June 4, 2000 – Sunday – 10:30 p.m.

Whew…life!

I miss Marie.

Good things are happening, but I do feel separated from Regent University and from my film Dang!.

Townley, Andy, Jean, and I had a great trip to D.C. this past week.  I really got the chance to talk with them about Jesus.  Jean is a Christian, but she is sad because her husband Chad isn’t very affectionate toward her.  I know how she feels.  Marie isn’t terribly affectionate towards me either.

I helped the team put the Glo-Cycling package together up at Langley Air Force Base.  It starts tomorrow.  The means I be spending half the week cycling and getting paid for it.

It is all a bit odd to me.  I’m surrounded by people desperately trying to make a buck and I’m just not passionate about money.  Sure I need it, and I’m very much in debt, but what is most important to me are spiritual matters, matters of the heart.  These people at work are successful, but I feel they are losing their souls in the process.

I went to Rob and Mary Jo’s wedding on Saturday.  It was the most beautiful and Christlike wedding that I’ve ever attended.  I see more and more each day how the only thing that matters is Jesus.  Forgive me God for my apathy.

Jean is selling her house.  It is in a fine neighborhood only ten minutes from downtown Norfolk.  It’s small, I’ve wondered if I should buy it; I don’t know, I’ve also been thinking about building a log cabin out in rural Chesapeake or Suffolk.  I have exactly one year until I’m through with my movie and my thesis.  I will graduate and have to move out of the Regent apartments.  I really don’t want to pay rent again.  Please reveal your will to me oh God.

It is a beautiful and cool night.  I have an interesting job.  There is a girl I dearly love in New Jersey.  This evening I had some fantastic barbecue with the Acoustic Works Xtreme Fitness team.  In less than a month it will have been two years since I moved here.  Hmmm…life.

June 1, 2000 – Thursday – 9:10 a.m.

I’m not entirely sure where I am.  I think I’m in Arlington, VA.  I’m in Northern Virginia none the less.  I came up here yesterday with Jean from work.  She’s my colleague and we’ve spent much time working together recently on several projects.  She’s becoming a good friend and we are sharing a great deal with each other about our personal lives.

I also came up with Townley and Andy, the vice-president and president.  Andy has a presentation in Baltimore.  I created his PowerPoint presentation for him and he said all the other Presidents from different companies from all over the world were watching it, and they all loved it.

Jean and I stayed in Arlington to do some work with Waveworks, a sister company of Acoustic Works.  It didn’t go too well, but we learned a lot, and we are staying with Townley’s parents.

June is here.

I love you God.

May 26, 2000 – Friday – 6:36 p.m.

It has been seven months since that perfect night in Currituck with beautiful Marie.

Dan is in front of me playing Tetris 2.  Marie and I talked over the phone last night.  She is having a good time in New Jersey.  She doesn’t seem to be missing me.  That is a good thing I guess.  She is in the world she knows best.  I am in the corporate world I know not of.

. . .

It is a little later on this Friday night now.  I just got off the phone with Marie.  She called while I was writing earlier.  Part of me feels like she doesn’t want to have a relationship with me anymore.  I think she’s going to run away.

I just pray that you guide her God.  If you want her to go, then please let it happen.  We’ve had some good times, but perhaps I am not the best fit for her.  The last thing I want is to be a burden to her.

I’d give the world to be home tonight.  I just don’t know where that is.

Dan is still playing Tetris 2.

I am in a place I’ve never been.

Words.

Oh God, it feels like that is all I have.  Just these words on these pages.

I’d rather have you Jesus.

Feels like much is on my heart.

But I’ve got nothing to say.

May 21, 2000 – Sunday – 7:15 a.m.

It is early before church.  I think I’ve found a place to sit and think.  I’m on a park bench in the park for Lake James Residences only.  I guess it is kind of illegal for me to be here, but I need a place within walking distance from my apartment where I can go and be by myself.  There’s a nice mist in the air and turtles and fish are playing in the water below.

