November 26, 1997 – Wednesday – 10:50 p.m.

I am amazingly happy right now.  It is the day before Thanksgiving.  Sarah and I, plus Sherlive, Vince, and Curtis went to see George of the Jungle.  It was so funny.

Sarah and I seem to say more in our silent glances than we do through spoken words.  She is from God.  I know it because all good things come from the Lord.

Marisa came up today!  She hugged me so tight.  I took Vince to the airport in his car, then went to see The Rainmaker.  I love going to the movies alone.  I get there early, sit on the front row, stare up at the blank screen, and just dream.

It was an awesome, awesome movie!  I just praised the Lord the whole way home.  I love good movies and can’t wait to make my own.

I drove through the darkness of the mountains that make up my beautiful home and just felt completely wonderful.  I still feel wonderful.

I have friends, mountains, movies, a church that feels like family, and now there is a girl who looks at me in a way that melts me to the core.

I know nothing about the world.

I just know I am loved.

And I love my God who freely gives all this to me.

November 5, 1996 – Tuesday – 12:15 a.m.

Sunday night I went to visit Ann-Marie, Jeni, and Tracey in their room.  We talked until one in the morning.  They told me all about their recent “girl talk.”  Ann-Marie liked Curtis for a long time, but never said anything.  However, all three of those girls now think Curtis is a big jerk, and they no longer like him now that they know him.

Jeni told me later she doesn’t understand those girls; Abigail, Ann-Marie, and Tracey all say I am the nicest guy, yet I am still alone.

I told Ann-Marie that I really liked her at the beginning of the semester.  She blushed and said, “Really?  I’m sorry…”

We all laughed about it.

They told me that Abigail has returned and that K.C. kissed her over the weekend.  They are a couple now.  I was so happy to hear that.  I prayed for both of them.

Auditions were tonight for Children of A Lesser God.  Auditions were taped and sent to the director in New York.  His name is Mark and he’s a guest director coming down just to direct this show.  It would be crazy if I got the lead!

We had Bible Study tonight at Sharon’s.  Abigail, Tracey, Ann-Marie, Jeni, Dan, Allen, Curtis, Vince, Ellen, Josh, and I all went; Abigail had never been to their house before.  She seemed to have a good time.  We talked a lot; she is such a sweet girl.  I enjoy being her friend so much.  Thank you for her Lord.  She is like another Ryan or Christi in my life; and that’s what I wanted.

I don’t know how to thank you God.  You are so good to me.  You’re doing everything.  You are taking care of it all.  It feels like I don’t really have to do anything.  You are the one producing a good work in me.  I just love you so much.  I give you all the glory, honor, and praise!!

September 6, 1994 – Tuesday – 2:12 p.m.

Classes went well today.  I got a letter from Cheryl.  She told me how much she misses me and she said that there were a lot of things she wanted to say to me, but never did.  The main one was that she had a crush on me from the moment she met me.  Wow!  But I guess I’m not that surprised.  It’s what happens when people spend a lot of time together, they grow close together.

My first real rehearsal is tonight.  The first of many, not only for this play but for many plays to come.  I claim it in the name of Jesus!

All of this is simply for experience.  If I ever do become an actor, then praise God, but more importantly I want to be directed, directed by Jesus.

I am becoming the me he wants me to be.

 

January 15, 1994 – Saturday – 10:30 p.m.

Today is January 15, 1994 and today would go under the category of “One of the Best Days of My Life.”  It wasn’t exactly what happened that made it a good day, but it was more about what I learned.

The only way to begin is with last night, which also ties in with today.

After work, I went to Mr. Gatti’s; mom dropped me off.  Jenna, Tenielle, Shar, and Sunny showed up a few minutes later.  Shar and I split a pizza.  Then Scott showed up and he had a few slices.  Later, Jenna, Tenielle, Shar, Sunny and I played a game.  It’s too difficult to describe here, but we had a blast.

While we were playing, Ryan came in with a friend.  They sat at a table across the room and then a guy sat with them.  For about 45 minutes I didn’t say a word to her, then I excused myself from the game for a moment and went over to her table and said, “I just wanted to say ‘hey’ so you couldn’t accuse me of being stuck up later.”  I smiled.  She smiled back and said, “Oh Jacob,” and I left and went back and sat with the four girls.

Four.

It hit me.  Something was different.  All the other times I went to Mr. Gatti’s it was always with Ryan, Amy, Cheryl, and Christi.

Now, I was with Jenna, Tenielle, Sunny, and Shar.  Retrospect hit me and all the girls noticed something was wrong and kept begging me to tell them what I was thinking.  Jenna and Tenielle mostly.

The five of us joked about everything.  I never did tell them though until later.  The evening was great fun, but then we had to leave.  Sunny’s parents came to pick them up and they said that they needed a ride tomorrow to the door to door ministry shindig.  I offered to pick them up.  Sunny’s mom gave me directions.

They left.  I went with Scott to his house and Kevin picked me up from there later.

We went home and soon, morning came.

We picked up Marcus, like we do every Saturday morning, (unless he’s staying the night), and we drove to Sanford.  Cheryl showed up at Band Practice.  I was supposed to leave at 10:00 a.m. to get Jenna, Tenielle, Sunny, and Shar.  I didn’t leave until 10:30 a.m. since Kevin and Marcus took the car to get something to eat.

Well, I’ve never been in that part of Lee County before and I got lost.  When I finally found their house, I discovered that they somehow conjured up another ride and had already left because they didn’t think I was coming.  Well, I drove back and when I arrived at the church, I saw Tenielle running out to explain everything.  Jenna and Shar followed.  Sunny didn’t come.

