January 13, 1999 – Wednesday – 8:30 a.m.

Haven’t written in a while.

Lindy left Saturday morning.  Our time together was fantastic.  God fell on us at youth service on Friday.  Vince left with Justin Sunday morning.  And then God fell on us at church that night.  Three people had the same vision for me.  They saw me in front of millions.

Classes seem fun so far, but tons of work.

We’ve had prayer meetings at church the past two night.  Something seems to be happening.

I’ll be working on film shoots over the next two months on the weekends.  And when I’m not doing that, I’ll be rehearsing the masks skit.

It is nearing my brother’s birthday.  I don’t even know if he went back to school or what he is doing.

It’s a brand new year.  I must not long for the past anymore.  Forgive me for always doing that God.

Guide me.

Lead me.

 

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January 8, 1999 – Friday – 8:20 a.m.

Tracey just left for home.  She stayed the night, along with Vince and Lindy, who are both still here.  They came in last night.  We visited Justin, who was a little sick, and also went to see Christin.

Oh, how I love my friends!  They are so good and so good to me.

I have to go to work soon, but it has been a while since I’ve written, so I just wanted to jot something down.  On Wednesday we had our first Drama meeting of the year.  To begin, I’m going to lead the kids through a six-week discipleship course.  Everything is wonderful!  Classes start soon!

I love you Jesus!

 

January 1, 1999 – Friday – 4:30 p.m.

For the final night of 1998, I attended a prayer service at Brownsville Assembly of God and afterwards I was at a nearby Methodist church until 1:30 a.m.  Several different praise bands were playing.  It was mainly a youth service.  I knew no one there but Jesus and had an amazing time.

And God reminded me then that life would be similar to that event.  I would always find myself worshipping with different groups of people.

I have been been waiting in line in front of Brownsville Assembly for most of this New Year’s Day.  God is good.

I miss home though.  I look forward to flying back.  This break has been nice, for it has caused me to appreciate my life in Virginia Beach so much better now.

Three days are left here.

I may return here, or I may never see this land again.

Yesterday I took a drive and ended up in a small country town by the name of Jay, Florida.  Many people call me Jay.  And that’s where I was during the final sunset of 1998.  The land was so flat, the color of sky took my breath away.

Solitude.

I enjoy mine greatly.

Thanks Lord.

December 31, 1998 – Thursday – 12:30 p.m.

It is the last day of the year.  Happy Birthday Christi!

And it is nearly the last day of the century.

Emily and I never went to a movie on Monday.  She left a message here on Wednesday night saying she had been in Atlanta for the past two days and now she is back in Tallahassee.  I flew down here from Virginia to see her and she goes to Atlanta, yet she writes letters to me saying, “In a perfect world, I could smell the salt of your skin.”

It doesn’t make any sense.  I want our story to be over.

So 1999 will begin soon.  I am going to spend the final night of this year at Brownsville Assembly of God.

Last night mom and I went to visit a local church and we ended up at Glad Tidings Assembly of God in Pace, FL.  There I met the oldest resident of Santa Rosa county.  She is 105 years old.

I often think that because I take the time to write my thoughts down on these blank pages that I’ve figured life out.  But then I look into the eyes of someone born in the 1890s and realize I don’t know anything.  She was all there too.  She had the clearest mind.  Oh God, may I get there some day.

I’ve found myself dreaming of Virginia Beach and Chesapeake.  It has happened again.  Another home has come.  I long for it now more than my mountains.

Oh Lord, don’t ever let me go.

I spent the first days of this year in Siler City and Sanford, then months in Banner Elk where I spent time with Sarah who decided to let me go before I would have to let her go.  I played Billy Bibbit on stage, spent a week in Kentucky, a weekend in Tampa, and thousand of moments with the greatest humans on the earth: Vince, Allen, Dan, Curtis, Tracey, Abigail, Ann-Marie, Josh, Ashley, Justin, Jessica, Lindy, Jeni and many more.  Jenny got married.  I graduated.  And I spent a month driving back and forth to Winston-Salem trying to hold onto a girl I knew was fading away.  I raised some money, flew to Africa, and returned to a brand new world of Christin, Sterling, and Kimberly; a world I now greatly miss.

I saw God move in South Africa, but as I grow older, I realize God is moving everywhere.

In addition to my one-act in the early months of the year, I also directed a beautiful Christmas show at Parkway Temple.  Regent allowed me to work on many film projects, and of course there was my job at the bookstore.  I visited Lynchburg, and now I am here in Milton, FL, where I rode with mom to New Orleans and saw the coast line in between.

I am 22-years-old.

The days are not getting any easier.

The days are not getting any longer.

All I can do is grab the hand of Jesus on one side of me, grab the hand of a good friend on the other side, and hope the rock on which we stand will remain.

The first days of 1999 will begin as the last days of 1998 are ending.  I’ll be attending the famous Brownsville Revival.

I fly out on the fourth and will land in the arms of Christin, for she is picking me up from the airport.

If all goes well, I hope to spend most of my days in Virginia Beach and Chesapeake during the final months of the century, for I have a very acute feeling that I won’t be there very long.

Heaven will be nice.

There are no goodbyes there.

December 22, 1998 – Tuesday – 11:24 p.m.

On Monday nights I attend a “Home Church” that meets at Christian’s house, right across the yard from me.  This morning I played racquet ball with Erin (a guy) from the group.  We had a good time.

The Christmas carriage ride tonight with Sterling and Christin was so delightful.  We rode with some rather boring people, but that didn’t stop us from having a great time.  They gave me the coolest presents; I adore those two so much.

Sterling had to leave, but Christin and I drove back to her house so I could pick up a copy of our Christmas show.  Her dad had videotaped it.

While there, we sat at the piano and played Canon in D together.

Canon in D.

She is such a sweet and beautiful girl.  She gave me a letter tonight that blessed me so much.  I read it in awe and amazement.  She is so good to me.

We are going to the movies tomorrow after church and then she is taking me to the airport.

Please God, please help me know what is going on.

December 18, 1998 – Friday – 11:49 p.m.

Our show opened tonight, and I received two invitations from other churches to bring the show to their church.  One woman wants me to plan a drama workshop weekend in August.

What are you doing God?

I went with Christin and Justin and others to see The Prince of Egypt tonight.  It was so wonderful.  Christin invited me over for a family Christmas gathering tomorrow.

There is something about her.  I want to be closer to her.  Why do things like this always happen?  Oh Emily…what is going on?

December 10, 1998 – Thursday – 9:50 p.m.

It has been a year since Sarah and I took that walk out to the park.  I still remember her lips.  Here I am, one year from that night, still so glad that the moment happened.

On this December 10th I had rehearsal at church with a fantastic group of beautiful and energy-filled teenagers.  Man, I love them!  I prayed for each one specifically tonight.  They are so hungry.  It was a special moment.

After rehearsal Kimberly and Christin and I went out to eat and I told them about how special my friendships were with Lindy and Abigail and so many other girls and Lees-McRae and from Abundant Life Christian Center.  It was very clear to the three of us that the two of them, plus Sterling, were now included in that list of special female friends.

You know, I don’t think there’s anything better than leaving home for the first time.

Work has been tough and studying for exams is time-consuming.  It will be nice when I can find more time to simply exist in my solitude.

I drove Kimberly home tonight.  I love the way she laughs.  She turns 16 in about a month and a half.