November 29, 1998 – Sunday – 10:40 p.m.

“Fall is walking us into a cold December wind.”

Oh, but my heart has never been warmer.  I spent the day with Sterling and Christen, though it felt like Jesus was there with us the whole time.  We went out to eat and then decorated Christen’s Christmas tree.  Sterling and I went shopping and then the three of us went to see Kathy Troccoli in concert.  Sterling and Christen were able to get her autograph.  The whole day was just filled with priceless memories.  It felt as though we never stopped laughing.  Even spilling strawberry cheesecake all over my pants was delightful, and Sterling and I have this little game where we look at each other and then run and stand in a place we’ve never stood before, then make a pose.

Life is unbelievably grand.  Jesus gives me a constant smile, and the fact that my smile is slightly crooked just blesses me all the more!

November 28, 1998 – Saturday – 11:38 p.m.

Never have I ever…well, that’s not true…I’ve experienced many perfect days, well more than I deserve, but today was uniquely perfect, insanely perfect, unfairly perfect.

Yesterday was spent with my two good friends; that afternoon we visit Drew, who lives about an hour away in the country.  We went squirrel hunting.  It was nice I guess, both only Drew was skilled enough to kill two squirrels.  Vince and Allen and I had no idea what we were doing.

I left the mountain town of Lynchburg this morning at 10:00.  The drive was peaceful and beautiful, filled with prayer and song for nearly four hours.  I took a shower when I arrived here to my apartment.  Then Tracey arrived, my beautiful friend whom I’ve known for over four years now.  We drove to Sandbridge and saw the sun set over the backwaters near the ocean.  The multitude of colors were absolutely stunning.  So pink, yet so blue, with such still water; I’m convinced God is in control.

Tracey and I drove back towards Norfolk and talked of life and love like old friends tend to do.  It was so good to have her near me.  She is the sight and the smell of my earliest days at Lees-McRae.  She was one of the faces that filled my days after I left home.  After pulling into downtown Norfolk, we ended up at a really expensive restaurant near the Scope.  We didn’t have much money, but we made the best of it, pretending like we were rich people.

Before the show started, we took the elevator to the highest level of the lobby and watched a display of fireworks erupting over the waterfront.  The city was celebrating the upcoming holidays.  Pleasure filled my eyes.  I was already moved by the sunset, but the sparkling fireworks over the Chesapeake Bay took me to a new level.

And then we watched Riverdance.

Every moment was perfect.  I was not alone.  During an instrumental piece it felt as though my life had come to another eternal instant.  I was perfectly content.  All that I had done in life to bring me to that moment felt like pure peace.

A friend, a sunset, a lovely dinner, fireworks, Riverdance, and a thankful heart–such good things.  And they can all be summed up with one word: Jesus.

 

November 27, 1998 – Friday – 8:15 a.m.

I’m in Lynchburg, VA.  This is an interesting little town.  I left Wednesday morning and the drive was so peaceful.  Vince’s parents’ house is an historical one that they are renovating.  It looks amazing on the inside.  Allen and Vince arrived Wednesday afternoon, and we went to a movie that night.  On Thursday we went for a walk downtown, and I took a bunch of pictures of us being silly.  It’s so good to be around them.

Yesterday’s meal was nice, but I’m not sure if Vince’s family are Christians.  I missed everyone sharing what they’re thankful for.

One thing I have noticed though, I had to leave Lees-McRae in order to grow.  Vince and Allen still seem like they are in the same place as they were when I left.  There’s nothing wrong with that, we are all on our own journey; I’m only looking at me and seeing what God is doing.

God gives me such good things.  Our moments of laugher with my friends this Thanksgiving were more than I ever deserve on this planet.  Every fleeting moment is a treasure.  Thank you Lord for these days.

November 23, 1998 – Monday – 1:20 p.m.

Yesterday at church, 32-year-old Debbie told me that the Lord gave her a dream, and she knew who I was going to marry.  She didn’t tell me directly who it was, she just said, “One thing for sure…you’re going to have tall children.”  This could only mean Kimberly.

Needless to say, I went a little crazy, for I had a similar dream myself.  I simply give it to you God.

I called Abigail last night and told her about Rebecca and Kimberly.  We talked for a while.  She is so precious.  She and Dan are perfectly in love.  Thank you for our friendship God.  We even talked a bit about her face, and how I loved to touch it back at Lees-McRae.  She said that simply knowing that was one of my most treasured memories in life really blessed her.

Forever friends.  I can’t wait until I visit Lees-McRae again.

November 22, 1998 – Sunday – 9:30 p.m.

