February 26, 1994 – Saturday – 12:40 a.m.

It hasn’t been the 26th for that long.  Tonight was supposed to have been the last VIP gathering, but there wasn’t a home game, so it was cancelled.  I didn’t find that out until I got there with Jenna, Tenielle, and Sunny.  Sunny is staying with them while her parents are at the beach.  Scott was there with Tim, so we stayed and watched the Olympics.

Congratulations Nancy!

Then an employee comes out and says “Is there a Jacob here?”

I said “yes.”

He said, “you have a phone call.”

I thought it would be my mom, but it wasn’t it was Brandon.  Can you believe it?  He called my mom and she said we were at Mr. Gatti’s and since he still has a Sanford phone book, all the way there in Arizona, he looked it up and called there.  He said he did it just to scare the heck out of me.

We left a little after 10:00 p.m. and went to the park.  I didn’t tell Jonathan I was going down to Jenna and Tenielle’s and Marcus wasn’t with me.  So, for once I spent a lot of time with Jenna and Tenielle without another guy there.  Every time a guy is with me, they always ask me what is wrong because I’m not acting like myself.  I just can’t be myself around Marcus, Jonathan, or Kevin when I’m around Jenna or Tenielle, because they pick on me later.  It’s weird.  But tonight, I was myself.  We had a lot of fun.  Thank you Jesus!

Things are going to get busy in the future.  Tomorrow we are going to Fayetteville and ride with Kevin and two guys from his Bible Study to Charlotte where we will see DC Talk in concert.  We will spend the night at a house, go to church down there the next morning and then come back home.  We will miss church Sunday morning in Sanford.

Wednesday, March 2nd, I have to have my essay on Macbeth turned in.  We also have cap and gown pictures then and a huge Pre-calculus test.  I have read to then read Hamlet and turn in an essay on it the following week.  We also have to act out and perform a scene from either play on March 7th.

There are 13 weeks of school left.  Sixty-five days of my senior year.  Only sixty-five days of high school remain.

After all this Shakespeare stuff, we will start a 20-page long research paper.  I’m doing mine on either evolution or dinosaur extinction.

On March 4th, the Imperials will be at our church.

Hopefully, I find the time to finish everything.  I never have time to do anything on the weekend, because I’m always in Sanford.  But hey, the heart has a hunger too.  Just like the mind hungers for knowledge and insight, just like the flesh hungers for food, the spirit longs for God and those who know him.

February 23, 1994 – Wednesday – 11:15 p.m.

Tonight at church we were visited by a Teen Challenge choir from Pennsylvania.  They put on a great concert!  Jenna and Tenielle didn’t show up.

The Olympics are almost over.  Only a few days left.  It seems like they just started.

Tonight was the women’s first night of figure skating.  Nancy Kerrigan is in first place now, and she deserves it.  And not because of what she went through with the attack dealing with Tonya Harding, but because she skated beautifully.

Tonight, Bonnie Blair won her 5th gold medal.  That makes her the most decorated Winter Olympiad in the U.S.A.

If Nancy or Bonnie ever read this entry, I want you know that I was behind you all the way.

The last VIP is this Friday and Saturday we are going to see DC Talk in concert.

Jesus loves you!!

February 20, 1994 – Sunday – 7:25 a.m.

It’s Sunday morning.  Yesterday was different.

The day before was great with one thing I could have done without, but I shouldn’t be surprised because it happened with all of the others, so why not this time.

Jonathan called me Friday afternoon.  I should have known right then and there that something was wrong.  Jonathan hasn’t called me in months.  He said he wanted to do something that night.  I told him I was working until 8:00 p.m., and then going to the VIP thing.  He said he wanted to go.  Jonathan was at the first one.

I knew this night was going to hurt a little bit.

So we went but I had to pick up Jenna and Tenielle from the Valentine’s dance at West Lee Middle School.  We went by there at 9:00 p.m.

A woman let me look for them, but she had to come with me.  Tenielle saw me and came up to me.  She was beautiful.

They were having a great time so she wanted me to come back at 10:00 p.m.  Jonathan and I went to Mr. Gatti’s, stayed there for 45 minutes, and then went back to West Lee.  The dance was over, there was a little girl named Shannon with them who was going to spend the night.  She came along and we all went to Mr. Gatti’s.

