September 26, 2000 – Tuesday – 9:52 p.m.

Each day is somehow filled with making movies. I love what I do for Forefront, it’s hard to even call it work. It’s absolutely wonderful.

I leave for Grundy, VA tomorrow. It is very close to Kentucky, a state that I haven’t visited since September of ’97 I believe. Hopefully we’ll cross the state line.

Life is rather simple in these flat, coastal lands. I just kind of go with the flow of everything, knowing I own nothing, and nothing lasts forever save the love of God.

The air was much cooler today. It was lovely. And I’ve discovered a new artist, singer/songwriter Dar Williams. I bought her latest album today.

As September ends I’ll be in a part of the Appalachian Mountains I’ve never been in before. It’s difficult to describe the freedom I’ve been experiencing these days. There simply a beauty in the everydayness.

Jesus is revealing new truths to me about humanity, and what is truly important.

I thank him for that.

September 15, 1999 – Wednesday – 4:30 p.m.

Hurricane Floyd is on his way up the coast, but my soul is calm.  All classes and work have been cancelled for tomorrow.  I bought some new music today.  Music makes me so happy and peaceful, especially the music that sings of my savior.

Today was SEE YOU AT THE POLE.  I went to Kimberly’s school to pray.

Early in the afternoon I drove through the rain to downtown Norfolk to go the federal building, but it was closed.  So I just walked around in the rain.  It was nice.  I went to Town Pointe Park and to the Armed Forces memorial.  And there at that flag pole, I placed my SEE YOU AT THE POLE bracelet.  I stood there in the rain, and I thought of all those who had died for my freedom to pray to God in this nation.  And even as I’m writing this, I’m still so thankful.

June 22, 1999 – Tuesday – 8:40 a.m.

This camp is so wonderful!  I feel so fun and free.  We’ve called our team the Corn Bread Posse!  At service last night so many people were freed from sin and addiction.  I prayed with one girl who had a demonic manifestation before being set free.  God is so good.

Mary returned this morning.  She was away briefly so she could attend her brother’s graduation.  I met a couple of her friends.

I can’t emphasize how badly I needed these days.  I’m surrounded by so much energy, joy, and love.  Jesus is inviting me to a higher level of holiness, yet all the while every night is full of laughter.

Thank you Lord for this.

March 10, 1999 – Wednesday – 10:52 p.m.

Last night I talked to Sharon, Abigail, and Vince.

Vince and Charlie are coming in a week!

I read about this week two years ago today and how I was in Florida.  I don’t think I’ve ever blessed myself so much outside of re-reading what I wrote to myself long ago.  My vision for my life was rekindled and I want to tell stories. and bring freedom to people.  Tonight, Kimberly told me that I do exactly that, for she said, “You make me feel alive.”

God is so good to me here.  Although I fail to see it sometimes, I have some truly amazing friends here.  May I never forget that.

God has used the past few days to wake me up, to be free myself so others will want to follow.

February 13, 1999 – Saturday – 10:43 p.m.

I began writing in these books nearly six years ago for a reason of which I am not really sure.  I only remember beginning them.  When I search myself for the most honest answer, all I can say is that I did it for myself.  Not for the person I was then, but for the person I knew I would become after reading about the time and place which formed me….and to read about it in my own hand.

And thus far, it has all brought me to this day, this hour, this minute.

I have just returned from a True Love Waits rally in Williamsburg, VA, a town I’ve spent many hours in over the years, for it is where we would go when I visited my dad’s side of the family in my earlier days.  My brother Kevin was there.  He’s 24 and looks nothing like it.  He handed me Christmas presents from people I didn’t see since I went chasing after my long lost pen pal, my family of old, and the revival everyone’s been talking about.

I drove one of two Parkway Temple vans to our destination and back tonight.  I used to be one of the kids always riding in the van, but now I’m the one driving it.

Our team performed Masks tonight.  This short vignette is very dear to my heart and has been in existence for nearly as long as these journals.  And I see now what these writings have done for me.  They help me examine my thoughts and feelings and help me remove all the false masks that try to cling to me each day.

There is no doubt that these entries have tremendously aided in forming who I am today.

For today, I am a free man.

And yesterday, on the 12th day of the 2nd month of 1999, I think I met her.

I left youth group a little early last night to attend the swing dance at Regent University.  During one dance where all the girls lined up on one side and the guys on the other, I walked towards a girl and met her in the middle.  There, we found ourselves; my arm around her back, our hands in each other’s, her hand on my shoulder.

We moved to the music.

“What’s your name?”

“Amy, yours?”

“Jacob.  Nice to meet you.”

February 10, 1999 – Wednesday – 11:34 p.m.

