June 12, 1999 – Saturday – 4:51 p.m.

I feel like crying…crying because I don’t have best friend here.  At the moment, I feel so very much alone, very misunderstood, and I never feel like I can fully relax into the friendships I have here.

I talked to Justin, Abigail, Tracey, and Sarah the other night.  They sounded so good.  Sarah and I are all healed and that completely amazes me.  But these dear people are all far away.  Justin is in town, but at camp.  I leave in a week, so I won’t get to see him.

I’ll soon be around a new group of people.  Before I even depart, I guy I don’t know from Richmond is staying with me for a week while he helps out on a film shoot.

Oh Jesus…what is going on?

How am I doing?

I feel life has become so different and I don’t want it to be.  Is it my perspective or are things really changing?  Am I still young?  What do you want me to do?  Where have all my simple joys gone?  I am missing them so.  Why all this stress?  Life didn’t use to be this way.

Mom called me the other night.  She and Henry are having problems in their marriage.  They say they’re spiritual attacks because of their involvement with the Brownsville Revival and they are going to counseling.  I hope they’re still good.

There is a family reunion happening at Deep Creek, but I can’t go due to the film shoot.

Change.  I both love and hate it.

Advertisements

June 8, 1999 – Tuesday – 9:00 a.m.

Tenielle called me at one o’clock in the morning.  She is 17-years-old now, graduating from high school, and possibly joining the Army in October.  Jenna’s baby is a year and a half now.  She and Herb never got married.  I also found out that Tenielle and my brother Kevin were actually boyfriend and girlfriend at one time and actually kissed.  But Kevin was 21, and Tenielle was only 14.  That’s just sick!

But Tenielle seems to be doing okay now.  She sounded good.  We talked about how Carol is now raising five kids on her own since her husband left and is now addicted to cocaine.  She also said that Scott was just a big fat drunk now.  What happened?  I used to look up to these people.

Sharon also called me to tell me that Laura’s boyfriend David is off in Albania where some sort of war is going on.  With the job he has, that’s just what he does, he goes to the worst part of the world at the moment and lends a hand, trying to bring peace.  Laura says she can’t live like that.  She wants someone who can be there at the end of the day.  They are both just pitiful since they are learning they aren’t compatible.  Missions is on David’s heart and not on Laura’s, so he shouldn’t bring her along.

I took off from work until the middle of the July, simply to finish school for the summer and to do Master’s Commission.  The extra time is really nice.  I’m constantly in rehearsal for scenes in Actor Coaching.  Gin and Christy and I are a team.  They’re both fun.  Christy is getting married and has rekindled my belief that there are still good girls out there worth marrying.

Well, Lord…I give you another delightful day!

June 7, 1999 – Monday – 7:00 a.m.

Saturday night the youth group had a big bon-fire cookout thing out in Suffolk.  The stars were so bright and pretty and there were railroad tracks.  I love railroad tracks!

Sterling, Christin, and Kimberly toilet-papered my car and I made them feel terrible about it, which I later felt horrible about.

We had a meeting yesterday with the Master’s Commission team.  I met my other partner, her name is Mary.  She is very sweet and very pretty and love’s God more than anything.  We leave in less than two weeks.

Because of that, I’ve made some changes to the drama team.  Michelle is now the leader with Robin and Angie as her helpers.  I’ll mentor them when I can, but I just have too many other things going on.  I have rehearsals every night this week for school.  I even have a few during lunch time.  And I still have to finish my 15-page paper.

Time is moving so fast.

But at least I’m not bored.

June 4, 1999 – Friday – 10:39 p.m.

Looking back, I see my little midnight drive down the Outer Banks to be the latest Eternal Instant of my life.  It was perfect; just me and the Lord.

I slept Wednesday night for a solid twelve hours.

I met with Dayton today about Master’s Commission.  It’s fifteen days away.  I give God all the glory and thanks for this opportunity.  I’m going to spend three weeks all over Virginia and Los Angeles.  So perfect!  My collection continues to grow.

This has been a difficult week.  There now remains only one week of my summer courses.  I am in four Actor Coaching scenes, I’m directing another one, plus I have a 15-page Film Noir paper due, as well as a Film Noir final exam.  But it will all get done; it always does.  God is good.

After being here for nearly a year, I’m beginning to see how much this place is becoming a part of me.  I remember how bizarre the streets were when I first arrived.  Now I know my way around here like it’s all mine.

Visions of Fire Youth Ministries is simply amazing.  It is an honor to be a part of it.  Our worship band is so anointed.  They play as good as any band on the market.  I feel bad because school keeps me from expanding the drama team.  I’m not really sure what is happening with it, but I am sure that many special, beautiful, and perfect moments occur in this land.  Between the bookstore, the classroom, the church, the youth, the film shoots, and the time I find to be alone…God is blessing me as though I were a king.  He prepared this place for me.

