April 19, 1994 – Tuesday – 7:50 p.m.

Tenielle called me earlier.  She called to tell me that she wrote me a letter 15 pages long.  And she said that in the letter she apologizes.

As I said before, it will all blow over.

I have learned something throughout all of this heartache.  Something to help me in the future.  Sometimes people leave you half way through this life.  Others may deceive you.  But I am not alone.

You move just a finger, say the slightest words, and something is bound to linger.

You will be heard.

People make mistakes.

Holding to their own; thinking they’re alone.

You can’t judge them; you can’t blame them.

It’s sometimes hard to see the light, but things will come out right after the night.

Others will leave me halfway though this life.  I can’t let it grieve me, because I too will soon leave others.

I will soon know what’s out there in the world.  No one can prepare you for the world.

I have constantly listened and watched.  Through this incident I have listened and watched.

No one can prepare you, but you can prepare yourself.  I must say thank you to my past.

That, I believe, is the purpose of this Book of Days.  I learn from reading what I once wrote.

And if anyone else ever reads these entries, I hope you are also learning something.

December 7, 1993 – Tuesday – 10:12 p.m.

Hmmm.

Last year this time I was happy beyond my wildest imagination.  I remember when Veronica and I exchanged bracelets and hers smelled of her perfume.  That same night after the service was over she ran up to me and hugged me and said that I was her Jacob.

On that night I asked her if her dad was a thief, since he must have stolen the stars from the skies to put them in her eyes.  Cheesy, I know, but it all felt so good.

I wish it could happen again, but only with someone new.

But I am not desperate.  I can wait.

Recently the world has gotten me down.  Purity in the world today simply doesn’t exist anymore.  TV is trash, with “Parental Discretion is Advised” in front of nearly every show.  Everybody is into sex.  All you hear about is sex.  What’s the big deal?

I mean, yes, I’m looking forward to marriage mainly for all the sex involved, but that is about making-love with my future wife, not about all the sinful sex I see around me.  Sex has gotten out of hand in the world.

I have to focus every day not to fall into those traps.

No.  No.  I’m not going to mess up my life and mess up my love for those lies.  

I’m staying pure.

September 8, 1993 – Wednesday – 4:35 p.m.

Marcus’s brother told me today that in Greensboro a seven-year-old boy went into a public bathroom while his mom waited outside.  Some men in the bathroom attacked the little boy and cut off his penis and flushed it down the toilet.  The boy bled to death and died.

Did you hear what I just said?  I don’t understand.  What is out there in the world?  My parents have shielded me from the world for so long.  Christians are there in the world, but the wicked are out there too.  One day I must leave my home and go out into the world.

What an insane idea.  Who out there will love me?

But I must go; my destiny and my fate pull me there like a magnet.  The world is dark and terribly wild.  There are people out there who would kill a little child.

I miss the Young Indiana Jones Chronicles.  I’m not sure why it isn’t on any more.  It always made me think about what is out there in the world.  I’ve experienced so little.  Months ago, when I stood on top of Pilot Mountain, I saw so much and I saw so far, but I still saw so little.

I used to live in Germany as a kid, but I hardly remember anything about it.  This world is so large, and I wish to see it all.  There is so much out there.

So many souls.

So many lives.

So many stories.

We must discover the world for ourself.