August 24, 2000 – Thursday – 2:00 p.m.

I’m on my lunch break at the moment.  I met with Vince, one of the pastors at Forefront, on Tuesday, and we talked about how we can both help each other in the film and video world.  It was great; I really like him.

At my small group last night, everyone decided to watch Survivor instead of do a Bible study.  It was the finale, so they all said it was a big deal, but it was the first time I had ever heard of it.  It made me realize how much I don’t watch TV or am into whatever is popular at the moment.  The show was pretty interesting, but also totally pathetic.

I will be going to Grundy, Virginia in September for a little ministry work, and it looks like Theresa from the bookstore may show me around New Mexico for Thanksgiving.  Those are my only future plans.  Otherwise, I’m taking it one day at a time.

October 13, 1999 – Wednesday – 4:00 p.m.

I had my television debut yesterday.  The reenactment I did for The 700 Club aired.  Most of all my old Lees-McRae friends saw it.  It wasn’t supposed to be funny, but it was funny to us.

We are nearing the middle of October and that is insane to me.  I feel behind, but I know all the work will take care of itself.  There are basically just two months of school left.

I’m not sure what will happen in May.  Part of me feels like I’ll graduate, but the other half tells me I’ll stick around here longer to finish up Dang!.  I’d love to stick around, but I’m also eager to find out what else God has in store for me.

I spoke with Dan.  He is in Colorado and in the new year, he’ll be going on a skiing missions trip to Alaska.  God is blessing him so much.  I miss my buddy!

May 14, 1998 – Thursday – 7:00 p.m.

There are “final episode of Seinfeld” parties happening all over the country tonight, but I won’t be at one.  I never watched the show.  College was too much fun to spend it watching TV.

But I will talk to Sarah instead, for she is supposed to call tonight.  And I will leave tomorrow to go and see her in Winston-Salem.  After spending the day with Sarah, I will drive on to Banner Elk to attend Jeni’s wedding.

Weird, Jeni was the first girl I kissed and now I’m attending her wedding.  I remember when Tracey said our friendship after our breakup was better than most people’s marriages.  Jeni’s a good friend, and I’m happy she found someone.

 

November 19, 1994 – Saturday – 1:55 a.m.

It’s real early Saturday morning.  So much has happened.  I’m not sure if I can explain it all.

I got a message from Scott on Thursday morning.  He and Marcus decided to come up and visit me from Thursday to Saturday.  They arrived Thursday night and we all hung out in Jeni’s room.  I’m not sure if I mentioned this or not, but while Tracey and Jeni were home with me last weekend, Marcus took a liking to Tracey.  And as you should know, Marcus always has to be the center of attention when it comes to the females.  He will do anything, even cry, to get girls to pay attention to him.

He was the same way Thursday night.

I then found out that when Tracey was down in Sanford, visiting my home church with me, Scott took a liking to Tracey.  They both, together, decided to come up to see me, but they each had the secret agenda (without telling the other) of getting to know Tracey, my girlfriend’s roommate, a little better.

Men.

Tracey is very sarcastic and Marcus got a little hurt.  Scott, Marcus, and Jeni came to see Dining Room while I ran props.  Tracey didn’t come even though Marcus wanted her to.

Anyway, that night ended.

On Friday morning, Scott, Marcus and I ate breakfast with Glenda.  I went to my classes and they shot pool.

We ate lunch and what not, then the evening came.

After dinner we all went to Jeni’s room.  Marcus, however, went with Tracey to a rehearsal of hers.

Scott and Jeni and I just hung out.  When Tracey and Marcus returned, we just talked and played Balderdash.  That went on for a while, and then we all went to Evans Auditorium and watched Sister Act 2.  There is a big screen TV and VCR there that people can use.

Guess who else was there?  Derek.  He is a junior who really likes Tracey.  Long story short, Tracey gave Derek a lot of attention and Marcus got hurt.

Scott just appeared to let it all roll off.

I told Jeni that this happens to Marcus everywhere he goes.  He always finds some girl, but he tries too hard because he is afraid.  He tries to make them like him.

Jeni felt sorry for Marcus.  He looked very sad.  Jeni even had tears in her eyes, she felt so sorry for him.

We all went back to Jeni and Tracey’s room and watched Quantum Leap.

When it was over, Derek gave Tracey a goodnight kiss while Marcus was in the room.

We left to go to our dorm, but Scott and I went to the Pantry.  He told me he was very proud of me; that I was doing a great job here at college.  He really likes and respects Jeni and says we are great together.

I told him that back home I felt like I couldn’t be me.  But here, I am me.

He said that it was because of Kevin and Marcus.  I realized he was right.  Kevin and Marcus dwarfed me.  Their characters and personality would not allow the true me to shine.  That is how everything got messed up with Jenna and Tenielle.  Our best times together were when it was just the three of us.

Here, at Lees-McRae, I am me.

December 7, 1993 – Tuesday – 10:12 p.m.

Hmmm.

Last year this time I was happy beyond my wildest imagination.  I remember when Veronica and I exchanged bracelets and hers smelled of her perfume.  That same night after the service was over she ran up to me and hugged me and said that I was her Jacob.

On that night I asked her if her dad was a thief, since he must have stolen the stars from the skies to put them in her eyes.  Cheesy, I know, but it all felt so good.

I wish it could happen again, but only with someone new.

But I am not desperate.  I can wait.

Recently the world has gotten me down.  Purity in the world today simply doesn’t exist anymore.  TV is trash, with “Parental Discretion is Advised” in front of nearly every show.  Everybody is into sex.  All you hear about is sex.  What’s the big deal?

I mean, yes, I’m looking forward to marriage mainly for all the sex involved, but that is about making-love with my future wife, not about all the sinful sex I see around me.  Sex has gotten out of hand in the world.

I have to focus every day not to fall into those traps.

No.  No.  I’m not going to mess up my life and mess up my love for those lies.  

I’m staying pure.

October 23, 1993 – Saturday – 10:20 p.m.

We didn’t have skit group today.  We didn’t have singing practice either.  I stayed home all day.  A lot happened.  Too much to explain.  I’m happy right now.  Really happy.  So happy it’s scary.

Today I got up around nine o’clock.  I took a shower, moused my hair, and then watched some TV.  Jonathan called.  Everyone left to go wherever they went.

I was alone.

A whole Saturday.  A whole house.  All to myself.

What did I do?

Actually, I don’t really know.  I wrote a little while listening to The Phantom of the Opera.  I watched some more TV and then I prayed in the spirit for a while.  I played the Power of One soundtrack super loud and danced to the music in the kitchen.  I practiced my monologues for my college audition and tonight I watched four hours of TV in a row.  I haven’t done that in a long time.  I watched Star Trek: The Next Generation, Baywatch, and the movie Mermaids.  Mermaids was really good.

But you know what?  Things are going to be okay.  I got a letter from Emily yesterday and in it she wrote a poem for me:

Today I saw an eagle flying

Crying out to you and me

Wondering who is free

Asking who might be…

An eagle

Making his dreams come true

Fly, eagle, fly!

Though this world may have no hope

His dreams can keep him free

Like an eagle

Making his dreams come true

Be an eagle, Jacob

Be an eagle.

Everything is going to be fine.  My dreams will come true.  I will write.  I will make movies.  And I will find that right girl out there in the world.  Whether she lives in Florida, North Carolina, or somewhere else; I will find her.

I dare you to keep reading.  By the loving grace and blessings of God, my dreams will come true.