January 31, 1997 – Friday – 10:10 a.m.

The Special Edition of Star Wars comes out today.  Josh, Ann-Marie, and I are going to go tonight after my rehearsal.

The sun is shining so brightly through my window.  God is so good.

Last night I called Abigail just to talk.  We talked for about 45 minutes; just about ourselves and the Lord.  She is amazing.  She is unique in herself.  She told me more about the whole K.C. thing and I told her about Emily.

After rehearsal I went to Cannon Lobby where I talked with Vince, Charlie, Kate, Dan, Jeni, and Tracey for a couple of hours.  Those people are the greatest.  I laughed so hard I cried.  Jeni treats me so wonderfully.  The Lord has blessed me so much.

January is over.

It looks like I might go on a cruise for Spring Break.

The show opens in 13 days.


January 29, 1997 – Wednesday – 10:04 a.m.

Life is good.

I went for my Crosspoint interview yesterday.  I won’t know until March if I’m offered a job though.

Emily wrote a letter to me and also sent me a couple of pictures.  They are now in my wallet.  She is doing well and I miss her greatly.

Children of a Lesser God is going great.  I enjoy kissing Dawn and I like the way she smells when we are on stage.  I’m sure I’ll miss it when the show is over.  Our stage kisses have become a favorite dinner conversation topic amongst our friends.

The show opens in two weeks.

Abigail is good.  Jessica is good.  Shawna is good.  The guys are doing great.  Josh plays the drums in our church now.

Only three days of January remain.

January 26, 1997 – Sunday – 6:00 p.m.


I just talked to Abigail.  She was at dinner. We sat at separate tables, but when she went to throw her tray away, she walked past me and shouted my name and asked me how I was.

“Uh, I’m great, how are you?”  I replied.

She walked on and put her tray up.  On the way back she ran her fingers through my hair and kept on walking.

“Wait, come back.” I said.

She picked up her coat and then came to sit next to me.

“How was your weekend?” I asked.

She smiled.  “I guess you want to know what happened to me yesterday.”

“I was hoping you would tell me and I wouldn’t have to ask.”

It turns out that her crying in my room during our foot washing service was a very good thing.  She had prayed earlier in the day and Jesus said, “You must be in love with me before you are in love with anyone else.”

I said almost those exact same words during Bible Study.

She said that she just needed to cry K.C. out, but she couldn’t.  She had been thinking about that Jars of Clay song and when I began to play it, she bawled like a baby.  What I thought was hurting her, was actually healing her.  She said she had been excellent every since she left my room.

God used me to help my beautiful sister!

I am in love with you Jesus!

I am in love with you.

January 26, 1997 – Sunday – 2:30 p.m.

Yesterday was a very interesting day. As I prepared myself for Bible Study in the morning, the Lord told me to do a foot washing service.  I wasn’t sure I wanted to do that because they can really be uncomfortable.  But I obeyed.  We were going to have Bible Study at 4:00 p.m.

I went to lunch and walked back with Jeni and Abigail.  Abigail was really down.  Her mom had called her that morning.  Her mom had talked to K.C. the night before and told her that he was interested in another girl and not Abigail.  So, I was afraid that doing a foot washing later in the day would be too much for Abigail’s tender heart.

And, I was right.

I went ahead with it.  I read from John 13 and 17, then I read them my journal entry from January 18th.  I shared with them that I have learned of something that has been around for a long time:  love.  I played Jars of Clay’s Love Song for a Savior, and we began washing each other’s feet.  It was myself, Jeni, Abigail, Jessica, Shawna, and Alex.

Abigail sat motionless on my bed and began to cry.

I washed each person’s feet.  Afterwards I hugged them and told them that I loved them.

Everyone was very quiet.  The Spirit of God was there.  It’s been nearly 24 hours since those moments and I can’t get them out of my mind.

Dawn came up to me later at dinner and asked me if I could help her get closer to God.

I told her I would love to help.

I beginning to understand why Jesus died.

I would easily give my life for my friends.

January 25, 1997 – Saturday – 9:15 a.m.

Last night it was my idea to go to the Blue-Ridge Parkway since the moon was so full.  So Jessica, Abigail, Ann-Marie, Tracey, and Todd and I jumped in Tracey’s car and headed up there.  It got really foggy and the parkway was closed.  Jessica was disappointed.  The other girls were happy because they didn’t want to go hiking anyway.  They were complaining the whole way up there.

So, after we turned around, they decided they wanted to go to Mel’s Diner.  Tracey, Ann-Marie and Abigail suddenly came alive when they were doing something they wanted to do.  Jessica didn’t want to go, but she was content and didn’t complain.

I realized last night that Abigail, Tracey and Ann-Marie are basically the same kind of girl.  They are the exact mirror image of each other’s personality, especially when they are in the same time and place.  But Jessica is an individual.  She is beautifully unique and is not afraid to be who she is.

January 22, 1997 – Wednesday – 8:30 a.m.

