July 31, 1994 – Sunday – 11:51 p.m.

This is amazing!  I didn’t wait until August 10th.  I did it tonight!

After church we went to McDonald’s so Kevin could see Sonya.  And I told Marcus that I couldn’t take it any longer.  I had to see her now.

Christi was home.

She answered the door and at first I thought, “Oh Lord, she’s going to roll her eyes.”

Marcus went in and she gave him a hug.  She saw me and said, “Hey Jacob” and gave me a hug too.  Her hair was in braids and she has braces now.  I told her to smile for me and she did.  

Man, what is it about braces that makes a girl so pretty?

Well, we went on in.  I talked to Hank about stuff while Marcus talked to Christi.  Then I stood up and listened in on their conversation.  Christi asked me how my summer was going.  We began talking and Marcus left to go talk to Hank.  I asked her if we could go into her room, and we did.

And I told her everything.  I told her about May 10th and what Cheryl and Amy and Ryan have told me.  I mean everything.

But to sum it all up, she said that she was feeling that way because she thought I was changing, but by coming to her and saying what I did and apologizing, it showed her that I hadn’t changed at all and that actually maybe she had.  She told me she was sorry.  I have her a hug and told her how happy I was.

She said she was happy too and hopes that she never loses a friend that is as wonderful as me.

Then Brooke came over.  That is the girl that works at Wal-Mart, whom I talked to yesterday.  Then more people came over and we all talked for a while.

Marcus and I had to go get Kevin.  Christi said she didn’t want us to go.  And they invited us over for Wednesday.

Everything has turned around.

Christi.

Perhaps you will be with me for a while.

July 31, 1994 – Sunday – 5:30 p.m.

Something has been on my mind.

Well, someone actually.

It’s Christi and she is really the only story that needs to be finished before I can leave.

The last time I talked to her was on May 10, 1994.  That was when I took the roller blades back and woke her up and then watched TV with Hank.  All she did was roll her eyes because I woke her up.  Since then, I’ve heard through other people that she thinks I’ve changed and that I act big and bad.

The people who told me this disagree.  I knew that I annoyed her, so I simply thought, “Well forget her then,” and I stayed away.

It’s been about three months and I’ve done just that.  But I can’t leave without settling this.

And August 10th looked like a good day to do just that.  I wonder if I will.

July 30, 1994 – Saturday – 10:42 p.m.

Oh boy!

Listen, first off, I saw It Could Happen To You today with Marcus.  I almost cried.  It was absolutely wonderful.

Tonight at youth group Jenna gave me a letter to give to Jonathan and she asked for a hug.  I gave her one.  Tenielle did to, so I gave her one as well and they went home.

Tonight Marcus called them to talk to Jenna, and I ended up talking to both of them.  I made Tenielle cry.  You see, she cares about me and I have the attitude that on one does.  I don’t blame her; I would be upset too.  But I think we talked thing out.

I just really desire for people to show me and tell me that they appreciate what I’ve done here.  Only Jonathan and Tenielle have.  But now I realize that I need to let people know that I appreciate them and what they’ve done for me, instead of just waiting for them to express their thoughts to me.

I told Marcus tonight and I will tell others.  Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.  It doesn’t matter how I think of people after I leave.  What matters is how I show them how important they are to me while I’m here.

Also today I was able to talk to Kristen.  She’s doing great!

I talked to a friend of Christi’s at Wal-Mart.  She said Christi has been in New York for two weeks.  And then she just left for a gymnastics tournament.  I asked her to tell Christi that I asked about her. She said she would.

Yesterday I visited Shirley, you know Veronica’s mom, and her new born baby.  They named her Jasmine, you know from Aladdin.  She’s four weeks old and so small.  Veronica was on vacation in the mountains with a friend.  And, well, things seem to be good with them.

My parents have been away in Virginia.  They will be back tomorrow.

Tomorrow.

No telling what the day will bring…

July 28, 1994 – Thursday – 12:45 a.m.

I’m really tired.  I’ve been playing Super Metroid.  About two hours ago we got back from church, but church got out at 9:00 p.m.  Jonathan and Adrian (Marcus’s little brother) were with us.  I dropped them off at McDonald’s.  There is this little black girl that Kevin is talking to there.  Her name is Sonya.  Marcus and I left.  

For some odd reason I wanted to go to Christi’s to see if I could settle things.  This is the odd reason:  while singing in church I thought of Christi.  I only have 30 days left.  And I cannot leave knowing there are stories here that were not finished.

Tenielle gave me a letter tonight.  It said she went to see The Lion King again and she cried because she thought of me.  Everything is fine with all of them, but I miss my old friends.  So, I decided to see one, but Christi wasn’t home.

So, instead Marcus and I went to see Ryan.  Amy was away visiting a relative.  Ryan was fine.  She looked pretty.  The three of us talked about different stuff.  And you know what…she was the Ryan I once knew.  She was the Ryan I still know.  She did not act strange.  She was simply Ryan, the girl my mind once thought of constantly.

But that was long ago.

Looking into her green eyes tonight brought back so many memories.  She is still Ryan.  And when we were leaving, she hugged me.  I didn’t reach out to hug her, but she reached out to hug me.

