March 29, 1996 – Friday – 4:45 p.m.

Last night I video taped the opening night of Godspell.  It was an amazing show.  Derek played Jesus.  It was so great to see the story of the why I do the things I do.  I’m looking forward to seeing Godspell again tonight.

I got some pictures back today, they are from the past month or so and part of Arizona.

I’m going to call my mom later on and talk to her about the summer.


March 27, 1996 – Wednesday – 11:00 p.m.

My interview for the Assistant Resident Director position went well, but I’m not sure if I’ll get the job.

Church was so great tonight.  Phillip talked to me about the skit and was so excited.  He couldn’t wait until the next time we rehearsed.  Molly saw me and gave me the biggest hug.  She and I seemed to really get a long tonight.  She was so much fun.  Perhaps our relationship will grow.

Thank you Lord for all of these people.  Praise your holy name.


March 25, 1996 – Monday – 2:40 p.m.

The college and career class went bowling yesterday.  I had a lot of fun, but last night was even better.  We had our first rehearsal for a skit we are doing for Easter Sunday.  I feel so at home when I am directing.  Such a peace flows over me.

I gave a speech this morning that went really well.  Then, in Acting II, Dr. D. mentioned my Sentry character in Antigone and spoke about how well I did concerning the character’s objectives.  I also read some positive reviews of Bearclaw.

It appears others adore my work.  It’s happening.  I am becoming me.

The Oscars come on tonight.  I hope Braveheart wins Best Picture!

Thank you Lord for the gift of life.  Please give me a peaceful sleep.

March 23, 1996 -Saturday – 11:55 p.m.

I slipped on the ice this morning and split the back of my jeans.

Charlie, Dan, Vince, and I went to Boone to see Executive Decision.  I liked it.

On the way back home, I began to sing praise and worship songs, but Charlie turned the radio up so loud so they wouldn’t have to hear me.  I sang praise songs to the beat of that music and remembered how Marcus and Kevin and I would sing praise songs together.  These guys wouldn’t do it.  So I stayed quiet and then later on they sang old TV themes songs and they wondered why I wasn’t joining in.

I called my brother a little while  ago.  He’s not doing good.  Problems with his grades and my parents.  Marcus was there.  He was great.  He said by the beginning of April he would try to pay me back for fixing his car back in August on the way to see Emily.

I love my brother, it hurts me when he hurts.

Sometimes you have to take a week and visit a distant place for a year.  And sometimes you have to take a year and go to college for a week.  There’s a whole world outside my window.  It’s been years since I was born.  But many times, it still feels like I’m falling from the nest.

March 23, 1996 -Saturday – 1:35 a.m.

It’s been a while since I’ve written.  We’ve gotten a lot of snow, but it has begun to melt.

It’s hard to believe that two weeks ago I was sleeping in Atlanta and just one week ago, I was sleeping in Prescott.  I’ve gotten a huge work load put on me since I’ve been back.

I taught the 5th and 6th grade class at church on Wednesday night.  Only a kid named Harris was in it.  Others will come during the summer, but we had fun.  He’s a smart kid.

Oscar night is Monday.

Almost a year since I held Emily.

A lot can happen in a year.

A lot can happen in a day.

Peter and I have been emailing each other a lot more.  He said he misses the old days of Deep Creek, Nintendo, and adventures at our house.  I’ve known him and Danny more than anyone.  I pray it always stays that way.

Oh God, how big you are.

I don’t know anything.

And I also pray that it always stays that way.

March 19, 1996 – Tuesday – 12:45 a.m.

I awoke Monday morning in my ancient room from so long ago.  I did my laundry, vacuumed, and even washed the dishes.

Mom would not allow me to see Jenna and Tenielle, so we went straight to the doctor’s office in Pinehurst.  Dr. Brenner looked at my finger, then said, “What do you want to be?”

“A filmmaker.”

“Well you can move your pinky fine.  It may look a little crooked, but you don’t need a pretty finger to make good movies.”

So, I’m not having surgery.  Praise God.

Henry drove me back up to Banner Elk.  We stopped by K-Mart in Boone and picked up my pictures.  They were black and white, from the beginning of the year.

So, here I am in my room.  I wonder…if these walls could speak…what stories would they tell.  Would they mention Syndi and I holding each other on my bed while we watched TV?  Would they remember Allen, Dan, Vince, Curtis, and I video taping ourselves talking?  Would they remember Dan and I playing Tetris?  Would they remember Allen and I praying for his salvation?  Would they remember me, alone, looking out my window, remembering the time Murrell and I sled down the hill.

I wonder.

March 17, 1996 – Sunday – 11:30 p.m.

Twenty-four hour ago, I was in Las Vegas, Nevada.  Now I’m in Mount Vernon Springs, North Carolina.

