December 7, 1993 – Tuesday – 10:12 p.m.


Last year this time I was happy beyond my wildest imagination.  I remember when Veronica and I exchanged bracelets and hers smelled of her perfume.  That same night after the service was over she ran up to me and hugged me and said that I was her Jacob.

On that night I asked her if her dad was a thief, since he must have stolen the stars from the skies to put them in her eyes.  Cheesy, I know, but it all felt so good.

I wish it could happen again, but only with someone new.

But I am not desperate.  I can wait.

Recently the world has gotten me down.  Purity in the world today simply doesn’t exist anymore.  TV is trash, with “Parental Discretion is Advised” in front of nearly every show.  Everybody is into sex.  All you hear about is sex.  What’s the big deal?

I mean, yes, I’m looking forward to marriage mainly for all the sex involved, but that is about making-love with my future wife, not about all the sinful sex I see around me.  Sex has gotten out of hand in the world.

I have to focus every day not to fall into those traps.

No.  No.  I’m not going to mess up my life and mess up my love for those lies.  

I’m staying pure.


December 4, 1993 – Saturday – 7:35 p.m.

It’s Saturday, and today the youth group went out on a door to door ministry thing.  It was awesome!  I prayed for a lot of people and planted a lot of seed.

I was the leader of a group.  Nana, Trish, and Misty were with me.

By the way, Trish and Marcus aren’t dating or anything.  Trish goes with some guy named Brian.  He comes to youth group and seems pretty cool.  Something about the way Marcus talked about himself and Trish, I just assumed they were a couple.

Yesterday, I worked, and it was just okay.  But on Thursday, everything did work out.  I went to see The Sound of Music with Ryan, Amy, and Cheryl.  It was awesome!  Christi did perfect.  She played Liesl.  Below you see a newspaper picture of one of the rehearsals.  Yep, Christi kissing the guy who played Rolf.


After the play, the four of us, me, Cheryl, Ryan and Amy, went backstage to see Christi.  I talked to her some.  It had been a long time since I had seen her.  Last time I saw her was Nov. 7.  It’s been almost a month.  She said she misses church so much and that she wishes her parents would go back.  She didn’t know how good it was until she was gone.

Right before I left, she gave me a big hug and told me how much she misses me.

I like Christi, but in a different way than I like Ryan.

With Ryan, it’s like I enjoy her company, she’s always happy, she is so beautiful, so sweet, and she makes me feel so good.  She likes the same things I like, etc., etc.

But with Christi, I…I just want to hold her.  Just hold her and tell her that I am there with her and that I will bring her happiness and everything will be alright.  

After the play, I drove by her house just to look at it.  She wasn’t there; she was still at the theater.  I’ve grown up with her since she was 11.

I know her.

I miss her.

I need her.

I’ve shared so many great times with her.  

She has made me laugh so many times before.  

We’ve talked about so many things.  

Christi and I are both leaving Sanford in 1994.  I don’t live in Sanford, but that is where my heart lives.  And home is where the heart is.

Christi will be with me for a while.  I will keep in touch.

I will never forget back on Mother’s Day of this year, May 8th, when her brother Jason said to her, “But Christi one day you’re going to meet the man of your dreams, the one God has set apart for you, and you’re going to fall in love with him and you’re going to spend the rest of your life with him.”

Why do I remember that so vividly? 


November 12, 1993 – Friday – 11:22 p.m.

Two birds have flown my way.  Two birds whom I have yet to write about in my journal.

Until now.

Yesterday was Veteran’s Day.  And if you are a Veteran, thank you.

We had an assembly at school for the special day.  When we have an assembly, we always go to home room and then to the auditorium.  In my home room class there is a girl.  That is the only class I have her in and we only have home room every now and then.

Anyway, I first saw this girl on August 21, 1993.  She was at the senior T-shirt making party.  Her name is Rebecca and she is the foreign exchange student this year.  She is from Sweden.  Back in August, when I met her, the extent of our conversation was just exchanging names.  I wanted to talk to her some more, but I was sort of shy.  The day continued and she left my mind because I went to Ryan’s house later, and, well, you know…I suppose you could just go back and read the journal entry for that day.

We’ve only had about three assemblies so far this year and that plus one time in the hall are the only times I’ve talked with her.  We always sit next to each other during assembly and I’ve gotten to know her a little bit.  I guess all I’m trying to say is that she is absolutely wonderful and she has fully captured my attention.

Tonight at work there was a new girl there.  Tonight was her first night.  I helped her some, but after I got off I sat down and waited for Henry to pick me up and it was her break time.  She sat with me and we had a nice conversation.  She is pretty, but not gorgeous, but I bet she can be if she adds a little makeup to her beautiful eyes.  Her name is Janice.  She was nice to me and really polite.  I like that.

I was right.  Another one always comes along.

This time next week I will be coming back from the best night of my life.

Les Miserables is in seven days.