I went over to Kimberly’s house Tuesday afternoon.  We went bike riding and swung on swings at the park.  We played Tetris at her house and had dinner with her family.  What a nice time!

Tonight at Discipleship, I led the first ever Parkway Temple foot washing service.  It was just our group, but it was so freeing and redeeming for everyone.  The kids appeared very humbled.

Afterwards, Mary Jo asked me to go swing dancing.  I did and had a delightful time.  I danced with other girls as well.  There is another dance happening Friday.  I hope I can go after the youth service.

God is so good and perfect.  This whole day was a blessing.  I simply wake up and live each day one day at a time.  Thank you for the peace and freedom than can only be found in you Lord.

February 6, 1997 – Thursday – 10:40 a.m.

 

I am a boy

I have blonde hair

And a crooked chin

I am tall

But my patience is short

I like eagles

I like the color green

And to watch movies

I am skinny

But my memory is fat

I dream of flying

I dream of freedom in my soul

And of love

I write a lot

But I am the only one who reads them

I am an actor

I make good grades

And I like to read my Bible

I like to laugh

But I learn more from sadness

I keep a journal

I keep a Book of Days

And a collection of pictures

I want to tell stories

But I don’t even understand my own

 

October 9, 1995 – Monday – 10:47 p.m.

I went for a long hike today.  A two hour long hike.  I went deep into these mountains surrounding campus.

Lil Abner opens Wednesday.  I am the House Manager.  I watched the rehearsal tonight.  It was so funny!

I love theater so much.  I love film.  I am so happy to know that I’m going to be around it for the rest of my life.

I got an email from Erica today.  I wrote her back.  We basically talk about the goodness of the Lord.

You know, it’s funny.

One million miles in this life.

I’ve only made a few steps.

I feel like the race is almost over.

But I’ve only begun.

The journey began with my Lord and will end with my Lord.

Its hard to describe it, but I have such a peace inside me.

The Lord is taking care of me.  He has given me so much.  He has given me my freedom.  I expect Him to take care of me and be there for me.

He has already walked those one million miles before me.  Now he is here, walking them again beside me.  He points out every stone that I might trip over.  There are some times when he picks me up and carries me.

He is my best friend.

He is so beautiful.

And so kind.

I love you Jesus.  I’m sorry for not having complete faith in you sometimes.

I adore you.

I want you forever.

And I know I can have you forever.

My freedom is in you.

My home is in you.

Thank you my Father.

July 13, 1995 – Thursday – 1:15 p.m.

Last night’s service was great!  I opened my heart to the Lord and worshipped Him

Then as the sun was setting, I thought of my own sun, Emily.  My new sun.  But then, I turned my head and saw the huge full moon on the other side of the earth, just beginning to rise.

I’ve been thinking about Emily a lot!  I’m surrounded by thousands of new faces, but my mind is on one girl in Florida.

I bought two more T-shirts and a tape last night.  It’s very hot here.

Kenny couldn’t come.  I miss him.

I feel so free.  Everything is great!  I’m learning a lot.

Thirty-one days until Banner Elk.

Twenty-one days until Crestview.

Thirteen days until Deep Creek.

Fishnet is now!

Jesus Christ is my best friend!

I no longer want to just be a great filmmaker.

I just want to be a filmmaker who in love with Jesus.

I want to read this again in the future to help me remember the freedom I feel in this moment.

Jacob, Jesus is the answer to everything.

This is your own self telling you this.

Trust me.

Never forget.

Jesus is right there next to you and he’s everything you’re looking for.

May 28, 1995 – Sunday – 11:55 p.m.

It has been a wonderful day!

The fellowship was cancelled due to rain, so I just came home after church this morning.  Jenna and Tenielle were there as always and they were wonderful.  It is so good to be here with them.  I am watching them grow up!

Jonathan and I went to High Falls, to go to the youth group there.  Lisa showed up, but holy cow, she got married!  Her husband wasn’t with her though.  We talked about the people we graduated with and what they were doing.  We’ve all gone our separate ways.  Thank you Jesus!

It was good to see the old gang.  We had a great talk and I can’t wait to attend Fishnet with them.  It will be wonderful!

We left early so that we could be at church on time.  Jonathan and I had a good time driving this evening.  He is a great friend.

Church tonight was awesome!  Shurby preached.  He prayed for Jonathan and Jonathan got set free, again!  I prayed in the spirit so hard behind him.  Then I began to cry and I couldn’t stop.

Jonathan.  Such a precious life.  Help me help him Lord.

After the evening service, he and I went to Christi’s house.  She was home with her dad.  The four of us had the greatest time.  She had the skit group video.  We watched it.  It was so beautiful.

Christi; she always seems to pop up and then that weird feeling returns.  Thank you Lord for this little mystery.