Brandon and I awoke Saturday morning and did some shopping with Sara and we all ate lunch at Red Lobster.  While Sara took a nap, Brandon and I went rock climbing.  We headed towards Phoenix at 6:00 p.m.  Once there, we walked around the mall, then drove to the airport, he stayed with me until I got on the plane.  I shook his hand, and he said, “thanks for coming out.”

I enjoyed my time in Arizona.  It will always be cherished.

I flew to Las Vegas and spent an hour there then flew to Atlanta.  From the Atlanta airport I took the Marta train to Brookhaven.  Curtis gave me the wrong number, so I couldn’t get a hold of him.  I spent two hours waiting.  Then, I called my mom, she called information and got the right number.  Curtis came and got me.  I slept in his bed and played with Chili, his dog, for a while, then we headed to North Carolina.  I slept most of the way.  We got to Banner Elk, but I was supposed to meet my mom at 6:00 p.m.  I am going home to get a second opinion on my finger.  Therefore, once I got to Banner Elk I left for Siler City, which is where I am now.

This place smells wonderful.  My room is warm and I can sleep there now.  I went for a walk and was reminded of the joys of this place, especially this past summer.  Water gun fights with Mike and Jonathan.  The picture of Emily on my desk.  That was May of 1995.  It’s already March of 1996.

So much is ahead of me.  Yet so much is behind me.

I have one moment under heaven.

Yet each second seems like a lifetime.

March 15, 1996 – Friday – 9:01 p.m.

Wednesday was Jenna’s birthday.  I called my two friends from here out west and I was reminded of how much I need them and how much they are a part of me.  Tenielle was excited to talk to me.  She said that she wrote me a long letter and sent it in the mail.  I talked to Jenna, who just turned 16, and they told me that they loved me when I said goodbye.

Yesterday, Brandon and I went to town and ran some errands.  We met Sara and they went shopping for a pet rat, but ended up buying a bunny.  It is adorable.  We spent the evening at Sara’s apartment with her

I’m not sure about those two.  I asked Brandon if he thought they would last, and he said they better.  But not only do they have a bunny, they have a baby coming in September.  They are stuck with each other.

Today we went to garage sales, but bought nothing, then took a drive through Jerome and Cottonwood to Sedona.  We picked up some hitchhikers and took them to Cottonwood.  We saved them about a two days walk.  The sites were beautiful.  I took a lot of pictures.  I felt like a child again, being born for the first time and discovering the world.

Last week was terrible, this week has been amazing.  A whole new world.  All new people.  I’ve learned by watching this family and by watching Brandon and Sara.  And I have one day left.

I discovered an hold tape here and on it was written Christmas Come to Detroit Louie.  It was a play performed at Abundant Life on December 15th and 16th of 1990.  I was in it.  My first public performance and I got all the laughs.  It’s on tape.  I have proof.  How I long to grow in my work as an actor and filmmaker.  It burns inside me.  I think about Braveheart and how it reminds me of Jesus, a man who died for someone else’s freedom.

The sights today were so big.  How small I am.  How simple, yet how complex.

Here, I look above me and see a sky I’ve never seen before.  I look at me, and I realize for the first time, I am alive.

And everyone else around me…they are too.

March 13, 1996 – Wednesday – 9:30 a.m.

Monday, Brandon and I plus his two younger brothers went to the Grand Canyon.  It was so huge.  Way bigger than I ever thought it would be.  God is an amazing artist.  I took some pictures, but they didn’t do it justice.  There’s no way you can fit that whole thing inside a frame.

That evening, we went to see Up Close & Personal.  It was good.

Tuesday, we visited Sara’s family and rented Braveheart.  I watched it up until the betrayal and then left with Brandon’s parents to attend a revival service down in Mesa.  We praised the Lord and then I went up for prayer and was slain in the spirit.  A nice time.

There was a beautiful girl there.  She looked at me and I at her.  Her eyes were endless, but then she looked away and left through a door.  I followed.  Our eyes met again.  Then she drove away.

We ate at Applebee’s on the way home.  I heard a couple my age behind me full of conversation and laughter.  And I longed to simply find a girl I could talk to, to listen to, to laugh with.  Then I watched our beautiful waitress, and I wondered the kind of happiness she had known.

I slept on the way home.  It began to rain.  It grew cold.  And I awoke to find that it does snow in the desert.

This is a beautiful state.  I am glad I came to visit.  It has caused me to be so full of thought.  I do love Banner Elk.  Although it can be troublesome and stressful, it is my home for the moment.  I thought about Sharon and her family.  Yes, I thought about Laura.

It is nearly the ides of March.  My fourth semester is half over.

Nothing gold can stay.