Children of a Lesser God is a really hard show.  Not only do I have to learn my lines, but I have to learn them in sign language as well.  Plus, Dawn never speaks, so I don’t have those cues to work off of, I have to be able to read her sign language to get the cue for my next line.  And did I mention that the play takes place in the mind of my character? Meaning, I never leave the stage!  The only time I’m not on the stage is during intermission.  If the lights are up, I’m out there.  But this will happen in Jesus’ name!  Things feel like they are going by so fast, but I’m enjoying it the best I can.

Ann-Marie, Jessica, Tracey, and Vince and I watched The Land Before Time together last night.  We assigned each of us one of the five main dinosaurs and we all had to say the lines as our character’s were saying them.  I was Littlefoot and Vince was Spike, the girls were the rest and man, we laughed the entire time.

It’s so great to have friends.

January 20, 1997 – Monday – 10:30 a.m.

My hands are a bit frozen.

There are no classes today due to the MLK holiday, so I went for a walk in God’s frozen creation.  I walked to Wildcat Lake and discovered the whole thing had frozen over.  It was so beautiful.

This land has so many colors and so many seasons.

And I am one of them.

Soon I too will melt away.

January 18, 1997 – Saturday – 6:30 p.m.

There’s something I’m not understanding.  I know I am a creation of God.  And I know that sin broke the original bond.  I know that Jesus’ blood has made a door that allows me to enter into the grace of God.

So, everything is complete.

But, I am being haunted.

Voices, eyes, smiles, they won’t let me break free.

Does one ever forget?  Or is this part of the joy?

I think now that God sees I understand the death of his son for a doorway into his grace, I believe he is now trying to show me why.

A day does not pass in which I don’t grow closer, in which a new angle is not seen, in which a soul’s eyes do not let me inside their true self.

A day does not pass in which I do not fall more in love with everything God created.

Souls have told me I have helped them become who they are.  Does that mean I have aided in their creation?

But perhaps an hour or two or a couple of years will pass and our two earthly souls haven’t been in fellowship, time and space prevents us from sharing those two very things.

Jesus died and rose in order to welcome us into his fellowship, both with him and everyone else, his bride, his grace, his glory, his everything.  Is he hurting when we are an hour or two away from each other?  Is he hurting when when two members that make up his bride can’t be together?

My collection is growing.

I know more souls now than ever.

I have seen more eyes now than ever.

I have created more smiles now than ever.

And I believe I am beginning to understand why he died.

I can’t imagine what it must feel like to give your own life for your creation…and they not even notice.

I am so sorry God.

January 16, 1997 – Thursday – 7:00 p.m.

I have had rehearsal for the past two nights.  It’s been fun.  This show is going to be amazing!

Tracey and Abigail went to Heaton Christian Church last night.  Abigail enjoyed it greatly.  She needs guidance and prayer.  I think she became dependent on K.C.  These are hard days for her right now.

Tracey and Derek aren’t together.  Tracey says its hard to be alone.

Jeni is not alone, but we’ve never been closer.

I have to learn to foxtrot for the show.  So, I went to a class and learned.  Mark, my director, was pretty impressed that I did that on my own.  Mark and Don, my set design professor, have been talking about me and some homework that I turned in recently.  Don even shared with Mark things I did last semester.  They like me.  I’ve made an impression.

It’s funny how things have changed.  1997 sounds funny.  Being the leading man in a huge production sounds funny.

My relationship with God has been so awesome these past 15 days; even to the point where other Christians are saying they feel intimidated by me.  I think it’s hard for Abigail and Ann-Marie to really talk to me and get to know me.  I think I scare them.

Ann-Marie was my foxtrot partner today.  It felt so awesome to dance with a girl.

Everything is ice outside now.  It is the dead of winter.  It feels like last winter.  It’s hard to believe a whole spring, summer, and fall have existed between them.

I too am alone.  I don’t think I’ll meet my girl here at Lees-McRae.  I even think that one day this place will fade away from my heart and into my memory.

Less than 16 months until the other storm will blow me away.  I can see it coming.  And I will be able to handle it.  For I know that never will any tempest tear me away from my Lord and Savior.

Love has saved me.

January 14, 1997 – Tuesday – 4:05 p.m.

Tracey, Abigail, and Ann-Marie came over last night.  They hung out in my room for about 3 1/2 hours.  We watched a video of this ventriloquist; it was hilarious.  We played music and danced around.  I took some pictures.  After a while I was ready for them to leave, simply because I needed to get some work done, but I didn’t tell them that.

I gave Jeni a note yesterday, simply thanking her for who she is and telling her how important her friendship is to me.  She saw me today and hugged me.  She whispered, “I really like your letter” in my ear.  She graduates in May, but our story isn’t over.  I will never forget her.

Children of a Lesser God rehearsals start tonight.  The show goes up in less than a month.

It nears the middle of the first month of 1997.  I grow closer to God every day.  My friendships are increasing and growing.  Everything is great!  Vince calls me his brother, and we have confessed our Godly and brotherly love to one another.  Things could not be better.

There is still no special girl however.  Abigail, Jessica, Ann-Marie, and Tracey are all single.  I don’t know anything though.  I just long to see them smile.