June 29, 1998 – Monday – 9:29 p.m.

Today is Allen’s birthday, but I haven’t called him yet, since I don’t have my phone hooked up.  Happy 22 Allen!

Matt and I watched Braveheart last night.  I woke up kinda early this morning and tried to run some errands, but there wasn’t much I could do.  I did meet some faculty members, but very few.

I drove to the beach today.  It was very touristy, so I drove onto the Fort Henry Military Base at Cape Henry.  I went to the Cape Henry Memorial.  I was alone, it was nice, like my own little corner of the world.  There were dolphins playing in the waves.  It reminded me of Hilton Head.

Wow, that was a long time ago.

I miss Emily and Sarah.  I miss a beautiful woman in my arms.

Matt and I went to see The Truman Show tonight.  It’s such a perfect movie.  There was a beautiful storm brewing outside as we left.  I can see so much farther here.  Well, not as far as if I were on top of Grandfather Mountain, but far simply because it’s all so perfectly flat.

In nine days I depart for Texas, and five days after that I leave for South Africa.  Today I went to places I’ve never been before.  And that is pretty much going to be my life for the next month.

Tomorrow is the final day of June, then 1998 will be half over.  And I did the math, after I turn 22 in August, it’s 500 days until the year 2000.  Crazy!

Our phone should be hooked sometime tomorrow.  I’m looking forward to that.

Virginia Beach is the largest city in Virginia population wise, but it’s been pretty peaceful since I hardly know a soul.

Advertisements

June 21, 1998 – Sunday – 3:04 p.m.

It’s officially the first day of summer!

Friday night I went to Asheboro and ran into Wynne and Grant from high school.  We went to see X-Files together.  It was nice to be near them.  I rode around in the back of Grant’s truck for a bit as he cruised downtown.  It was a nice moment of wind and freedom.

On Saturday I spent the day with Sarah at Pilot Mountain on the other side of Winston-Salem.  What a magical place.  We saw Hope Floats that evening and ate dinner with her dad.  We had some difficult hikes during our hike.  I’m glad I’m leaving.  Sarah and I feel a bit stuck.  I’m sure if I were three years younger, our relationship would play out differently.  I love her, but it is closing time for us now.  I need to go away and have time with God.

Mom and Henry have given me a car.  It is a 1989 Dodge Aires, something Henry used to drive.

I have five full days left here.  I am in the process of registering for my fall graduate classes. All of that will begin in about two months, and one of those months will be spent in Africa.

I’m yours God.

June 7, 1998 – Sunday – 12:40 a.m.

To me it is still Saturday.  Today was supposed to be the day Sarah and I went to Carowinds to see Rebecca St. James and Cindy Morgan in concert, but Sarah got really sick with Strep Throat on Thursday.  I went to see her on Friday and spent nearly every second with her all weekend until just now.  We snuggled most of Friday; she would fall in and out of sleep and I would just be next to her and tickle her back.

We went to see The Truman Show today after she started feeling a bit better.  What a brilliant movie!

Mason was in Greensboro today, so he stopped to visit us at Sarah’s house.  It was nice to see him.  He had a girl with him; someone he has been seeing from Tweetsie Railroad.  The four of us went out to eat together.

Sarah and I had a difficult time when it came time for me to leave.  We have only 20 days left.  Then I will leave and neither of us knows what will happen.

May 31, 1998 – Sunday – 5:30 p.m.

On Friday I needed another $700 to meet a payment for South Africa.  I prayed and prayed, but only $75 came in the mail yesterday.  But they took a love offering for me at church today and I received $1,575.25.

That is well over $700!

Thank you God.

I spent half of yesterday with Sarah.  We ate at her dad’s house and watched some old home videos.  I laughed for hours.  We then went to see The Horse Whisperer, it was a beautiful movie.

I didn’t leave Sarah’s house until 3:00 a.m.  We just spent our time constantly affirming each other.  I am in love with her.  It blows my mind.

I am in love with God.

I am in love with Jesus.

He is the only way to go.

May 24, 1998 – Sunday – 7:30 a.m.

Oh God!

Okay…

Sarah and I spent Friday together at her house.  And yesterday we went to the zoo together and that night I took her to see City of Angels.

We had such an amazing weekend together.  The way she looks at me as I  walk, the way she holds my hand as I drove across this beautiful state, the way she holds me and kisses me…. Oh God, you are so awesome!  I want to live for you Lord!

Thank you for everything.

May 4, 1998 – Monday – 9:30 a.m.

Can it already be May?

This is my final week.

Saturday night, I went to see Titanic again.  I went with Summer from our Bible Study, she hadn’t seen it yet.  We had a wonderful time, and she cried her eyes out just like everyone else.

Yesterday I said my goodbyes to the church.  I cried during communion, and gave a little speech.  I told many families that I loved them dearly.

Sunday night, last night, Sarah and I, plus Lindy and Ann-Marie, went to see Les Miserables.  Not the musical, just the movie, but I didn’t really like it.  There’s no way you can fit that epic story into a two hour movie.  It didn’t even have Eponine.  The first half was okay, but the 2nd half was too vague.  The others liked it, but they haven’t read the book.

I’ve begun talking all of my eagles and such off of my walls.  I’m slowly packing up day by day.

Seven days.

It’s already come down to just seven days.

 

April 28, 1998 – Tuesday – 10:30 a.m.

We watched the film projects on Sunday.  Everyone enjoyed mine tremendously.  It had people in tears.  I was told by several others that it blew everyone else’s away.  But it even got me though, and I made it.  I came to my room and cried, for I knew all of this was almost over.  Sarah and Jessi came over to hold me.  We all cried together.

And then there was last night.  I don’t know how to write about last night.  Perhaps many days later I will be able to.

But something was on my heart.

Sarah wanted me to tell her.

I told her I was afraid she wouldn’t understand.

She wanted to know.

I told her in the most loving way I knew how, and afterwards she stood up, went into my bathroom, and vomited in my toilet.

Hours later I was able to tell her something else that I have never spoken aloud to anyone, including myself, in all my 21 years.

This is all stuff that relates to my faith, and to my fears that others may not believe as deeply as I do.  But my sharing that in an effort to be understood only caused Sarah to feel rejected.

Oh God, why am I the way I am?