October 24, 1993 – Sunday – 10:05 p.m.

The sun began to set today.  Its still going down if it hasn’t already.  

This morning I went back in children’s church after praise and worship.  Cheryl and Amy were back there.  The way children’s church works will soon change.  There used to be two different drama teams.  Gary and I were on each one.  Now there will be three, and I will only go into children’s church every third Sunday instead of every Sunday.  This starts in about two weeks.  Next week will be the last time I’m in children’s church with Ryan and Christi.  My drama team is now just Elizabeth and I.

Well, anyway, Cheryl and I were talking.  And she asked me if I knew who Marcus liked.  I said, “Yeah, I know, Trish.”  Then she wanted to know if I still liked Ryan.  I told her that I did, but that I didn’t see the two of us as anything.

We talked some more.  Then I told her that I knew Ryan liked this guy at school named Kevin.  No one ever told me that; I just overheard a conversation.

She asked me if I was upset.

I said, “No, why should I be.  Ryan is not mine; I can’t say anything.”

Tonight I looked at some pictures of Ryan’s and I saw a picture of Kevin.  He had one of those wild hair cuts.  But I haven’t met the kid, I’m not going to judge him because of his hair.  He must definitely be a great guy if Ryan sees something in him.

I also found out tonight that Trish and Marcus are actually becoming a thing.

Marcus and Trish, Cheryl and Matt, Ryan and Kevin, Christi and Adam, Jacob and Nobody.

I’m alone.  It’s weird when there is no one out there who you really like.  You try to find something else to look forward to beside seeing her.

I wish someone new would come along.

It was this time last year that Veronica and her family began coming to the church.  I will not do something like that again though, just because I couldn’t have Ryan.  

I’ll manage.  I know I will.  I’ll just watch my friends continue in their lives and their relationships.  Then I’ll say goodbye and I’ll start all over again in a little corner of the world called Lees-McRae.

August 31, 1993 – Tuesday – 9:18 p.m.

Things are okay, I guess.

Saturday night was great spiritually; we prayed so hard.  But it was hard emotionally;  Ryan and I only looked at each other once.

I didn’t ask her out on Saturday; I was just trying to help her out.

Things were tense Sunday morning too.  But we got over it and the youth group went to Mr. Gatti’s after church.  We had a great time.  Everything is back to normal.

Sunday night Marcus asked me what I would do if Ryan came up to me and said, “Would you go with me?”

I told him, “I would say no.”

Then I thought about it and I did tell the truth.  I would say no.  I just want to be her friend but I’m still trying to get the beautiful girl out of my mind.

Speaking of beautiful girls, I got a letter from Emily again the other day.  She gave me her phone number and said she wanted to get to know me a lot more and if she ever gets a car, she said she is going to come visit me.

I’ve tried to call her four times, but she hasn’t been home any of those times.

School has been pretty good the past two days.  I about fell asleep in World Geography this morning.

I did have to work Friday, but I got off work so I could go to Amy’s Birthday party.  Mike is going with me.

I get a haircut tomorrow.  And September is beginning again.  Then October will be here.  Then November 14th.  And My Book of Days will have covered one year of my life.

I used to think that a year was a long time.

I was wrong.

I now know a year is a very short amount of time.  Too short.

Where suddenly have I gone?