March 11, 1998 – Wednesday – 4:00 p.m.

Let me catch you up.

My one act went wonderfully.  Everyone enjoyed it.  Mason even let me shave his head so he’d look more like an old bald guy.

Yesterday at 3:00 p.m. Vince, Ellen, Becca, Ashley, and myself left for Knoxville to go to a Jars of Clay concert.  We drove three hours only to find out they had rescheduled it for April 2nd.  So, we just went to a movie and hung out at her house.  It was a nice little break.  We got back to campus at 11:00 a.m. this morning.  We weren’t even gone 24 hours, but all of us laughed up a storm.  It was a really funny night.

The Highlanders are leaving at 7:30 tomorrow morning.  I won’t see Sarah for about a week and a half.  We’re doing pretty good.  We will not continue our relationship after I graduate…of that I am sure.  It won’t end, it will just change form.

Things are moving very quickly here in the last days.  I’m not afraid, but excited!

I re-read Sarah’s letter I put in my journal on January 12, 1998.  When everything has changed, that letter is the way I’ll remember our relationship.  It has been and will continue to be…a very good thing.

October 25, 1997 – Saturday – 11:15 a.m.

Last night was a wonderful blessing.  Everything was healed and mended and even a part of my longing and my wishing came to be.

I met with Abigail to go over some “Masks” beats.  We met in her room at 10:00 p.m.  And after our little rehearsal, we talked until one in the morning.  Ann-Marie stopped by and we just had the best time, the three of us.

And during this time, Abigail let me in on what she thinks and feels.  She found comfort and joy in sharing those things with me.

She is still in love with K.C.  She writes him letters she never finds the courage to send.  Her model friend, Stephanie, is growing in the modeling world, but is losing her faith.  Abigail says she loves our friendship and feels she can tell me anything.  We feel perfect right now like this, even though our past has seen some rocky soil.  That’s all thanks to me, but I’m still thankful for the ups and downs since it makes us appreciate each other more.

Thank you God, thanks for mending our friendship.

I told her before I left, “If I could have anything I want, I would want to be that guy that introduces you, Ann-Marie, and Tracey to the men God intended for you.”  And I meant it and it felt so good to know my heart.

The Jesus I love and adore lives in those three girls and they are a part of me.

Convinced of my deception

I’ve always been a fool

I fear this love reaction

Just like you said I would.

A rose could never lie

About the love it brings

And I could never promise 

To be any of those things.

If I was not so weak

If I was not so cold

If I was not so scared of

Being broken, growing old

I would be

I would be…

Blessed are the shallow

For depth they’ll never find

Seems to be some comfort

In rooms I try to hide.

Exposed beyond the shadows

You take the cup from me

Your dirt removes my blindness

Your pain becomes my peace.

If I was not so weak

If I was not so cold

If I was not so scared of

Being broken, growing old

I would be

I would be

Frail.

-Jars of Clay

January 26, 1997 – Sunday – 6:00 p.m.

Wow!

I just talked to Abigail.  She was at dinner. We sat at separate tables, but when she went to throw her tray away, she walked past me and shouted my name and asked me how I was.

“Uh, I’m great, how are you?”  I replied.

She walked on and put her tray up.  On the way back she ran her fingers through my hair and kept on walking.

“Wait, come back.” I said.

She picked up her coat and then came to sit next to me.

“How was your weekend?” I asked.

She smiled.  “I guess you want to know what happened to me yesterday.”

“I was hoping you would tell me and I wouldn’t have to ask.”

It turns out that her crying in my room during our foot washing service was a very good thing.  She had prayed earlier in the day and Jesus said, “You must be in love with me before you are in love with anyone else.”

I said almost those exact same words during Bible Study.

She said that she just needed to cry K.C. out, but she couldn’t.  She had been thinking about that Jars of Clay song and when I began to play it, she bawled like a baby.  What I thought was hurting her, was actually healing her.  She said she had been excellent every since she left my room.

God used me to help my beautiful sister!

I am in love with you Jesus!

I am in love with you.

January 26, 1997 – Sunday – 2:30 p.m.

Yesterday was a very interesting day. As I prepared myself for Bible Study in the morning, the Lord told me to do a foot washing service.  I wasn’t sure I wanted to do that because they can really be uncomfortable.  But I obeyed.  We were going to have Bible Study at 4:00 p.m.

I went to lunch and walked back with Jeni and Abigail.  Abigail was really down.  Her mom had called her that morning.  Her mom had talked to K.C. the night before and told her that he was interested in another girl and not Abigail.  So, I was afraid that doing a foot washing later in the day would be too much for Abigail’s tender heart.

And, I was right.

I went ahead with it.  I read from John 13 and 17, then I read them my journal entry from January 18th.  I shared with them that I have learned of something that has been around for a long time:  love.  I played Jars of Clay’s Love Song for a Savior, and we began washing each other’s feet.  It was myself, Jeni, Abigail, Jessica, Shawna, and Alex.

Abigail sat motionless on my bed and began to cry.

I washed each person’s feet.  Afterwards I hugged them and told them that I loved them.

Everyone was very quiet.  The Spirit of God was there.  It’s been nearly 24 hours since those moments and I can’t get them out of my mind.

Dawn came up to me later at dinner and asked me if I could help her get closer to God.

I told her I would love to help.

I beginning to understand why Jesus died.

I would easily give my life for my friends.

October 25, 1995 – Wednesday – 11:45 p.m.

I am so happy!

First let me tell you that I got a letter from Emily.  Hurricane Opal destroyed Crestview.  Her house is okay, but some of her friends are homeless.  She is still here with me on this planet and that alone makes everything okay.  She is special.  She is my pen pal.

Her last line read like this, “After all, what good we do for each other, will reward our paper hearts.”

I called Kristen tonight, she is Erica’s friend, whom I met at the concert this past summer.  We are going to try and meet sometime soon.

FCA was so wonderful tonight.  The Lord gave me a wonderful devotion.  Jars of Clay sings a song called World’s Apart.  I used it tonight along with Matthew 7: 21-24.  I can’t repeat everything I said, but everyone was so still and silent as I spoke.  So many people talked to me afterwards.  Allen accepted Jesus as his savior.  I’m so excited!  You just don’t know!

Thanks God!  Thanks for these dear friends.  And for this beautiful place where we get to share our friendship.

I simply can’t believe how wonderful everything is!