December 4, 2000 – Monday – 4:00 p.m.

The events of the past weekend were extraordinary.

During the month of November, Anna and I were able to see a few movies together and go out to eat a bit. She also started coming to church and to my small group with me.

This past Tuesday we went to see Requiem for a Dream, then we took a walk along the cobblestone streets of Ghent in Norfolk. Thursday, after our small group, we tried to go see the Christmas lights at the beach, but we ended up just driving around since we arrived after it closed. That night I found myself serenading her with The Little Mermaid’s “Part of your World” in the lobby of a huge women’s restroom on campus. The acoustics were fantastic!

Saturday, after I went bowling with my Wednesday night group, I picked Anna up and we went to see The Grinch. Then we bought some hot cocoa and ended up under a blanket on wooden lookout in the Mackie Island National Wildlife Refuge across the state line in North Carolina. We just sat there and snuggled for hours until a police officer came and nearly arrested us for trespassing. That night ended with us barely being able to let go of each other at her apartment door.

Yesterday, Sunday, I went over to her apartment, and we just snuggled, and talked, and kissed, and adored each other for five straight hours.

We don’t know how this happened, but it did. I stand completely in awe. I’m amazed at the way she sees me, the way she holds me, the way she touches me. There is hardly anything to say, hardly anything to write, for we simply are. I can’t explain it. I met her nearly a year ago when she first arrived. She’s been walking around Regent this entire time, but we just now found each other.

“Spill-tained pages of poetic prophecy

tickle my interest and taunt at my fantasy

gentle new lover, favorite friend

with hidden desire that bothers my

conscience again.”

So here I am. Snow fell on warm hearts last night. The frozen morning melted away but our hearts and lips are still intact. Frozen forever by winter. Forever captured in sight.

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March 9, 2000 – Thursday – 5:15 p.m.

Oh how the weeks go by.

I’m here in my Virginia Beach apartment.  The weather is nice.  I’m listening to Rebecca St. James, and I just got finished looking at some old journals.

My! how I have changed!

I want my life to be made up of God, Marie, and film/theater.  In that order.

I once was a child, and I praise God for such days.  And I think I’m also thankful that I have such days written down.  My emotions definitely feel more stable at this age of 23.  Hopefully these pages will no longer contain fleeting crushes.

Marie is my one true special friend for all of time.  Tomorrow is our special friend day.  We will spend it at Munden Point Park again.  It’s down near the North Carolina state line.  The water we sit by flows into North Carolina.

Even though I love North Carolina, I like being in Virginia with Marie.  You know what they say, Virginia is for lovers.

I have applied for another job; this time with the Virginia Opera.  Hopefully something will become of it.

Pilate opens tonight.  This is not my most favorite show I’ve ever been a part of, but it is an original work, so that’s worth something in and of itself.  I’m the first person to ever play the character of Luke.

In the Flesh opens at the end of March.  That means I’ll have done three original, never-before-attempted roles while here at Regent.  I’m not sure if I’ll try to do any theater next year.  I’d like to spend the next year just working and writing.

Please have your way with me God.

May the summer move slowly.

Bless all my friends as they marry each other this summer.

And take care of sweet Marie.

March 4, 2000 – Saturday – 3:30 p.m.

Another week has passed since I’ve written.  It bothers me that time is flying by so quickly.  I don’t understand.

So much school work is becoming due so quickly, yet I always seem to be in rehearsals that aren’t effective nor fun.  I’m becoming extremely frustrated with my lack of free time for the aspects of my life that are really important to me.

Please help me God.

It is March 4th.  How did that happen?  I’m washing my clothes and trying to defrost some deer meat, so I can cook for Marie tonight.  The weather is getting warmer and I’m thankful for that.

This past Sunday Marie and I went to Munden Point Park with Lori and Ben and a guy named Brad from church.  It was a nice time.  I really like Lori and Ben.

Thursday night I called Marie’s parents without her knowing.  I also wrote them a letter.  I just wanted to keep in touch with them and let them know I want to be their friend.

Marie and I drove down to Wilmington, NC yesterday.  I interviewed Frank Capra, Jr., the president of Screen Gems Studios, for an essay assignment in my Business of Cinema class.  We also wanted to check out the area.  The only thing we liked about the area was downtown Wilmington itself.  The country around it was not beautiful at all when compared to the Virginia Beach area.

Right now my heart is leaning towards moving to Asheville, NC, but your will God.

Me had a nice drive back, and we stopped in Bath, NC.  What a beautiful little town!

Life seems so wide open from here.  There are eight or nine weeks of classes left.  I have two huge papers to do for one class and just lab time for another.  For Dang!, I need to edit with Trey, as well as write up a prospectus and find some investors.  This little movie has cost me a great deal of money, which I don’t have.

