November 5, 1996 – Tuesday – 12:15 a.m.

Sunday night I went to visit Ann-Marie, Jeni, and Tracey in their room.  We talked until one in the morning.  They told me all about their recent “girl talk.”  Ann-Marie liked Curtis for a long time, but never said anything.  However, all three of those girls now think Curtis is a big jerk, and they no longer like him now that they know him.

Jeni told me later she doesn’t understand those girls; Abigail, Ann-Marie, and Tracey all say I am the nicest guy, yet I am still alone.

I told Ann-Marie that I really liked her at the beginning of the semester.  She blushed and said, “Really?  I’m sorry…”

We all laughed about it.

They told me that Abigail has returned and that K.C. kissed her over the weekend.  They are a couple now.  I was so happy to hear that.  I prayed for both of them.

Auditions were tonight for Children of A Lesser God.  Auditions were taped and sent to the director in New York.  His name is Mark and he’s a guest director coming down just to direct this show.  It would be crazy if I got the lead!

We had Bible Study tonight at Sharon’s.  Abigail, Tracey, Ann-Marie, Jeni, Dan, Allen, Curtis, Vince, Ellen, Josh, and I all went; Abigail had never been to their house before.  She seemed to have a good time.  We talked a lot; she is such a sweet girl.  I enjoy being her friend so much.  Thank you for her Lord.  She is like another Ryan or Christi in my life; and that’s what I wanted.

I don’t know how to thank you God.  You are so good to me.  You’re doing everything.  You are taking care of it all.  It feels like I don’t really have to do anything.  You are the one producing a good work in me.  I just love you so much.  I give you all the glory, honor, and praise!!

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November 3, 1996 – Sunday – 9:45 p.m.

Wow!

Yesterday after lunch I watched Immortal Beloved by myself.  Insanely good movie. Curtis and I talked.  He’s discovered a new girl, someone from Boone.  At dinner, Ann-Marie, Tracey, Jeni, and Jessica decided they were going to see Romeo + Juliet that night.  I was on duty so I couldn’t go.  However they then decided it was too cold to go out, so they just came over here and we all watched While You Were Sleeping instead.  Jessica and I sat next to each other on the bed.  She laughed so many times.  She is simply adorable.

Jeni, Tracey, Ann-Marie, and Jessica stayed in my room until one in the morning.  We watched The Little Mermaid as well.

This morning I went to Sunday School at Heaton.  Dawn came along with Derek.  I left afterwards to go to Banner Elk Christian Fellowship.  I went with Jeni, Ann-Marie, Jessica, and Todd.  I sat next to Jessi and the service was amazing.  It seemed to touch her; I could hear and feel her tears.

I found out later in the day that Dawn rededicated her life to the Lord this morning.  This is the same Dawn that I met at The Farm House.

This evening I auditioned for Children of A Lesser God.  We have callbacks tomorrow evening.  Everyone tells me that I’ll get the lead role of James.  The role requires learning sign language.  It’s very challenging.  God help me.

A smile is on my face.

I have beautiful friends.

And a beautiful God.

I am content.

I am pleased.

God has handed me a beautiful life and I hand it all back to him.

January 14, 1996 – Sunday – 11:58 p.m.

Saturday was fun.  A whole crowd of us went to Boone to see a movie and then hung out in Charlie’s room afterwards.  At church today everyone loved my haircut.  After church tonight we went to Peggy’s.  Everyone sat at the big table, and they ran out of room, so I sat with Caroline, Meredith, and little Megan and their parents, which was great.  We had a good conversation.  Meredith hung around after her family left, just so I didn’t have to sit alone.  We had a good talk.

Whenever we got back, we watched First Knight.  I didn’t really like it.

It has been a good weekend.

We have tomorrow off for Martin Luther King Jr. holiday.

One Act auditions are tomorrow night.  Lord, give me the part you want me to play.

And now the first month of 1996 is already half over.

September 1, 1994 – Thursday – 2:00 p.m.

