October 31, 1997 – Friday – 4:11 p.m.

October is ending.

And my life is beginning.

“Masks” is a beautiful piece.  So many tell me it is their favorite dance of the show.  They even like it better than what X-Factor, our professional dance company, does.  But I think it is only great because I covered it in prayer.

I hugged Abigail after the show last night.  She is so soft.  She held my hand and I held hers.  We both looked into each other’s eyes and said “thank you.”

We had Bible Study after the show, but due to Charlie’s shout out with Kate, and a lot of girls overheard it, he decided to let me lead.  He didn’t even show up.  We praised the Lord for so long last night and I gave a simple message about knowing truth.  Emily was there; that’s Emily from my scene with Mason, not “my” true Emily from Crestview.  She cried.  She will belong to the Lord very soon.  Jesus can change anyone and everyone.

Abigail gave a testimony about how she has finally come to peace with her life and she looked at me the whole time.  We shared so many smiles last night.

We have spent a small amount of time together each day and we seem to grow closer.  I undoubtedly go to sleep the happiest man in the world every night.  We sat next to each other during lunch.  Her uncovered knee touched mine and it took her a few seconds before she pulled away.

I believe her parents are coming tomorrow.  I wonder if they’ll see me any differently.  Perhaps she as shared with her mom the small things that have happened between us.  Perhaps not.  Perhaps it is all in my head; like last time.

Jeni called me last night.  She said she has been thinking about me a lot recently.  She seemed sad and even cried over the phone.  I told her about the 27 people at Bible Study and how everything has been forgiven and set free between everyone.

So now, it is only appropriate that I thank my Jesus.  He has given me this peace.  He has given me Abigail’s smile again, so if it that smile goes away, it won’t break my heart completely.  Through her smile, he has shown me a grace that is way more than I deserve.

I’ve never been so in love with Jesus.  He gives me my dance in the shower.  He gives me my minutes in each hour.  This peace is indescribable.  I wear no mask.  I’m surrounded by his love.

I want nothing but to worship you Lord.

Spring worship unto thee.

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October 27, 1997 – Monday – 9:15 p.m.

It is now the 27th of October.

I’ve been kinda busy.  I’m running sound for the dance concert opening on Thursday.  I enjoy the dances so much.  I am surrounded by beautiful artists.

My tech rehearsal for Masks went so smoothly.  Everyone seemed really impressed with how prepared I was.  I don’t feel overly prepared, but I do pray a lot for anything I work on.  Abigail is the star of my piece, and I told her I felt so at home when directing.

I got a call from Heather, who lives next to Kate.  She called because she could hear a very serious fight going on between Charlie and Kate through her walls.  And I was called to rescue and console, which I tried my best to do, but those two are hurting so much.

I did not attend Heaton on Sunday.  Instead, I went with the Highlanders to video them in High Point.  I sang along with Abigail and Ann-Marie to The Little Mermaid soundtrack on the way home.

It is now the 27th of October.  And the first snow of my last Lees-McRae winter has just covered my most favorite corner of the world.

October 18, 1997 – Saturday – 9:00 a.m.

Oh man, last night was amazing.

After lunch yesterday we all went kayaking.  Tracey and I were in the same kayak together.  Dolphins came to join us as we drifted over the water.  Pretty dang cool.

Then we had a polaroid scavenger hunt last night.  Our team got second place so we are now tied for first overall.

But during our worship service last night, Charlie preached to us on raising a standard and a banner on campus.  One person has to lead the way, but all must work together.  And for the longest time, while Charlie talked and others talked, I curled up in a fetal position and felt like I was going to throw up.  My heart pounded.  I could hear it.  It was so loud.  Forever passed and I finally spoke up and said something along the lines of:

“Um, I feel like I need to apologize to everyone.  I just now realized that I am the problem.  I only know how to a Christian by my self.  I love the big groups, but it’s hard for me and I need help.  It’s hard for me to trust you all.  It’s difficult for me to believe that you guys worship the same God I do, mainly because I think he’s all mine.  I need you guys to help me.  I can’t even look at you.  I’m sorry.”

Tears rolled down my face.  Rachel came and held me and Abigail put her hand on my knee.  After several tears, I held Abigail’s hand.  She leaned closer and I hugged her.

God did a healing inside me.

Something hard to explain.

September 26, 1997 – Friday – 11:30 p.m.

I am in Louisville, Kentucky.  I’ve never been here before.

We left at 11:00 a.m. this morning, twelve and a half hours ago.  Charlie and I rode with Dr. and Mrs. Martin from our church.  We came upon the scene of an accident that had just occurred seconds before, since he’s a doctor, we pulled over and he helped out.  It was a single car accident where the high winds picked up the trailer and pulled the truck off the road.  The two passenger’s were okay, but the driver got hit in the head pretty hard.

We had a fun trip up here and went to the first seminar earlier this evening.  The speaker spoke on sexual purity.  We are now at a Days Inn in Louisville.  I’m sharing a room with Charlie and Jamie.

I’m kinda tired, but it’s nice to be in Kentucky.  Tomorrow will be a full day.

September 20, 1997 – Saturday – 11:00 p.m.

I’m back home in Banner Elk.  Charlie and I stopped by my house in Mt. Vernon Springs.  I saw Nate, Marcus, and Peter.  We all went out to eat.  Peter is doing well; he just came home for the weekend.  Marcus seems to be himself, he’s losing his hair though.  But I guess that happens.

The house looked kinda different.  I felt distant, but also at home.  Hmm.  Memories flooded my mind, but that always happens.

Tons of people have come into my room right now.  It’s hard to write.  Since I’m the only one with an actual living room, it seems to be the hang out spot these days.  I’m gonna have to start getting up early just to have time to myself.

September 20, 1997 – Saturday – 10:00 a.m.

Man.

I’m in Carrboro, NC right now.  It’s right next to Chapel Hill.  I came with Charlie and Justin on Thursday night.  Justin met up with an uncle and went on to Virginia Beach.  Charlie and I are staying at Matt’s, an old friend of Charlie’s.  We went out to eat and to a movie last night.  Earlier in the day yesterday I stopped by Henry’s workplace. It tickled him to death to see me.  We are going to stop by the house before we head back.  Hopefully I can meet up with Marcus.

I wrote Jessica a little note on Thursday and gave it to her.  It simply said that I thought a lot about her and I was glad she was here.

My senior year is going by way too fast.

September 17, 1997 – Wednesday – 11:10 a.m.

Life is good.  I’m directing now and I feel so much like me.  Vince and I had an awesome talk a couple of nights ago.  We stayed up until two in the morning.  What a dear friend!

I read Charlie my journal entry from September 14th.  When I got to the part about “missing Charlie and Kate together,” he told me he loved me.  I asked him why?  He said because he realized someone else felt his pain.

Sarah is a little under the weather.  I gave her a hug and said thanks for the card and she blew me a kiss.

I don’t know what to say.  I love God.  He loves me.  And he shows me how much he loves me everyday through other people.