I still have to finish Pilate and In the Flesh, two theater productions I’m in.  I never leave the stage in Pilate and I’m the lead in In the Flesh.  I have also recently been selected to direct The Accuser, a five-minute short film written by my buddy Chris.  We shoot that at the end of April, so our team is drowning in pre-production at the moment.

My job at the bookstore is getting less and less fun.  I just have so much to do outside of that place.

Then there is spring break with Marie.  The two of us will visit both Banner Elk and her hometown of Metuchen, NJ.

I just want the semester to be over, so I can become a working man and not have so much to do for school.  The school does have a Production Coordinator job opening up.  Maybe I’ll be good for that position?

May 15th…it should all be over by then.

February 20, 2000 – Sunday – 8:00 a.m.

Marie and I have talked very long and intensely about marriage and our future lives together.  We drove down to Siler City and Mt. Vernon Springs on Friday.  We also stopped in Henderson and I saw where she spent her past Christmases.  She said that during those times she always dreamed of marrying a boy from North Carolina.

We are planning on researching three areas to begin our life: Tucson, Arizona, Nashville, Tennessee, and Asheville, North Carolina.  We are going to list out the pros and cons of each.  I will talk with her parents over Easter break in April.  We will let them know of our plans and see which they favor and honor the most.

I will ask Marie to marry me sometime after the semester.  We will spend the next school year planning our wedding, honeymoon, and move.  We will more than likely marry in June of 2001 and life will be beautiful.

 

January 1, 2000 – Saturday – 2:28 p.m.

During first sunrise of the year 2000, I stood on the shores of the Outer Banks in North Carolina overlooking the Atlantic Ocean.  The fireworks at midnight were nice as well, but I wished Marie could have been with me for both epic moments.  I wished I could feel the warmth of her near me and see both of these beautiful types of lights reflect off her face.

Well, as it turns out, the world did not end and everything works fine.  All that Y2K nonsense for nothing.

Production week for my short film begins tomorrow.  We’ll shoot for a straight six days.  Uh, is my film the first film being shot in the new millennium?  The 16mm film stock was expensive, but we’re all ready to go.

Marie arrives on Tuesday and classes begin on Monday the 10th.

It is the year 2000.

And I have been redeemed!

 

October 26, 1999 – Tuesday – 10:08 p.m.

Marie.  That is the name of the beautiful woman I watched the moonrise with over the Currituck Sound this evening.  It was unbelievably majestic, the images of the moon reflecting on her face will forever be with me.

Thank you Jesus.

We went to the Cinema/TV prayer meeting together on Saturday night over at Chris and Jason’s.  Then, on Monday, she thanked me for praying for her.  And today we sat next to each other in class.  She was simply amazing.

Tonight I just wanted to be around her, so I went over to her apartment and asked her if she wanted to find a place in the world where neither of us had been and just sit and talk.  She agreed to come, and I took her to North Carolina because she hadn’t been in the Union’s most beautiful state since 1997.  We drove down to Currituck and found an isolated road near the edge of the sound.

There we noticed a funny orange light in the trees and suddenly realized it was the moon, a bright full moon, and it rose beautifully before us.  A perfect eternal instant.

She let me borrow some music, and I lended her some as well.  I asked her if I could come and find her if ever I wanted to be random again.

She said yes.

 

August 2, 1999 – Monday – 11:00 a.m.

Much has happened in the past several days.  I am in Banner Elk, NC.  My last day on the film shoot was Friday, so Friday night I drove to Siler City, NC.  I spent the night with Peter at the Motor Lodge.  He was there with his girl Shivani and we stayed up until two in the morning, just talking.  I left early Saturday morning and went to Sylva and met up with my grandparents.  We all went to Deep Creek for the family reunion.  Everyone was there except for Nar, Kevin, and Patty.

I left Bryson City that night and drove up here to Banner Elk.  I went to Lees-McRae, but couldn’t find a soul.  I did finally find Jessi and learned that Sarah was in a show that night.  I only got to see her for about ten minutes.  Then I found out that Allen and Jessica had just returned from their road trip to Colorado, so I spent the night at Allen’s, as did Jessica.  They are getting married next summer.

We went to Banner Elk Christian Fellowship yesterday morning and there I saw Lindy and Tracey and Ashley and tons of others.  Dan was still in town saying goodbye to Abigail, who is going to Austria.  We all just freaked out when we saw each other!  We all went out to lunch, hung out all afternoon, then went out to dinner.  Everyone is working this morning, so I’m riding with Sharon to Asheville and back later today.  Vince is away on a cruise.  I miss him.

But here I am on a flat rock off the Blue Ridge Parkway.  I came here early this morning with Curtis and we took some amazing pictures.

