June 25, 1999 – Friday – 4:00 p.m.

Camp is over.  Everyone has left except for us.  Mary and I have talked some and I believe God has answered my question.  And I believe that is a “no” in regards to Mary.

We had a drama contest at camp and the Parkway Temple kids scored the best.  It is great to know that I’ve trained them well.

In retrospect, these have been good but weird days.  Everyone, even the girls I’ve only known for a week, quickly begin talking to me as though I’m their best girlfriend.  I don’t want to be a girlfriend; I want to be a boyfriend!  It is a curse as much as it is a blessing.

I think Sharon has the best idea.  God forgive me for being so blunt sometimes.  It is backfiring.  The bus ride is getting bumpy; hopefully I can write about the people here a little later on.

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June 23, 1999 – Wednesday – 6:36 p.m.

The services here at camp are full of so much freedom.  “Ain’t no party like the Holy Ghost party ’cause the Holy Ghost party don’t stop!”

We went rock climbing today.  The challenge of it all obsesses me.  It was so much fun!

Mary is a beautiful woman of God.  If she wanted me…I’d be hers.  I’m so thankful for these three weeks to be in her presence.  She is so adventurous and so in love with Jesus. She is brilliant!  She plans to go back to Oklahoma to finish school in August.

Your will Lord.  Your will only.  Please show me what to do.  Take care of our hearts.  If this goes any further than fleeting emotion then…well God, I need a Godly wife.  Someone to share this life with.  If my prayers have anything to do with it, then I want her.

June 22, 1999 – Tuesday – 8:40 a.m.

This camp is so wonderful!  I feel so fun and free.  We’ve called our team the Corn Bread Posse!  At service last night so many people were freed from sin and addiction.  I prayed with one girl who had a demonic manifestation before being set free.  God is so good.

Mary returned this morning.  She was away briefly so she could attend her brother’s graduation.  I met a couple of her friends.

I can’t emphasize how badly I needed these days.  I’m surrounded by so much energy, joy, and love.  Jesus is inviting me to a higher level of holiness, yet all the while every night is full of laughter.

Thank you Lord for this.

June 20, 1999 – Sunday – 9:30 a.m.

We woke up two hours ago and went running before having our quiet time.  I went for a walk in the rain and saw three deer.  We are surrounded by a national forest, it’s really beautiful here.

I have to leave pretty soon to drive back down to Newport News and bring some kids back up to camp.  It’s three hours away.  That’s the same distance Lees-McRae was from Siler City.  Well, I guess it still is.

It’s great to be away.  My mind is free to reflect on more important matters.

Mary has such an amazing spirit.  The girls she mentors are Amber, Megan, Missy, T-Sha, Briana, Dina, Erica, Kristen, and maybe another one, but I forgot her name.

The summer already feels like it is passing so quickly.  All of this will be over before I want it to be.

Oh God, you are the giver of such good things.  I want to be closer to you and hear your voice more clearly.  You are so beautiful in my sight.

I give you all that you have created me to be.

June 19, 1999 – Saturday – 11:30 p.m.

I’m in Buckingham, VA exactly six years after the first time I met Emily.  This has been a very good day.  Our Master’s Commission team met at Parkway Temple and drove to Richmond.  There we met up with Mary and were trained in rock climbing.  Mary and I have been talking all day and she is simply amazing.  I’m just floored by her.  Thank you God for her.  These three weeks will be fantastic, mainly because I will be near her.  This time with her is a gift from God.

Mary is the mentor for the girls and I’m the mentor for the guys.  Their names are Corey, Matt, and Seth.  Camp starts tomorrow night.  It is simply wonderful to be here.

I love you Jesus.

June 16, 1999 – Wednesday – 12:18 p.m.

A 19-year-old named Brian is staying with me this week.  He’s pretty cool; a nice Christian guy.  He’s the Boom Operator for Beneath the Depths.

Mary, my partner for Master’s Commission, and I have been emailing each other.  She seems insanely nice and good to the core.  She genuinely asks me questions about my self and my life.  I’m looking forward to working with her.

My huge film paper is due on Friday.  I only have three of the 15 pages written.  God help me.

Otherwise, things are good.  I leave Saturday and will be away for three weeks.  I might try to go visit Lindy in Maryland afterwards.

June 12, 1999 – Saturday – 4:51 p.m.

I feel like crying…crying because I don’t have best friend here.  At the moment, I feel so very much alone, very misunderstood, and I never feel like I can fully relax into the friendships I have here.

I talked to Justin, Abigail, Tracey, and Sarah the other night.  They sounded so good.  Sarah and I are all healed and that completely amazes me.  But these dear people are all far away.  Justin is in town, but at camp.  I leave in a week, so I won’t get to see him.

I’ll soon be around a new group of people.  Before I even depart, I guy I don’t know from Richmond is staying with me for a week while he helps out on a film shoot.

Oh Jesus…what is going on?

How am I doing?

I feel life has become so different and I don’t want it to be.  Is it my perspective or are things really changing?  Am I still young?  What do you want me to do?  Where have all my simple joys gone?  I am missing them so.  Why all this stress?  Life didn’t use to be this way.

Mom called me the other night.  She and Henry are having problems in their marriage.  They say they’re spiritual attacks because of their involvement with the Brownsville Revival and they are going to counseling.  I hope they’re still good.

There is a family reunion happening at Deep Creek, but I can’t go due to the film shoot.

Change.  I both love and hate it.