As you should know, Jonathan is a flirt and a half.  Friday night, he was two flirts and a third.  So the night went on, we played these little games, nothing much happened.

Everyone is waking up, so I’m going to go.  I’ll finish this later.

. . .

It is later, I’m in Bonlee and it’s almost 10:00 p.m.  Where was I?

Yes, on our way to Cameron.  When we got to their house we jumped on the trampoline.  Jonathan flirted and I felt a little uncomfortable because I care about both of them.  I just know the way Jonathan thinks.

Jenna and Tenielle gave me pictures of themselves.  They look great.

We said our goodbyes and left.  On the way home Jonathan asked me to invite him to future events related to Jenna and Tenielle.  

Yeah, right!

I got home about one in the morning.  Saturday, we went to band practice and then we helped Wayne’s family move.  Sunny and Shar were there; it was a lot of fun.  Sunny asked Marcus if he was going to get braces.  She didn’t know that it would hurt is feelings in the way that it did.  I’m not sure if I’ve ever mentioned this in my journal, I often forget that you can’t see these people every day, but Marcus is extremely bucktoothed, meaning his first two teeth stick way out, add that to the fact that he’s black and you can imagine he is often made fun of (called Buckwheat, etc.) and is very self conscience about his teeth.

Oh well, I dropped Marcus off at the basketball courts and just let him be.  He wanted to be alone.  He is sick of people talking about his teeth.  It’s not like he’s retarded, the dude just has big teeth.  Leave him alone.  I kind of have a crooked chin.  So what!  People are people.

Well, I didn’t know what to do.  I called Jenna earlier.  They were baby sitting.  I told Jenna what Jonathan said.  She laughed.

I didn’t really want to go see them so I went to see Ryan instead, but they weren’t home.  So, I put some gas in the car and I drove around.  I heard that Southern Pines was a beautiful place.  It’s the Golf Capital of the World, so that is where I ended up.  There was huge beautiful pine trees everywhere.

It was fun driving around alone.  I picked Marcus up, we went out to eat.  I had to get back to Bonlee to watch the kids.  I did and it was fun as usual.

Today at church, I learned by putting two and two together that Scott and Cheryl went out Friday night.  Scott doesn’t know that I know and Marcus doesn’t know at all.  Cheryl didn’t tell me, but I’ll explain all that in detail later.  I don’t know if I told you, but Jonathan and Vicky broke up.  That’s probably why he called me.

But he couldn’t come to church this morning.  He’ll be around some more, but only because of Jenna and Tenielle.  I’m not going to stop him though.  Not unless he gets like he got back in October of 1992 with Christi.

After church we went to Scott’s, had a cookout with some of his relatives.  Afterwards I stopped by Christi’s.  Christi gave me three tapes.  I didn’t feel anything between us then.  Perhaps her dad is just a matchmaker.

Tonight’s service was great.  Life is sort of getting back to normal.  Whatever that is.

The days are warmer.  But the sun has set and only a few birds are flying around.

I’m waiting for a new sun to arise.

February 17, 1994 – Thursday – 6:10 p.m.

I’m at home alone right now.

Thank God.

Tuesday night I called Jenna and Tenielle from the kids’ house in Bonlee.  I called at 9:30 p.m. and said goodbye at 12:10 a.m.

Two hours and 40 minutes.  I talked to Tenielle first.  And I told her that I was going through something really difficult the past few days.

She wanted me to tell her.  I told her a little but not everything, yet.

Then I talked to Jenna.  She seemed bummed.  She was still a little sick.  But she was just shy.  Then I asked her, “Why is it, every time you talk to me you’re in low gear and calm, but whenever I see you and your not talking to me, on the phone or whatever, you are always alive?”

It took her about 30 minutes to answer, she said its as because she usually hangs around girls and not guys.  Then Tenielle got on the phone and told me that it’s because she liked me more than a friend, but not like a boyfriend.

I told Tenielle that I felt the same way about Jenna.  Well we all got things sort of cleared up.

All three of us appreciate each other very much and enjoy each other’s company.  And then I told Tenielle what happened Sunday night at Christi’s house.

