February 16, 1999 – Tuesday – 11:34 p.m.

Let me continue…

During our dance I learned she was not a student at Regent.  She’s actually a teacher at Greenbrier Christian Academy, where she teaches Josh, Charlotte, and Lauren from our youth group.  We met later at the drink table and just talked and talked.  We slow danced twice together before the evening was over.  We discussed God, church, missions, ourselves, and Swaziland, for she used to live during a couple of years in the ’80s.

During our conversation and in the middle of our second dance, I felt God took the veil from my eyes and there She stood before me, she with a capital “S.”

I called her last night.  I asked her to meet me for some hot chocolate at Barnes and Noble.  She giggled when she said yes.

All old things have passed away.  God has thrown a tidal wave over the footprints of the past.  The old me is dead, only Jesus lives in this body.

 

February 10, 1999 – Wednesday – 11:34 p.m.

I went over to Kimberly’s house Tuesday afternoon.  We went bike riding and swung on swings at the park.  We played Tetris at her house and had dinner with her family.  What a nice time!

Tonight at Discipleship, I led the first ever Parkway Temple foot washing service.  It was just our group, but it was so freeing and redeeming for everyone.  The kids appeared very humbled.

Afterwards, Mary Jo asked me to go swing dancing.  I did and had a delightful time.  I danced with other girls as well.  There is another dance happening Friday.  I hope I can go after the youth service.

God is so good and perfect.  This whole day was a blessing.  I simply wake up and live each day one day at a time.  Thank you for the peace and freedom than can only be found in you Lord.

October 31, 1997 – Friday – 4:11 p.m.

October is ending.

And my life is beginning.

“Masks” is a beautiful piece.  So many tell me it is their favorite dance of the show.  They even like it better than what X-Factor, our professional dance company, does.  But I think it is only great because I covered it in prayer.

I hugged Abigail after the show last night.  She is so soft.  She held my hand and I held hers.  We both looked into each other’s eyes and said “thank you.”

We had Bible Study after the show, but due to Charlie’s shout out with Kate, and a lot of girls overheard it, he decided to let me lead.  He didn’t even show up.  We praised the Lord for so long last night and I gave a simple message about knowing truth.  Emily was there; that’s Emily from my scene with Mason, not “my” true Emily from Crestview.  She cried.  She will belong to the Lord very soon.  Jesus can change anyone and everyone.

Abigail gave a testimony about how she has finally come to peace with her life and she looked at me the whole time.  We shared so many smiles last night.

We have spent a small amount of time together each day and we seem to grow closer.  I undoubtedly go to sleep the happiest man in the world every night.  We sat next to each other during lunch.  Her uncovered knee touched mine and it took her a few seconds before she pulled away.

I believe her parents are coming tomorrow.  I wonder if they’ll see me any differently.  Perhaps she as shared with her mom the small things that have happened between us.  Perhaps not.  Perhaps it is all in my head; like last time.

Jeni called me last night.  She said she has been thinking about me a lot recently.  She seemed sad and even cried over the phone.  I told her about the 27 people at Bible Study and how everything has been forgiven and set free between everyone.

So now, it is only appropriate that I thank my Jesus.  He has given me this peace.  He has given me Abigail’s smile again, so if it that smile goes away, it won’t break my heart completely.  Through her smile, he has shown me a grace that is way more than I deserve.

I’ve never been so in love with Jesus.  He gives me my dance in the shower.  He gives me my minutes in each hour.  This peace is indescribable.  I wear no mask.  I’m surrounded by his love.

I want nothing but to worship you Lord.

Spring worship unto thee.

October 27, 1997 – Monday – 9:15 p.m.

It is now the 27th of October.

I’ve been kinda busy.  I’m running sound for the dance concert opening on Thursday.  I enjoy the dances so much.  I am surrounded by beautiful artists.

My tech rehearsal for Masks went so smoothly.  Everyone seemed really impressed with how prepared I was.  I don’t feel overly prepared, but I do pray a lot for anything I work on.  Abigail is the star of my piece, and I told her I felt so at home when directing.

I got a call from Heather, who lives next to Kate.  She called because she could hear a very serious fight going on between Charlie and Kate through her walls.  And I was called to rescue and console, which I tried my best to do, but those two are hurting so much.

