July 29, 2000 – Saturday – 10:36 p.m.

This evening I went with my Saturday night small group to the beach, where we sang worship songs and studied the Bible.  It was a nice time.  So many people were out.  I’ve been here two full years, but I’ve never gotten into the beach culture that’s here.  I would always visit the ocean by going to Sandbridge, the non-touristy beach.  I’ve rarely hung out on the strip.

But tonight, I did take notice of the perfect way that light attached to a girl.

And it blessed me.

I’m not fully dead yet.


October 14, 1998 – Wednesday – 12:45 a.m.

Life is getting a tad bit interesting and complicated.

“Eyebrows” is coming along nicely.  I have half the script completed.  The youth group at Parkway is in major transition, but God will take care of us.  Emily had a 19-year-old friend die of cancer and she has returned home for the funeral.  Justin from LMC is coming into town tomorrow night.  Thursday is my last day of filming for “Saturday Despair.”  And Dawn is no longer at work.

I’ve been here long enough to see change.  Perhaps it means this place is my home now.  And this is my third one here on this planet.

Siler City.

Banner Elk.

Virginia Beach.

These are the places I am from.

I sent to see the ocean this morning and heard a sound in the water that I’ve never heard before.  It was the billions of bubbles of the surf all popping at once.

It sound like an applause from far away.

August 24, 1998 – Monday – 1:07 p.m.

In about three hours I’m going to go see the girl I met on Friday at Greenbrier Mall.  Her name is Rachel.  God please guide our conversation.

Church was so good yesterday.  Parkway Temple is perfect for me.  Last night the youth pastor Jose, his wife Tammy, David, and a 20-year-old named Aaron all came over here and we had a meeting, and they basically just handed their entire Drama Ministry over to me.  They said I have complete artistic freedom.  I’m so excited!

Yesterday afternoon, David and I went to the beach.  The water was so strong because of Hurricane Bonnie.  And I have to admit, like a kid in grade school, I wrote Rachel’s name in the sand.


June 30, 1998 – Tuesday – 10:39 p.m.

I wrote a bit this morning, and then I left for the beach to go ahead and get the tourist in me out of my system.  It worked.  I feel like a resident now.

I bought a beach towel and everything and tried to play the part, but it just wasn’t my thing to do.  I took a walk.  The waves were beautiful, but I couldn’t really see them due to all the people being in the way.  I couldn’t really see the sand either since that too was covered in people.  Folks were just putting themselves in a baking oven; I couldn’t believe.  I saw white folks today who were darker than Marcus.  I walked to the end of the boardwalk and had a perfect glass of lemonade, but then I got out of there as fast as I could.

I cooked hamburgers and fries this evening.  Matt and I watched Citizen Kane, and then I went for a walk.  I took a new sidewalk that ended up leading to the far side of campus.  I walked through the campus by the CBN Headquarters.  There was so many giant satellite dishes, I just stood in amazement.  Then I found another trail that wound through some trees and ended up behind the library, which I had never been to before.  There was a sculpture of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, it was so beautiful.

I enjoy walking.

Now that I actually have a car, I do drive it, but there is just something about walking.  It feels like the land is yours when you take the time to walk over every inch of it.

Banner Elk and Lees-McRae felt like mine, but they belong to others now.

This place will be mine very soon.

November 25, 1995 – Saturday – 11:15 a.m.

The Phantom of the Opera was truly amazing.  My mother and aunt Patty dropped me off.  I was in jeans and a T-shirt while everyone else was in either an elaborate dress or three-piece-suit.  Everyone was staring at me, as though I didn’t belong.  But I sat on the fourth row from the stage, right next to all those suits enjoyed every second of it.

I saw a guy named Neil there.  He used to go to Lees-McRae.  He is the ex-boyfriend of Tamara, a dancer at Lees-McRae.

After the show, I called my mom who was visiting someone.  She and Patty left to pick me up, but they were several minutes away.  So, I left the theater alone, after watching a story about a lonely soul, with 2,400 other people.  Despite being surrounded by thousands, I was by myself.  I stood there on the sidewalk, the cool November Chesapeake Bay wind blowing through my hair.  It grew colder.  My nose began to run.  My mom finally arrived.

Norfolk is in the Virginia Beach area, and is home to Regent University.  It was so big and beautiful.  If I went there it would be such a difference from the little village of Banner Elk.

Christmas is a month from today.  I will probably be in this exact room a month from now.  I don’t want to be though.  I don’t like it here at my dad’s parents.  My dad complains all the time.  I don’t know if I know a more miserable human being than my own father.

I’m looking forward to going back home.  I will spend my next month there, working on my final exam projects and my Christmas show.  Around the 20th, I will go to Siler City, come up here for Christmas, and then back to Siler City.  On the seventh of January I will begin my second semester of my Sophomore year.  There is not a January mission trip this year like there was last year.

A lot of snow will come.  Perhaps Dan will take me skiing.

I will begin a skit group at Heaton Christian Church while making arrangements to spend my summer there in the area.

1995 will soon end.  I am glad, but at the same time sad.

Perhaps 1996 is a second chance.


Paper faces on parade


Hide your face, so the world will never find you.