You are my king sweet Jesus!

Forever and ever!

June 2, 1999 – Wednesday – 7:50 a.m.

Monday night I wrote a script that just popped into my head.  It came so easy and almost seemed to write itself.  Maybe it should be my big project instead of Eyebrows.  

Tuesday night, or rather early this morning, I talked to Allen and Vince.  They are all back from Guatemala.  They seemed to have a good time.  After speaking with them I couldn’t go to sleep.  I missed them and my home state of North Carolina.  So, I drove down to the Outer Banks and returned just now, enough time to go to work.

Kitty Hawk, Kill Devil Hills, and Nags Head all remind me of the touristy mountain towns of western North Carolina, only it’s the beach instead of the mountain views that attract everyone.  I felt home as I drove through them, though I know I haven’t been there since I was a kid.

I ran around on the moonlit beach all by myself, then drove further down until there was water on both sides of me.  I almost hit a pelican, which was just sitting on the road at two in the morning.  On the way back I had some French toast at a 24-hour grill.  It was a nice five-hour, and much needed, vacation.  It gave me time to pray, to be quiet, and to enjoy my own company.

I love North Carolina so much.

To just be there this enough.

It will always be my home.  It will always be where I am from.

Thank you for this morning God; it brought more rest and peace than a full night of sleep ever could.

May 31, 1999 – Monday – 9:00 a.m.

It is the last day of May.  I attended my first ever prom Saturday night.  It was a truly wonderful evening.  Christin and I and some of her friends ate out at Lock’s Point and the dance itself was awesome.  I really had fun, despite the fact that some of those teens dancing looked like they were trying to have sex with clothes on while standing up.  That was gross to see.  We went to the after-prom party and didn’t get to her friend Allison’s house until five in the morning.  The dad cooked everyone breakfast.  I don’t think I would have enjoyed my own prom if I went to it five years ago, but I enjoyed this one at the age of 22.

I still went to Sunday school and church, but then slept most of the afternoon.  Kimberly and Christin came over after church last night and I introduced them to Les Miserables.

Classes end in two weeks and then I’ll begin my Master’s Commission journey.

It just occurred to me that since I’ve come to Regent I may not have explained the other people I have come across.  Of course there is David, who is the youth pastor at Parkway Temple.  He’s 27 and a very good friend.  He’s my mentor and he helps keep me balanced.  His brother Chris, who just moved here from South Africa, is 22 and plays guitar.  He’s become a part of the church and we’ve hung out a couple of times.  Last Thursday we went to see Star Wars.

Kerstin is my friend from Germany.  She is my age.  She talks to me about boys in her life.  She feels that I understand her, but also makes it known that she only wants us to be friends, despite the fact that we play this flirting game with each other.

Brian is a couple of years older than me, yet many times I feel as though I am his mentor.  We used to only talk movies, but our conversations have recently moved onto other topics.

Nicole is 25.  She’s from Atlanta and will one day make the perfect Italian mother once she finds the right guy.  She says her body is screaming at her to have a baby now.  Wow! She’s so beautiful, but she feels like a big sister to me.  Her body shape is so similar to Sarah’s that I often just want to hug her, but try to resist the urge.

Then there’s the other Chris, the theater major who just turned 26.  He’s never had a girlfriend and he’s crazy about Kerstin.  He grew up with all sisters, and he says that has made me very careful around women.  He has a mind for missions and has done much work for Teen Mania.

The whole Hampton Roads area here feels like a melting pot since there’s such a military presence.  It feels like a mix of both northern and southern cultures all thrown into one big suburb.  It’s a very clean region thanks to the high state taxes.  Evidently a lot of people work here, but will live just over the North Carolina line, just to avoid the taxes.  Banner Elk was an easily definable mountain village, but Hampton Roads is a small materialistic version of America.

Nevertheless, at the moment, it is home, and memories are being made.  I’m very happy to know I will live here in the time that I will.  It’s teaching me how to love others and to raise my future children.

Goodbye May.  Hello summer of 1999.

May 29, 1999 – Saturday – 2:20 p.m.

I go with Christin to her prom tonight.  I’m excited.  It should be fun.

This weekend Gina and Christy and I worked on our video project for Actor Coaching.  We finished this morning.  Christy’s getting married soon; she’s so awesome!

Friday night’s youth service was amazing as usual.  Kimberly and I had a neat little ministry time where I just held her and touched her face.  She cried in my arms.  There’s also a little girl named Regina that I’ve become pretty good buddies with.

It’s so great to love these people!