January 31, 1995 – Tuesday – 11:17 p.m.

January is over.

February is beginning.

Only 11 more months in 1995.

Time flies.

Sunday afternoon, while Jeni was dancing, Charlie, Jason, and I went to Sharon’s house.  Little Hannah and I played Super Nintendo and then watched The Land Before Time.  It was wonderful to be away from campus and live around a family for a few hours.  I had a blast!

Thanks for being with me Lord.


January 29, 1995 – Sunday – 1:45 a.m.

When I say “today” I mean Saturday.

I slept in this morning.

Jason, as I believe I told you, dropped out of school early in the semester.  College just wasn’t doing anything for him.  He is here until Thursday to visit.

Jeni had been dancing most of the morning, but I met her for lunch.  Charlie was taking his junior high school youth group to see The Jungle Book today.  He asked me to go with him.  I told Jeni I was going to go and asked her if she wanted to come along.  She said should didn’t want to and would use the time to be alone and do her homework.

After lunch, she went back to dancing and Jason and I went up to Kristi’s room to play Donkey Kong Country.  

I rode with Jason to Boone to go see the movie and we listened to Ray Boltz on the way.

The movie was a lot of fun.  It was Disney’s live action attempt at the book.  But I prefer the animated one.  The music is awesome.

We ate at Taco Bell then came back to campus.

It was nice to see Jeni this evening.  She was a little sick so we just watched ice skating on TV.

I called Kevin tonight.  He is going great, but his grades are horrible.

I do love my brother.

January 28, 1995 – Saturday – 11:15 a.m.

Last night, Kristi let Derek and I play Donkey Kong Country on her Super Nintendo.  That game is so awesome!

I’m sitting here on my bed with all my journals right next to me.

Things have definitely changed.

I miss everyone, but it is forever gone and that really hurts.

Jeni and I don’t have a history together like Christi and Ryan and I had.  We are forming it, but it takes time to grow close.

Sometimes, things between Jeni and I still get too close physically.  It’s getting in the way of why I really love her and I want us to back away from that.

I love Jeni, but sometimes she just needs to lighten up and not let things get to her.  She got upset at me for watching Silence of the Lambs, yet in Cincinnati she unbuttoned her own shirt while kissing me.  It just doesn’t make sense.

This is a good life, but I still want to be free.

I don’t want to be hurt again.

Help me Lord.

January 27, 1995 – Friday – 1:20 p.m.

Today has been great, but last night was not.

Last night I was going to watch Silence of the Lambs.  I had never seen it, but it did win the Oscar for Best Picture a few years ago, so I wanted to see it for that reason alone.  It was fine, but I didn’t like it that much, but Jeni was disappointed in me for watching it because of some of its subject matter.

Then, I started thinking about home, and it hurt because I am homesick for a home that doesn’t exist anymore.  It has all changed.

Jeni’s homesick, but she can go back home.  It has hardly changed at all.

I can’t go back.

So, it was a rough night.

In fact, it has been a rough week.

But this morning, Jeni and I went for a walk.  We stopped at the bridge that runs over Elk River and we talked, prayed, kissed, and laughed.

Things will get easier.

January is quickly coming to an end.

February is so close.

On March 10th, spring break begins.  Jeni and I will either be in Ft. Lauderdale, Florida or Cincinnati, Ohio.  We haven’t decided yet.

School gets out for the summer around May 15th.

Another summer.

The summer of ’95.

Hopefully I will visit Deep Creek and Fishnet again.

But then again I don’t really know what will happen.  We shall see.

I love Jeni and I love this cold weather, but I’m looking forward to the warmth.

January 26, 1995 – Thursday – 1:30 p.m.

I’m in the college post office at this time.

Jeni and I spent some nice quality time together last night.  She has been homesick ever since we got here.  She loves her mommy.  For a while, I thought I was the one bringing her down, but it turns out she just wants her mom.

Everything else is okay.  Jonathan and I still email.  He’s okay.  He wrote me today and told me that I was the most special person to him on this planet.

Tonight, our World Civilization class is watching Black Robe.  I don’t know what it is about, but we get extra credit if we watch it.

A few nights ago, I figured out how three-way-calling works and Brandon and Jeni and I talked at once.  It was cool.

All is well.

January 24, 1995 – Tuesday – 4:00 p.m.

Jeni and I have been going through some hard times.  We are okay now, but last night she wondered why I was still with her and why I put up with her.  She said that there were better girls out there that could make me a lot happier.

She said she knew that I was the best and asked me if I would stay with her even though she wasn’t the best.

I said yes.

Today, I found out that I got the part of Tommy in Joey’s scene.  Did I tell you about that?  I think I did.

I’m so excited.

January 21, 1995 – Saturday – 8:00 p.m.


I saw a movie today.

It was one of the saddest movies I have ever seen.

Jeni began crying about five minutes after it started and she did not stop until the end.  But I did not cry until it was over.

Legends of the Fall was absolutely amazing.  It’s very hard to describe.  I don’t know where to begin, but in the movie Samuel Ludlow was killed in a battle during World War I.  It was a horrible death.  He was tangled up in barbed wire, blind, and blown to pieces by a machine gun, all before his brother’s eyes.  This happens pretty early in the movie and the main story is about how the surviving brother deals with all the trauma.

But after the movie was over, I was watching the credits and I saw a name:  Henry Thomas.

“Henry Thomas,” I said to Jeni.  “That’s Elliot in E.T.”

Jeni looked at me.

“I don’t remember seeing a little boy in this movie.”

Then I remembered a grin given by Samuel Ludlow.

Holy Cow.  E.T.’s little friend had grown up.  I instantly realized that it had been over 12 years since E.T. came out and that two soldiers had shot up innocent little Elliot!  I imagined E.T. seeing this horrific death and my eyes began to water.

Jeni was laughing at me, but I was balling like a baby.  The theater was empty.  The credits were rolling.  The lights had come on, and I was on the front row, crying my eyes out.

I couldn’t stop thinking about it and I cried the entire way home.

Jeni seemed a little embarrassed of me.

Every day I grow older.

And although I have my life planned out, I now see how it can easily change.

I am not my own.

Everything around me is covered with snow.  It is winter here and it can be seen.

But it is not winter in my heart.  It is springtime.  I am still young.  I am growing.

So little I have seen.

So much I never will.

Yet I continue to tell my small story.

I continue to tell my legend.

This young friend of E.T. is also growing older.

There are still some things to do and accomplish.

There is still a world he must save.