to bad for laughing at a stranger.  We talked and laughed about it the whole way home.

We started our rehearsals for Masks today.  It went really well and everyone seems excited.  I can’t wait!

Horsemanship class was awesome today.  It was our last class and I’m going to miss Bay Lady.  Brooke invited me over to her apartment anytime.  She was the one who drove me to class every day.  Perhaps I’ll go.

The Misanthrope rehearsals began tonight.  Alceste is a neat character.  After rehearsal, I took Mason and Emily out for dessert at The Corner Palate.  I have had the best time working with them.  Our scene goes up on Wednesday.

Also on Wednesday we leave for Hilton Head, SC.  It’s the whole Bible Study group!  All the guys, all the girls, it should be fun.

I think I’m going to spend Thanksgiving here so I can spend some time with Sharon and also Marisa; her family is coming up here for Thanksgiving.

Josh had to go to the hospital this morning for some odd reason.  I went to see him and held his hand while he got a shot in the butt.  Poor guy.  I love that little dude.

August 24, 1997 – Sunday – 7:30 p.m.

I haven’t bought my new Book of Days yet.  I’ll copy whatever I write here into it later on.  It’s Sunday, August 24th and the new students have arrived.  Sherlive is here, but I often forget that she is.  Amber and Monica are here, even Abigail.  RA training is over.

Last night, Sherlive and I went to Paul and Sharon’s.  They hosted a college cookout for both LMC and ASU students.  Josh is back and he was there, as well as Mason, Timothy, Allen, Kate, etc.  I had fun.  Josh has gained weight from his surgery and he is always tired.  He takes naps twice a day.  It’s like he’s going through puberty for the first time.

A lot has been on my mind.  I’ll try to explain and write it down in great detail after I buy the actual notebook.  I went to Linville Caverns today with some new freshmen.  It was really fun, but I feel kind of beyond them now.  Weird huh?

So another year.  New girls, but I don’t really care.  I live for Jesus and I will do my best to show him to everyone I come across.  Marisa and I write a lot through both email and snail mail.  She gives me so much encouragement.  She calls me her future husband.  I pray she keeps it up.  Perhaps she’ll speak it into existence someday.

May 25, 1997 – Sunday – 3:40 p.m.

We discovered on Thursday night that there were preview screenings of The Lost World at 10:00 p.m., so Marcus, Mike, and I went.  It was a pretty intense movie, but the projection was slightly out of focus, which annoyed me greatly.

I’m now in my apartment in Tennessee Dorm at Lees-McRae.  This place is so nice.  I have three full size rooms to myself, plus my own bathroom.  Quite a step up from by single room and community shower from my last three years.  And outside these beautiful rooms is an amazing summer mountain landscape.

Mom and I went to a Black church service on Friday night.  We left on Saturday morning.  Allen and I went out with his mom and grandmother last night.  His grandmother is 100% Italian, partially deaf, but totally sweet and hilarious.

Church was so nice this morning.  I’m surrounded by wonderful people.  And we went to Stan and Marty’s house for lunch.  So yummy.

I heard that Josh recovered from his surgery.  I miss him.  Vince is in Wilson at his sister’s graduation.  I miss him too.

I have found the most beautiful, peaceful, friendly, and relaxing place on earth.  It is a step below heaven.  And I’m going to leave it in a year.  I must be crazy!

 

May 20, 1997 – Tuesday – 3:00 p.m.

Please, take a moment and close this book.  Walk outside and breathe in the air of your own lifetime.  Take a minute just to say thanks to God.

Why have you taken the time to read about my life?  Thanks for reading, but please do yourself a favor and write about your own.  I often thought I was writing to some future strangers or to my future self, but no, this is all for me; for me right now.  These notebooks simply help me see the magic, pain, and beauty all around me.

Tenielle came to church on Sunday night.  It was nice to see her, but she is different.  She pierced her bellybutton; doesn’t surprise me.  Marcus was there as well as Megan.  Megan is engaged to Brad, a guy I graduated with.  I told Megan and Marcus how good it was to see someone here from the original group.  They both agreed.

We had a little fellowship for a newly wed couple named Dorothy and Vernon.  I sat next to little Anita, an 11-year-old girl I’ve seen grow up from the age of 3.  Marcus and I drove home together.

I got my wisdom teeth pulled out on Monday.  I slept all afternoon, so I was unable to sleep last night.  I listened to the radio all night.  The female DJ invited anyone who wanted to call at 4:00 a.m. to feel free.  I did, simply to let her know that I was wide awake and had been listening to her all night long.  So, I was on the radio earlier this morning; cool, I guess.

I’m writing some Vacation Bible School skits for Heaton Christian Church this morning.  I called the church to get some information.  Jaime told me that the doctors found a tumor in Josh’s skull near a gland.  They believe this is what has stunted his growth all these years.  He had surgery yesterday to get it removed.  The surgery took 7-8 hours.  They said he was okay and Charlie went down to be with him.  I wonder if this means he’ll finally go through puberty.

Oh man, puberty around college girls?  That’s a recipe for disaster.

April 20, 1997 – Sunday – 1:00 p.m.

Two days ago it was snowing.  Now it is the warmest and prettiest day of the year so far.  Josh is in here right now.  He’s messing with my teddy bear and showing me his musical talent.  That’s pretty much all he ever does when he comes to visit.

