August 12, 1997 – Tuesday – 12:40 p.m.

All of the summer theater people are gone.  The season is over.  That story is finished.

Lindy and I in the box office.  Marisa and I talking until two in the morning.  Jeanine and I walking in the darkness of Hemlock Hill.  These are the girls that summer theater brought me.  And with each one I shared Jesus.

One girl who came along, but not because of summer theater, is Sherlive.  And I pray I am never without her friendship.

Allen has also kissed Crystal.  He does not anticipate or plan these things.  Girls are just all over him these days.  Neither of us know why.

RD training is going well.  I am now CPR and first-aid certified.  I move into McAlister by the end of the week.  New Freshman arrive a week later.  Jessica, Abigail, Josh, and all are returning.

But Curtis will not be.

Hello.

Goodbye.

July 20, 1997 – Sunday – 11:30 p.m.

On Saturday, I worked a lot on my screenplay.  Did I mention that I bought a word processor on the fourth of July?  I’m really enjoying it.

New summer theater people moved in today.  There are kids on my hall from ages 12 to 18, two guys and two girls.  And a new girl from Sanford moved in downstairs.

Church was great today, both the morning and evening services.  I’m really enjoying Brent’s teaching.  This evening Sharon and Paul had a cookout.  All of us guys went over and so did Sherlive.  She is such a cool girl.  There are times when I see her and I don’t think she is that pretty, but then she smiles and I find her so amazingly beautiful.  Bless her God.

Life is moving along.

Marisa is back.  She came and saw me first thing; she knows who cares.  She sees that her well being is important to me.  I hope she sees God in me and longs to be around Him.

Love never fails.

I’m looking forward to Jessica coming back.  As well as Amber and Monica.  My final year  at Lees-McRae is approaching quickly.  This room in Tennessee Dorm will only be my home for a little more than three weeks.

I’m excited about the leaves changing in three months.  As well as the snow coming afterwards.

1998.

How quickly my college years have flown by.

And how quickly the rest of my life will too.

May 28, 1997 – Wednesday – 10:45 p.m.

I watched Ben-Hur today.  I cried so hard.  Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful!  I love you more now Jesus.

I also worked a little in the summer theater box office, getting it ready, etc.  Church was nice tonight.  Hannah has become a wonderful little friend.  She is 11-years-old now, the age Veronica used to be.  Oh, how young I must have been when I was 16.

We went out to eat after the service and I tried to pay for my meal, but Sharon wouldn’t have it.  That family has taken such good care of me these page three years.

It’s hard to know what to write these days.  Vince and Allen and I are the only ones on campus.  We have this whole place to ourselves it feels.  Dan will arrive in a little over a month.  Curtis may never return.

Charlie and Kate are still together and seem to be doing well.

I have been at Heaton long enough to watch people grow up and grow older.  And people there say that I am still getting taller.

Josh is in pain from his surgery and frequent doctor visits.  How I wish I could comfort him.

The view outside my window is not the same.  I now have six windows instead of one.  Three closets instead of one.  Two sofas and a chair instead of zero.  My own bathroom where my toothbrush is now kept, instead of in my closet.  I have keys that will let me into every room on campus.  I have been given power and responsibility.  It doesn’t feel like I’ve changed, but I know I’m not the same person I was when I first began keeping this journal.

There are no girls here to think about.  If I do think of one, it is Jessica, out in Colorado.  What a wonderful friend!

I need to shave.  My wisdom teeth don’t hurt as much.  Of course, they aren’t there anymore, but you know what I mean.  My teddy bear is still with me.  I didn’t get to see Jenna over the break, but I did see Emily oddly enough.

It’s funny how moments grow in value, the older and rarer they become.

I wonder who is thinking of me tonight.  Jessica has a new window to stare out of, new mountains all around her, but I simply moved to the other side of campus.

Eleven months and one week now.

Time.

We’re just measuring the first part of eternity.  Like one yard stick compared to the entire globe and beyond.  Similar to my holiness when compared to God’s holiness.  I hate to leave this place, but I know I must.  I need to go out and create new things.  To challenge.  To change.  To set free.  To teach others how to fly.

