January 31, 1995 – Tuesday – 11:17 p.m.

January is over.

February is beginning.

Only 11 more months in 1995.

Time flies.

Sunday afternoon, while Jeni was dancing, Charlie, Jason, and I went to Sharon’s house.  Little Hannah and I played Super Nintendo and then watched The Land Before Time.  It was wonderful to be away from campus and live around a family for a few hours.  I had a blast!

Thanks for being with me Lord.

January 29, 1995 – Sunday – 1:45 a.m.

When I say “today” I mean Saturday.

I slept in this morning.

Jason, as I believe I told you, dropped out of school early in the semester.  College just wasn’t doing anything for him.  He is here until Thursday to visit.

Jeni had been dancing most of the morning, but I met her for lunch.  Charlie was taking his junior high school youth group to see The Jungle Book today.  He asked me to go with him.  I told Jeni I was going to go and asked her if she wanted to come along.  She said should didn’t want to and would use the time to be alone and do her homework.

After lunch, she went back to dancing and Jason and I went up to Kristi’s room to play Donkey Kong Country.  

I rode with Jason to Boone to go see the movie and we listened to Ray Boltz on the way.

The movie was a lot of fun.  It was Disney’s live action attempt at the book.  But I prefer the animated one.  The music is awesome.

We ate at Taco Bell then came back to campus.

It was nice to see Jeni this evening.  She was a little sick so we just watched ice skating on TV.

I called Kevin tonight.  He is going great, but his grades are horrible.

I do love my brother.

January 28, 1995 – Saturday – 11:15 a.m.

Last night, Kristi let Derek and I play Donkey Kong Country on her Super Nintendo.  That game is so awesome!

I’m sitting here on my bed with all my journals right next to me.

Things have definitely changed.

I miss everyone, but it is forever gone and that really hurts.

Jeni and I don’t have a history together like Christi and Ryan and I had.  We are forming it, but it takes time to grow close.

Sometimes, things between Jeni and I still get too close physically.  It’s getting in the way of why I really love her and I want us to back away from that.

I love Jeni, but sometimes she just needs to lighten up and not let things get to her.  She got upset at me for watching Silence of the Lambs, yet in Cincinnati she unbuttoned her own shirt while kissing me.  It just doesn’t make sense.

This is a good life, but I still want to be free.

I don’t want to be hurt again.

Help me Lord.

January 27, 1995 – Friday – 1:20 p.m.

Today has been great, but last night was not.

Last night I was going to watch Silence of the Lambs.  I had never seen it, but it did win the Oscar for Best Picture a few years ago, so I wanted to see it for that reason alone.  It was fine, but I didn’t like it that much, but Jeni was disappointed in me for watching it because of some of its subject matter.

Then, I started thinking about home, and it hurt because I am homesick for a home that doesn’t exist anymore.  It has all changed.

Jeni’s homesick, but she can go back home.  It has hardly changed at all.

I can’t go back.

So, it was a rough night.

In fact, it has been a rough week.

But this morning, Jeni and I went for a walk.  We stopped at the bridge that runs over Elk River and we talked, prayed, kissed, and laughed.

Things will get easier.

January is quickly coming to an end.

February is so close.

On March 10th, spring break begins.  Jeni and I will either be in Ft. Lauderdale, Florida or Cincinnati, Ohio.  We haven’t decided yet.

School gets out for the summer around May 15th.

Another summer.

The summer of ’95.

Hopefully I will visit Deep Creek and Fishnet again.

But then again I don’t really know what will happen.  We shall see.

I love Jeni and I love this cold weather, but I’m looking forward to the warmth.

January 26, 1995 – Thursday – 1:30 p.m.

I’m in the college post office at this time.

Jeni and I spent some nice quality time together last night.  She has been homesick ever since we got here.  She loves her mommy.  For a while, I thought I was the one bringing her down, but it turns out she just wants her mom.

