July 9, 2000 – Sunday – 12:30 p.m.

I got home at 5:00 this morning.  I was up in Maryland returning Uncle Jeff’s truck back to him.  My roommate drove my new car up there and then we drove it back down together, but the alternator or battery or something messed up on us.  It’s a long story, but it took us one heck of a time getting back.  We were stopping and waiting.  We slept on the side of the interstate for a while.  We got stuck near Bowling Green, VA where we ate at the Chin Restaurant.  Actually it was the Chinese Inn, but so many letters were burnt out that it read ‘Chin.’

It feels like I’ve been all over Virginia and Maryland this week. Last weekend I camped out with Dan on the top of the mountain behind his house in West Virginia, then we spent the next day visiting Garrett County in Maryland.  I drove back on the 4th of July.

I also helped Kristen out with a CD-Rom she is working on.  She wanted to interview me about today’s youth since I lead 12 of them to Los Angeles nearly one year ago.

I’m sad that I didn’t get to visit Forefront Church this morning, but I was just too sleepy after our night on the highway.  Hopefully I can visit a week from today.

 

July 2, 2000 – Sunday – 8:10 a.m.

Well, at four o’clock yesterday afternoon I decided to go visit Dan in West Virginia.  I’ve never been here before.  It is a beautiful place full of lovely mountains.  My drive up was amazing.

Dan grew up in this awesome cabin-style house.  We went up to the top of the closest mountain last night and saw satellites floating high above.  The stars were so beautiful; there was no moon.

Dan told me that he and Abigail had talked about me and said that I seemed weirder since I left Lees-McRae.

I guess they’re right.

God I just want you to make me who you want me to be.

So it’s the 4th of July weekend and I’m in West Virginia.  Life is making less and less sense.  All seems to be fading away.  I guess I should stop expecting any of this to make sense.

I want adventure.  I want memories.  I want family.

What is keeping me from you God?  I give it up.  Take it from me.

June 30, 2000 – Friday – 6:50 a.m.

I haven’t written in two weeks.  I did that on purpose, for writing makes me focus too much on myself.  I need to be more selfless.

Much has changed in the past two weeks.  As I both feared and predicted after Marie returned to New Jersey five weeks ago, she came back to Virginia Beach and broke up with me.  It was clear that she’d been heavily influenced by her parents to let me go.  Her parents grew very uncomfortable with the fact that I needed student loans to pay for school and that I used a credit card to pay for making my thesis film.

So my girlfriend broke up with me because her parents think I’m broke, and then my job gave me a raise, a promotion, a salary, and benefits, which means I’m now making $300 more a week than I had been making.  Hmm.  I just started humming Alanis Morissette’s Ironic. 

I went to Charlie and Kate’s wedding last weekend and had one of the most blessed weekends of my life.  I’ve also decided to do Marie a favor and not attend Avalon Hills anymore.  The minister who married Charlie and Kate told me about a church in my area called Forefront, so I’ll check that out.

Here I am again.  June is over.  July is here.

The summer is flying by.

June 18, 2000 – Sunday – 4:07 p.m.

The week went by fast.  Work is fun.  Dan and I play chess a lot in the evenings.  Marie returns on Tuesday.

Trey, Kristen, and Mike took me down to North Carolina to pick up my new used car.  It’s a white 1992 Chevy Cavalier.  It drives nicely.

While there we visited Clay’s parents Barbara and Clyde, but Barbara wasn’t there, only Clyde and Eric.  Funny stuff happened, so funny that it can’t be translated and explained into these pages.

We walked along the railroad tracks near my old house.  Everything was so green and the fireflies were out.  I always thought I grew up in a flat land, but after living in Virginia Beach for two years, I now see how beautiful the rolling hills of my youth were.  Thank you God for letting me spend my childhood there.  It is such a perfect and precious gift.  No doubt you put those railroad tracks there just for me to have a clear path to wander down.

I am nearly 24-years-old now God.  I see now that you have never left me.  I am overwhelmed by your patience and beauty.

Trey, Kristen, Mike, and I stopped at a Starbucks in Chapel Hill on Franklin St. on the way back.  I’m so glad I didn’t go to a big state school like UNC.  Part of me is still trying to get over Lees-McRae.  Part of me is trying to succeed here.  And part of me just wants to relax and let all the days fade away.

I can’t believe it is June.  I miss Marie and just want to have a good conversation with her.  It has been difficult to have those over the phone recently.  She doesn’t seem comfortable talking with her parents there.

Time is passing.  But I will go on.  I work.  I write.  I read.  And I wait.

I also remember.  And I try to forget.

June 10, 2000 – Saturday – 10:32 p.m.

I have just arrived back from Allen and Jessica’s wedding.  It was this morning during the  sunrise on the shores of Wildcat Lake near Lees-McRae.  My roommate Dan came with me; we rode with Justin, who is working up on the Eastern Shore this summer as a boat captain at a camp.  I was a groomsman, and it was a beautiful wedding.  It was so wonderful to see everyone, but Vince wasn’t there since he was down in Bolivia.

