November 20, 1993 – Saturday – 8:02 p.m.

TRIPLE PHAT DOPE!!

Les Miserables was awesome.  When we got to the theater, I bought a T-shirt and Tim brought a souvenir book for me.  Tim and I switched tickets.  I was out in the center and he was off to the side with Nana and Jonathan.  I gave Nana $40.00 and she bought a 32.50 ticket when she was supposed to buy at $37.50 ticket.  Oh well, it was still wonderful.  Both Eponine and Cosette were beautiful.  Everything was just perfect.  Absolutely perfect.

Jean Valjean gave up his life for other people.  He was a righteous man of commitment.  It’s a story about hope, love, and death in a time when life was a bit harsher than it is today.  It’s a story about the people who loved Cosette and the people who affected their lives.  I couldn’t ask for a better experience.

Today I went to Lees-McRae and auditioned for an acting scholarship.  It was me, Marcus, Henry, and Nate.  I did pretty good.  Robert, the professor judging me, said I was great, but that I needed to work on being more articulate and increasing my volume.  He said they would work with me though; that’s what they are there for.

So there it is.

In about nine months it will all begin.  I want to work with film and theater.  I want to marry and have a family.  I want to write and to create.  I want to live for Jesus until he comes to take his good and faithful servant home to be free.

My dream.

It’s beginning now.  You’re reading about it.  I’m writing about it.  It may take a while and I’m sure a lot of people will affect me along the way.  A lot already have.

This is not a winter dream.  There are dreams that cannot be, but mine is not one of them.

Life will not kill this dream I dream.

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September 25, 1993 – Saturday – 11:47 p.m.

Things are weird now.

Let’s start with Friday.

School was okay and Ruth gave me a ride to work.  After work I went to the football game; we lost.  Peter was there.  I sat with him for a while.  I finally talked to Jonathan; he was there with Vicky.

Afterwards, I went to this “fifth quarter” shindig at a church out in the boonies.  It was fun and I played twister with some friends from school.  I got home around midnight.

Today came and we didn’t have singing practice, so I cleaned up my room since I needed room to put my 4’x3’ painting that I did in art class of Cosette from Les Miserables.  Everyone likes it.

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I went to skit group today on this 25th day of September and I faced something I wasn’t ready to face.

Today I faced my future.  It scared me.

I was directing the skit and we didn’t really get a lot done.  No one was in the right mood to do much of anything, so I just took a break and they all went their separate ways.  My skit was falling apart, just like the Christmas play had fallen apart.

I was upset.  I have the vision, but it just wasn’t coming together.  Christi said it was because of the way the skit group is now.  Since Jason left it’s been dead and our pastor just doesn’t have the talent or the time to give it his all.  It’s just not the same anymore.

It’s been months since we performed the skits that Jason made.  My favorite was the worship skit.  It was the most beautiful song.  I never simply performed it; I always worshipped God with it.  Everyone was doing their own thing, but myself, Christi, Ryan, Cheryl, Amy, and Laura were in the Sanctuary and we got the old music and I said, “Guys, I’m going to play this music and I’m going to perform these skits one last time and get one last memory because I doubt I’ll have the chance to do them again.  If I have to do it myself, then I’ll do it myself.”

I pressed play.

The ancient music of the worship skit filled the sanctuary and I almost cried.

I went down to the stage and Christi and Ryan quickly followed.  Later Amy and Laura joined in.  Cheryl just couldn’t.  It was too sad for her.

We worshipped the Lord together there, with that song, that skit, one last time.

And I knew what to do; I didn’t mess up because it has been implanted in my memory.  I’ll never forget it.

My whole body is shaking right now.  I told the girls that I wish I could live my junior year over because this skit group and these wonderful friends gave me the love and attention that will last me the rest of my life.

If the Lord would let me, I would live my junior year over and over again and never move on.

Ryan, Jason, Christi, Cheryl, Amy, Marcus, Brandon, Anne.  I spent so much time with these eight people.  I love them all.  I miss being an Emmanuel Player.  I don’t want to grow up.  I want things to be like they were.

Thank you Jesus for the times I’ve spent with these people and how much they have taught me.

I also spent a lot of time with Veronica, she taught me much, but come to think of it, I received more love from the eight people above than I did from her.

I’m a little disappointed because Nana tried to get Ryan’s Les Miserables ticket and she was unable to get one; they were all sold out.  November 19, 1993 will not be as special now.  I’m not looking forward to it like I was.  I’ll still go, but no matter how good it is, it would be a hundred times better if Ryan were sitting beside me.  I told her about Lees-McRae college and how I’m looking into it.  When I said it was in Banner Elk, she went crazy and said that her uncle owns a ski resort up there and they usually go up there and ski for free.

That cannot be just a coincident; it has to be the Lord.  Thank you Jesus.

I know that soon I’ll leave Siler City and Sanford one day.  I’ll leave it physically.  But I wonder if I’ll ever leave it emotionally or spiritually.

No, I doubt I will.

These memories hurt, but I don’t want them to fade away.

If you ever drive down Spring Lane in Sanford and pass by my old church many years from now, no matter the date, I will still be there, falling in love with everything around me.