November 27, 1999 – Saturday – 5:38 p.m.

Sometimes I wait for my life to begin

Sometimes our hearts should begin in the end

Sometimes my life is just paper and pen

But then sometimes I think of you

. . .

Tracey and I watched old Lees-McRae dance videos last night.  They were from four or five years ago.  I have forgotten that I am 23.  Those two numbers next to each other look very old to me.  But it is all relative.  I’m sure to others I’m a little punk who doesn’t know anything about life yet.  And they are probably right.

This month is ending and I have two screenplays and a huge paper to finish.

But this is not about me.

I am beginning to see that I will never do really huge things in my career.  Sure, I may make some movies, and I may have a few good roles on the stage and screen, but these things will never be greater than making a girl smile.  What am I if I do not love?

I am nothing.

. . .

Vince is coming, but I have so much work and a show to do.  I know not what Christmas brings, but I hope to see Marie and meet her family.  I know not what will happen for New Year’s either, but I do know that the following week I will be directing Dang!.

Oh God, you have much to do through me.

Hold the clock.  Stop the sun.

Speed me up.  Slow me down.

 

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