Time to go meet Sharon.

. . .

It’s now 8:20 p.m. on the same day.

Sharon and Hannah and I drove to Asheville, she just had to get an Allergy shot, so I rode along so we could chat.  While down there we went to go see Runaway Bride; a perfect movie.  I don’t know if I’ve ever left a movie theater so happy before; there is such wisdom in that film.

Sharon and I had wonderful talks all day about life and love and Jesus and forgiveness.  Oh how I love and adore that woman.  I told her about Mary and she caught me up on Laura.

Runaway Bride taught me so much and I’m so thankful that I’m single right now.  After tomorrow, which is Lindy’s birthday, I’m going to get in the car and just drive.  I’m just going to keep driving and stay in weird places and be with my Jesus.  We are going on a honeymoon, if you will.

 

June 2, 1999 – Wednesday – 7:50 a.m.

Monday night I wrote a script that just popped into my head.  It came so easy and almost seemed to write itself.  Maybe it should be my big project instead of Eyebrows.  

Tuesday night, or rather early this morning, I talked to Allen and Vince.  They are all back from Guatemala.  They seemed to have a good time.  After speaking with them I couldn’t go to sleep.  I missed them and my home state of North Carolina.  So, I drove down to the Outer Banks and returned just now, enough time to go to work.

Kitty Hawk, Kill Devil Hills, and Nags Head all remind me of the touristy mountain towns of western North Carolina, only it’s the beach instead of the mountain views that attract everyone.  I felt home as I drove through them, though I know I haven’t been there since I was a kid.

I ran around on the moonlit beach all by myself, then drove further down until there was water on both sides of me.  I almost hit a pelican, which was just sitting on the road at two in the morning.  On the way back I had some French toast at a 24-hour grill.  It was a nice five-hour, and much needed, vacation.  It gave me time to pray, to be quiet, and to enjoy my own company.

I love North Carolina so much.

To just be there this enough.

It will always be my home.  It will always be where I am from.

Thank you for this morning God; it brought more rest and peace than a full night of sleep ever could.

July 4, 1998 – Saturday – 11:59 p.m.

I am now in a beautiful country home on the outskirts of Colerain, NC; a place I’ve never been to before.

I went to the youth service with David at Parkway Temple on Friday night.  It was so awesome.  I’ve never seen kids praise the Lord like that before.  I was around an entire new set of people, but I felt so at home.

After the service I went over to Justin’s house where he and all of his camp friends were getting together.  I spent another two hours with people I’ve never met before.

The past few days have just been new people after new people!  America is just filled with wonderful people everywhere I look.

Then, this morning, I left with David, Mary Jo, and Mark and we drove down to Mary Jo’s house here in Colerain, NC, 15 miles east of Ahoskie for the 4th of July.  All three of them are Divinity students at Regent, and we spent most of the day on the shore of the Chowan River that runs nearby.

Mary Jo’s parents are hilarious, especially her dad.  They are so hospitable and they fed us like crazy!  Three other friends of hers came over, Kelly and Chad from Greenville, NC and Coleen, another girl from Regent.

We swam in the river, enjoyed the beautiful scenery, but the fireworks were cancelled that evening due to strong winds.  Instead, we just sat on the swings and talked.  We spent hours and hours there; the conversation just flowed.  The warm wind blew all over us.  Coleen is so unique and beautiful.  It was just the most perfect 4th of July I could have had.  Talking and sharing with new souls who seem so eager to know you is one of life’s greatest gifts!

Now it’s time for a peaceful sleep.

March 29, 1997 – Saturday – 7:08 p.m.

I’m in Ahoskie, NC.  A wonderful little town.  Tracey has a wonderful family and they live in a delightful house.  We arrived here yesterday.  I’ve met all of Tracey’s cousins, aunts, and uncles.  They are amazing Carolina Christian people.

I like it here.

I don’t know what’s what’s happening between Jeni and I.  She gets so close to me.  My body just goes crazy.  It’s hard to control.  She will be gone soon.  I’m simply going to enjoy the presence of my friend.

I’ve remembered how much I love this state and its people.  I’m proud to say my roots are in North Carolina.

I’m here until Monday, then one more month of school.  I am nearly a senior in college.  I can’t believe I’ve made it so far.  During the drive down here, I heard a song over the radio, “When I look into your eyes.”  That song always used to make me think of Ryan.

Things are changing everyday.  I’ve tried to figure out this thing called love.  I don’t know what it is, of that I am sure.  I believe it is giving, but it often hard to find others to give it to.

I can hear the crickets.  The bugs in this room are flirting with the light above me.  Collectibles from Tracey’s past are all around.

And I am not alone.