I did not attend Heaton on Sunday.  Instead, I went with the Highlanders to video them in High Point.  I sang along with Abigail and Ann-Marie to The Little Mermaid soundtrack on the way home.

It is now the 27th of October.  And the first snow of my last Lees-McRae winter has just covered my most favorite corner of the world.

September 5, 1997 – 12:30 p.m.

One of the greatest gifts God has ever given his creation is words.

Words.

You are amazing God.

It is thirty minutes past high noon.  Another day has already passed its halfway mark.

I proposed to put the Emmanuel Players old Mask Skit in the Fall Dance Concert.  I had to type up a proposal and deliver a presentation to the Performing Arts Department.  They approved it and want me to do it.  So the Mask Skit will live again.  I will have a completely different cast, but the Emmanuel Players will never die.  The dance concert opens in October.

There are so many stories here.  The new freshmen have such lives, such eyes.  I am slowly being introduced to each one.  They don’t know how much I watch them, how I study their faces and reactions.  I examine each word and expression.  God, you created so many amazing people.

This weekend, or this evening rather, I’m leaving with Sherlive and another girl to go to Sherlive’s house.  Tonight we’ll go to a football game and on Saturday Dan will meet up with us and we’ll go hiking in the Eastern Tennessee wilderness.

Marisa and I still email and write.  She is coming up here in four weeks.  I can’t wait to see her.  Lindy was cast as my love interest in The Misanthrope.  That should be fun.  And Dawn made a proclamation of her faith in our Acting and Directing classes today.  She says she is finally making God her number one.

My horsemanship class is so amazing.  My horse is Bay Lady, she was Jeni’s horse when she took the class back in 1994.

Speaking of Jeni, girls just don’t make a very good god.  Our relationship seems so long ago and I easily made her my number one during that season.  Whatever is number one in your life is your god.

Nothing will ever replace you Father!

April 13, 1997 – Sunday – 1:45 p.m.

I ran sound for the Dance Concert Friday night and Saturday afternoon.  It was one of the best concerts I’ve seen here.  Saturday morning, I called my brother Kevin.  We talked for over an hour.  The Lord has blessed me with a wonderful brother.  I love him to death.

I also called Veronica.  She lives in Hot Springs, Arkansas.  She is 15-years-old and in the 10th grade.  She still plans to be a doctor.  She sounded wonderful.  She even talked about the Lord.  Her heart is in the right place.

I talked to little Jasmine and to Sherry and Shirley.  She invited me to come and stay sometime.  Perhaps I’ll fly out there for Fall Break.  She told me Veronica was so amazingly beautiful.

I miss the innocence of those days.  I want to be pure.  To be innocent.

Saturday night I thought about calling up Jessica and going for a walk.  But I thought I should be alone.  So I began to walk towards Hemlock Hill in my solitude when I heard a tiny and beautiful “hello.”

It was Jessica.  We walked together as the sun set down behind the mountains.  I spent sometime in her room after the walk.  We ate popcorn and talked.  Abigail came in with her mom.  When she saw me she said, “It’s Jacob!” like she used to before I scared her away.  It was great to hear my name in her voice again.  We will be fine.

Everyone’s parents were here for the weekend to see the concert.  They were staying in the Pinnacle Inn.  I visited with them.  Ann-Marie’s, Abigail’s, and Tracey’s parents were all there.

The Water Gun Assassination Game is set up and all the sealed envelopes with everyone’s first assignment are under everyone’s door.  The game will start tomorrow.  I’m excited to see how it starts out.

I love you Lord.

January 16, 1997 – Thursday – 7:00 p.m.

I have had rehearsal for the past two nights.  It’s been fun.  This show is going to be amazing!

Tracey and Abigail went to Heaton Christian Church last night.  Abigail enjoyed it greatly.  She needs guidance and prayer.  I think she became dependent on K.C.  These are hard days for her right now.

Tracey and Derek aren’t together.  Tracey says its hard to be alone.

Jeni is not alone, but we’ve never been closer.