Everything else is okay.  Jonathan and I still email.  He’s okay.  He wrote me today and told me that I was the most special person to him on this planet.

Tonight, our World Civilization class is watching Black Robe.  I don’t know what it is about, but we get extra credit if we watch it.

A few nights ago, I figured out how three-way-calling works and Brandon and Jeni and I talked at once.  It was cool.

All is well.

January 24, 1995 – Tuesday – 4:00 p.m.

Jeni and I have been going through some hard times.  We are okay now, but last night she wondered why I was still with her and why I put up with her.  She said that there were better girls out there that could make me a lot happier.

She said she knew that I was the best and asked me if I would stay with her even though she wasn’t the best.

I said yes.

Today, I found out that I got the part of Tommy in Joey’s scene.  Did I tell you about that?  I think I did.

I’m so excited.

January 21, 1995 – Saturday – 8:00 p.m.

sibling-rivalries-legends-of-the-fall

I saw a movie today.

It was one of the saddest movies I have ever seen.

Jeni began crying about five minutes after it started and she did not stop until the end.  But I did not cry until it was over.

Legends of the Fall was absolutely amazing.  It’s very hard to describe.  I don’t know where to begin, but in the movie Samuel Ludlow was killed in a battle during World War I.  It was a horrible death.  He was tangled up in barbed wire, blind, and blown to pieces by a machine gun, all before his brother’s eyes.  This happens pretty early in the movie and the main story is about how the surviving brother deals with all the trauma.

But after the movie was over, I was watching the credits and I saw a name:  Henry Thomas.

“Henry Thomas,” I said to Jeni.  “That’s Elliot in E.T.”

Jeni looked at me.

“I don’t remember seeing a little boy in this movie.”

Then I remembered a grin given by Samuel Ludlow.

Holy Cow.  E.T.’s little friend had grown up.  I instantly realized that it had been over 12 years since E.T. came out and that two soldiers had shot up innocent little Elliot!  I imagined E.T. seeing this horrific death and my eyes began to water.

Jeni was laughing at me, but I was balling like a baby.  The theater was empty.  The credits were rolling.  The lights had come on, and I was on the front row, crying my eyes out.

I couldn’t stop thinking about it and I cried the entire way home.

Jeni seemed a little embarrassed of me.

Every day I grow older.

And although I have my life planned out, I now see how it can easily change.

I am not my own.

Everything around me is covered with snow.  It is winter here and it can be seen.

But it is not winter in my heart.  It is springtime.  I am still young.  I am growing.

So little I have seen.

So much I never will.

Yet I continue to tell my small story.

I continue to tell my legend.

This young friend of E.T. is also growing older.

There are still some things to do and accomplish.

There is still a world he must save.

January 20, 1995 – Friday – 1:15 a.m.

Today (Thursday), has been pretty good.

I have three classes on Tuesdays and Thursdays.  World Civilization, Freshman Composition, and Piano.  I also spend a few hours with my work study job in the campus post office.  It was a lot of fun!

Auditions for Student-Directed One-Acts were tonight.  I was only going to audition for one: Marcie’s children’s show of The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe.  I did okay.  I’ll find out if I got the part tomorrow.  But as I was walking back, a senior named Joey stopped me and handed me an audition sheet, wanting me to audition for a small scene he is directing later in the semester.  I did.  And then he asked me to read for the second half of the scene as well.  He really seemed to like me.  I would play an awkward virgin talking to a prostitute.  I guess that isn’t too much of a stretch for me.  The girl playing the prostitute is a super pretty girl named Penny.

Auditioning was fun.  I hope I get something.

Jeni and I got to see each other some throughout the day.  We ate all three meals together.

It snowed a little bit this evening.

Charlie is supposedly seeing this girl named Kate.  I sit next to her in World Civilization.

Charlie wrote up another RA and all the guys on the hall except for me aren’t talking to him.

This weekend Jeni and I are going to see Legends of the Fall.  Tracey and Derek might go with us.