She couldn’t believe it.  And she really couldn’t believe it when I told her that the only thing that was stopping me from asking Christi out was Jenna.

She said, “well if you do go out with Christi will you still hang out with us?”  I told her I would.

But now things have changed.  I went by Christi’s yesterday to drop some tapes off.  No one was home so I left them in the mailbox.  I’m just not sure if I want to go out with Christi.  I feel like it’s her dad and not me.

Wednesday night’s service was awesome, but my life has been a burden recently.  After hearing that great sermon I went straight to the back to play the piano and think.  Jenna and Tenielle were there, but I only got a chance to talk to Tenielle a little bit.  I didn’t talk to Jenna any.

It’s okay though.  Today had been a little better than all the other one’s.  My life has been a struggle.  I haven’t had much time to do what I want and my mom has been grouchy, etc.

But today I heard one statement and it helped me a lot:

“If you go through a day without laughing then you have wasted that day, but if you go through a day and you laugh continuously then you have wasted that day too.”

I heard another one today, related to the Olympics:

“If you live in triumph with no struggle, then you were only born a winner.  But if you survive the struggle then you have made your self a winner.”

And I’ll end with one more:

“The most important thing in the Olympics is not to win, but to take part, just as the most important thing in life is not the triumph but the struggle.  The essential thing is not to have conquered, but to have fought well.”



February 14, 1994 – Valentine’s Day – 10:19 p.m.

I’m at the boys house in Bonlee, you know, the ones I babysit.

The Olympics are on.

Since Sanford is not long distance here, I called Ryan.  We had a wonderful conversation.  She told me about stuff she had written and how school was going.  We talked about how things have changed.  She is still wonderful, but I fear the feelings I did have for her are fading.

She did tell me one thing that caught my attention.  She said that Christi told her that she liked the way I wear my hair now.

Christi mentioned me.

After I talked to Ryan I called Jenna.  She was sleeping.  She and Tenielle have been sick.  Puking sick.  I’ll pray for them.  Tenielle was up and we talked a bit.  Jenna got the letter I wrote her today.  It was a Valentine’s Day note with a poem and a drawing.  Tenielle said she really liked it.

What am I doing?

Do I even know?



Somebody please tell me!!

Jenna already knows that I like her.  She likes me.

Christi is a wonderful friend who is now a girl who has practically been handed to me for a wonderful relationship.  I don’t know what I’m going to do.

I’ll just have to wait and see. 

February 13, 1994 – 11:30 p.m.

Oh my gosh!!!

This can’t be happening!  There is no way!  I must be dreaming.  Somebody pinch me.

First of all let me say that Jenna and Tenielle didn’t go to youth group Saturday night for the same reason I didn’t.  Jenna gave me a letter today in church.  It was sweet.  I wrote her a letter back but she wasn’t at church tonight so I didn’t give it to her.

Now let me tell you what I am excited about.  But before I do, go back and read a few entries of my Book of Days.  Read August 2, 1993, and August 11, 1993, and November 8, 1993, and December 1, 1993.  And then there’s December 23, 1993 and finally Feb. 8, 1994.

Did you read them all of them?

Now what do all of these entries have in common?  Sure, a few of them are just a few lines here and there, but all of them have only one person in common.

One girl.


When the day began, I didn’t know it would end this way.

Mom let me drive to church.  Very shocking.  Scott asked us to go to McDonald’s with him.  We did.  But afterwards, for some odd reason, Marcus and I decided to go visit Christi.  We did exactly that.

Christi answered the door.  She hugged the two of us.  We went in; the Olympics were on.  I hugged everyone else.  It had been two months since I’d seen Christi.  But I did send Christi a Christmas card.  I can’t remember exactly what I wrote word for word, but I believe it went something like this:


I’m wishing you a merry Christmas.  Everything is changing and nothing is like it used to be.  I don’t see you as much as I’d like to now, but things happen.  Christi, through everyone I’ve ever known you have always stood out.  I feel like I could trust you with anything.  And Christi, when I say this, I’m not asking you to marry me or anything, but I love you Christi.  And Jesus loves you too.  Merry Christmas.


