April 10, 1995 – Monday – 1:05 a.m.

Sunday has been over for an hour and five minutes.

Church was beautiful this morning.  This afternoon, Charlie, Dan, Clifton, Trey, Phillip, Curt and myself went up to the top of Grandfather Mountain.  The day was so beautiful.  I went all the way to the very top.

I’m sure if I looked hard enough I could see Crestview, Florida.

The evening service was also beautiful.  We ate out afterwards and then I came back here.

10:00 p.m. rolled around and Charlie and I talked for 15 minutes.

And then I called Emily at 10:15 p.m.

I got off the phone with her at 12:45 a.m.

As before, our conversations true beauty and meaning will only be known to us.  We talked about simple things; we talked about everything.  We laughed, we smiled, we loved.

She mentioned her last letter.  She told me to forget most of it.  She knows now that I am real.  She doesn’t have to play a game with me to try and figure me out or test me.  She knows that I too am beyond that.  She apologized for even doing that to me.

We read poetry back and forth to one another.  I told her about the two bald eagles I saw on Grandfather Mountain and how they chirped and called for me after I walked away.

I told her everything that entered my mind during those two and a half hours.

As we began to say goodbye, I told her to say something along the lines of goodbye to help me.

“I love you,” is what she said.

“I love you,” was my immediate reply.

It took us another 30 minutes to say our goodbyes.  At the end of our conversation I said, “I want you Emily.”

She said, “You got me.”

I smiled.

She continued, “I don’t know how Jacob, but you did it.”

She went on to tell me that if I were next to her at that moment she would hug me.

I told her that I would spend a few hours just looking into her eyes.  We talked about meeting each other at Deep Creek.  I asked her to tell all of her friends I said “hi.”

She responded with, “Jacob, I want you to tell everyone who went to Deep Creek with you in ’93 that I have fallen in love with you.”

March 26, April 6, April 9.

Goodnight Emily.

Father God!  I know there is a reason why we are so far away.  And I thank you for your plans and your will.

I love her Lord.

I love Emily.

I don’t know what it means.  I don’t know what to do.  But you gave her to me, so I’m going to continue to love you more.  I don’t know why you gave me such a good and beautiful gift, but I will cherish this woman for the rest of my life.

March 28, 1995 – Tuesday – 11:48 p.m.

Sunday night, March 26, 1995 was the greatest night of my life thus far.  I am sure of it.

I called Emily around 3:00 p.m.  It was 2:00 p.m. in Crestview.  That was the first time I had heard her voice in nearly 18 months.  She sounded beautiful.  We talked for 30 minutes because she had to be at church at 2:30 p.m.  I gave her my number and she called me back at 11:00 p.m. that night.

I thought she was 20 years old, but she is 16.  She was 14 when I met her.  She never told me her age, I just figured she was 18.  It surprised me, but it didn’t bother me.

Only her and I will know how special that conversation was.  We talked about each other.

She loves me.  She loves me for who I am.  She doesn’t know what I look like now.  She sees me as me, as special, as an eagle.

I saw her for who she really is Sunday night.  I held her Sunday night.

She is the most beautiful girl I have ever seen, yet I don’t know what she looks like now either.  All I see is her spirit.

We talked for an hour and a half.  I told her I loved her.  She told me she loved me.

I wish I could tell you more about it, but you will be hearing more about Emily.

I point you to Hebrews 13:2, “Do not forget to show hospitality to strangers, for by so doing some people have shown hospitality to angels without knowing it.”

This is Emily.  Except she is not a stranger.  I have never felt so close to a person before.  Our bodies are hundreds of miles away.  But our spirits hold each other every night.

Goodnight my Angel.

February 17, 1994 – Thursday – 6:10 p.m.

I’m at home alone right now.

Thank God.

Tuesday night I called Jenna and Tenielle from the kids’ house in Bonlee.  I called at 9:30 p.m. and said goodbye at 12:10 a.m.

Two hours and 40 minutes.  I talked to Tenielle first.  And I told her that I was going through something really difficult the past few days.

She wanted me to tell her.  I told her a little but not everything, yet.

Then I talked to Jenna.  She seemed bummed.  She was still a little sick.  But she was just shy.  Then I asked her, “Why is it, every time you talk to me you’re in low gear and calm, but whenever I see you and your not talking to me, on the phone or whatever, you are always alive?”

It took her about 30 minutes to answer, she said its as because she usually hangs around girls and not guys.  Then Tenielle got on the phone and told me that it’s because she liked me more than a friend, but not like a boyfriend.

