September 29, 1997 – Monday – 1:30 p.m.

A lovely day.

Yesterday was rainy, but still wonderful.  I think I prefer rain over sunshine, especially in the mountains.

Jeni came over and we talked.  Dan and Allen were here and we began talking about relationships.  Then Jeni said to Dan, as though I wasn’t there, “I could never see myself dating Jacob again, mainly because his spiritual relationship with God is so much further along than mine.”

That statement surprised me greatly.  After Dan and Allen left, Jeni and I talked about it.  She said that Abigail and Tracey feel the same way; I somehow make them feel inferior.  “But I don’t do anything!” I told Jeni.  “I’m just me, I don’t think or even try to act like I’m better.  In fact, I’m the lowest of the low.”

She said that maybe it was just their own spiritual insecurity.  She said it was the hardest thing in the world for each of them since they all love me so much.

I didn’t understand.  They love me, but don’t want to pursue anything further with me because I make them feel less close to God?

Then Jeni confessed that over the summer when she stayed with me, she went into my room and read my journal.  She immediately started crying, fearing I would hate her.  She said she opened it up to May 7th, 1997, I believe.  And well, you should flip back and read it for this to make sense, but she said that reading that nearly killed her and she wished she had never read it.

I explained what that entry meant to me and I forgave her.

Then she told me that she told Abigail once, “No matter who Jacob marries, she will never be worthy enough.  He is wonderful.”

There it is.  Because I love God, girls are turned away.  I guess following Jesus does cost something.

But all that was yesterday and I woke up today with a smile on my face.

Speaking of girls, Sherlive is completely confused and foggy about life.  She is asking questions that shouldn’t be asked.  I used to think she had it all together, but she is in the ozone.  I spent three hours talking with her last night.  I asked her to lay her head in my lap so I could just pet her hair and pray for her.  She never seemed to relax.

Dan told me later on, “Jacob it’s going to be terrible next year.”

“Why?”

“Who’s going to be here to take care of us?”

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September 25, 1997 – Thursday – 4:40 p.m.

Life is good.  I did a lot of research on church drama this morning.  I am now on the judicial committee since I’m an RD.  We saw some students today; pretty rough stuff.

My rehearsals with Emily and Mason are so much fun.  We are going to have the greatest scene ever.

And even in the busyness of this day, I found time to stare at the sky and the ground.  I stopped by Tennessee Dorm where Dan and I roomed together for a month, where Jeni spent a week, and where Sherlive spent a night.  Then I picked a flower and walked towards McAlister.

On the way there, I stopped at the cemetery next to the Presbyterian church.  I walked through slowly and stopped at the gravesite of the founder of this great institution.  There, at the tombstone of Edgar Tufts, I set my flower.

I then sat on a stone and examined the world around me.  I saw a leaf walking along the pavement.  I never knew leaves could walk, but it moved along as if it knew where it was going.  Then I stood and started walking and wondered if I was really walking, or if maybe some great wind was pushing me along as well.

September 13, 1997 – Saturday – 4:00 p.m.

I’m in Charlie’s newly bought Honda Accord.  I’m wearing new clothes and my bare feet are slightly covered with sand.  Dan is in front of me in the passenger’s seat.  Charlie is driving.

Hootie and The Blowfish just started playing on the radio, “Everytime I look at you, I go blind.”

We are in Savannah, Georgia.  We arrived here last night.  The three of us came to see an old friend of Charlie’s from LMC.  Last night we went bowling.  There was techno music playing and black lights everywhere.  The computer was messed up, so no matter what I bowled, it recorded it as a strike.

Today we went downtown and walked on River Street.  Savannah is a great city.  I was quite impressed.  After we ate at the 606 Cafe we went and walked on the beach.  We are on our way home now.  The drive down was hilarious, but those three hours of laughter can in no way be captured in these pages, so I shouldn’t even try.

Tennessee last weekend.

Georgia this weekend.

Who knows for next weekend.

I’ll be in Kentucky two weeks from now.

I’m just blowing around in the wind.  My time is running short.  I have less than eight months.  I need to get graduate school squared away.  And I need to spend some good quality time with my friends here.

This life is nothing short of amazing.  My goal is to have the most fun I can without sinning.

September 7, 1997 – Sunday – 12:49 p.m.

Around four o’clock Friday afternoon I made my departure from the grand state of North Carolina in Sherlive’s red Nissan.  I sat alone in the back.  We drove into Tennessee while Anna, a freshman from New York, sat in the passenger’s seat.

Sherlive has quite an interesting family.  Her mother looks like her eyes are always closed.  She is constantly taking pictures and rambling.  But she is very loving.  Sherlive’s father, with his super deep voice, always begins each sentence with “when I was a boy.”  He cooked enough food for an army, but lives in yesterday.  Then, Mikayla, Sherlive’s 3-year-old adopted sister, clung to me like her long lost brother.  She’s a wonderful little girl and a great new friend.

After dinner on Friday night, we went to an Elizabethton High School football game.  Sherlive wanted to see some old friends and see the high school band, one she used to be a part of.  The game was okay, I was just kinda amazed by the whole high school scene.  I feel old.

Sherlive, Anna, and myself got into some deep conversations about life, love, and relationships.  After halftime we ended up at a coffee shop in Johnson City.  Anna is this cute little 100% Greek girl who feels more like someone’s grandmother instead of an 18-year-old, but I mean that in a cool way.