Tonight I had forgotten that I had written her this letter.  But we talked about stuff, about theatre, about music, about church, about the past, and then we had to leave.  It was getting late.  As I was leaving, Hank, Christi’s dad, pulled me off to the side.  This was our conversation:

“Jacob,” he said.  “Let’s talk man to man.  To this day, Christi has never dated a guy.  She has always gone out with her girlfriends.  And she knows that each guy that comes along has to answer to us.  But if you are willing, I will let you take Christi’s hand and you can go out with her with our permission.  Her mom and I will not say no.  I have never given my permission to a young man until now.  We feel we can trust you Jacob, so all you have to do is ask her.”

Needless to say, I laughed and my whole body got really hot.

“Jacob, this no laughing matter.  Her mom and I both agree.”

What he said did not hit me just then.  I told everyone goodbye and left.  Once Marcus and I got in the car, I couldn’t help myself, I just screamed as loud as I could!  That was when it hit me.  You would have to know Hank to know how amazing this is.


I have her dad’s permission.

I didn’t even ask.

He gave it to me.

Oh my gosh!


Christi and I have practically grown up together.  We have never had anything not to talk about.

I told Hank thank you and that I would think about it.  I mean, you just read how I used to feel, right?  On the way home, I just prayed and prayed.  My whole body was shaking and every fiber in my being, my soul, my spirit, my flesh, wanted to say yes.

Then I began thinking.  The first person to come to mind was Jenna.

Christi is 16.

Jenna is 13.  Then I thought about how everyone got into our business at the Skating Ranch on Monday night.

I compared that to Christi and I.

I don’t go to her church.  She doesn’t come to mine.  I don’t go to her school.  She doesn’t go to mine.  The only people she sees that perhaps I see is her family.

No one could get in the way.  Just me and her.

Guys, her dad practically asked me to!


I don’t know what to do.

I don’t know what to say.

I don’t know what to think.

Dear God!  You always told me that I would never have to do anything.  It would just happen.

Lord, I didn’t even ask.  It just happened.

Seeing her tonight brought back so much.  I didn’t want to leave.

When I got home, I called Jason, her brother and my old youth pastor, now away at college.  I just called to say hi.  He is wonderful.  And he told me, “Jacob, when I was down for Christmas, you sent Christi a Christmas card.  And I want you to know that that really touched her.  She said that she felt like crying and it was so sweet.”

I never thought I would see her again.

For some reason I did not see it there before, but in time’s bitter garden there is one flower that did not fade away.  And still it stands, growing slowly while another begins to bloom.

February 12, 1994 – Saturday – 6:20 p.m.

It’s Saturday.

For the past four Saturdays I have gone to Jenna and Tenielle’s house.  But not today.

Today, I thought about a week ago, would be a wonderful day.  It wasn’t.

I should be in Sanford, or at least on my way there, but instead I am sitting in my room.

Wednesday night at church I talked to Jenna a very little bit.  We did communicate though, mostly with our eyes.  Everything is okay.  Wednesday was really warm, but something happened and we got out of school early on Thursday due to freezing rain.  We didn’t have school Friday.  Marcus and I went sledding on the roads.  It was fun.

Tenielle called me while I was out.  I called her back and Jenna answered.  We talked some.  The reason Tenielle called was because the Valentine’s Dance that she was going to was cancelled and there was supposed to be a VIP that night, but it was cancelled too.  She just wanted to make sure.

I didn’t go to work because of the weather as well.

This morning, Tenielle called me again and told me that the Door-to-Door ministry thing we were going to do was cancelled as well.  But there was youth group that night.  I told her I would be there.

I wrote some in my novel today and did other small stuff, but right now it is ten minutes to seven and my mother will not let me go to youth group.  The roads are fine, they’re just wet.  And its a little foggy.  So I asked her to take me.  She said she wasn’t going anywhere because it is Nate’s birthday.  He’s nine today.

So, I suppose I’ll watch the opening ceremonies of the Olympics.

Jenna should be at church by now.  I wonder if she’ll miss me.  I already miss her.  I didn’t see her at all today.  I sent her a Valentine’s card I made.

Will you miss me tonight Jenna?  I’m sorry I can’t be there.  Please miss me.