I have to learn to foxtrot for the show.  So, I went to a class and learned.  Mark, my director, was pretty impressed that I did that on my own.  Mark and Don, my set design professor, have been talking about me and some homework that I turned in recently.  Don even shared with Mark things I did last semester.  They like me.  I’ve made an impression.

It’s funny how things have changed.  1997 sounds funny.  Being the leading man in a huge production sounds funny.

My relationship with God has been so awesome these past 15 days; even to the point where other Christians are saying they feel intimidated by me.  I think it’s hard for Abigail and Ann-Marie to really talk to me and get to know me.  I think I scare them.

Ann-Marie was my foxtrot partner today.  It felt so awesome to dance with a girl.

Everything is ice outside now.  It is the dead of winter.  It feels like last winter.  It’s hard to believe a whole spring, summer, and fall have existed between them.

I too am alone.  I don’t think I’ll meet my girl here at Lees-McRae.  I even think that one day this place will fade away from my heart and into my memory.

Less than 16 months until the other storm will blow me away.  I can see it coming.  And I will be able to handle it.  For I know that never will any tempest tear me away from my Lord and Savior.

Love has saved me.

October 9, 1995 – Monday – 12:02 p.m.

Things are great.  I had a lot of fun this weekend.  Dan, Jeff, Allen, and Vince and I have some of the coolest times together.  Wonderful memories are being made.  I see them changing; changing for the better.  They are becoming better people.

For Fall Break, I believe I’m going to stay up here and stay at Crystal and Clifton’s house.  That is probably the easiest and best thing for me to do.

I do have a home here.  It is not in room McAlister Hall, but it is in my heart.  My heart is filled with with love and with Jesus.  Jesus and love are all around me here.  My heart is here.  My home is here.

Molly was asking me at church the other day who my woman was.  I told her I didn’t have one.  So, she said that Crystal was perfect for me.  I didn’t say anything.

Sometimes I feel lonely because Charlie and Kate are always together and happy.

I talked to Marcus on Sunday.

He is okay.

Life is continuing.

And that is good.

April 22, 1995 – Saturday – 6:30 p.m.

I am so freaking stupid!

During the matinee performance of the Dance Concert, Michelle came up to the sound booth and asked me what I was doing tonight?

“I have to strike the set and then I am going out with James and some of his friends.”

“Oh, okay.  Never mind.”

“Why?”

“Well,” she said, “I was going to see if you wanted to go to the Spring Formal with me and some other friends.”

And for some dumb reason, the next words that poured out of my mouth were, “Well, I hadn’t planned on going.  Do you want me to go?”

She said, “Well, you have plans, so it’s okay.”

I said, “Alright.”  And she walked down the aisle to her seat.

And I just sat there, not quite sure of what had just happened.  Then I immediately realized what had happened.  And then I realized I said no.

I said no to Michelle!

Why?!

I don’t know.  I like her a lot, but I don’t like to go to Formal/Prom things.  So that’s what was so weird about the request.  But hopefully I will have another chance where we can do something else together as friends.

April 21, 1995 – Friday – 11:15 p.m.

It has been one heck of a day.

Everything was okay until the afternoon.  Derek treated and still treats me like crap.  I asked him if he hates me and he said no, but he treats me differently than he used to.

To top everything off, Jeni’s parents came to visit and see the Dance Concert.  Missy was with them.  I said hi to all of them and made some small talk.  I don’t know how they see me now.  Before the concert began Jeni actually said something to me.  She told me to make sure Gary sits next to her family.  She asked me; not the house manager or the usher, but me, the sound guy.  It’s not my job to seat people, I thought it was pretty low.

I did what she asked.  I believe the reason I feel bad is because I feel like I have hurt that family.  But at the same time, they seem to be fine.

From the sound booth I could see Gary talking to Jeni’s mom.  That used to be my place, but I threw it away.

Oh well, all is fair in love and war.  I did what I had to do.  That relationship made my mind go places I wasn’t comfortable with; it caused me to sin.  So, I cut it off.  I would rather not have a friend than have a girlfriend and a heart full of sin.

Forgive me Lord!

Charlie and I went out to eat tonight.  We went to Boone and had a fun time.  We laughed our heads off.  He is so funny!

I thank God for him.

I can’t imagine this place without him.