July 7, 1998 – Tuesday – 11:00 a.m.

I just had an interview with the Regent Bookstore manager.  She wants me to call her from Texas around Friday and she’ll let me know if I have a job or not.  It went really well though.

Going to the 700 club was really neat yesterday.  Then I drove up to Lanexa and visited both sets of my grandparents.  They gave me a lot of food, it’s so nice being only an hour and a half away from them.

I met a guy yesterday who said he heard about me through Coleen.  He’s in the Theater Department.  Another girl stopped me today and somehow had heard of me and knew I was studying film, she asked if I wanted to help on a film shoot, but I told her I would be in South Africa.

I called Sarah last night and she isn’t doing well, but she said she was happy to hear how well I was doing.  She said she still loves me, yet I feel like I’m growing up so fast and I’m not sure where she fits in right now.

Everything is packed and ready for Africa.  All except this journal.

Here we go…!

Advertisements

June 28, 1998 – Sunday – 5:11 p.m.

And now the world is different again.

I went to see Sarah Friday night.  We spent three hours together from 7pm to 10pm.  We ate out at the Rockola Cafe, had some ice cream, took a walk, and then said goodbye to each other in her driveway.

It was a very nice time.  She said she loved me after I said my last goodbye.

I miss her now.  I have so much more in my heart to say, but I would rather put it in letters to her.  Find those letters if you can, for not every thought or every emotion from my life can be found in these books.

So now…

Now.

Now I sit in my new, very clean, apartment in Virginia Beach, Virginia.  My roommate’s name is Matt, and we went out to eat with his parents last night.  They prayed for us.

I went to a huge church this morning called the Rock Church.  I had a good time for being a stranger.  I also drove around this afternoon and did some shopping.  I got lost.  This area is huge and the roads just change their name out of the blue.  I never made a turn, but discovered I was on a completely different road.  Justin came to visit last night as well.  It’s nice there is one Lees-McRae friend who will be here in the summers at least.

Regent is a beautiful campus.  I can’t wait until classes start.

It feels as though I’ve grown up quite a bit in just two day’s time.  It is strange to have a kitchen to take care of.  My neighbors, who are less than 10 feet away, have children.  Matt and I are very young compared to everyone around us; very young.  Most of them have been married for a while, had a career, a couple of kids, and now they are going back to school.  I’m 21.  It feels like everyone around me is 35.

But here I am…in this new place, and I don’t think I’ve fully realized it yet.

Sarah is far away.

I love her so much.

This is crazy, and I haven’t even left for Africa yet.

God is with me, and he takes care of all my needs.

Since he is so close, I am always home.

June 26, 1998 – Friday – 8:45 a.m.

My final day is here.

I talked to Sarah last night. We are to see each other tonight to say goodbye.  She admitted the problem was not me, that I had everything figured out and in order.  She simply said she can’t handle her own self.  She doesn’t see it now, but who can handle themselves if Jesus isn’t there?  She doesn’t tell me she loves me any more.  She just sees me going away from her.

Tonight will be a night to remember.

June 22, 1998 – Monday – 10:36 p.m.

It has been seven months since Sarah and I began.

Seven.

Seven is God’s number of completion.

Things are completed.

The end is here.

God did this. He used me.

Praise the Lord!

I have a dream. Something I want in this life. I call it “three in one.”

Jesus, my girl, and me.

I told Sarah about it. I wanted us to have that. But we never did. She told me she wasn’t ready to talk about her spirit, and she made me believe that her relationship with God was too personal to share, so I waited.

I have waited seven months.

Now that I am leaving, she has confessed to me that she never talked to me about her faith because she was afraid I wouldn’t want to be with her if I knew what she believed.  She called herself a bitch, since she knew the most important part of my life, yet she decided to live a silent lie about it.

It felt good for her to finally talk.  We talked so much more, but I will not give every detail here.  I love her still and I have forgiven her.  I let her know that I was here if she ever needed to talk about what she believes.

She simply doubts, and that is often a great place to be in, for it leads to a deeper faith.

We plan to see each other on Friday and then that will be it.

June 21, 1998 – Sunday – 3:04 p.m.

It’s officially the first day of summer!

Friday night I went to Asheboro and ran into Wynne and Grant from high school.  We went to see X-Files together.  It was nice to be near them.  I rode around in the back of Grant’s truck for a bit as he cruised downtown.  It was a nice moment of wind and freedom.

On Saturday I spent the day with Sarah at Pilot Mountain on the other side of Winston-Salem.  What a magical place.  We saw Hope Floats that evening and ate dinner with her dad.  We had some difficult hikes during our hike.  I’m glad I’m leaving.  Sarah and I feel a bit stuck.  I’m sure if I were three years younger, our relationship would play out differently.  I love her, but it is closing time for us now.  I need to go away and have time with God.

Mom and Henry have given me a car.  It is a 1989 Dodge Aires, something Henry used to drive.

I have five full days left here.  I am in the process of registering for my fall graduate classes. All of that will begin in about two months, and one of those months will be spent in Africa.

I’m yours God.

June 17, 1998 – Wednesday – 4:30 p.m.

I turn 22 in two months.

The final pages of this Book of Days seem to be falling out.  I hope this journal stands the test of time and still has all it’s pages whenever I or someone else reads it.

I haven’t written since Saturday.  The weekend didn’t turn out that great, but all is well. Everyone seemed to understand while the visit was difficult for me.  I did get to see Sarah a little bit, but not much.  Nevertheless, I am home.  This place is home for ten more days.

When Lindy dropped me off on Sunday there was a strange car in the driveway.  I walked into the house and there stood a beautiful and curvy dark-haired girl.  She was looking at me.  I had never seen her before.

It turns out, she and her mom were looking at buying our house, or possibly renting it.  The girl is only 15, but she looks 18 or 20.  Her name is Shana and we talked the whole afternoon.  She’s pretty neat; she said she would call me.

Emily have talked an average of twice a week recently and I’ve been hanging out with Marcus and Peter quite a bit.  These days have been nice.

I bought Sarah a small Bible and had her name engraved on it.  I wrote a special goodbye in it and will give it to her on the last night I see her before I leave: June 26, 1998.  What a night that will be!  Will that be the end or just the beginning?

“Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end.”

“Soon it will be time to go out to the places I will be from.”

I’ve learned a hard lesson these past few weeks:  all these people and places that I’ve loved for so long….none of them are really mine.

June 7, 1998 – Sunday – 12:40 a.m.

To me it is still Saturday.  Today was supposed to be the day Sarah and I went to Carowinds to see Rebecca St. James and Cindy Morgan in concert, but Sarah got really sick with Strep Throat on Thursday.  I went to see her on Friday and spent nearly every second with her all weekend until just now.  We snuggled most of Friday; she would fall in and out of sleep and I would just be next to her and tickle her back.

We went to see The Truman Show today after she started feeling a bit better.  What a brilliant movie!

Mason was in Greensboro today, so he stopped to visit us at Sarah’s house.  It was nice to see him.  He had a girl with him; someone he has been seeing from Tweetsie Railroad.  The four of us went out to eat together.

Sarah and I had a difficult time when it came time for me to leave.  We have only 20 days left.  Then I will leave and neither of us knows what will happen.