June 30, 2000 – Friday – 6:50 a.m.

I haven’t written in two weeks.  I did that on purpose, for writing makes me focus too much on myself.  I need to be more selfless.

Much has changed in the past two weeks.  As I both feared and predicted after Marie returned to New Jersey five weeks ago, she came back to Virginia Beach and broke up with me.  It was clear that she’d been heavily influenced by her parents to let me go.  Her parents grew very uncomfortable with the fact that I needed student loans to pay for school and that I used a credit card to pay for making my thesis film.

So my girlfriend broke up with me because her parents think I’m broke, and then my job gave me a raise, a promotion, a salary, and benefits, which means I’m now making $300 more a week than I had been making.  Hmm.  I just started humming Alanis Morissette’s Ironic. 

I went to Charlie and Kate’s wedding last weekend and had one of the most blessed weekends of my life.  I’ve also decided to do Marie a favor and not attend Avalon Hills anymore.  The minister who married Charlie and Kate told me about a church in my area called Forefront, so I’ll check that out.

Here I am again.  June is over.  July is here.

The summer is flying by.

June 18, 2000 – Sunday – 4:07 p.m.

The week went by fast.  Work is fun.  Dan and I play chess a lot in the evenings.  Marie returns on Tuesday.

Trey, Kristen, and Mike took me down to North Carolina to pick up my new used car.  It’s a white 1992 Chevy Cavalier.  It drives nicely.

While there we visited Clay’s parents Barbara and Clyde, but Barbara wasn’t there, only Clyde and Eric.  Funny stuff happened, so funny that it can’t be translated and explained into these pages.

We walked along the railroad tracks near my old house.  Everything was so green and the fireflies were out.  I always thought I grew up in a flat land, but after living in Virginia Beach for two years, I now see how beautiful the rolling hills of my youth were.  Thank you God for letting me spend my childhood there.  It is such a perfect and precious gift.  No doubt you put those railroad tracks there just for me to have a clear path to wander down.

I am nearly 24-years-old now God.  I see now that you have never left me.  I am overwhelmed by your patience and beauty.

Trey, Kristen, Mike, and I stopped at a Starbucks in Chapel Hill on Franklin St. on the way back.  I’m so glad I didn’t go to a big state school like UNC.  Part of me is still trying to get over Lees-McRae.  Part of me is trying to succeed here.  And part of me just wants to relax and let all the days fade away.

I can’t believe it is June.  I miss Marie and just want to have a good conversation with her.  It has been difficult to have those over the phone recently.  She doesn’t seem comfortable talking with her parents there.

Time is passing.  But I will go on.  I work.  I write.  I read.  And I wait.

I also remember.  And I try to forget.

June 10, 2000 – Saturday – 10:32 p.m.

I have just arrived back from Allen and Jessica’s wedding.  It was this morning during the  sunrise on the shores of Wildcat Lake near Lees-McRae.  My roommate Dan came with me; we rode with Justin, who is working up on the Eastern Shore this summer as a boat captain at a camp.  I was a groomsman, and it was a beautiful wedding.  It was so wonderful to see everyone, but Vince wasn’t there since he was down in Bolivia.

I even saw Sarah.  She had just returned from London and Paris.  She’s doing great!

Dan (not my roommate) and I had a great talk as we slept outside under the stars.  He and Abigail will marry on September 2nd.  Charlie and Kate’s wedding is in two weeks.

I learned so much this weekend.  It was very freeing to be around my friends, but it hurt Dan (my roommate) in perhaps the same way it hurt Marie.  On the drive back he confessed that he wished he hadn’t come along, for seeing me with my college buddies made him feel like he didn’t really have any good friends at all.

I thought everyone had a college experience similar to my own, but perhaps I was one of the lucky ones.

June 4, 2000 – Sunday – 10:30 p.m.

Whew…life!

I miss Marie.

Good things are happening, but I do feel separated from Regent University and from my film Dang!.

Townley, Andy, Jean, and I had a great trip to D.C. this past week.  I really got the chance to talk with them about Jesus.  Jean is a Christian, but she is sad because her husband Chad isn’t very affectionate toward her.  I know how she feels.  Marie isn’t terribly affectionate towards me either.

I helped the team put the Glo-Cycling package together up at Langley Air Force Base.  It starts tomorrow.  The means I be spending half the week cycling and getting paid for it.

It is all a bit odd to me.  I’m surrounded by people desperately trying to make a buck and I’m just not passionate about money.  Sure I need it, and I’m very much in debt, but what is most important to me are spiritual matters, matters of the heart.  These people at work are successful, but I feel they are losing their souls in the process.

I went to Rob and Mary Jo’s wedding on Saturday.  It was the most beautiful and Christlike wedding that I’ve ever attended.  I see more and more each day how the only thing that matters is Jesus.  Forgive me God for my apathy.

Jean is selling her house.  It is in a fine neighborhood only ten minutes from downtown Norfolk.  It’s small, I’ve wondered if I should buy it; I don’t know, I’ve also been thinking about building a log cabin out in rural Chesapeake or Suffolk.  I have exactly one year until I’m through with my movie and my thesis.  I will graduate and have to move out of the Regent apartments.  I really don’t want to pay rent again.  Please reveal your will to me oh God.

It is a beautiful and cool night.  I have an interesting job.  There is a girl I dearly love in New Jersey.  This evening I had some fantastic barbecue with the Acoustic Works Xtreme Fitness team.  In less than a month it will have been two years since I moved here.  Hmmm…life.

June 1, 2000 – Thursday – 9:10 a.m.

I’m not entirely sure where I am.  I think I’m in Arlington, VA.  I’m in Northern Virginia none the less.  I came up here yesterday with Jean from work.  She’s my colleague and we’ve spent much time working together recently on several projects.  She’s becoming a good friend and we are sharing a great deal with each other about our personal lives.

I also came up with Townley and Andy, the vice-president and president.  Andy has a presentation in Baltimore.  I created his PowerPoint presentation for him and he said all the other Presidents from different companies from all over the world were watching it, and they all loved it.

Jean and I stayed in Arlington to do some work with Waveworks, a sister company of Acoustic Works.  It didn’t go too well, but we learned a lot, and we are staying with Townley’s parents.

June is here.

I love you God.