August 15, 1994 – Monday – 9:50 p.m.

I spent the day with Kenny.  All he talked about was Jessica.  He took her out Saturday night, and they both had a good time.  Boy does he have it bad for her now.  We went out to eat and rode around.  He is staying with Tony’s brother’s family.  They are really nice.

The dad of the family plays catch with their two sons and they all eat dinner at the table at the same time and they even hold hands while they pray.  I wish our family was like that.

Then Kenny came back here and we talked about Jessica.  She leaves for Sweden on Wednesday morning.  He is going to bring her flowers.  And he’s considering going to Sweden to see her later on.  I thought it was a crazy idea, but I helped him call a travel place to find out how much plane tickets actually are.  We’ll see.

The next 12 days of my life will be spent here.  And many days after that will not.

It’s all coming to an end.  I can’t believe it.  What did it all mean?  What was all of this for?  Why do I keep asking myself unanswerable questions?

Everything is so good now.  I have so many friends and there is no tension between any one, except for Cheryl and Joel of course, but the point is, my life is so good.

Perhaps that is why I have to leave.  It’s going to be hard to start over, but I will make it and my life will start anew in the mountains.

I got some information in the mail reminding me that I have to audition for Once Upon A Mattress.  It is a requirement for my scholarship.  The auditions are on August 31st and September 1st and require a song and dance routine.  I’ve never auditioned for anything.  Oh boy!

But my God is with me.

One more Sunday.

Two more Wednesdays.

Two more Saturdays.

By the way things look at the moment, my life here might just have a happy ending.

August 7, 1994 – Sunday – 9:53 p.m.

We didn’t have youth group last night, so I stayed home.  Marcus did too.  But Kevin and Jonathan went to Jenna and Tenielle’s.  Jonathan is trying to tell me that he really doesn’t like Jenna, but he does.  It’s obvious.  He likes her a lot.

Jonathan told me earlier today what happened last night.  It was dark and Jenna licked Jonathan’s cheek like she does to a lot of people.  She was chewing gum and the gum stuck to Jonathan’s cheek.  Then he took it off, popped it in his mouth and began chewing it.  She said she wanted it back.  So Jonathan had it half out of his mouth and was going to stick it back on her cheek, but Jenna just leaned over and took it from his mouth with her mouth and then kissed him.

On the mouth!

Jenna’s lips!

Jonathan’s lips!

Kissing!

Touching!

IN THE DARK!

JENNA!!

But I’m not getting hurt this time.  It’s Marcus.  I’ve slowly gotten away from Jenna and Tenielle.  I’m saving myself the pain.  But I’ve been watching Marcus and my heart goes out to him.  He knows.

This morning in church I said very little to both Jenna and Tenielle.  It’s not that I’m mad, I just feel uncomfortable.

Veronica was there this morning.  I went up to her and hugged her.  She looked absolutely gorgeous.  And she has grown so much.  I couldn’t believe how tall she was.  She’s still my girl.  I’ll always cherish the time we spent together.

This afternoon I was at Henry’s parent’s place for a little family reunion on his side.  And after that I went to High Falls youth group.  I had a great time and I met someone whom I hadn’t seen in over two years.  Her name is Jessica.  During my sophomore year she was a foreign exchange student from Sweden.  Her and Lisa became good friends, so she is visiting her.  She told me to give her a call tomorrow and that maybe we could do something together.  She knows Jonathan too and she told me to tell him that she was here in town.

Hopefully Jonathan is working tomorrow night so her and I can go out alone.  We can’t have him taking all the girls.

November 26, 1993 – Friday – 9:55 p.m.

I worked tonight, but earlier Kenny came over and we went out to eat and went for a ride.

He lives by himself.  He says he wants to live with a family.  I told him that one thing he wants is the one thing I can’t wait to get away from.

After work Mom said I could go down and see Tammy since she’s back from the rehab place and visiting with Veronica’s family.  But the car messed up so I couldn’t go.  I don’t know what’s wrong with it.

Instead, I simply called Tammy.  She was upset that I couldn’t come.  In her letters she told me that she used to have a crush on me.  So I told her that I used to like her too.

I told her about Rebecca, the Swedish girl I used to like, but don’t anymore because she’s too hard to talk to.  I couldn’t ever be myself talking to her.  I was too uncomfortable.

Tammy says that she feels the same way about Tim.

I’m still going to write her, but I wish I could have seen her.

She says there is so much stuff she wants to tell me.

I’ve taped a prayer list to my little table next to my bed.  I pray for everything on there every day.

Tammy has been added to the list.

November 12, 1993 – Friday – 11:22 p.m.

Two birds have flown my way.  Two birds whom I have yet to write about in my journal.

Until now.

Yesterday was Veteran’s Day.  And if you are a Veteran, thank you.

We had an assembly at school for the special day.  When we have an assembly, we always go to home room and then to the auditorium.  In my home room class there is a girl.  That is the only class I have her in and we only have home room every now and then.

Anyway, I first saw this girl on August 21, 1993.  She was at the senior T-shirt making party.  Her name is Rebecca and she is the foreign exchange student this year.  She is from Sweden.  Back in August, when I met her, the extent of our conversation was just exchanging names.  I wanted to talk to her some more, but I was sort of shy.  The day continued and she left my mind because I went to Ryan’s house later, and, well, you know…I suppose you could just go back and read the journal entry for that day.

We’ve only had about three assemblies so far this year and that plus one time in the hall are the only times I’ve talked with her.  We always sit next to each other during assembly and I’ve gotten to know her a little bit.  I guess all I’m trying to say is that she is absolutely wonderful and she has fully captured my attention.

Tonight at work there was a new girl there.  Tonight was her first night.  I helped her some, but after I got off I sat down and waited for Henry to pick me up and it was her break time.  She sat with me and we had a nice conversation.  She is pretty, but not gorgeous, but I bet she can be if she adds a little makeup to her beautiful eyes.  Her name is Janice.  She was nice to me and really polite.  I like that.

I was right.  Another one always comes along.

This time next week I will be coming back from the best night of my life.

Les Miserables is in seven days.