February 20, 1997 – Thursday – 12:05 p.m.

Emily called me last night.  Something has happened.  Brandon, her ex-boyfriend, beat her up Sunday afternoon.  Her face and body are covered in bruises.

We talked for so long.  She feels so empty, sad, and betrayed.  Nothing makes sense to her now except for me and I am hundreds of miles away.  But even though she was in such need, she gave me her heart and spoke encouragement to me.  I gave her my heart as well and after a hour of sharing our love for each other, we both felt much better.

I finally got off the phone with her, a brief moment of silence past, and I couldn’t keep it in any more.  I burst into tears and cried and cried for my long lost love.  I wished I was there to kiss all her bruises away.

I walked over to visit with Jeni, Tracey, and Ann-Marie.  They comforted me.

Something else seems to be happening.

Thursday afternoon I went rock hopping with Jessica.  We had a wonderful time together.  And there are also several girls on campus who keep stopping and smiling at me.  It’s happens several times every day.  I think it is because of the show.

And I don’t know, but today at lunch Abigail and I had an amazing conversation.  We talked about relationships, love, and purity.  She is striving to become a woman of God.  I can see her desire and it is so attractive.  She is unlike the other girls in her secret inner life.  She is unique and I adore her.

And so here I stand.

The closest person to me on the planet is covered in pain and sadness, but also in my love, at least the love I can give over the phone.  Beautiful strangers are smiling at me all the time.  Jessica’s company is a wonderful gift.  And Abigail grows and matures more and more each day.

I know nothing, save this one thing:

Love is everything.

October 1, 1996 – Tuesday – 6:20 p.m.

Antigone ended one year ago today.  I feel sad right now.  Not sure why.  Guess I’m just lonely.  No special person is near.  I try and force myself to like somebody, but nothing happens.  I can’t.

We went to the guys’ soccer game today.  We lost.

I remember when all the trees outside my window were the same green.  Now they are different shades of brown, red, yellow, green, and gold.

Everything is changing.

It all stays the same.

I speak words no one hears.

I hear words no one speaks.

No one wants to try.

No one wants to take that chance.

Is it because I’m skinny?  Too tall?  My crooked chin?  Am I too pale?  Am I too nice?  Too serious?

Where is she?

Where am I?

How can I be complete without my other half?