I am having a good time.  I have my girl beside me.  I have good friends who like me.  It turns out I’m not a bad actor.  Perhaps I  have a future.

Jeni wants to be my wife.

She loves me.

She loves me.

She loves me.

We will have children together one day!

It’s good to see all of my great friends.

This day closes, but a greater one is beginning.

Another day to spend more time with Jeni.

Another day to love her.

Another day to worship Jesus.

Another day to live for him.

Then another and another.

My Book of Days.

January 19, 1995 – Thursday – 1:15 a.m.

My first class this semester starts in less than seven hours.  Everything is pretty much squared away, except there is one class that I wasn’t supposed to be in that I have to drop.

We watched Amadeus in Derek’s room tonight.

Jeni and I spent a lot of time together, just talking and having fun.

Lord, I ask you to strengthen our relationship.  Make us grow towards you.  That is what I want Lord.

And give me a peaceful sleep in your presence.

I love you with all my heart.

Goodnight.

January 17, 1995 – Tuesday – 4:30 p.m.

Today is my older brother’s birthday.

Kevin is 20!

I can’t believe it.  He still is like a kid to me.

The events of the past two days have been unexpected.  On Sunday Jeni and Tracey and I went into Boone to eat at Makoto’s, an awesome new Japanese restaurant, because our school’s cafeteria was closed due to the water being contaminated thanks to the sewer system backing up with all the flooding going on.  One thing always leads to another.

And when we returned to campus…boom…we discovered that school had been cancelled until further notice and all students had to go home.  People who couldn’t go home would stay in a shelter off campus.

So, Jeni and I drove to my house that night.  Tracey waited for Derek to return from New York and then they went to stay at a camp Tracey used to work for near Asheville.

Jeni and I arrived at home Sunday night at 10:00 p.m.  We didn’t know how long we were going to be there, but we went home anyway.

For Monday, Jeni and I went to visit Scott.  We shot his bow and arrow and a few of his guns at a target he had set up in his back yard.  It was fun.  Scott told me a little about what had been going on at church.  Pastor Steve does the youth group now, and Scott says he doesn’t go anymore.  He said that he wants to leave the church.

“Why?” I asked.

He didn’t say.

So, I asked. “Is Pastor Steve still in God’s will?”

“I’m not going to answer that,” he said.

But I guess I already know the answer.  What has happened?  I hope I will never know.  I told Scott that I didn’t want the present truth to pervert and twist my wonderful memories.

Next, Jeni and I went to Jenna and Tenielle’s.  They’re mom cut my hair and we spent a little time with them.  Tenielle has a new boyfriend who came over.  To be honest, he seemed like an arrogant brat.

But Tenielle’s only 13.  It’s all still a game to her.

I’m glad I wasn’t a game.

Afterwards, Jeni and I drove to Southern Pines and just spent time driving and talking.

We picked up some subs and went to Kiwanis Park for lunch.  Then we went to visit Kristen.  She was surprised to see me.  We talked about tons of stuff.  We stayed and ate dinner with her.  She cut all her long pretty hair off, but otherwise she’s doing great.

Monday came to a close as Tuesday dawned.

Today.

Jeni and I didn’t go anywhere, but we found out from Tracey that classes started on Thursday and orientation was tomorrow.  So at 4:00 p.m. began the three hour journey back.  I’m writing while she’s driving.

Today we spent a lot of time talking about us and how close we have been.  Although we haven’t had sex, I told her that what we’re doing is too much for my comfort level and it feels like we are cheating ourselves from something better in the future.  I love her very much and I don’t want to hurt her or myself.

I’m glad we were able to go home because I doubt we would have talked about this at school.

We are currently in Wilkesboro, no, sorry, Yadkinville.  I always get those two towns confused.

The sun is setting.

I have my Les Miserables painting with me.

We are listening to Enya.

I love Jeni.

And this day is slowly coming to a close.