Whew, it has been one heck of a week.  So much has happened, there’s no way I’ll be able to write it all down, but I’ll try.

On Friday the 13th, two girls got saved at church.  Saturday’s drama practice was amazing, and then I filmed a short film for class.  After church on the 15th, I went to Sterling’s house for lunch, and then over to Connie and Christian’s house for supper.  On Tuesday I had dinner at Christin’s house and her mom Sherry dyed my hair super blonde for the play.  Everyone loves it.  On Wednesday, I did homework and had another TV studio shoot for class.  I worked nine hours on Thursday, and then on Friday I worked and then watched four straight hours of Anne of Green Gables; I cried the whole time.

I saw Rebecca St. James in concert yesterday, and, while waiting in line, I ran into Sara, who went to South Africa with me.  The concert was great, but the church was super conservative.  I was the only one standing up, singing along, and dancing.  Rebecca made eye contact with me and then invited everyone to stand and praise the Lord with her.  She then looked directly at me again and smiled.  The crowd sat back down, and I moved over to the side aisle to dance and sing and clap.  She kept glancing over there at me, as if to say, “what’s wrong with these people, why did they show up if they are just going to sit there?”  It felt like it was just her and I praising the Lord together.

It was priceless.

November 12, 1998 – Thursday – 10:57 p.m.

Things are moving faster now.

My greatest fear is that I will lose the time to remember.

My closest friends here are the age of my little brother.

Look at what I have become.

A role model, simple as that.

But the ones I am an example for…

I want to be their age again.

I don’t want to grow up.

But I do want to live.

The storm is already brewing again.

Even now I remind those I love here that I will be leaving.

What can be beyond here?

When will life let me catch my breath?

When can I share this lily pad?

When can I be a role model to my own blood?

When will the others become alive?

When will Emily forgive and forget?

When will my father live in God’s will?

When will Sarah let God in?

When will I have kept all my promises, and drive away into my memories?

November 11, 1998 – Wednesday – 12:55 a.m.

Tonight was wonderful.  I had dinner over at Kimberly’s, and we worked on sign language stuff for the show.  I like the way she laughs; her whole body just vibrates with no sound.

I came back after five hours and worked on a paper, then I felt the need to call Sarah.  She actually talked to me a little.  She is not good, her life is confusing, and without purpose.  She told me about getting drunk on Halloween.  I prayed for her and we were able to talk about our relationship and what really happened between us and what it meant.  And we agreed on this:  that I let her bring me to the place I am now, but she never let me bring her.

But it isn’t too late.  It is never too late.

November 9, 1998 – Monday – 5:30 p.m.

I don’t have much time to write, but I feel like talking to myself, and to God.

I love the weather this time of year.  I love the chill the tide brings in.  I’m enjoying this place.  It has become a home.  One like my old one on Foust Road.  One like my old one in McAlister Hall and even Tennessee Dorm.  One like my bed in Johannesburg, South Africa.

But God’s presence is where I will always be more comfortable.

I’m going over to Kimberly’s house tomorrow to study sign language for our show, and to also have dinner.  I pray it’s not too awkward.

I constantly miss Sharon’s home.

The Rebecca St. James concert is less than two weeks away.  Thanksgiving break with Allen, Vince, and Tracey is right after that.

And then the last month of this fantastic year!

November 8, 1998 – Sunday – 9:00 a.m.

“You have one wing, I have another, seeking shelter like sister and brother

Through the winter and through the summer, like one angel, we’ll fly…far away.”

This is the chorus of Burlap to Cashmere’s second song.  It has become my new prayer for Emily and me.  This is basically our story.

This album is blessing me unlike any other.  I am saved by grace.  I am free from sin.

I have no worries.

I am weak, but God grants me strength.  The year is winding down.  It is nearing mid November, which is when I began keeping a journal in 1992.  It seems to come sooner with each passing year.

1998 contained so much change.

And its not even over.

November 7, 1998 – Saturday – 11:59 p.m.

Today’s rehearsal was tough.  The kids aren’t listening to me.  They’re goofing off.

I bought Burlap to Cashmere’s CD after rehearsal.  God used it to bring my joy back.  It’s such a perfect CD.

I saw Regent Theater’s Mystery Plays tonight.  It was an original production and so perfect.  I was so proud of my fellow students.  Obviously, God is in this place and in these people.

After experiencing it’s top quality, I really missed the professional world of theater.  The kids at church don’t have a clue.

But God will take care of everything.

Thanksgiving is only 2 1/2 weeks away.

Time is not stopping.

Emily and I talked over the phone the other night.  Our visit should be interesting.  Our story is a mystery play in and of itself.

What a gift I’m living!

I am free!