August 16 – 1997 – Saturday – 1:27 a.m.

The RD staff plus Allen and Vince went to Carowinds today.  I had fun.  It was great to be outside all day.  When I got home there was a letter under my door from Maresa.  It just said that she wanted me to call her when I got back cause she wanted to talk with me and pray with me about something.  I called her and she came over.  We laid in my bed and talked about God for a long time.  And tonight, or this morning rather, she rededicated her life back to God and eagerly asked many questions about heaven and Jesus.  We had a great talk.  I praise God for that beautiful 15-year-old red-head!  She made this summer twice as fun.

Wednesday night after church, Allen, Vince and I had our small group and prayed.  We talked about the Holy Spirit and Allen said he wanted to receive the baptism of the Holy Spirit.  I prayed for him briefly.  Then he started praying in the spirit.  He fell to the ground, cried, then jumped around and everything.

God is amazing.

It’s great to be alive.

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April 3, 1997 – Thursday – 4:15 p.m.

A wonderful day.

Last night I went with Curtis and his girlfriend Ryan to Boone and Blowing Rock.  We drove around and ate out.  It was a beautiful evening.  The stars were amazing.

I ate breakfast with Jessica this morning, did some homework, went to class, exercised, and chatted on the Rebecca St. James chatline.

On the chatline, I talked with a lot about praying int he spirit.  One girl named Rejoice basically praised me for my relationship with God.  She was Australian and she was so encouraging.  It felt like I was talking to Rebecca St. James herself.  That chatline has blessed me so much.  Thank you God.

Things are going really well.  The Lord is making me holy.  I hunger for his righteousness.

You are holy Lord.

Oh so holy.

Your word stands forever.

It’s changing me forever.

January 26, 1997 – Sunday – 2:30 p.m.

Yesterday was a very interesting day. As I prepared myself for Bible Study in the morning, the Lord told me to do a foot washing service.  I wasn’t sure I wanted to do that because they can really be uncomfortable.  But I obeyed.  We were going to have Bible Study at 4:00 p.m.

I went to lunch and walked back with Jeni and Abigail.  Abigail was really down.  Her mom had called her that morning.  Her mom had talked to K.C. the night before and told her that he was interested in another girl and not Abigail.  So, I was afraid that doing a foot washing later in the day would be too much for Abigail’s tender heart.

And, I was right.

I went ahead with it.  I read from John 13 and 17, then I read them my journal entry from January 18th.  I shared with them that I have learned of something that has been around for a long time:  love.  I played Jars of Clay’s Love Song for a Savior, and we began washing each other’s feet.  It was myself, Jeni, Abigail, Jessica, Shawna, and Alex.

Abigail sat motionless on my bed and began to cry.

I washed each person’s feet.  Afterwards I hugged them and told them that I loved them.

Everyone was very quiet.  The Spirit of God was there.  It’s been nearly 24 hours since those moments and I can’t get them out of my mind.

Dawn came up to me later at dinner and asked me if I could help her get closer to God.

I told her I would love to help.

I beginning to understand why Jesus died.

I would easily give my life for my friends.

December 1, 1996 – Sunday – 2:10 p.m.

Yesterday was really cool.  Vince, Jennifer, and their dad’s side of the family went into the city.  We went to a Sony IMAX theater and watched a cool 3D movie called Into the Deep.  It was an educational film about what happens under the ocean roof.  It really felt like I was there.  I was trying to reach out and touch all the little fish.  I’m blown away by how amazing God’s creation is.

After that, we walked to Central Park.  I saw the Plaza and the Ritz; just famous hotels you see in movies.  We went into F.A.O. Swartz and into the Warner Bros. Store.  I ate a $13 hamburger that was bought for me.  We went into the Empire State Building, but not up to the top.  We rode the train in as well as the subway.  The train ride back was fun.  Vince and I kept laughing at his little cousin as he was falling asleep.

We spent the night at Vince’s Dad’s house.  Before we fell asleep we spent about an hour in the hot tub.  Vince and I just talked about girls and our future plans.  He has finally found the girl he wants to spend the rest of his life with.  And that scares him in a way.

