March 25, 2000 – Saturday – 10:00 a.m.

Spring has begun.  Curtis is married.  I didn’t get to go.  Pilate is over.

Last Friday Marie and I went to the Virginia Marine Science Museum, and yesterday we went to Yorktown.  I just adore our Friday trips together.

I talked with Dan and Vince over the weekend, as well as Lindy.  Evidently, the wedding was great.  A single month of classes remain.  I’ve got a great deal of work to do.

And I love Marie!

May 26, 1994 – 10:50 p.m. – Thursday

Will that day ever come?

Yesterday was Wednesday.  Church was fine; Tenielle gave me a letter.  It was sweet.

Tonight I went to Nana’s spring concert.  I went last year too, remember?

It was wonderful.  I almost cried.

Trish and Brian were there.  Brian had recently broken his nose.  They make such a great couple.

Nana has a boyfriend name Nathan.  They seem to be getting along fine.

Trish asked me, “Who did you come with?”

“I came alone,” I said.

Last year when I came to the spring concert, I noticed a girl singing.

I saw her again this past Christmas.  And tonight I saw her again.

Three times.  And I’ve never lost the sight of her face in my mind.

After the concert, when I was talking with Trish, she said she couldn’t believe I drove thirty minutes just to hear Nana sing.

She said she wishes she had friends who would do that for her?

I stopped by Jenna and Tenielle’s for about twenty minutes tonight.  They’re great.  Jenna and Tenielle both gave me a letter to give to Marcus.  Jenna’s was typed.

Tenielle also gave me a letter to give to Kevin.

Tenielle told me that Marcus called today, but she didn’t get to talk to him because he wanted to talk to his Jenna.

Last night Marcus had a a letter to give to Jenna; she ignored him a little and I saw the confusion in Marcus’ eyes.  But he did finally give it to her.

The two of them have a song: I swear by Boyz 2 Men.

I hugged them both.  Tenielle gave me a wedgie and I left and drove home alone.

I passed by the road that I would take whenever I would go to Ryan’s house.  I thought about turning there tonight, then I realized that it had been around five months since I had even thought about turning there.  When will it be my turn?

I’m used to this however.

I will be okay.

 

March 17, 1994 – Thursday – 10:50 p.m.

Considering I only got three hours of sleep last night, I’m really tired.

So, let me continue with last night.  Jenna was at church.  Tenielle wasn’t.  Jonathan was there and he flirted with Jenna.  It didn’t really bother me, because well, it’s hard to explain.

Something has happened between the two of us.  We’re still good friends, we still joke around.  We still throw each other these looks and lines, but in those looks there is a distance.  A distance greater than there was before.

Why?

I don’t know.

I suppose it is because we both know how we used to feel and how we feel now.

Tonight we had skit practice because we will perform at the youth explosion Saturday.  The whole youth group showed up since we needed everyone.  Jenna and Tenielle were there.  And tonight Jenna looked at me in one of the ways that she does, and she asked me a question, “Jacob, am I your friend?”  I nodded and said, “Yes, you are.”  She nodded and smiled back.

And in that we both knew that what used to be had changed and we are only good friends.  Which is more than I could have asked for.  There is a distance in our eyes now.  So, we are not meant to be.

Pastor Steve handed the skits over to me again.  We did the Mask Skit and the Abortion Skit.  Those are the ones we’re going to do on Saturday.  It was fun directing.  Jonathan kept calling me Jacob Spielberg.

Afterwards, Kevin, Scott, Jonathan and I went to Taco Bell and did crazy things.  Marcus had a track meet.  We had a blast.  I don’t think I’ve ever laughed so much in one day.

It is the middle of March now.

Spring is here.

Winter is over.

In the winter of ’92-’93 I went through some complex times with Veronica.  Then spring came and so did Ryan.  My infatuation with her lasted through the spring and the summer and into the fall.  Throughout those seasons, Christi popped up every now and then.

She still does.

Then things changed.

Something happened.

The people who made my life so great went away.  Jason, Anne, Christi, Ryan, and so on.  They weren’t around as much.

The cold winter came and I was without them.  The winter.

But in that winter, I found two roses who kept my heart warm.

All the other flowers had faded.

My grasp on those two roses has loosened, but they’re encouragement is still greatly appreciated.

All they have to do is smile.

But now in the spring of 1994, there is no special flower to which a great portion of my attention goes.  They say flowers grow in the spring.  We will have to see.

In a way, I wish a new flower would grow.  One which I’ve never seen or known before.  But…we all know those kind only grow in the summer.