July 26, 2000 – Wednesday – 12:05 p.m.

I’m at the Chesapeake Square Mall food court next to the fountain and palm trees.  It’s my lunch break.  Trey and I watched Magnolia last night on video.  I didn’t get to bed until 3:30 this morning.

I also came to this spot yesterday to attempt to plot out my next script.  It seems to be getting very big.

There’s an older gentleman in front and to the left of me that seems to be people watching.

July is ending.  I don’t know what this month held except for my job at Acoustic Works and a trip to West Virginia.  I did spend a great deal of time editing Dang! with Trey, and playing Zelda 64.  And of course I found a new church.

August, the month of change, is on its way, but again it seems only my age will change this year.

I’m in my third year here in the Hampton Roads area.  It feels like it’s been so much longer.  I think my inner man has changed, that I got burned out on the normal way of church, and I just don’t want to play “church games” anymore, to be honest.

There’s a little girl with glasses throwing coins into the fountain.  What could she be wishing for?

I hope I’m able to redirect America’s hope to God’s endless waterfall of grace, and away from man-made fountains.

Oh God, have your way with me.  I am broken.  Yet I am also forgiven.  And I forgive as well.

It’s been raining here for the past three days.  I rather enjoy it, but I can tell it has been taking its toll on all people surrounding me.

I don’t know how much longer I’ll stay here.  Here in this job and here in this corner of Virginia.  I’ll do my best to take it one day at a time.

Jesus, your love is all I own.

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May 26, 2000 – Friday – 6:36 p.m.

It has been seven months since that perfect night in Currituck with beautiful Marie.

Dan is in front of me playing Tetris 2.  Marie and I talked over the phone last night.  She is having a good time in New Jersey.  She doesn’t seem to be missing me.  That is a good thing I guess.  She is in the world she knows best.  I am in the corporate world I know not of.

. . .

It is a little later on this Friday night now.  I just got off the phone with Marie.  She called while I was writing earlier.  Part of me feels like she doesn’t want to have a relationship with me anymore.  I think she’s going to run away.

I just pray that you guide her God.  If you want her to go, then please let it happen.  We’ve had some good times, but perhaps I am not the best fit for her.  The last thing I want is to be a burden to her.

I’d give the world to be home tonight.  I just don’t know where that is.

Dan is still playing Tetris 2.

I am in a place I’ve never been.

Words.

Oh God, it feels like that is all I have.  Just these words on these pages.

I’d rather have you Jesus.

Feels like much is on my heart.

But I’ve got nothing to say.

December 28, 1998 – Monday – 8:17 a.m.

I went to see Emily yesterday.  She looked different; she looked like Cheryl.  We sat out by her lake and talked, we drove around to meet the rest of her family and talked, and we went to a park in Crestview where we sat on top of an A-frame jungle gym and did the only thing we know how to do… talk.

We live in two separate worlds.  She is sun and I moon.  She is a fish and I am a bird.  How can we ever be together?  As sad as it may sound, I believe I have only been in love with the idea of Emily these past five years, for who she is in my mind is more amazing than who she is in person.  It is my perception that makes her so special and beautiful.

We may go out to a movie tonight, I am not sure.

But I have found contentment in our relationship.  This mysterious gift God has given to me through her these past five years has helped me endure some rough days.  Perhaps in some way I have been the same thing for her.  Perhaps that is our destiny for each other, to learn how God sees everyone as perfect, even when we are not.

Oh, how life brings many joys.

These have been relaxing days.  I’ve just been playing Zelda on the 64 during most of my free time.  It’s called Ocarina of Time, and it is the most wonderful game I have ever played.  It has been fantastic to just be free of all other work and just play that game.

I am looking forward to seeing Christin again.  She is a joy to me.  Bless her tonight oh Lord.

September 2, 1997 – Tuesday – 11:11 p.m.

Yesterday afternoon Dan and I went hiking on the backside of Grandfather Mountain.  It was really beautiful and peaceful.

Curtis is coming back to school.  I guess his visit up here was really great.  He learned where his heart lives.

I took my first voice lesson today and my teacher seemed really impressed with me.

I hardly have any homework these days.  I have a lot of free time.  Dan and I play Tetris 2 a lot and I’ve been reading more than usual.

Sherlive is over here now, using my word processor.

September 2nd again.

And now it’s ending.

April 11, 1997 – Thursday – 1:30 p.m.

Yesterday, Abigail and I made small conversation at lunch.  We laughed and smiled, even cracked a few jokes on each other.   Nearly three weeks until she is gone.

Vince and I went to Boone after lunch and I bought some T-shirts and a CD.  We had a lot of fun.  The dance concert was last night and we went to Bible Study after that.

