June 7, 1999 – Monday – 7:00 a.m.

Saturday night the youth group had a big bon-fire cookout thing out in Suffolk.  The stars were so bright and pretty and there were railroad tracks.  I love railroad tracks!

Sterling, Christin, and Kimberly toilet-papered my car and I made them feel terrible about it, which I later felt horrible about.

We had a meeting yesterday with the Master’s Commission team.  I met my other partner, her name is Mary.  She is very sweet and very pretty and love’s God more than anything.  We leave in less than two weeks.

Because of that, I’ve made some changes to the drama team.  Michelle is now the leader with Robin and Angie as her helpers.  I’ll mentor them when I can, but I just have too many other things going on.  I have rehearsals every night this week for school.  I even have a few during lunch time.  And I still have to finish my 15-page paper.

Time is moving so fast.

But at least I’m not bored.

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May 3, 1999 – Monday – 12:29 p.m.

Tammie and Jose came up on Friday and led the youth service.  We all went to IHOP afterwards.  It was so nice to see them.

On Saturday I visited with Sterling and Kimberly.  We watched A Bug’s Life, and that night I went to see a show with Kerstin at the Regent Theater.  Yesterday was my day to work with the Greensprings youth group up in Williamsburg.  I had a great time.  They are so funny up there.

That night I followed them to a totally rocking’ youth service deeper into Williamsburg and God showed up.

I don’t want fame.  I don’t want money.  I only want souls for His Kingdom.

Spend me wherever you desire God.  I am yours.

What a memorable weekend!

April 11, 1999 – Sunday – 10:03 a.m.

I saw three bald eagles yesterday at Busch Gardens in Williamsburg.  I went with Sterling’s family, Christin, and Jeremy.  We had a great time despite the fact that Jeremy talked about himself the whole time.  He seems so desperate for attention; help me give him what he needs Lord.

Friday morning was the Lunchbox theater performance of A Midsummer Night’s Dream where I had a small role.  It went really well.

We had drama practice yesterday and God really moved on me during the youth service.

Something is happening though.  Something I cannot explain or put a finger on.  I pray I do not take this life for granted.  None of this seems to be lasting, yet it is all so distracting.  Please don’t tell me what is happening God.  I’m afraid I might run away!

 

April 4, 1999 – Sunday – 11:14 p.m.

It’s been a wonderful Easter Sunday!  I went to Sterling’s after church, then over to Christian’s and Connie’s, where we played frisbee.  We celebrated Easter as well as a group member’s birthday.

A southern gospel group called the Tully Trio put on a concert at church tonight.  It was surprisingly good.  Afterwards, myself and eight of the teens from youth went out to eat at Applebee’s.

Kimberly’s cousin was with us, and he kept laughing so hard at all my jokes that he began choking and snot bolted out of his nose.  It was a fun evening.  I do not believe I have yet grasped the realization of the true treasure that is in each of the teens here.  Please God, teach me that before it’s too late.

March 5, 1999 – Friday – 1:05 p.m.

See, I hardly have the time to write, it’s already March 5th!

It’s been a hard week.  Thursday night was nice.  I went over to Kimberly’s and Marion, Michelle, and Rebekah came to watch Sense & Sensibility with us.

But yesterday was horrible.  Outside of beautiful girls who are much younger than me, I have no one to hang out with.  No guy my age seems to care around here.  No one seems to know how to love and I fear it is happening to me.  I fear the busyness of this place is causing me to forget how to make time for people.  No one knows me well enough to trust their life and heart in my hands.  I try to give my time, but no one wants it.  No one wants my heart either.  I have beautiful girls to laugh with, but I have no truly close friend my age to cry with.

What I need now is someone to cry with.  I need Vince, Curtis, Dan, Allen, Charlie, Jeni, Tracey, Josh, Abigail, and Lindy.

Could the season of truly close friendships be over?  Does it only happen in the college dorm lifestyle when you share a bathroom and share a cafeteria?  Is it true that it can never happen again?

I’ve been sitting here for a minute.  I think I’m just angry because Amy rejected me and my roommate Matt and I don’t really get along.  I tried to befriend him, but he no longer talks to me.  I don’t even think he’s attending class anymore.

I need a friend God.

A true close friend.

Will all my friends remain in the mountains?  I hope they come see me soon.  There is talk of a few coming to visit over their spring break.

I hope, I hope.

February 25, 1999 – Thursday – 8:27 a.m.

I know I haven’t written in a while.  I guess I’ve been sad.  Last week I saw Amy at a missions informational meeting.  We had an okay time, but we both seemed tired.  I called her a day or two later to ask her out again, but she seemed to be blowing me off, always saying she was busy.  I called again on another night, but I eventually got the message that she didn’t want to pursue us.  I told Sterling and Christin about her and they said I shouldn’t have taken her to the ocean front when I asked her out for hot chocolate.  They said taking girls to the strip means you only want to sleep with them.

What?  How was I supposed to know that?  I’m from the mountains!  I took her there because I think the waves sound nice as you are walking along the boardwalk.

Oh well.

I was an actor in a short film called TR.  It was so much fun!  It lasted two days and I had a lot of scenes with two little kids named Jessica and Frank, ages 9 and 11.  We had a great time.  Mark a fellow student who also acted along side me.  I picked him up everyday and we had nice talks as we drove back and forth to the location.  He’s from Minnesota, married, and in his 30s.

On Sunday I went on a location scout for my short film Forever.  We may be having trouble locking it down.

I had a midterm exam yesterday that went okay.  Last night I led the discipleship class and we sort of evaluated where everyone was.  I was disappointed with how some participated.  Hardly any of the kids have been working through the books.  They seem to be stuck in a rut, but I’ve been there many times.

I prayed Matthew 18:3 over all of us, “unless we become like little children, we will never enter the Kingdom of Heaven.”  Little children love to learn and they love to let their fathers take care of them.

Change me oh God!

January 31, 1999 – Sunday – 11:38 p.m.

What an amazing weekend!  Friday, after youth group, Kimberly, Sterling, Christin, new friend Tessa, and a few others went to eat at IHOP.  These girls are the joy of my life these days.  I took Kimberly home afterwards.

Saturday, after going to Northwest River Park to measure a pier I found there for a short film I hope to make, I went to Kim’s birthday party, and everyone just had a fantastic time.  There was so much laughter!

Afterwards, some of us went to the movies and saw She’s All That.  It was definitely a movie for 16-year-old girls, but that’s who I surrounded by, so it was fun.  I took Kimberly home then as well.  I sat next to her in church this morning and felt like a helpless high schooler again.  She’s unbelievable, and I wanted so badly to reach over and hold her hand, but I didn’t.  Sometimes it feels like I like every girl I ever meet.

I went over to Sterling’s this afternoon and we played in her room all afternoon.  At the Super Bowl party tonight at church, the teenagers started talking about potential guy/girl relationships, so I walked away and stayed out of it.  Later Rebekah came and talked to me and asked me if I knew how women wanted to be treated.  I shared my answer and her mouth hung open in disbelief.  She said I was spot on.  My feelings then were bittersweet.  Many women tell me I have them all figured out, yet I don’t have anyone to give share my life with.

David and I talked a bit after everyone left.  He is interested in a 20-year old girl at church.  He’s 26.  It should happen.

February is around the corner, so it feels like talk of love and relationships is in the air.

But no matter how much I dream of Kimberly or Christin, these girls are simply too young for me at this stage of life.  They are Winter Dreams.  I will have moved on from here by the time they are of the right age for a serious relationship to truly go anywhere.

But that doesn’t mean I won’t lose sleep thinking about them now.