We all had a good laugh.  We then went in and prayed for a while and then head out into the city to spread the Word.

Dear God…I saw poverty today like nothing I’ve ever seen before.  And I complain when the hot water in the shower runs out.  It made me thankful.

Very thankful.

A few people got saved, one baptized in the spirit.  A wonderful, wonderful, time.  There is nothing like sharing the gospel.  I love it.

We all ate pizza back at the church and had a service.  I took the three girls back and we had a wonderful conversation.  I told them what I was thinking about in terms of Ryan and the other girls I used to spend a lot of time with.  They were thankful I was with them.  I wish I could live through that conversation again.  There was more laughter and joy in that short drive than I’m most experience in a week.

I took Shar to her house and Jenna and Tenielle to theirs.  They live in a trailer park.  The trailer itself isn’t that bad.  When we got there, Jenna gave me a letter she had written to me the night before.  And their mom gave me $3 for gas money…I accepted.

We said our goodbye’s and I left.  While I drove off, I saw Jenna come outside in the bitter cold and wave goodbye.  I waved back and drove on.  In the rearview mirror, I saw her standing there waiting until she couldn’t see my car anymore, then I’m assuming she went back inside.

I smiled.

When I got back to the church, the skit group met and we got stuff cleared away.

Then myself, Kevin, Marcus, Cheryl, and Sherry and her sister all went bowling.  I won and then the three girls left while I watched Kevin and Marcus play a game in the arcade.  While there, I saw so many people acting “worldly.”  Praise God I’m a Christian.  I can be myself and take off my mask.  Everyone always seems to be performing for everyone else; trying to get attention; simply being too loud.  It’s like I’m the only one who is aware of who I am.

We went home, and I read Jenna’s letter.  I’ll try to write in here later.

The reason today was so wonderful was because it was so simple.

Right now I’m going to call Brandon; Mom said he called earlier.

And I’m going to end this wonderful day by talking to my wonderful friend who moved across America more than a year ago.

December 13, 1993 – Monday – 3:57 p.m.

A year ago, Veronica and I began a special type of relationship that ended on May 11th of this year.

I always thought a year was a long time.

A year is a very short time.  Trust me.

Yesterday was special to me.  When I came to church Tenielle and Jenna were there.  And the three of us helped bring chairs from the sanctuary to the children’s church room.  It was being set up for the Thanksgiving/Christmas dinner.  Jenna had brought one extra so she was carrying it back.

I was behind her and she said, “This is pitiful, me carrying this thing back.”

So I said, knowing what she was hinting at, “Well, let me be gentlemen like and carry it for you.”

She thanked me.

The two of them still call me dude.

After praise and worship I went into children’s church.  Jenna and Tenielle didn’t go.  Their too old.  While in there, I overheard Shane in conversation.  Now Shane used to go with Tenielle for about two weeks; you know how 12-year-old are.  I heard him tell Wayne that he couldn’t let him read “it” because it had a lot of cussing in it.

I butted in and said, “What does?”

“A letter.”

“From whom?”

“From Tenielle.”

An evil smirk filled my face.  “Let me read it.”

He did.

Wow!

She was mad.

Shane broke up with her for some ninth grader.  She said a few choice four letter words, a few of them even misspelled.  I got mad.  I didn’t think Tenielle was like that.  I was going to say something to her, but they left church while I was still in children’s church.  I would wait until that night.

I wasn’t going to say anything bad, I was just going to give her a little conviction by saying she shocked me, but that I will not think any less of her.

Why should I?

Ryan once admitted to me that she smoked a few times in her past.

I will not judge people by their past.  Because I would not want to be judged by the sins of my past.

His mercies are new every morning.

Cheryl came back with us yesterday.  She wanted to go to Marcus’s performance.  We both went.  It was great.  Better than before.

Once it was over, it was time for church.  We arrived early and I practiced Canon in D some.

Tenielle wasn’t there that night.  Bummer.

The service was awesome!  I love Jesus.  He loves me.  Everything is going to be fine.

Every person has their own song that he or she worships the Lord with.  I used to wonder what mine was.  Last night I found out it was Canon in D.  And once I learn how to play it, I will worship God with it.

In the back of my mind, I always knew it was Canon in D.

After church Sharlene came up to me (everyone calls her Shar for short).  She asked me if I asked Veronica out or if she asked me out.  I told her that I asked her out.  She said she didn’t want to know, that someone else did.

“Who?”

“Jenna!”

Jenna is 13, she’s pretty and sweet.  But that is still too young.

She said that Jenna likes me.

Oh well, I was flattered.  Shar said the reason they were not at church was because they had to babysit.  I questioned her about the letter from Tenielle.  She said she was shocked herself.  Tenielle isn’t like that, she must have been really mad.

That made me feel a little better.

Scott then took us all to McDonald’s.  Many families from the church were there.  One of Wayne’s cousins name was Christina; she’s seven years old and her family moved here from Florida.  She is so sweet.  She’s my little buddy.  But at McDonald’s last night, I had to leave, but she didn’t want me to.  She wanted me to stay and play with her.  When I told her that I couldn’t stay, she reached up and grabbed my balls and squeezed.  This girl knew right where to grab.  It hurt.  She said she was sorry and to please not tell on her.

I didn’t.  She’s just an innocent little girl.

A lot more stuff happened yesterday, but, as before, they were only simple looks, and gestures, and words that only mean something to me and to no one else.