March 8, 1998 – Sunday – 4:30 p.m.

I went with all the guys and girls to see Silage, Grammatrain, and Third Day in concert last night.  I had the best time in the world!  Sarah came to church with me this morning. I just got back from watching the one-act she was in.  She did an okay job, but I didn’t like the show at all.

We are going to slip away from each other pretty soon.  I know it will happen.  In a way, it already has.

But tonight…my one-act opens!  Mason and Jodi have been a joy to work with.  Derek was my stage manager.  We have an amazing show.  Thank you for this season God.

Directing is a very rewarding experience.  And if I can do this for the rest of my life, well…that would be nice.



September 16, 1997 – Tuesday – 10:50 p.m.

Wow!  Today was amazing!  I had rehearsal with Emily and Mason for my first scene in Directing class.  We did some exercises and Emily cried.  It was very moving.  I prayed with them and they told me later how awesome the experience was.  Then I ran into Sarah and she said she heard I was an awesome director.  She said she wishes she could have been in my scene.

And then she handed me a card and I nearly cried:

Dear Jacob, 

I know that this is a really “girlie” card, but it’s the thought that counts right?  Anyway, I’ve had a bit of trouble adjusting to my new life up here, but I am already so much better.  I wanted you to know that when you took time out to talk to me, it really meant more to me than you will ever be able to know.  There are moments in life, when even though we know God is there, that we feel utterly alone.  I had felt that way a lot since I’ve been up here.  That is, until I talked to you.  You are a very special person Jacob.  I know that you don’t need me to tell you that, but you are.  Thank you so much.  I hope that you don’t think I’m too weird.  I love ya.

Peace in Christ,


September 1, 1997 – Monday – 1:05 p.m.

The month of change is over.  September is here.  One tree on campus has already begun to change into its harvesting colors.  I was on duty until 6 p.m. yesterday.  I wasn’t able to go to church, but I did attend a church picnic yesterday.  It was fun and enjoyable.  Afterwards, myself, Dan, Curtis, Ellen, Alex, and Alicia went to the Linville Gorge area and built a campfire.  Alicia is supposedly Allen’s new girl, but she just seems like a flirt to me.  After the campfire thing, we went to the parkway and just talked.  It was a nice evening.

These remaining months of the year always seem to go so fast.  But I’ll find time to watch the leaves change and the first snow come.  It looks like I may go to Dan’s house for Thanksgiving.  For Fall Break I may go with everyone on a little college retreat that Charlie is planning.

This is going to be a nice final year.  But, my RD write-ups are kind of uncomfortable and Abigail still acts weird to me.  This past weekend was a weird one.  Allen’s friend died, as did Princess Diana.  Someone stole my brother’s license plate and I had to deal with a bunch of drunks.  But none of that really affects me directly.  Weird how the oddest part of my life is other people’s problems.


Auditions are tomorrow.  I’m auditioning for The Misanthrope.  It opens in November.  This weekend, I believe I’m believe I’m going to Sherlive’s house.  At the end of the month I’m going to Louisville, KY for a Christian conference.

October brings Fall Break.  Thanksgiving in November.  Classes are over by December 17th.  Christmas.  1998.

Whew, life is fast.

February 16, 1997 – Sunday – 1:30 a.m.

Something has happened to me.  Children of a Lesser God has changed me.  For the past month I put so much of my time in becoming James Leeds.  And in about 16 hours, it will be over.  I’ve learned so much.  Mark is such a true professional director.  He taught me the world.  He let me be an actor.  He trusted me.

There was an article in the paper, where Mark said, “Children of a Lesser God is a play about human rights, discrimination, and modern society’s reluctance to care.  Though the play focuses on the deaf culture, its ramifications can be applied to all forms of discrimination and ignorance, from racial issues to sexual orientation to religious preference.  It reveals the root of intolerance as based in the ignorance and apathy of human beings and their unwillingness to take time and energy to explore and understand an issue before they condemn its existence.”

Whew.  I don’t know how to explain it.  I seem different.  This play has matured me.  Even aged me.

Dana and Bradley came tonight, as did Dan and Allen.  They were impressed.  Strangers came up tonight and asked me how I memorized the whole show since I never left the stage.  To not only learn my lines, but to learn Sarah’s lines, as well as sign language.  I’m glad they noticed, but it didn’t seem all that hard, I just really wanted to do it and asked God to help me.

Dawn has been a delight.  To play a person who fell in love with a person she played.  No matter who I am, some version of me will always miss that time we were married on stage.

My dad came and seemed impressed, “Hard to believe that was you,” he said.

Thank you Mark Medoff for writing such a beautiful play.

It’s hard to know what I’m feeling.  Only one performance left.  Kevin is coming with the rest of the family.

So, where do I go from here?

What do I do now?

This love is leaving me.

I will be left alone with free evenings and no one to kiss.

January 29, 1997 – Wednesday – 10:04 a.m.

Life is good.

I went for my Crosspoint interview yesterday.  I won’t know until March if I’m offered a job though.

Emily wrote a letter to me and also sent me a couple of pictures.  They are now in my wallet.  She is doing well and I miss her greatly.

Children of a Lesser God is going great.  I enjoy kissing Dawn and I like the way she smells when we are on stage.  I’m sure I’ll miss it when the show is over.  Our stage kisses have become a favorite dinner conversation topic amongst our friends.

The show opens in two weeks.

Abigail is good.  Jessica is good.  Shawna is good.  The guys are doing great.  Josh plays the drums in our church now.