Dan met us Saturday morning to go hiking with us.  He ate breakfast with us too; a huge amount of food made by Sherlive’s dad.  We went to Blue Hold and then to Red Fork Falls, at least I think that’s what it was called.  They were really pretty places.  I took some pictures.

Sherlive is such a funny little nutcase.  She goes rock climbing in her bare feet and Dan says “Hey is Blue Hole cool?”

“No, it’s cold.” she says.

Dan looks at me funny.  “Okay, well, is it rad?”

“No, it’s blue!”

Dan and I burst out laughing.  Then, after Sherlive has been stuck on the side of the cliff for about 30 minutes, Dan just jumps up and runs towards it and scurries up it like a squirrel.  He reaches the top that Sherlive has been trying to climb to in two seconds.  Oh, Sherlive was so mad, she just screamed bloody murder.

In the middle of all the beautiful scenery, Dan and I just broke free, ran around, and laughed our butts off everywhere we went.  We stuck our heads out the window whenever we were in the car and just hooted and hollered the whole day.  If I wrote down every funny thing we said, oh, this book would be full.

Linda visited me last night.  We sort of got caught up on our Box Office talk.  And Marisa called me last night.  She said she just wanted to hear my voice.

Church was amazing this morning.  I cried.  Heaven is a guarantee.

Abigail and Ann-Marie both come to Heaton now.  Our college age group is so huge.

Friends.  What an amazing concept.  I would do anything for these people.

I would live.

I would die.

September 2, 1997 – Tuesday – 11:11 p.m.

Yesterday afternoon Dan and I went hiking on the backside of Grandfather Mountain.  It was really beautiful and peaceful.

Curtis is coming back to school.  I guess his visit up here was really great.  He learned where his heart lives.

I took my first voice lesson today and my teacher seemed really impressed with me.

I hardly have any homework these days.  I have a lot of free time.  Dan and I play Tetris 2 a lot and I’ve been reading more than usual.

Sherlive is over here now, using my word processor.

September 2nd again.

And now it’s ending.

September 1, 1997 – Monday – 1:05 p.m.

The month of change is over.  September is here.  One tree on campus has already begun to change into its harvesting colors.  I was on duty until 6 p.m. yesterday.  I wasn’t able to go to church, but I did attend a church picnic yesterday.  It was fun and enjoyable.  Afterwards, myself, Dan, Curtis, Ellen, Alex, and Alicia went to the Linville Gorge area and built a campfire.  Alicia is supposedly Allen’s new girl, but she just seems like a flirt to me.  After the campfire thing, we went to the parkway and just talked.  It was a nice evening.

These remaining months of the year always seem to go so fast.  But I’ll find time to watch the leaves change and the first snow come.  It looks like I may go to Dan’s house for Thanksgiving.  For Fall Break I may go with everyone on a little college retreat that Charlie is planning.

This is going to be a nice final year.  But, my RD write-ups are kind of uncomfortable and Abigail still acts weird to me.  This past weekend was a weird one.  Allen’s friend died, as did Princess Diana.  Someone stole my brother’s license plate and I had to deal with a bunch of drunks.  But none of that really affects me directly.  Weird how the oddest part of my life is other people’s problems.

Hmm.

Auditions are tomorrow.  I’m auditioning for The Misanthrope.  It opens in November.  This weekend, I believe I’m believe I’m going to Sherlive’s house.  At the end of the month I’m going to Louisville, KY for a Christian conference.

October brings Fall Break.  Thanksgiving in November.  Classes are over by December 17th.  Christmas.  1998.

Whew, life is fast.

August 30, 1997 – Saturday – 11:16 p.m.

So far this has been a crazy weekend.  First of all, Curtis came to visit, which was great!  They all went to Sharon’s house, but I was on duty.  While on duty I had to take care of an alcohol problem in Avery dorm.  It is a crazy long story, no need to write it here.  I don’t want to remember it.

Allen, to everyone’s surprise, went out on a date with a girl named Alicia from ASU.  He met her a week ago some how.  They evidently had a good time.  He really likes her.

While sitting in my room earlier today, I got a call from Dan, “Jacob, you need to come over here we have a problem.”

I ran over to Dan’s room and I saw Allen with his face in his hands crying.  It turns out he talked with his mother over the phone and found out one of his close buddies from back home in New York died in a motorcycle accident.  Allen was bawling hard and no body was saying anything.  He left and I followed him to his room.  We talked some.  He told me how close he was to this guy.  He told me how he called the mother earlier today and could barely say her name through the tears.

I told him it wasn’t fair.  Everyone has their sad stories, but I don’t have any.  Not that I want them, but I simply can’t share in their pain.

“You’re just lucky,” Allen said.  We talked later in the day, after he got himself together.  We were talking about this world and the trials we must go through.  He said the wisest thing, “We simply don’t belong here.”

And he is right.  Just like Marisa said, this weird place is not our home.  There is more to life than this.

Jeanine also came up to visit.  She got really close to Allen this summer and she was hurt when she found out there was a new girl.  My shoulder was there for her to cry on.

My brother Kevin is also up visiting.  He is in a Putt-Putt tournament nearby.  But no one is here now.  They all went bowling in Boone, even Kevin.

These duty night are something else, but they pay the bills and hopefully this job will look good on a resume.  Most of the campus has gone home for Labor Day weekend, so I just find myself sitting here thinking of Sherlive.