February 19, 1998 – Thursday – 11:30 a.m.

The show went so great last night.  I’ve received so many compliments.  Doc came up to me afterwards and just stared into my eyes.

“You’re on your way,” she said after a long pause.

I kissed Sarah goodnight then hung out with the guys for the rest of the night.  I called Sarah again at 1:00 a.m. and we talked for three hours.  All we did was just adore and affirm each other.  For three hours we praised each other.  I read her stuff from my journal and she told me she loved me so many times.  I did the same.  Those are sweet words to hear and speak.  We talked of the future, the past, and the present.  I love her more and more each day.

Oh God…you are so wonderful to me.

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February 18, 1998 – Wednesday – 9:30 a.m.

Oh man, I can’t believe this is happening.  Sarah and I are growing together so well.  I’m so in love with her.  And yet, this ship we are sailing on is sinking.

I’m beginning to notice so many little things about this beautiful world. The way the pink lemonade in the cafeteria pours out into my glass, the shape of the branches on the walk to back campus, the fog that settles in the valley.

I’m becoming more and more like Sarah every day and she is becoming more and more like me.  We both even have the same hair color now.  Guys on the hall thought I did it to look like her, but I told them it was for the show.

Oh, my Sarah is so beautiful and so soft.

The show opens tonight.  It’s great being in a show with her; to always have her around.

Last night I walked alone to the waterfall after midnight.  It was roaring so loudly.  It was so big and happy.  So happy to love, but it was also a bit afraid for those thousands of drops of water did not know where they were going.  But there was peace there as well.  God is leading the way.

Time is slipping away beneath me.  But I hardly even notice it.  For my eyes are filled with only three things these days:

My terrific friends.

My beautiful Sarah.

And the God who gave them both to me.

February 16, 1998 – Monday – 1:19 a.m.

Sarah and I had a wonderful Valentine’s Day lunch, and then we had a super long rehearsal together that night.

Valentine’s Day is actually a great day when you have a special girl to share it with.

But as of right now, I just got back from the hospital, for Sarah got kicked in the head during rehearsal tonight.  It was really bad, but she should be okay.  I’ve been there with her for the past two hours.

I’m so sleepy.  Hard to write right now.

All I know is that I love Sarah.

And I love Jesus.

 

February 14, 1998 – Saturday – 12:08 p.m.

All of my boys were just in here: Vince, Curtis, Dan, Allen, Josh, Justin, and Alex.  We had a hugging party for Valentine’s Day.  And then they all left to go to lunch, but I stayed behind since I’m taking Sarah out to eat for the special day.

February is half over.  The days are vanishing, but I know I am alive in each one.  God is with me in each step I take, I have wonderful guy friends, wonderful gal friends, and one very special girlfriend.

How could I ask for more?

February 13, 1998 – Friday – 6:00 p.m.

I got a call from Elinor at Regent University yesterday.  I’ve been accepted!  Thank you God!

I bought Sarah a funny Valentine’s Day card, plus three roses, and I put them in her room tonight while she was at a Highlanders’ Performance.  I hope she likes it.

The past couple of days have been relaxing and peaceful.  Rehearsals have been easy and last night we had our costume parade.  I had to stand in front of the whole cast and crew, under the bright stage lights, with nothing but a sheet around my waist.

After the rehearsal I went to Sarah’s room, and she just looked at me from across the room.

“What?” I asked.

“Well…you have a nice body, skinny boy.”  And she looked at me in such a way, and gave me a grin in such a way, that said, “Why didn’t you tell me you were so sexy underneath your clothes.”

I was obviously surprised.  I just view myself as a tall, skinny, lanky, awkward dude.

“Really?” I offered back.  “No one’s ever told me that before.”

And then I kissed her.

Our relationship has grown so much.  Thank you Jesus.  Thank you God.  Thank you Holy Spirit.

Elizabeth has become a really awesome friend.  We’ve begun to share our hearts with one another.  Thank you for her too Lord.

Life and love are all about giving.  It’s as simple as that.  Give all that you have.  Hold nothing for yourself.

When you live for yourself, you become lonely and cold.  Give your life away to everyone around you, and you will find yourself never lacking in joy and peace.

I guess this means I’ll have to give Lees-McRae away as well.

And in order to keep Sarah, I’ll have to give her away too.

 

February 11, 1998 – Wednesday – 1:00 p.m.

Last night was so weird.

Emily has a big long break between her scene’s in Cuckoo’s Nest, and last night, during that break, she went and drank all her problems away.  She came back to her scene with me in our underwear all liquored up, that’s the first time I’ve ever had to kiss anyone with so much alcohol on their breath.  Then after our scene she pours her heart out to me backstage, and starts crying.  She said something really bad happened to her that day, but she didn’t want to tell me the details.  Whew.  I felt for her.

I bought my plane ticket for Tampa today.  $221, pretty good, huh?

Justin and I have decided to spend Spring Break doing some flood relief work in Kentucky.  It should be fun.

Titanic received 14 Oscar nominations.  That’s a tie for the record, crazy!

Life is running along very smoothly.  Less than three months remain now.

Sarah gets more beautiful with each passing day.  I am only 21-years-old, but I know I have truly loved a woman.

February 9, 1998 – Monday – 3:30 p.m.

So, for the show, my director wanted me to look a bit like the character in the movie version of One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, which means he wanted me to dye my hair red and get a perm.  I did, it was done last night and everyone likes it, or they are all lying to me, but at least to my face they say it looks pretty hip.  Sarah hasn’t seen it yet.

I talked to a Teen Mania representative and they want me to be in Bradenton, FL on April 3-5.  I have to fly down there.  I’ll go, wait on the Lord, and see what happens.

The show opens in a bit over a week.  On the following weekend, I’m going to South Carolina for an Acquire the Fire youth convention.  My One-Act will open the following weekend, and then it’s Spring Break starting on the following Friday.  We haven’t made any Spring Break plans yet, so I don’t know what that week holds for me.

A couple of weeks later I’ll be in Florida and then it’ll be close to a month before graduation.

Dan and Abigail are becoming an item now.  It’s kind of cute, but kind of weird.  But it also makes me happy nonetheless.

And Sarah and I are good.  I love her so much.

Thanks God for all you have given me.  Thanks for the weeks and months ahead.  You are everything in my life.  I adore you.