If I try to stay here in this perfect place, I know God will put sharp objects in the nest, painfully forcing me out.

What can be beyond here?

I’ll soon have new names to write in these pages.  New faces.  New stories who will join in with mine.  New paths.  Perhaps other red lights.  Perhaps…Her.

Prepare me God.

Prepare the place where I will land.  I give my life to the work of your hands.  Mold me.  Shape me.  Make me.

Thirty minutes until the 29th of May.

Nine years until I’m 29.

Seven minutes have passed since I lifted my pen from the number nine.

I can’t seem to think of an exit line.

Good night.

May 6, 1997 – Tuesday – 4:00 p.m.

I’m in Siler City.  Mom picked me up on Monday afternoon.  We went hiking together on Rendezvous Mountain on the way back.

The house has changed.  Things just look different.  I visited Peter last night; we went to see Breakdown in Asheboro.  It was a fun movie.

Today, I showered, lifted weights, washed clothes, sun bathed, read, ran, and watched Lost in Yonkers.  It very much felt like a vacation day.  It is relaxing here; I like it.

I’m getting taller though, I banged my head on something I’ve never run into before.  I have to keep ducking just to walk through my own house.

Growing.

Changing.

I guess that’s a good sign.

I’ve learned that Pastor Steve’s mother passed away and that Cheryl is now very, very skinny, she’s died her hair blonde, and she has a boyfriend.  I doubt I’ll see her.

It seems the people and the place and myself have all changed.

April 26, 1997 – Saturday – 10:30 a.m.

Classes are over.  One exam today.  One on Tuesday.  One more media production script to turn in.  I’ll move my stuff over to Tennessee dorm, I’ll go to Crossnore School for my community service project for Residence Life, I’ll go see Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat, I’ll go see Stomp, spend the night at Abigail’s house, check students out of the dorm, and say goodbye to this room.

For three years I’ve lived on the second floor of McAlister, but that is coming to an end.  Another year is ending.

Change is coming.

Oh boy.

March 26, 1997 – Wednesday – 8:30 p.m.

Today was nice.  For two hours this morning I worked on my final model for scene design.  I then went to Journalism class and then to lunch.  After lunch, I went with Samarah to the hospital; it was a community service program she was doing.  We just went to visit with anyone who needed visiting.  We visited this 70-year-old man with very little family left, and even they all lived in Minnesota.  He had been in the hospital for two weeks concerning his gal bladder.  We were his first visitors.

In the past two weeks he had only been outside twice.  So we took him out in his wheelchair.  He was so surprised that we were there just to talk and listen to him.  He finally opened up.  What a sad story his life has been recently.  His urinary system is all messed up, he even has a tube running through his penis.  My stomach turned as he told his story.

Please heal him Father.

Well, I’ll spend this weekend with Jeni and Tracey in Ahoskie, NC.  Once we return we’ll begin tech rehearsals for the dance concert.  After that the semester will slowly come to a close.  We will go see Stomp, watch Timothy perform in Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat, and watch Jeni graduate.  Then I’ll go home, work at McDonald’s briefly, then return for Summer Theater.

But more will happen than just that.  I will see Abigail smile every day, and I’ll hear Curtis laugh his final laughs in this place.  I will pray, walk beneath the stars, hold the wind in my hair, walk along my railroad tracks at home, and I’ll hug Jenna.  And when I do, I’ll be hugging two people.

Another summer is just around the corner.  Life is always the same, yet constantly changing.

I love you; you who are looking out your framed glass window on this Starry night.  You have never met me, yet you know exactly who I am.  I love you already.  You are me.  I am you.  We are one before our eyes even meet.

Good night.

Dream of me.

 

January 20, 1997 – Monday – 10:30 a.m.

My hands are a bit frozen.

There are no classes today due to the MLK holiday, so I went for a walk in God’s frozen creation.  I walked to Wildcat Lake and discovered the whole thing had frozen over.  It was so beautiful.

This land has so many colors and so many seasons.

And I am one of them.

Soon I too will melt away.