That is only the third for fourth time we have hugged.  Yet I hug Jenna and Tenielle so much that I lost count a long time ago.

Our relationships are different.

Each is different.

And those days, long ago, can be brought back with great ease.

Because friends are friends forever.

July 27, 1994 – Wednesday – 1:00 a.m.

It has been Wednesday for an hour.

On Monday Jonathan and I went to Pembroke State University, and by the grace of God he was admitted and will be able to start school there this fall.  This was his last chance and he made it.

We went to his mom’s in Wilmington.  That night we played miniature golf.  And I tell you what…there are millions of beautiful girls in this world.  I know the Lord God has set apart one of them just for me.

We also went to the beach at about 11:00 p.m.  I hadn’t been to the beach in four years.  It was so amazing.  There is so much to see in this world.  So many people to meet.  

The moonlight shining over the ocean.

Sand between my toes.

The Moon was happy.

Open up Jacob.  Enter in.  Find your joy here while you can, so you can take it with you to Lees-McRae.  Your dreams will be tomorrow.

July 24, 1994 – Sunday – 11:40 p.m.

Yesterday I saw The Client in Asheboro. It was really good. I liked it very much.

Not many people were at youth group last night. Marcus was working. Jenna and Tenielle were there and we all talked with Shurby afterwards. It was nice.

After church, Mike came over and we spent the afternoon playing Super Street Fighter II. Tonight, Kevin and Scott and I went to McDonald’s and Scott took me to the place where he wrecked his motorcycle.

At McDonald’s I went to the rock that is next to it that overlooks HWY U.S. 1. Jenna and Tenielle and I sat out on that rock many times.

Tonight I stood there looking. I looked in the direction of Veronica’s house. Then I turned almost completely around and looked in the direction of Ryan’s house. Then I looked toward Christi’s, then toward Jenna’s. All four were in different directions.

Veronica, Ryan, Christi, Jenna.

Those are the four main girls of My Book of Days since I started writing on November 14, 1992.

All beautiful.

All younger than me.

If I had my choice of the four, I would choose no one. They are four girls of the past. Things do change, I’m afraid.

From a mountaintop in Banner Elk, their houses will all be in one direction.

They will be over three hours away, toward the southeast.

They will be in the past.

July 23, 1994 – Saturday – 9:30 a.m.

Four days have passed.

Something happened: Wednesday night after coming back from Jenna and Tenielle’s, Kevin hydroplaned near Marcus’s house and knocked over a sign. No damage was done. So, Kevin didn’t say anything, which he should have. We had to push it out, so mud got on my pants. Mom saw it and questioned me. I told her. She tells Henry, Henry comes to me instead of Kevin. Then he goes to Kevin and gets an attitude with him. Kevin simply walks out on him.

This all happened last night and I guess Kevin spent the night at Marcus’s. He called this morning and Mom took him to work.

At Jenna and Tenielle’s Wednesday night, I stayed away from everyone because everyone is upset. Jonathan was with us and Jenna has been flirting with him. That, of course, makes Marcus mad. And she seems to think she has to be loveable so I will still like her when I just want to be her friend. She’s making me feel like I have a problem because I’m pulling myself away.

Jonathan doesn’t like Jenna. She annoys him in a way.

I’m done with that crowd. They think I revolve around them.

Jonathan and I had a good talk. I told him how much I miss the winter, spring, summer, and early fall of 1993. Back then I was with Amy, Cheryl, Ryan and Christi. Everything was solid then. If there were problems, I don’t remember them. They didn’t always have to be lovable and hugging me all the time like Jenna and Tenielle. We were all just friends and we all knew it. At first it was like that with Jenna and Tenielle, but everything is so complicated now.

I got something in the mail from Lees-McRae, saying I don’t have a roommate. I did, but I don’t now. So, I can keep my private room if I pay an extra $245 a semester. That is what I want, so I’m going to try and get a job and pay it. It’s only $2 more a day.

Monday, Jonathan and I are going to Pembroke University. He has an interview and wants me to go with him. This is his last chance to get into a college.

On the piano, I can play “A Heart Full of Love” from Les Miserables. It took me a long time, but practice makes perfect.

Our household is at odds. I told Henry that I worry about nothing because it is a waist of time. He wants me to be overly concerned because he is.

I just want to be free. I don’t care if some little metal thing has a dent in it under the car. But Henry wants me to.

Thirty-five days, and perhaps I’ll be free.

July 18, 1994 – Monday – 11:10 p.m.

What a night!!

Well, Jonathan came over around noon; we all played poker. Kristen picked me up at 3:30 p.m. and she said she heard there were parts of Forrest Gump that weren’t very clean. So all of the younger kids went to see Angels in the Outfield while us older kids (Kristen, Dana, Bradley, Glenn, Lisa, Kenny and I) went to see Forrest Gump.

Well, as I mentioned this morning in my previous entry, I’ve been a little sick and it all caught up with me during the movie. The movie, well, I’m not sure how good it was because about half way through it, I started throwing up. Kristen let me use her popcorn bag…and I puked more than I have every puked in my life.

