April 28, 1999 – Wednesday – 11:15 p.m.

I decided this afternoon to spend $65.50 and spontaneously go see The Phantom of the Opera in downtown Norfolk.  I had an excellent seat, and I saw the world’s most perfect musical three and a half years after I saw it for the first time in the exact same place.

During those days, my thoughts endlessly dwelt on Laura; a beautiful girl whom I’ll see again in another week.  But I hear her love rests on a young man named David now.

Last night I spent some quality conversation with a girl named Cindy.  I also chatted a bit with Chris.  It was really nice to talk to other students.

I’m afraid I’m losing my romantic soul.  I’m afraid I’m losing my childhood dreams and wishes.  I only wish…oh…look, it’s nearly the 30th of April.

Remember the 30th of April?

Oh how life wants to live.  May my passion never grow dim.

Will a girl ever know me?

Can I ever tell her all these things I write in these books?

Someone must be looking for me.

I give all of this to you God.  Take care of her.

Hide your face so the world will never find you.


October 11, 1998 – Sunday – 9:17 a.m.

I cannot believe it is the eleventh already.

An incredible peace has come over my soul and spirit the past couple of days.  Yesterday’s film shoot was so much fun.  I cannot believe that is supposed to be work for me.

I look forward to each new day just to see what God has in store.  I miss the companionship of Vince, Dan, Allen, and Curtis, but I also enjoy the abundant alone time I have now.  Everyone at Lees-McRae is going to Hilton Head like we did last year.  There are over 30 people going, and many are freshmen I’ve never met.  That world has moved on without me.

I miss Africa as well.  Those were such perfect days.

What a perfect God!  He knows me inside and out.  I hand all of this over to him.


June 30, 1998 – Tuesday – 10:39 p.m.

I wrote a bit this morning, and then I left for the beach to go ahead and get the tourist in me out of my system.  It worked.  I feel like a resident now.

I bought a beach towel and everything and tried to play the part, but it just wasn’t my thing to do.  I took a walk.  The waves were beautiful, but I couldn’t really see them due to all the people being in the way.  I couldn’t really see the sand either since that too was covered in people.  Folks were just putting themselves in a baking oven; I couldn’t believe.  I saw white folks today who were darker than Marcus.  I walked to the end of the boardwalk and had a perfect glass of lemonade, but then I got out of there as fast as I could.

I cooked hamburgers and fries this evening.  Matt and I watched Citizen Kane, and then I went for a walk.  I took a new sidewalk that ended up leading to the far side of campus.  I walked through the campus by the CBN Headquarters.  There was so many giant satellite dishes, I just stood in amazement.  Then I found another trail that wound through some trees and ended up behind the library, which I had never been to before.  There was a sculpture of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, it was so beautiful.

I enjoy walking.

Now that I actually have a car, I do drive it, but there is just something about walking.  It feels like the land is yours when you take the time to walk over every inch of it.

Banner Elk and Lees-McRae felt like mine, but they belong to others now.

This place will be mine very soon.

August 23, 1996 – Friday – 7:45 p.m.

After classes and a lunch eaten alone, I borrowed Dan’s walkman and took a stroll into the afternoon forest.  I went to the treehouse.  The forest was thick, but I made it through.  The moment I reached the top of the treehouse, a rain drop landed on my leg.  I sat down and it began to pour.  This was not a shower, but a downpour, a waterfall.  I was instantly drenched.  I decided to leave and it rained even harder.  My bones began to ache.  I grew cold.

I made it back to the dorm and knocked on Vince’s door.  A smile filled his face.  I couldn’t tell if the smile was for me being soaking wet, or for something else.  As it turns out, he and Allen were getting ready to leave for Myrtle Beach with Velvet and Claudette, two girls they met at convocation last night and then watched Goonies with afterwards.

I grew a little jealous.  I knew the weekend would be slow and lonely since I was on duty.

I’m having complications with my schedule.  Auditions are tomorrow and I have tons of reading and writing to do.  I felt really crummy.  Just now I felt really crummy.  I began to think of Laura.  I began to wonder if she was happy or sad.  If she had someone to talk to when she was in need.  I wondered what she thought about, and on and on it went.  I couldn’t get her out of my mind.

I had this wild idea to call her.  I played with the idea for about 15 minutes.  Then finally, I picked up the phone and dialed her number.  It rang three times and Sharon answered.  I asked her how her day went and she said it had been pretty crummy.  We talked about each other’s days and the she said, “Wow, Jacob, you sound just like Laura.”

As I continued to tell her about different problems and perspectives about loneliness and solitude, she continued to say, “Jacob, I can’t believe this, you are just like Laura, except in male form.”

Sharon continued to bless me.  She read scripture to me and everything just made so much sense.  She said that Laura needs a friend and that it should be me.  I began to cry.  I do need a friend and I want it to be Laura.  She went to the fair tonight with Melissa’s boyfriend Mitchell.  She wasn’t there to talk to.  I told Sharon I would try to call tomorrow after my auditions.

We said our goodbyes and once I hung up tears rolled down my face.

Can this happen Lord?  Can Laura be my best friend?  Can she be the closest person to me after you?

Can she God?