Dan, Allen, and I played F-Zero until 12:30 in the morning.  We do that a lot and laugh the whole time.  Vince now buys his clothes according to Laura’s favorite color.  Curtis has never been more likable and lovable.  He has grown and changed.  He has found himself and he’s moving on to share that understanding with others.

Jeni still cries over David.  Tracey and I will work together over the summer; Timothy and Ann-Marie will be here too.  Jessica is my favorite girl here.  We have so much fun together.  She is going to Colorado for the summer.

I think that Josh is the one that keeps us all alive however.  He’s so small in frame, yet so much in laughs.

I interviewed for the Assistant Resident Director position for next year, and I’m currently planning a water gun assassination game.  It starts Monday.

 

December 31, 1996 – Tuesday – 7:30 p.m.

Three years, four hours, and thirty-five minutes until the year 2000.

I went to high falls Sunday night.  It was really fun.  Kenny, Dana, and Bradley were there.  We had a discussion about the way the Bible encouraged us to view certain topics versus the way the world encouraged us to view them.  Dana told me afterwards that she was impressed by my faith in what I know and believe.  She said that I appeared very sure of everything, sure of myself, sure of God.  She said when I spoke there was no doubt in my eyes or in my voice.  Then she said she wished she had that confidence.

I simply said “Thank you.”  But I don’t know why it is easy for me and not for others.

We played Uno, then went over to Dana’s house to eat Spaghetti.

I worked on Monday, then slept most of the evening.  Mike and I then rented some movies and then played on his Nintendo 64.   That thing is so cool!

I came back here and stayed up until 2:00 a.m. watching Joe Versus the Volcano.  I worked this morning, then this evening I watched the THS widescreen uncut version of The Abyss.  It was so amazing.

I plan to leave around 9:00 p.m. and go to Sanford to Christi’s party.  I will go alone.  Marcus decided to spend New Years in Greensboro with some friends.

December 15, 1996 – Sunday – 2:20 p.m.

Last night, Peter and Timothy came over.  We just talked.  Peter and I talked about old times, playing Nintendo and Transformers, that sort of thing.

Church was good this morning.  It was good to see Marcus.  Tenielle didn’t show up.  After church, Marcus and I went out to eat and then stopped to see Ryan and Amy.  Ryan and I talked about our two very different schools, even though they are only 17 miles apart.  Her eyes and smile are still beautiful.

We didn’t stay long, she told me to give her a call so we could do something over the break.  That shocked me.  Amy has a ring through her nose, that also shocked me.

I hugged them both.

Perhaps we will never say goodbye.

December 13, 1996 – Friday – 5:00 p.m.

Now that the Fall semester of my Junior year has been over for a couple of days, I shall reflect upon it and write down my most favorite moments from it.

First, the moment on August 25th when Laura stood near the edge of the pew, waiting for me to slide down so she could sit next to me.

Second, September 2nd, Labor Day, as little Hannah was falling asleep in my lap and Sharon was driving “our” pickup truck towards home.

Third, when Newsboys began playing on September 21st at Carowinds and Ann-Marie, Sharon, Tracey, Laura, Hannah, and Bob were all around me.

Fourth, October 13th, when we rode wave-runners in the Gulf of Mexico.  I was flying just a few feet above the water.

Fifth, that same night when I took a walk with the Lord after seeing That Thing You Do with Syndi.

Sixth, the 4th of November, when Abigail, my beautiful spirit-filled friend, laid her head on my chest to keep warm.

And finally, the moments when Vince and I played Myst all evening and then talked in the hot tub over Thanksgiving break.

 

 

November 27, 1996 – Wednesday – 10:00 p.m.

I’m having a great time.  Vince is feeling better.  Today we spent most of the day playing this computer game called MYST.  It was really relaxing, just the two of us working on that together, solving the puzzles, etc.

His sister Jennifer flew in from her college.  Tonight, she and Vince and I went to their grandparent’s house.  We ate lasagna and played pool and ping pong.

Tomorrow, the three of us are going to the big parade in the city.

For Friday, Vince’s stepfather got everybody Miss Saigon tickets.

On Saturday, we are going into the city again to go to an IMAX theater.

We fly home on Sunday.  Wow!

February 1, 1996 – Thursday – 12:20 a.m.

February is here.

Charlie, Kate, Vince, and Allen went to Florida.  They left tonight; just for the heck of it.

It snowed some today; really cold out.

I borrowed Tetris 2 from Allison.  Dan and I played it some tonight.  It brought back memories of last semester.  Even that seems so long ago.

The summer seems further away.  I still think about Emily sometimes.  She was so beautiful.

Life is complicated and fast, but I still have time to look back in retrospect.

I go to Arizona in 37 days.