Only three days of January remain.

January 22, 1997 – Wednesday – 8:30 a.m.

Children of a Lesser God is a really hard show.  Not only do I have to learn my lines, but I have to learn them in sign language as well.  Plus, Dawn never speaks, so I don’t have those cues to work off of, I have to be able to read her sign language to get the cue for my next line.  And did I mention that the play takes place in the mind of my character? Meaning, I never leave the stage!  The only time I’m not on the stage is during intermission.  If the lights are up, I’m out there.  But this will happen in Jesus’ name!  Things feel like they are going by so fast, but I’m enjoying it the best I can.

Ann-Marie, Jessica, Tracey, and Vince and I watched The Land Before Time together last night.  We assigned each of us one of the five main dinosaurs and we all had to say the lines as our character’s were saying them.  I was Littlefoot and Vince was Spike, the girls were the rest and man, we laughed the entire time.

It’s so great to have friends.

December 12, 1996 – Thursday – 10:30 p.m.

I worked at McDonald’s this morning.  It was easy and fun.  I brought my Children of a Lesser God script and got a chance to study it.  Omenya was happy to see me, as I was her.  She called me Jon Jon again.  I worked over 10 hours today and saw several people I knew, people I had graduated with, etc.  I saw Wendy, who went to Mars Hill College.  She said she was taking a break from college and getting married in a week and a half.  And I saw Andrea, beautiful as ever.

Life at McDonald’s hasn’t changed at all in the past six months.  Except that 10 hours seems to go by a lot faster.

Mom, Henry, Nate, and I went to Sanford and saw Appalachian Christmas at the Temple Theater; a wonderful blessing of a show.  Thanks God.

I called Mark, my director for Children of a Lesser God, this evening.  I just wanted to say thanks for casting me.  With this production, I’ll be directed by an off-broadway director from New York City, learn a new language, and kiss a girl who put a chill down my spine over the summer.

God is good.

He is so good to me.


October 26, 1996 – Saturday – 12:30 p.m.

Rosencrantz and Guildenstern has gone on for two nights now.  Each night I’ve had people tell me I was the best.  I’ve spent most of the week working on my One-Act and I’ve had the show each night.

I’m so busy.

Looking forward to some more time on my own, but the show really is super fun.  Ann-Marie and Abigail are working behind the scenes.  Just seeing them blesses me.

I had a Mike McQuire Workshop this morning.  And I have one this afternoon.  There was a cast party last night, but I didn’t go.  I don’t like to be around all that drinking.  Ann-Marie went and didn’t get back until 7:30 in the morning.  She didn’t drink, but it kind of got to me that she was around that for so long.  But then again, I’m in no way perfect.

Mike McQuire helped in the production of The Usual Suspects.  He came to the show last night and said I was the best out of all the other 15 actors.  He said he could tell I was acting  all the way down in my toes.  Two other people told me I was their favorite character in the show.  I don’t understand.  I just go out there and do what I see as really nothing at all.  I just become Polonius.

I talked to Ryan over email.  She says she might come and visit some time.

Mom, Clay, and Nate will come tomorrow.

I ate lunch with Ann-Marie and Abigail today.  I just pray they both stay strong in the Lord.  For some reason I fear they may fall away.

I really want someone to look at me and smile in a way that causes the whole world to stop.  When will that come God?  When?


February 25, 1996 – Sunday – 9:00 p.m.

You will not believe how busy I have been.  So much has happened.

Thursday, Vince and Curtis and I went to Bible Study at Sharon’s.  It was really great.  But earlier that day our Bearclaw rehearsal lasted through dinner, so I didn’t eat anything.  Sharon baked brownies, so I ate a ton of those and drank lots of milk to wash down their goodness.  We stayed there until midnight and I got really sick to my stomach.  So sick that once I got in Curtis’ car and felt him back up, I almost puked.

So, Sharon forced me to spend the night there.  I slept in Hannah’s room.  She slept with Melissa.

I said my prayers and with the help of the Lord, Sharon laid me down to sleep.

I woke up after the greatest night’s sleep and Sharon drove me to school after taking Hannah to school.

We had the greatest talk.  I pray that my wife will be like her.  Driving through the mountain countryside and having her speak so much blessing over my life, it was simply a perfect morning.

Bearclaw opened today.  My mom, Henry, Nate, and Mandy came.  Mandy and I didn’t really talk much.  The show went really well.  Everybody was laughing and when it was over I got tons of compliments, even from strangers.

I have been the stage manager for Greater Tuna which closed tonight.  I’ve had a lot of fun doing that show.  I will miss it.

I got a call from Brandon and the wedding is being postponed, but I’m still going out to Arizona.

Twelve days.

The weather here has been really great.

It’s a nice evening.

I think I’ll go for a walk.

January 19, 1996 – Friday 2:10 p.m.

It rained a lot last night and that helped melt the rest of the snow that remained from the Blizzard of ’96.  But the temperatures dropped greatly this morning and it began to snow again.  It’s still snowing now and the ground is covered again.

Life is really good.  All I do is laugh.

I just cleaned my room.  I’m pretty busy.  I am the stage manager for Greater Tuna being directed by two students and I’m staring in Bear Claw.  I must read a script a week for Dr. D.  I’m reading Huck Finn now.  I enjoy the work.  I enjoy my friends.  My church has given me a wonderful new family.

And I have my Jesus.  I am content.

It’s been an amazing day and it’s only 2:30 p.m.