March 1, 1997 – Saturday – 1:35 a.m.

Earlier tonight, on the last day of February, Josh and Timothy went to the Pantry to get themselves some hot dogs while all of us watched a movie together in my room.  When they returned with the Pantry dogs, Josh picks up the phone and dials a number, then I hear him say:

“Hey Jeni, I just want you to know that we went to and guess who we saw, yep, David.  And he was hugging and flirting with this other girl.”

I was convinced that Josh wasn’t really talking to Jeni and that he was just playing a joke on me, but then Timothy grabbed the phone and said, “Jeni, don’t listen to him, it was just the youth pastor at church.”

I grabbed the phone and said, “Jeni, I can’t believe Josh just did that.  I am personally kicking his butt right now.”  And I could hear her crying on the other end.

What a cruel joke.  I asked everyone to leave and I went to go see Jeni.  Everyone was over there:  Jeni, Tracey, Abigail, Ann-Marie, and Lindy.  I made sure Jeni was okay and then came back to the dorm since I was on duty.

Well, the girls then all came over and visited with me later.

First just Abigail and Jeni came.  It was weird; we just sort of held each other.  I began to run my fingers along Abigail’s face and through her hair.  Other people came in: Timothy, Tracey, Todd, Ann-Marie, Lindy, but I just kept touching Abigail’s face.  And she just laid there with her eyes closed.

I remember praying earlier in the evening.  I asked God why I was alone.  I told him how badly I needed to share my heart.  Then Abigail came over and for well over two hours I studied every micro inch of her beautiful soft face.  I ran my fingers along her forehead, eyebrows, cheeks, nose, lips, chin, and neck.

I’m falling.

This one is going to hurt.

It’s two o’clock in the morning on the 1st day of March in the year of our Lord 1997.

She enjoys my touch.

And I enjoying touching her.

Thank you God for letting me share my heart tonight.


January 13, 1997 – Monday – 1:45 p.m.

Church was really good yesterday.  We had a devotional lunch at the Presbyterian church afterwards.  Auditions were last night.  I already have the part of James, but I was there to read opposite of the other parts.

After auditions Ann-Marie called me from Abigail’s room to ask me something.  Then Abigail got on the phone with me and asked me what I was doing.  I told her I was eating an apple.

“Well Tracey, Jessica and Ann-Marie are over here.  You want to come over?”

Without thinking, I said “Yes!!!”

It was a fun evening.  We just talked and watched a little TV.

One time while I was reaching over to get some fruit loops, Abigail shouted with laughter, “Jacob!  Get your hand off my leg!”  It was a good laugh.  Oh, may we continue to grow closer together Lord.

Vince and I spent a lot of time talking last night as well.  He wondered why I’ve been so happy recently.  I told him because my relationship with the Lord is great, and each day new joys and memories are made with him, and Dan, Allen, Curtis, Josh, Timothy, Abigail, Jessica, Jeni, Tracey, Ann-Marie, and Shawna.

I’ve had 13 amazing days all in a row!!

November 26, 1996 – Tuesday – 8:35 a.m.

Vince and I are leaving in three hours.

New York City!

Little me is going to New York City!!

I went to Banner Elk Christian Fellowship on Sunday.  It was great.  Afterwards, the college students from App. State and LMC went to eat at a family’s house.  I was in a room full of people I didn’t know.

Bible study was great at Sharon’s last night.  Timothy came.

Sharon gave me a $100 bill and told me to have a good time in New York.  How great is that woman!

Well, I have got to pack!

November 23, 1996 – Saturday – 3:15 p.m.

Oh God…I hurt so bad inside.  Last night…oh forget about last night.  I just spent an hour with Abigail.  We were in Timothy’s room.  I was helping her with a research paper.  Timothy had to leave…we were alone.  She is amazing.  I asked her how K.C. was doing.  She began talking about him.  Whenever she talks about him her whole body perks up.  They sing together and go around to different churches to minister.  I’ve never heard anyone sing as beautifully as Abigail

Vince and Laura are absolutely perfect together.  Vince is so happy; Laura’s face is twice as bright and beautiful when she is next to him.

Curtis is seeing Ryan.  He even has a new smile on his face.

Nobody wants me.  Is there any hope God?  I can’t do this alone.

Forget it.  I’ll just wait on you.  I’m waiting for some girl, but she’ll never come.  You’re the only thing that will last until the end and beyond.

November 20, 1996 – Wednesday – 8:45 p.m.

I told Timothy that Jessica and I went for a walk.  Then at lunch yesterday while I was talking to Abigail, Timothy came over and said, “who ya talkin’ bout?  Jessica?”

I pretended like he didn’t say anything since Abigail is Jessica’s roommate.

But then he mentioned something in front of Ann-Marie today.  She asked me directly if I liked Jessica.  I stuttered, but then finally said, “I just think she’s adorable.”

Abigail appeared on the scene and she had a smile on her face, something I haven’t seen for a week.  She’s been going through a rough time since her parents are moving and she feels like she should be there with them during the transition.

It really hurts me when I see either Abigail, Jessica, or Shawna hurt.  I’ve grown attached to them.  They mean the world to me.  I’m sure somebody has said something to Jessica, but she continues to be loads of fun.  Maybe she likes me too.  But then again, maybe not.

Those girls, Josh, Timothy, Ann-Marie; they are the best things that have happened this semester.  Bless them Lord.  Bless them.