I have a new pair of glasses that look and feel very nice.  I’m going to be wearing my contacts a little less often I think.

Marie called last night.  I miss her so much.

Kimberly, Sterling, and I went to see Dinosaur.  It was so horrible.  It was just the same old story, and I didn’t think it looked that great.

There was a spaghetti party over at Townley’s place on Friday night, so I went and got to know some of my co-workers a bit more.

We’ve had several nighttime thunderstorms recently that have sounded awesome!

Oh God, I miss you in me.  Whatever is blocking you from being everything in me, I lay it at your feet.  Please take it away.

Life is getting very odd.  I just want to love you.  Wash me clean oh God.  Prepare me to be a living sacrifice.  May I be dead to all.  Calm my spirit, my temper, my jealousy, and my flesh.  Purify me oh God.  This is my prayer.  For I am nothing without you.  Please make me like the lilies of the valley.  I love you God.

 

May 19, 2000 – Friday – 7:30 a.m.

It’s been a long week.  In 20 minutes I have to leave for my 5th day on the job.  I’m beginning to figure out who all these new people are:

The president is Andy.  He is divorced and has no children.

Townley is 31 and has never been married.

Karen, another intern like me, is 30 and divorced.  She has two dogs and is from Pittsburg.

Andy’s mom and brother also work there.

Then there’s Michael, the senior project manager, he is also divorced and has a son who works there as well.  I think Michael has been recently remarried to Serena, the office manager.

Robin, the sales manager, lives in Richmond, but he’ll soon move down in Chesapeake.

Jean is another intern.  She is my age and married, but her husband is in the military and he might even be deployed overseas, or is about to be, I’m not sure.

All in all, I think one or two of them may have some degree of Christian faith, but many are not Christians.

They have only known me for a week, but they all tell me I am “unusual.”  I don’t know why everyone who meets me tells me that.  I’ve only ever been me, so it is odd to hear that I’m so different from the norm.

Allen and Jessica will marry in three weeks, and I’m sure Vince has arrived in Bolivia by now.

I fear Marie may be separating herself from me.  We talked on Tuesday and she sounded different.  It is clear she is back under her parent’s influence.  Oh well, let your will be done God.

I go bike riding every evening after I return from work.  I enjoy it greatly.  It’s my time with God.

May 14, 2000 – Sunday – 8:07 a.m.

Graduation was yesterday.  While I’m done with courses, I won’t graduate until next year after I finish Dang! and my thesis paper.  There was a graduation party for David at Parkway Temple yesterday as well.  On Friday I went canoeing with Dan and Theresa at Northwest River Park.

Marie went back to New Jersey yesterday.  She’ll be away for five weeks.  We had a nice time of goodbye on Friday night.

Last night I hung with with Dan and Theresa some more.  We went to Barnes and Noble and ate out at Kyoto’s.  Dan bought some feeder fish for his bigger fish at PetsMart and we enjoyed watching them get devoured.

I start my job tomorrow.  God has been taking care of me this whole time.  I miss Marie already, but hopefully work will keep me busy while I await her return.

May 11, 2000 – Thursday – 9:23 a.m.

Yesterday was a fantastic day!  I got a job and I saw myself on the big screen during the Regent Film Festival.  I was in TR, kinda like ER, but for televisions and not people.

As for the job, I had applied to be an installer, a guy who would go around and install light and sound equipment, but they sat me down in front of a computer and asked me to create something with PowerPoint.  I had never even seen PowerPoint before, but I figured it out and created a brief presentation.  I was later offered to be the personal assistant to the President of the company!  Crazy!

Technically, I’m considered an intern where I’ll make $10 an hour.  But after a few weeks, if they like me, they’ll offer me the full job with a salary and benefits.  This is my first job that pays above minimum wage!  God is so good!

I start on Monday the 15th.  The drive takes about 30 minutes, and my uncle Jeff is going to let me borrow his truck until I can get another car.  Mom says there’s a used one near her in NC that looks pretty good, so I may travel down and pick that one up.

I love you Lord!  Thanks for helping and guiding me.