It hurt so much.

We were sitting on the front row. I was bent over. The place was packed and people around me started moving to a few empty seats on the side of the theater. Kristen was the only one who stayed with me. My stomach was straining. It was like someone was stabbing me. The pain and hurt was so real.

Near the end of the movie I started feeling a little better. When the credits started rolling Kristen helped me stand up to walk me to the bathroom. I felt bad leaving my bag of puke there, so I picked it up to take it to the trash. When I did, since it had been sitting there for an hour soaking in vomit, the bottom of it fell out. Puke just splattered all over the front of the theater, right as everyone was standing to leave and right as the lights were coming on. The smell filled the room and everyone groaned.
Normally I would have been embarrassed like none other, but I didn’t care. I needed a bathroom. Kristen led me to one. I could hardly walk; she actually walked into the men’s bathroom and told people to get out of the way. I finally got my body on a toilet, and well, after Kenny came in and said a prayer for me, I began feeling a lot better.

I can’t remember ever feeling so good after hurting so much. Glenn was funny, he asked me if I wanted to go out for some guacamole.
Kristen brought me home. Along the way, she told me she’s never going to have kids, but I think she would make a great mother. She took such good care of me.

After I got home I tried calling Jenna and Tenielle, but they were asleep. Ginger told me to take care of myself.

And well, it all made me think. Do you think after all the pain and hurt of saying goodbye to this place, that I’ll feel much better?

It might take some time, but I think I will.
Half of my summer is over. Thirty-nine days are left.

I will work and play. I will grow and prosper. I will learn and write. I will love and hurt.
I have 39 days to say goodbye and prepare myself.

It’s been a long time since I started from scratch.

 

July 18, 1994 – Monday – 10:45 a.m.

I was sick yesterday so I didn’t go to church. But last night I did go to High Falls. We played volleyball and watched the video from Fishnet. Kenny brought me home and on the way, he stopped by his church. He used to live in a trailer, but the guy who let him stay there said that he had to move out because he was going to begin renting it to someone else. So, Kenny keeps most of his stuff in his car and sleeps in the attic of his church. He is like a homeless person, yet he lends me money and doesn’t want me to pay him back.

Every soul has their story.

Well, he spent the night here because Thursday night he heard a noise and thought someone else was in the church. He later found a broken window that appeared broken from the inside. He took a shower here and told me how lucky I am and he said that no one knew more about him than me.
Whew!
Kristen is coming to pick me up around 3:30 p.m. and we are all going down to Aberdeen to see Forrest Gump. I know very little about this movie. I hope I will enjoy it.
I’m out of here in 40 days!

July 16, 1994 – Saturday – 10:12 p.m.

I’m at Jenna and Tenielle’s house. We just got back from youth group. Jenna wants to write something in here just for the heck of it:

Hello! Jacob, get out of your weird mood! And guess what? Your bones stick out. Bye-bye. Love you. Jenna.

Okay, well that made a lot of sense. I’ll explain my mood to you later, but first I must explain what has been going on.

Jonathan and I got home around 6:00 a.m. I didn’t unpack, I went straight to Sanford with Kevin and Marcus. Kevin was working, after breakfast Marcus and I went to church because there was some sort of women’s ministry summer fest thing and they needed us to be clowns for the kids. Jenna and Tenielle came up later. We all had fun I guess. It was good to see them.

I fell asleep near the end of it, since I was tired from driving so much. It was over around 2:00 p.m. We all went to get Kevin and then went to Jenna and Tenielle’s. I got a haircut for free and slept some more. I slept really well. Then the five of us left for youth group.

Amy was there and I got a chance to talk to her later in the evening. We talked about how we all used to be so close, but now how she hates Christi. I’ll not get into that now, since it has no purpose.

But Ryan came to pick her up and I saw her. She had just gotten off work. She said she was sweaty and she wanted me to feel how sweaty she was. I touched her face and I looked into her green eyes. It was the same Ryan, but different.

As for my mood, when we were over here at Jenna and Tenielle’s I stayed away from everyone for the simple reason that I prefer the way Jenna and Tenielle act when they are not around Kevin or Marcus. Jenna and I talked about that right before she wrote what she did and she said that she enjoys me more when it is just the three of us (Jenna, Tenielle, and myself).

I called Kristen earlier in the day. She made me feel happy. She said she would come to my church either tomorrow or the next Sunday. I tried to get a hold of Hannah, but I couldn’t. Kristen said that she tried to call me at my house because they were going to see Forrest Gump tonight. But since I told them I had youth group and since Kenny couldn’t make it, they decided to change it to Monday.

It’s hard being involved with two youth groups in two different counties, neither of which I live in. Tomorrow I must find some way to get to the High Falls Youth Group, so I can watch the video from Fishnet. It will be like reliving the best four days of my life.

Oh, Tenielle wants to write in my journal now to:

Jacob,
Hello, I just wanted to tell you this because you might not think it is true: Even though sometimes I don’t act like I care about you, I really do! But if you are always going to be in one of your weird moods, well, no wonder I’m not talking to you! But no matter what, I still love you. Always remember that, okay?!
Love always,
Tenielle