As for myself, well, I have beautiful friendships with lots of girls.  Perhaps someday one of those seedlings will grow into a tall tree.  I don’t think my girl is at Lees-McRae though.  I don’t think I’ve met her yet.  If I have met her, then it is Emily.

But I’m pretty sure I haven’t.

Oh, what am I talking about.  I don’t know anything.  And I’m not going to pretend that I do.  God knows what’s going on.  I’ll just let him do it all.

I awoke this morning in a bed that I have never slept in before.  Vince’s dad and stepmom cooked a lovely breakfast.  Over breakfast we talked about different church denominations and how not all point to Jesus as the only way.  The Holy Spirit brought things back to remembrance and I was given the opportunity to minister to that family.  Vince thanked me for it later.

We went back over to his mom’s.  They drove us to the airport and here I am now between two strangers.  Vince is further up near the front of the plane.

During our little vacation, Vince said something full of a lot of wisdom.  He said the only thing a person needs in life is Him, Us, and We.  Him is God.  Him is first.  Second is Us, the love of one’s life.  Third is We, a truly special friend.

Vince told me that I introduced him to all three in the past year:  God, Laura, and Me.

This trip has been such a blessing.  Everything was paid for by others.  God cares so much for me.

We will land in Charlotte, then take a plane to Johnson City.  Sharon and Laura will be waiting to greet us.  I have some school work to do tonight.  I will spend the next week working on the Christmas show, writing a paper on Braveheart, finishing my photography project, studying for finals and simply worshipping my God.

Just this year, I’ve gone to Arizona, Florida, and New York.  I stood at the edge of the Grand Canyon, rode wave runners in the Gulf of Mexico, and saw a show on Broadway.

God is so good.

He’s so good to me.

December 5, 1994 – Monday – 4:30 p.m.

I just cried.

I was thinking about Jeni.  She filled my heart, my mind, my soul.  And I couldn’t stand it anymore, tears rolled down my cheeks and I spoke aloud to God, “Lord, just be with her, and touch her.  May she always be happy.  Whether I’m in her life or not, please keep her happy Lord, please.”

Here I am in McAlister Dorm on Lees-McRae’s campus in Banner Elk, North Carolina.  It was here where I met Jeni.  But I didn’t just fall in love with her here, but in Cincinnati, Ohio as well.  These two places will remain sacred in my heart.

I love you Jeni.

My heart is full of passion for you.  You are my best friend in the whole world.  I commit myself to you.

Sometimes when I read some of my other journal entries from my Book of Days before I came to Lees-McRae I am blown away.  All of it seems so long ago and so far away.

I can’t imagine how I survived those days.  None of those days seem right.  Jeni wasn’t with me then; it all seems so strange.

Everything here seems like it has been this way since the beginning of my life.

Those first 18 years were simply to get me here, so that I could meet Jeni.

Dear God, you are so good to me.  Why did you give me this beautiful graceful woman?  I don’t deserve her.

She says she loves me Lord.  I believe her.  I can see it in her eyes.  What am I to do?  We are in love with each other.  I want to spend the rest of my life with this woman Lord.  I want to grow with her.  I want her to be by my side always.  I know that we have only been together for a little over two months, but God, I want her to be my wife and for me to be her husband.  She wishes the same Lord. She has told me so.  So I ask of you Heavenly Father, to stay with us and bind us together.

This is your will God.

You are our match maker.

I know that with every fiber of my being and I thank you.

You are my God.

I will praise you forever.

I adore you Jesus.

Thank you Holy Spirit.

More than Jeni, I love you God.  Jeni is not my first love.  You are Lord.  And you always will be.  I love you more than anything.  I want to be with you forever, you are so beautiful.  You died for little me.  You went through all of that pain just so you could see me smile.  You’ve loved me all along!

Jesus, I love you more today than I did yesterday.  You are what makes me get through each day here.

I can’t thank you enough.

I love you.

October 6, 1994 – Thursday – 5:45 p.m.

