February 26, 2000 – Saturday – 10:14 a.m.

Life has recently been spent in rehearsal, class, work, and with Marie.  We had our most favorite special “friend day” yesterday on a little peer out at Munden Point Park.  It is a perfect place of reflecting light, green trees, and blue sky.  We were barefoot little kids playing in life-giving water and spitting on mosquitoes.  A perfect day, an eternal instant, we wanted to spend our entire lives there.

Sarah emailed me this past week.  I emailed her back and let her know that I did not want to continue to keep in touch, that it was not fair to Marie.

I spoke with Tracey this morning.  Charlie was punched in the face and knocked out cold by a resident.  He felt the school didn’t support him, so he quit his Residence Life job and left Lees-McRae.  He’s staying with his parents, but they don’t want him there.  Kate moved down to Franklin, NC with her parents who recently moved there.

Dan is back in Colorado.

Tracey and Abigail’s Seven Strangers band is making a demo tape.  Everything is supposedly going really well for that little band.

Vince and Natalie have spent the past two weeks in New York with Vince’s dad.

And Lindy is trying to get certified in aerobics.

The Regent community, or rather our small group of Communication School acquaintances, are beginning to put two and two together when it comes to Marie and I.  Many guys have asked Marie if she is seeing someone because she has this “certain glow.”

She tells them yes.

I think it is funny.

I applied for an office manager job for a children’s theater company in Norfolk.  I pray God blesses me with it.

Children are playing outside my window now.  It’s very clear that March begins in four days.  The sounds are in the air.

I apologized to Marie last night for kissing Jeni and Sarah.  I told her I wished I had waited for her alone.  I regret the words and phrases I have written in past journals about other girls, thinking and believing I wanted to spend my life with them, thinking and believing I loved them so deeply.

Forgive me God.  I wish I could erase those pages from my journal.

I love you Jesus.  Thank you for this redemption.  I place my past and my sin before you.  You are holy and beautiful.

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February 20, 2000 – Sunday – 8:00 a.m.

Marie and I have talked very long and intensely about marriage and our future lives together.  We drove down to Siler City and Mt. Vernon Springs on Friday.  We also stopped in Henderson and I saw where she spent her past Christmases.  She said that during those times she always dreamed of marrying a boy from North Carolina.

We are planning on researching three areas to begin our life: Tucson, Arizona, Nashville, Tennessee, and Asheville, North Carolina.  We are going to list out the pros and cons of each.  I will talk with her parents over Easter break in April.  We will let them know of our plans and see which they favor and honor the most.

I will ask Marie to marry me sometime after the semester.  We will spend the next school year planning our wedding, honeymoon, and move.  We will more than likely marry in June of 2001 and life will be beautiful.

 

February 14, 2000 – Monday – 1:28 p.m.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Marie and I spent yesterday afternoon with a young married couple (younger than us) named Lori and Ben from Avalon Hills.  They are wonderful.  That evening after church Marie and I spoke practically of marriage.  My insides were going crazy.

In a year and a half we are both leaving this place together.  Perhaps we’ll be married in New Jersey.  I would like that.

Marie can work off some of her school loans by working as a teacher in a teacher-shortage area like Arizona or Wyoming.  How exciting!

I’m ready for anything.

This is your life God!

. . .

I’ve just been sitting here thinking.  My insides are pondering.  I’ve worked myself into an awkward corner.  My entire life has pointed in the direction of being a storyteller, of working in theater and film.  Did I put that desire there in my heart, or did God?

I do not believe that I could have come this far if God did not do this.  How this is going to happen, I do not know.  Perhaps it is best if I don’t even really try and just let go.  I must do what the Lord said so long ago, just show up every day.  Of course, now, showing up means loving Marie.  And it means sharing life with someone.  I see now why God makes men single for a while.  He must prepare their hearts.

I don’t want to just direct movies and theater productions, I want to also be alive.  And it grows clearer and clearer with each passing day that I will only be alive for a very short while.  I want to be alive with Marie.

So, I made Dang! and that might be the only one.  I had some great acting moments on a few different stages and there may not be any more moments.  I just want to love God, love the woman I marry, love our children, and never let my heart grow cold.  I just want to breathe in this beautiful creation with every new day.

Take me Lord, wherever you want, I’ll go.

February 11, 2000 – Friday – 9:24 p.m.

Marie and I celebrated our Valentine’s Day today because our Monday will be very busy.  We went to Seashore State Park, had breakfast and lunch together, and exchanged gifts.  She gave me a beautiful picture of herself as a little girl, similar to the one I gave her of me at Christmas.  She is so adorable.  We had our own little private dance here in my room.

She is at her apartment writing now.  Last Friday we had a wonderful time walking back and forth to Lake Drummond out at the Dismal Swamp.  It was a 10 mile hike.

Our relationship grows more and more beautiful every day.  So much time is spent with her, and sharing with her, and writing in our book together, that I hardly spend time writing here in my own journal.

My The Tape That Binds script was chosen to be produced by the university.  Grant is directing it.  I have a rewrite due on Monday.

Rehearsals for In the Flesh and Pilate are coming along okay.  Pilate opens in a month.

Mr. Quicke, a professor here, has asked to meet with me about the possibility of directing a feature-length film this summer.  That’s exciting!

Marie and I are planning a trip to Banner Elk and her hometown in New Jersey over spring break.  She’ll get to meet the whole college gang, and I’ll get to see where she grew up!

January 30, 2000 – Sunday – 5:00 p.m.

Marie and I attended Avalon Hills Bible Church this morning.  It is right across the street from Regent.  We made a beautiful breakfast together before we left, and we also made a delightful lunch together when we returned.

The service was different from my upbringing, but the sermon was wonderful.  I simply didn’t feel much freedom in the worship, but that is fine I suppose.  God is molding me.  He is preparing me for I life spent with Marie.  The church is grounded in the word, so I’m happy for it to be the place we attend together.

On Friday we spent the day together in Hampton at the Virginia Space and Air museum.  We saw two Imax films and had a nice lunch downtown.  Yesterday I saw The Hurricane with Chris and it blessed me unlike any other film this year so far.  Chris and Dan are turning out to be my best good guy friends here at Regent.  Dan is a fellow “bookstorian.”

We are getting together in an hour to have a Super Bowl protester’s party, where we just play games instead of watch the game.  It’ll be me, Marie, Dan, Theresa, Chris and a few others.

God’s grace is unbelievable!

January 27, 2000 – Thursday – 1:00 p.m.

The Word tells me to take no thought of my life, and no thought for my life.

Why then have I kept a journal?  Aren’t all these pages merely thoughts?

The Word however is the heart and thoughts of God, so perhaps I shouldn’t worry.

Marie and I talked of marriage last night.  Three months we’ve had this special friendship and now we are talking about marriage.

You are so beautiful God.  I am your bride.  You have washed this sinner clean.  You are worthy.  You are worthy to have your way between this little boy and this little girl way down here where we cannot see the big picture.

I feel so broken and so small.

Melt my pride and my doubt.

All I want is your love oh God.  I admit that on my knees.  If your love is through Marie, and I can love you through her, then I accept it so thankfully.  It is such a beautiful manifestation of you.