May 31, 1994 – Tuesday – 10:15 p.m.

I learned something today.  Something I was afraid to learn.

Today I went with three other students from my Computer Applications II class to sell Bear Facts (our school newspaper).  We went to Bennett, where they were having their field day.  While I was outside, I saw a group of people sitting on a bench.  I went over to them and said, “would anyone like to buy a Bear Facts?”

One young woman said, “Bear Facts?  Oh yes, it’s been years since I’ve been there!  How much are they?”

“Seventy-five cents,” I said.

“Wow, inflation has hit Central!”  She laughed and searched for the money.

I couldn’t keep my eyes off her.  Was it her?

It looked like her.

It had to be.

Then another woman said in response, “I know it Allison.”

I was right.

A step away from me sat Allison.  The Allison.

Allison was a Senior when I was a Freshman, and after I dressed up for spirit week, any time she saw me she would say something along the lines of, “Hey there.  Oh, you’re so cute.” and then just keep walking.  It really made my day.  I depended on it, because so many other people picked on me for being so skinny and lanky.  So, I eventually memorized her class schedule and I knew what hall she would be walking down in between each class period, so I would walk down that same hall, just so she could see me and tell me I was cute.  I honestly don’t think I could have survived my Freshman year of high school without that daily compliment.

She handed me the money.  I wanted to call her name.  She saw me, but didn’t recognize me.  Everyone says I’ve changed and grown up since my Freshman year.  She looked great and seemed to be doing fine.

I wonder if she knows how much she helped me over three years ago?  She has grown up and she’s forgotten little things like Central. And now I see that I too will grow and forget the little things, only to remember them when I read these Books of Days.

I have one more day of school left and 89 until I leave for college.

Can May already be gone?

And could I have made it this far without Allison?

I honestly don’t think I could have.  She gave me confidence.  Is there anything more valuable than confidence?

Thank you Allison.  I owe you so much.

January 12, 1994 – Saturday – 10:00 p.m.

Ninety days of my senior year are over.  I have 90 more to go.

And then…well…you know.

At church tonight, Jenna and Tenielle and Shar were trying to get my attention while I was singing.  They got it and I noticed they were trying to make me sing louder.  I did, but they said later that they still couldn’t hear me.

Ryan was there tonight.  I said very little to her.  I miss her in a way.

I looked at Jenna a few times while I was singing.  She was looking at me.  She is a beautiful girl.

Right now I’m listening to the Power of One soundtrack.  I first heard all of this music last spring.  Just hearing it makes me feel the warm air.

I found an old letter from Veronica yesterday.  She wrote that she felt crazy because she wanted to see me and couldn’t.

Things have changed.

Big time.

There is another one of those “After Ballgame Parties” at Mr. Gatti’s this Friday.  I remember the first one.  Danielle’s dad must be a thief.

I want it to get warm again.

We have skit group practice this Saturday.  That is shocking.  We are also doing another one of those Door to Door ministry things.

Ninety days.

Five months.

The summer.

Should I put it in low gear and slowly slip away, or should I put it in high gear and have a blast with everyone and then leave with a snap of my fingers?  I have a closet full of junk, memories and stuff that I have to clean out before I leave.  The day I do that will be a painful day.

November 12, 1993 – Friday – 11:22 p.m.

Two birds have flown my way.  Two birds whom I have yet to write about in my journal.

Until now.

Yesterday was Veteran’s Day.  And if you are a Veteran, thank you.

We had an assembly at school for the special day.  When we have an assembly, we always go to home room and then to the auditorium.  In my home room class there is a girl.  That is the only class I have her in and we only have home room every now and then.

Anyway, I first saw this girl on August 21, 1993.  She was at the senior T-shirt making party.  Her name is Rebecca and she is the foreign exchange student this year.  She is from Sweden.  Back in August, when I met her, the extent of our conversation was just exchanging names.  I wanted to talk to her some more, but I was sort of shy.  The day continued and she left my mind because I went to Ryan’s house later, and, well, you know…I suppose you could just go back and read the journal entry for that day.

We’ve only had about three assemblies so far this year and that plus one time in the hall are the only times I’ve talked with her.  We always sit next to each other during assembly and I’ve gotten to know her a little bit.  I guess all I’m trying to say is that she is absolutely wonderful and she has fully captured my attention.

Tonight at work there was a new girl there.  Tonight was her first night.  I helped her some, but after I got off I sat down and waited for Henry to pick me up and it was her break time.  She sat with me and we had a nice conversation.  She is pretty, but not gorgeous, but I bet she can be if she adds a little makeup to her beautiful eyes.  Her name is Janice.  She was nice to me and really polite.  I like that.

I was right.  Another one always comes along.

This time next week I will be coming back from the best night of my life.

Les Miserables is in seven days.