Opening night last night was great.  Today Charlie and I went into Newland; he took me out to eat.  He says he will watch Mattress tomorrow night with Cheryl, Ryan, Christi, and Amy.

I saw Jeni today, but for only 10 minutes.  Our Tuesday and Thursday schedules are very different, we don’t get to see each other that much.  I will definitely see her tonight.

Fall break begins on the 19th of October.  That’s less than two weeks from now.  Jeni and I have been together for two weeks.

Charlie and I have talked a lot these past two days.  My brother called me today.  I will see him Sunday.  I’m not sure what will happen this weekend, but I’m sure it will prove to be interesting.

It’s already October.  Time will not slow down for me.

Last night I went into the Presbyterian church on campus and prayed in the spirit and worshipped God.  I will have to do that more often.

Someone asked me today if I was still seeing that girl of mine.  I said, “yes.”

He said, “she looks pretty good.”

“I know it man, she’s got some legs on her,”  I said.

“Definitely dude.” he said.

It was nice to hear that.

Jeni does so many little things.  Her and Rachel made brownies and gave them to Mr. Marty, our director for Mattress, and also gave him some scripture verses.

She is so wonderful.  Again Lord, I thank you for her.

September 28, 1994 – Wednesday – 11:55 p.m.

I just got back from going on a walk with Jeni.  We prayed together about some things and we talked about stuff as we kissed each other after every other word.  She told me tonight that she loves looking into my eyes because it shows her how much I love Christ.

Someone in the cast is letting me borrow his extra pair of ballet shoes, and someone told me of the little makeup that I need and how little it costs  I can actually afford it.

Thank you Lord for providing for my needs.  Thank you for sending me Jeni.  She is so great Lord and she loves you more than anything.

I adore you Lord.  I lift your name on high.  I praise you.  I magnify you.  You are wonderful Jesus.  Thank you Holy Spirit.

El Shaddai!

Yahweh!

I love you!!!

September 26, 1993 – Sunday – 7:15 p.m.

The church fellowship was today, so we didn’t have church tonight.

I just skimmed through my first three Books of Days.  I feel so stupid.  When I first started my journal I never wrote much about skit group or youth group; I just wrote about Veronica and she isn’t half as important to me as those memories are now.  Today was so hard after yesterday’s realizations.  I can’t go back and I feel like it’s killing me.  I wish I could make you understand.

The summer of ’93 was great, but the fall, winter, and spring of ’92 and ’93 were far better.

September 12, 1992 to June 5, 1993.

So many complications with Veronica, the one I thought I loved, when the people I truly loved and still love were the group of friends whose company I took for granted.  Most of them are still around and we will continue to have great times, but right now it hurts because I know it will end soon.

Why am I like this Jesus?  Why do memories mean so much to me?

Today a little girl gave a picture to me.  I don’t know when it was taken, but it was after December and before May because Tammy is in the picture.  Jonathan is in there, too.  I realized how much I miss him.

I’m not in the picture, and neither is Marcus, but mostly everyone else is.  Look at us all!  Inseparable friends!  All happy, all smiling, covered in the joy of the Lord.

But the day will come when another group of young people will grow up in that church and we will go our own way.  But, wherever we end up, we all know who we are and whose we are.  Nothing can take that away.

The Lord just showed it to me.  I shouldn’t be sad over this; I should count it all joy.  We are the Endtime Warriors!  We are the Emmanuel Players!  Whether we are together or not, we are family.  Even if we are on the opposite sides of the globe, we will always be one.

We will grow up and never forget our youth and we will love the Lord until the end of our days.

Lord, Make us instruments of your peace,

Where there is hatred, let your love increase

Lord, make us instruments of your peace,

Walls of pride and prejudice shall cease

When we are your instruments of peace.

Where there is hatred, we will show his love

Where there is injury, we will never judge

Where there is striving, we will speak his peace

To the millions crying for release,

We will be his instruments of peace

Where there is blindness, we will pray for sight

Where there is darkness, we will shine his light

Where there is sadness, we will bear their grief

To the millions crying for relief,

We will be your instruments of peace.

Always.