I even saw Sarah.  She had just returned from London and Paris.  She’s doing great!

Dan (not my roommate) and I had a great talk as we slept outside under the stars.  He and Abigail will marry on September 2nd.  Charlie and Kate’s wedding is in two weeks.

I learned so much this weekend.  It was very freeing to be around my friends, but it hurt Dan (my roommate) in perhaps the same way it hurt Marie.  On the drive back he confessed that he wished he hadn’t come along, for seeing me with my college buddies made him feel like he didn’t really have any good friends at all.

I thought everyone had a college experience similar to my own, but perhaps I was one of the lucky ones.

June 1, 2000 – Thursday – 9:10 a.m.

I’m not entirely sure where I am.  I think I’m in Arlington, VA.  I’m in Northern Virginia none the less.  I came up here yesterday with Jean from work.  She’s my colleague and we’ve spent much time working together recently on several projects.  She’s becoming a good friend and we are sharing a great deal with each other about our personal lives.

I also came up with Townley and Andy, the vice-president and president.  Andy has a presentation in Baltimore.  I created his PowerPoint presentation for him and he said all the other Presidents from different companies from all over the world were watching it, and they all loved it.

Jean and I stayed in Arlington to do some work with Waveworks, a sister company of Acoustic Works.  It didn’t go too well, but we learned a lot, and we are staying with Townley’s parents.

June is here.

I love you God.

April 10, 2000 – Monday – 7:47 a.m.

I’m back in Virginia Beach now.  The weekend and the wedding was so great.  I’m getting to know Marie’s family better and I believe they really like me.  I can see future holidays being spent in their adorable home.  I’m seeing their strengths and their weaknesses, but overall the weekend brought Marie and I closer together.  I’m thankful for that.

It snowed up there yesterday.

After the wedding we had dinner at a Bob Evans in West Chester, PA with Marie’s friends Aimee and Simon.  Simon is from England.  We really hit it off.

It was so nice to make two new friends in a brand new town in a state I’ve only passed through before.

This Saturday on the 15th, Marie and I are going to Banner Elk.  I can’t wait for her to meet my friends!  How exciting!

God is blessing me like crazy through this beautiful woman.

Thank you sweet Jesus.

March 25, 2000 – Saturday – 10:00 a.m.

Spring has begun.  Curtis is married.  I didn’t get to go.  Pilate is over.

Last Friday Marie and I went to the Virginia Marine Science Museum, and yesterday we went to Yorktown.  I just adore our Friday trips together.

I talked with Dan and Vince over the weekend, as well as Lindy.  Evidently, the wedding was great.  A single month of classes remain.  I’ve got a great deal of work to do.

And I love Marie!

January 24, 2000 – Monday – 1:35 p.m.

Okay, let me just slow down enough to write in my journal.

Marie just stopped by on her way to class.  We are having dinner together in four hours, a special soup from her mother.  Marie is my best friend ever.  My beautiful love.  The woman I want to spend every day of my life with.  I’ve walked down many different paths and have had other relationships with girls, but they have all guided me here to these days in Virginia Beach with her.

We go to church together now and it has pulled me away from Parkway Temple, where I attended for the past 18 months.  We have tried Bethel Christian Fellowship, but I don’t think that is for us, so we’re going to try Avalon Hills next Sunday.

I am amazed and overwhelmed every day by the love of both Marie and Jesus.

This past Friday we drove around the Bacon’s Castle area of southeast Virginia.  There were so many little village type towns out there.  On February 11th we are driving down to Wilmington, NC, where I hope to move with her in a year and a half’s time.  Her birthday is in July and inside I’m praying that that is when I will ask her to marry me.

She is the sweetest and grandest of all women.  She views life through the eyes of a poet.  Her faith and relationship with Jesus is so true and steadfast.  She is a warrior and a little girl.  She is faithful and true.  She is beyond anything I could have dreamed to share my life with.  She listens to me, holds me, comforts me, prays for me, and loves me.

She amazes me.

Thank you Jesus.

January 16, 2000 – Sunday – 9:05 a.m.

Marie and I had a perfect Friday!  She was completely surprised by Martin Guerre at the Kennedy Center in D.C.  And last night we just held each other and had a delightful conversation.

We are going to church together at Bethel Christian Fellowship in Pungo this morning, then we’re visiting my grandparents north of Williamsburg.  She will meet my father and I pray God helps us today.

I just recently read what C. S. Lewis had to say about prayer.  I feel often that my prayers are answered, just never the prayers I speak, only the prayers I live.

Why is life, which I often see is so hard and hurting for others, absolutely wonderful for me?  Are all things filtered through Christ before they get to me?  Is life easy now because it will be super difficult later?  I don’t know what’s going on Lord, but I know I am doing nothing to deserve it.  All I know is I see you.  I see you moving.  And you are beautiful!