The auditions for Once Upon A Mattress went great last night.  I should at least have a part in the chorus.  That’s all I really want anyway.  I’m not a singer.

I have to go back again today at 4:00 p.m.

I only went to two classes today.  That’s all I had.

In my Alpha class we have to keep a journal, so I’m just going to turn this one in.  Mrs. McGinnis is my teacher, so Mrs. McGinnis I’m not going to hold back on my writing just because I know you’re reading this.  I’ve kept a journal since November 14, 1992.  Some things will not make since to you, because you haven’t read my first six Books of Days.

Anyway, this weekend I will have time to write and catch you up on everything and possibly go into detail.

Last night, after James and I went to see I Do, I Do, (the last production of the school’s summer theater) with a girl named Cheris, we walked over to The Pantry to buy something to drink.  Well, James bought a Mystic and I bought a Gatorade.  A cop passed us and stopped us because he thought we both bought beer.  All three of us had a good laugh.

Something scared me though after we left The Pantry.  James asked me where we were headed and I said, “Back home.”

I called this place home.

I’m not sure if that’s good or bad.

August 17, 1994 – Wednesday – 10:40 a.m.

Today is my birthday.

At 5:00 p.m. I will be exactly 18-years-old.

A year ago today I wen to the zoo, and to Fayetteville to see Aladdin.

Last night I went walking on the railroad tracks near my house to pray.  I realized that I’ve been trying to do this on my own.  I’ve been trying to live this life by myself.

And it’s not working.

I gave it back to God last night, and I don’t want it anymore.  It’s too much trouble.  All of this acting and film stuff that I’m going into, I must be crazy to think I could do all of that on my own.  I’m yours God.  I don’t want any of this anymore.  Take me and put me in your will.  That is the safest place for me anyway.  Use me up in Banner Elk, Lord.  There’s no way I can survive up there without you.  You’ve kept me safe for 18 years and you’ve put up with me for 18 years.  You must want me for something, so here I am, take me.

Use me to do your will.  I’ve never auditioned for a musical before, but if you want me in a play, then I’ll do whatever you want of me.

I can’t live without you Lord.  This world is too chaotic.  You are the only absolute.  You are all that matters.

Thank you Lord for teaching me all I need to know.  Thank you Lord for sending your Holy Spirit to teach me.

Do with me what you want.  I’m sick of trying to do it my way.

So here I am Lord.

Here I am.

Send me where I am suppose to be.

Send me to Lees-McRae.

November 20, 1993 – Saturday – 8:02 p.m.

TRIPLE PHAT DOPE!!

Les Miserables was awesome.  When we got to the theater, I bought a T-shirt and Tim brought a souvenir book for me.  Tim and I switched tickets.  I was out in the center and he was off to the side with Nana and Jonathan.  I gave Nana $40.00 and she bought a 32.50 ticket when she was supposed to buy at $37.50 ticket.  Oh well, it was still wonderful.  Both Eponine and Cosette were beautiful.  Everything was just perfect.  Absolutely perfect.

Jean Valjean gave up his life for other people.  He was a righteous man of commitment.  It’s a story about hope, love, and death in a time when life was a bit harsher than it is today.  It’s a story about the people who loved Cosette and the people who affected their lives.  I couldn’t ask for a better experience.

Today I went to Lees-McRae and auditioned for an acting scholarship.  It was me, Marcus, Henry, and Nate.  I did pretty good.  Robert, the professor judging me, said I was great, but that I needed to work on being more articulate and increasing my volume.  He said they would work with me though; that’s what they are there for.

So there it is.

In about nine months it will all begin.  I want to work with film and theater.  I want to marry and have a family.  I want to write and to create.  I want to live for Jesus until he comes to take his good and faithful servant home to be free.

My dream.

It’s beginning now.  You’re reading about it.  I’m writing about it.  It may take a while and I’m sure a lot of people will affect me along the way.  A lot already have.

This is not a winter dream.  There are dreams that cannot be, but mine is not one of them.

Life will not kill this dream I dream.