March 11, 1994 – Friday – 9:40 p.m.

Well, it doesn’t look like we will be going to see Carman tomorrow.  The car broke down.  But there is Bus Ministry and Youth Group, so it will still be fun.

I worked tonight.  It went better than the past Fridays.  My mom is in California for her brother’s wedding.

There are 11 weeks of school left.

Fifty-five days.

It’s scary in a way.

Today my Computer Applications II class had a little party; just for the heck of it.  There are a lot of quality people in my senior class.  On my Macbeth video, I made a 99.  It was the highest grade in the class.  Everything has been simple these past few days.  

I wish I could talk to Jenna right now. 

Or Christi.

But that’s the way things go I suppose.

I’m waiting…

I want something new, something fresh.

I hope this summer brings me something new; while I continue with what is here now.

What do you do when you want something you can’t have?  I suppose you call it a winter dream and move on.

I did that before.  And it’s okay now.  So, I guess I’ll do it again.

December 7, 1993 – Tuesday – 10:12 p.m.

Hmmm.

Last year this time I was happy beyond my wildest imagination.  I remember when Veronica and I exchanged bracelets and hers smelled of her perfume.  That same night after the service was over she ran up to me and hugged me and said that I was her Jacob.

On that night I asked her if her dad was a thief, since he must have stolen the stars from the skies to put them in her eyes.  Cheesy, I know, but it all felt so good.

I wish it could happen again, but only with someone new.

But I am not desperate.  I can wait.

Recently the world has gotten me down.  Purity in the world today simply doesn’t exist anymore.  TV is trash, with “Parental Discretion is Advised” in front of nearly every show.  Everybody is into sex.  All you hear about is sex.  What’s the big deal?

I mean, yes, I’m looking forward to marriage mainly for all the sex involved, but that is about making-love with my future wife, not about all the sinful sex I see around me.  Sex has gotten out of hand in the world.

I have to focus every day not to fall into those traps.

No.  No.  I’m not going to mess up my life and mess up my love for those lies.  

I’m staying pure.