I told Tenielle that I felt the same way about Jenna.  Well we all got things sort of cleared up.

All three of us appreciate each other very much and enjoy each other’s company.  And then I told Tenielle what happened Sunday night at Christi’s house.

She couldn’t believe it.  And she really couldn’t believe it when I told her that the only thing that was stopping me from asking Christi out was Jenna.

She said, “well if you do go out with Christi will you still hang out with us?”  I told her I would.

But now things have changed.  I went by Christi’s yesterday to drop some tapes off.  No one was home so I left them in the mailbox.  I’m just not sure if I want to go out with Christi.  I feel like it’s her dad and not me.

Wednesday night’s service was awesome, but my life has been a burden recently.  After hearing that great sermon I went straight to the back to play the piano and think.  Jenna and Tenielle were there, but I only got a chance to talk to Tenielle a little bit.  I didn’t talk to Jenna any.

It’s okay though.  Today had been a little better than all the other one’s.  My life has been a struggle.  I haven’t had much time to do what I want and my mom has been grouchy, etc.

But today I heard one statement and it helped me a lot:

“If you go through a day without laughing then you have wasted that day, but if you go through a day and you laugh continuously then you have wasted that day too.”

I heard another one today, related to the Olympics:

“If you live in triumph with no struggle, then you were only born a winner.  But if you survive the struggle then you have made your self a winner.”

And I’ll end with one more:

“The most important thing in the Olympics is not to win, but to take part, just as the most important thing in life is not the triumph but the struggle.  The essential thing is not to have conquered, but to have fought well.”

 

 

January 17, 1994 – Monday – 10:20 p.m.

Marcus came over today and he said he needed to talk to me.  He needed to talk to me about Cheryl.  For a while now Cheryl has been telling me things about how Marcus has been showing her a lot of attention.  Well Marcus knows that Cheryl has told me all of these things because he has seen Cheryl talk to me.  Well he tells me he really likes Cheryl and that he wants a relationship with her.

Wow!!

I just told him that Cheryl mentioned it to me.  But the truth is Cheryl told me a lot about it.

Cheryl called me about two hours ago and she said Marcus called her and she had to break his heart.  She said it was the hardest thing she ever did.

Another chapter for Marcus.  He got hurt again.

Around 4:15 I called Jenna and Tenielle.  When I woke up this morning I told myself not to call them, but I did anyway.  They’re doing well.  I love the way they laugh, I found myself laughing that way earlier.  Tenielle bought me a Snickers yesterday, when I was taking them home.  Jenna asked me how long I had known her yesterday.  I wish I could relive that drive again. Oh, and I found out that they left church last night because Shar got sick.

Today, I just told them about some crazy stuff from my past.  Cheryl, Kevin, and Marcus, won’t let me see the end of this thing with Jenna and Tenielle.  They keep picking on me.  I sort of enjoy it, but we are only friends.  But how far can a friendship go before it’s considered more than a friendship?

I hope I don’t find out, but then I hope I do.

Jacob, Jacob…control your emotions.  You’re letting this go to your head.

November 23, 1993 – Tuesday – 11:00 p.m.

Yesterday was the 30th year anniversary of the day JFK was shot and killed.  I wish the media would give it up and let the man rest in peace.

Ryan just called me.

Why did she have to do that?  I was doing pretty good.  She hadn’t been on my mind at all recently.

I was taking a dump and the phone rang.  Kevin is back for thanksgiving, he answered.  She wanted to know if Marcus was there, he wasn’t, so she wanted to speak to me.  Knowing what I was doing, Kevin was smart enough to say that I was in my room doing my homework.

A minute later, I got finished with my business and talked to her.  She asked me what I was doing.

“Uh…nothing.”  I said.

She giggled, “Were you on the potty?”

“Dang!  You make it sound like I’m two years old.  Yes, I was.”

All she did was laugh.  She could hardly talk to me, she was laughing so hard.  I started laughing too.

But she called to tell Marcus and I that she and Cheryl were going up to Ohio for Thanksgiving and that they wouldn’t be at church until next Wednesday.  She just wanted to give her goodbyes.

For thanksgiving, we are all going to Virginia.  I’ll see my Dad and my grandparents.  Everything will be great.

Tammy, is supposed to come back for the holiday.  Hopefully I’ll be back to see her.

Ugh, what’s wrong with me?  Can’t I at least get over one girl?  I’ve done it before, but Ryan is just so perfect.  Why look for a bottle of pepsi half full when you can get the full bottle for the same price.