Last night I went over to Jessica’s room.  We talked, read our Bible’s, and just spent a couple of hours together.  She’s so cool.

We are going bowling today.  I’m speaking at church tonight.

Josh won’t leave me alone, so I’ll finish this later.

April 11, 1997 – Thursday – 1:30 p.m.

Yesterday, Abigail and I made small conversation at lunch.  We laughed and smiled, even cracked a few jokes on each other.   Nearly three weeks until she is gone.

Vince and I went to Boone after lunch and I bought some T-shirts and a CD.  We had a lot of fun.  The dance concert was last night and we went to Bible Study after that.

Dan, Allen, and I played F-Zero until 12:30 in the morning.  We do that a lot and laugh the whole time.  Vince now buys his clothes according to Laura’s favorite color.  Curtis has never been more likable and lovable.  He has grown and changed.  He has found himself and he’s moving on to share that understanding with others.

Jeni still cries over David.  Tracey and I will work together over the summer; Timothy and Ann-Marie will be here too.  Jessica is my favorite girl here.  We have so much fun together.  She is going to Colorado for the summer.

I think that Josh is the one that keeps us all alive however.  He’s so small in frame, yet so much in laughs.

I interviewed for the Assistant Resident Director position for next year, and I’m currently planning a water gun assassination game.  It starts Monday.

 

March 1, 1997 – Saturday – 1:35 a.m.

Earlier tonight, on the last day of February, Josh and Timothy went to the Pantry to get themselves some hot dogs while all of us watched a movie together in my room.  When they returned with the Pantry dogs, Josh picks up the phone and dials a number, then I hear him say:

“Hey Jeni, I just want you to know that we went to and guess who we saw, yep, David.  And he was hugging and flirting with this other girl.”

I was convinced that Josh wasn’t really talking to Jeni and that he was just playing a joke on me, but then Timothy grabbed the phone and said, “Jeni, don’t listen to him, it was just the youth pastor at church.”

I grabbed the phone and said, “Jeni, I can’t believe Josh just did that.  I am personally kicking his butt right now.”  And I could hear her crying on the other end.

What a cruel joke.  I asked everyone to leave and I went to go see Jeni.  Everyone was over there:  Jeni, Tracey, Abigail, Ann-Marie, and Lindy.  I made sure Jeni was okay and then came back to the dorm since I was on duty.

Well, the girls then all came over and visited with me later.

First just Abigail and Jeni came.  It was weird; we just sort of held each other.  I began to run my fingers along Abigail’s face and through her hair.  Other people came in: Timothy, Tracey, Todd, Ann-Marie, Lindy, but I just kept touching Abigail’s face.  And she just laid there with her eyes closed.

I remember praying earlier in the evening.  I asked God why I was alone.  I told him how badly I needed to share my heart.  Then Abigail came over and for well over two hours I studied every micro inch of her beautiful soft face.  I ran my fingers along her forehead, eyebrows, cheeks, nose, lips, chin, and neck.

I’m falling.

This one is going to hurt.

It’s two o’clock in the morning on the 1st day of March in the year of our Lord 1997.

She enjoys my touch.

And I enjoying touching her.

Thank you God for letting me share my heart tonight.

February 24, 1997 – Monday – 11:10 a.m.

God is so good.

He has given me everything.  I love him with my life.  He knows me better than anyone else.  He knows my rights and my wrongs.  He knows my weaknesses, yet he still loves me.  He knows everything I am going through and he loves me nonetheless.

God, I know you will never let me go.

Thank you for Abigail God.

Thank you for Jeni, Tracey, Jessica, Ann-Marie, Vince, Dan, Allen, Curtis, Josh, and Timothy.

You are my life.  You are my light.  You are my love.

You are my everything.  I need nothing but you.

I am yours.

Yours forever.

February 3, 1997 – Monday – 1:30 p.m.

The weather is warm.  I went rock hoping this morning, but I fell in the creek thanks to some slippery rocks.  I bruised up my left arm, but I had an exciting time jumping from boulder to boulder.

Yesterday was warm as well.  After church Josh, Tracey, and I did our homework outside.  Most Banner Elk February days are bitterly cold.

I’m trying to make plans for Spring Break, which occurs in about a month.  Charlie and I are looking into a cruise, but we don’t know any details yet.

If I don’t get the Crosspoint job then I can either be a counselor at Holston Camp (where Vince and Ellen worked) or I can do Summer Theater again.  I’m just waiting on the Lord.

Children of a Lesser God is coming along nicely.  Rehearsal was really cool last night.  I’m getting excited.  I can’t wait for there to be an audience.

Oscar nominations come out pretty soon.

School work has become fairly easy, even though I thought it would be a tough semester.  I’m looking forward to my directing class in the fall.

Dan got two second place trophies in the ski race in Virginia this weekend.

It’s been three years, three months, and three weeks since I first set foot upon the campus of Lees-McRae College.

That was on October 11, 1993.

It is now February 7, 1997.

They say there are only four seasons in a year and then it starts over.  But that is not true.  No season is ever the same.  New and different people arrive.  Every season is different.  In fact, we are seasons in ourselves.  We grow in the springtime of our life, fall in love during the summer, we learn and produce fruit in the autumn, and fade away in the winter.

Oh God…how much longer?