September 28, 1997 – Sunday – 1:40 a.m.

I’m in my room again.  The drives to Louisville and back were as much fun as any time we spent there.

I have grown accustomed to my new apartment.  It is now my place, my room, but I couldn’t call it my home.  Lees-McRae is my home, and this is simply my room.

After I got back from Kentucky, I went down to Cannon lobby and discovered that a lot of people were down there singing praises to our God!  Abigail had some friends up and Tracey’s family was there.  I joined in and it was a wonderful time of song.  Abigail’s face was a huge and constant smile.  I could see in her eyes how special those two people were to her.  She was amazingly happy and that happiness had nothing to do with me.  That’s probably how it will always be and how it should always be.

Jeni is going to Banner Elk Christian Fellowship tomorrow.  She is excited about seeing David, I think something nice happened between them while I was gone.

I saw an unbelievable Kentucky sunset a few hours ago.  It really was an amazing drive home.  Dr. and Mrs. Martin told Charlie and I the story of how they met, it was just a couple of days into their Freshmen year of college.

I was reading a little bit out of my older Books of Days.  I read about Jenna and Tenielle and about lost keys and alphabets.  How crazy and different I seemed back them.  But that was me then and it isn’t me now.

It made me realize that very soon all of these girls here at Lees-McRae will simply be stories in My Book of Days.  But they haven’t completely faded from my heart into the pages of my journal just yet.  I still remember Jeni’s long, soft legs and the curves of Abigail’s face.  I still dream of Jessica’s hair, Ann-Marie’s smile, and Ellen’s laugh.  These girls mean more to me than I ever let them know.

Then there are the new girls like Sarah and Sherlive, whose college experience will continue on without me.  Every night I go to bed so thankful, so thankful for an extra day with these beautiful women and my fantastic guy friends.  They are bringing me closer to God.  God is loving me through them.

Lees-McRae is passing and I know I’ll be able to let it go.  These people here are everything to me.  When we reach the other side, I’m sure one of the first things I’ll do is look for them.

I have been here simply to love

To witness and experience joy and fun

Soon I’ll leave calmly like a dove

The way night does when day is done.

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September 26, 1997 – Friday – 10:00 a.m.

I will leave for Kentucky in less than an hour.

Yesterday was an amazing day.  I spoke to Doc about Regent University, that I was applying, etc.  She said there was a guy in Boone who had graduated from there and that since she had a lot of pull with CITA (Christians in Theater Arts), her recommendation alone would guarantee my acceptance.  I’ve been wanting to attend Regent since the summer after my Freshman year, when I first learned about it at Fishnet.  Yesterday God just reassured me that he is the one calling me to attend there.

Also, Jeni was here yesterday.  It was so good to see her.  Last night after Bible study, all the guys and all the girls came to hang out in my room.  We talked for a while and then in the middle of all of the conversation, Abigail said something, something amazing.  We were talking about some joke I had told and she said, “You’re a funny guy Jacob.  I appreciate your humor and I appreciate you.”  And then she kinda stared at me.

In that moment I felt like our friendship was completely restored.

I got a letter from Marisa today and in it she said, “I’m sorry it’s your last year, but the Lord has called you elsewhere.”

And Sarah wrote me a letter as well.  She said, “Jacob, I want you to know that even though I haven’t known you very long, I love you.”

I am so loved here, and yet I’m leaving.

I don’t know whether to smile or to cry.

September 17, 1997 – Wednesday – 11:10 a.m.

Life is good.  I’m directing now and I feel so much like me.  Vince and I had an awesome talk a couple of nights ago.  We stayed up until two in the morning.  What a dear friend!

I read Charlie my journal entry from September 14th.  When I got to the part about “missing Charlie and Kate together,” he told me he loved me.  I asked him why?  He said because he realized someone else felt his pain.

Sarah is a little under the weather.  I gave her a hug and said thanks for the card and she blew me a kiss.

I don’t know what to say.  I love God.  He loves me.  And he shows me how much he loves me everyday through other people.

September 16, 1997 – Tuesday – 10:50 p.m.

Wow!  Today was amazing!  I had rehearsal with Emily and Mason for my first scene in Directing class.  We did some exercises and Emily cried.  It was very moving.  I prayed with them and they told me later how awesome the experience was.  Then I ran into Sarah and she said she heard I was an awesome director.  She said she wishes she could have been in my scene.

And then she handed me a card and I nearly cried:

Dear Jacob, 

I know that this is a really “girlie” card, but it’s the thought that counts right?  Anyway, I’ve had a bit of trouble adjusting to my new life up here, but I am already so much better.  I wanted you to know that when you took time out to talk to me, it really meant more to me than you will ever be able to know.  There are moments in life, when even though we know God is there, that we feel utterly alone.  I had felt that way a lot since I’ve been up here.  That is, until I talked to you.  You are a very special person Jacob.  I know that you don’t need me to tell you that, but you are.  Thank you so much.  I hope that you don’t think I’m too weird.  I love ya.

Peace in Christ,

Sarah

September 15, 1997 – Monday – 12:10 a.m.

An interesting Sunday evening.  I went over to Tate Hall after church to try and shoot my T.A.G. target.  I stopped to visit Sarah, who came to church this morning, but while I was in her room Lesley came in and shot me.  Oh well, I’m out of this year’s game.

Sarah and I had an amazing talk.  She has such a big heart.  We talked for a while and she told me her story.  She said that God has given me a gift and that people feel comfortable, safe, and loved around me.  She said she felt so good after talking to me.

We talked for nearly an hour and a half.

I believe Vince and Laura have finally called it quits.  The two of them sure have gone through it.

I know I say this a lot, but September is already half over.

June 14, 1997 – Saturday – 1:00 a.m.

Orientation was today.  I met some soon to be new students; two beautiful tennis players from Texas named Monica and Amber.  I will drive them to the airport tomorrow.  I also met a new Performing Arts major named Sarah.

I spent some time with Kim, she’s part of the orientation committee.  We talked and laughed a lot together.  She complemented me on my hair.  And I worked with Lindy in the box office.  We have such a good time, just hours of laughter.  I later watched the NBA championship with Samarah, played with Mangus, Allison and Craig’s cat, and visited with Tracey, Jeni, and Ann-Marie.

And now I’m in my bed in the middle of the night.  I just mentioned nine different girls.  I wonder if any of them are Her?  Right now the closest thing feels to be the Durango postcard on my wall.  There’s a foot and four inches between us, but we often seem to be on the same level.  I went and took a picture of her favorite tree the other day.

I like it when I miss people.  Reminds me that they really do matter.  You can’t miss someone unless you first genuinely share your life with them.